by Vivian Arend
She swallowed hard. “Can I have a bit of time to think about this?” she asked.
Mr. Jons looked shocked. “Of course, if you need it, but…” He frowned, looking her over more carefully. “Are you okay? I thought you’d be happy.”
“Oh, I am,” she reassured him. “I mean, I’m happy, but I’m a little confused. How long do we have to answer the offer?”
“Twenty-four hours.” Jons pulled the papers towards himself. “There’s no problem, I don’t mind explaining if you have questions, or finding out some more details. You can counteroffer with anything, you just need to let me know.”
Janey shoved her chair back and stumbled from the table, making it to the hallway with unsteady feet. “I’ve got your card, and I’ll give you a call as soon as I can.”
She turned and all but raced from the office, madly trying to figure out exactly what had just happened.
Len Thompson had bought her house.
Was he trying to tell her something in his silent never really saying the words but saying a whole hell of a lot without them kind of way? Because she couldn’t think of why he would need a house unless…
Unless he wanted her with him?
Was this why his behavior had been so strange over the past couple weeks? She sat behind the wheel of her truck and stared unseeingly at the traffic going past.
Of all the awkward, potentially exciting, potentially horrifying situations. She was frozen. There was no good way to go about the next steps without coming off as either a presumptuous fool or holding back the excitement she should be enjoying.
So.
No use in waiting any longer. She might as well go for the gusto and find out exactly what the heck was going on.
Facing him down in the garage seemed to add another layer of risk, but at least she knew she could find him there. Walking through the front door and looking out into the familiar confines of the shop helped settle her bouncing nerves.
The scents of gas and oil filled her head, the metallic ring in her ears of tools being used—both were familiar and calming. She’d played in this area when she and Katy were younger. And while the butterflies didn’t totally stop dancing on her nerves, at least she didn’t feel quite so nauseous anymore.
She snuck past Keith Thompson, the man waving distractedly at her as he stood at the front desk dealing with a customer.
Slipping in through the staff door meant the warning buzzer didn’t go off, so all the guys were still working, eyes turned away from her.
That gave her a chance to find Len and watch him for a while. He was doing bodywork on the side panel of a car, his arm moving in a rhythmic motion as he pounded out a dent. All of his attention focused downward, thick gloves on his hands. His biceps flexing with every move.
Totally focused on the project. She knew what it was like to have that intensity turned on her, and the thought made her smile. She had nothing to fear. It was silly to be nervous.
Janey took a deep breath and stepped into her future.
“Heads up,” she called as she closed in on him. “You’re going to put Thor out of a job.”
Len paused, straightening and offering her a brief nod. “Hey. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Well, now that the house is done, I’m living a life of leisure,” she teased, her confidence shaking slightly as the word house reminded her why she was there.
Len put down the mallet, glancing briefly around the room. “You want to talk?”
She didn’t know what to do with her hands. He hadn’t pulled her in for a kiss, and she wasn’t about to force herself on him. Something awkward hovered between them, but she wasn’t sure how much of that was her fault for the assumed thoughts in her brain.
She tilted her head toward the yard door. “Can we go outside?”
He nodded, hesitating for a second before he held out his hand. Janey took it gratefully, wrapping her fingers around his. Savouring the warmth as he guided her from the room and into the late-summer sunshine.
Go for broke. It was the only way, kind of like pulling a loose tooth and getting it over with. “I talked to my realtor…”
It was the perfect opening as far as she was concerned, but again, he didn’t do anything more than nod.
Discomfort rose. “Len. You bought my house.”
He wasn’t frowning or anything, but he didn’t offer her a secretive glance or anything to reassure her she wasn’t going nuts. Instead, he turned and paced into the yard, moving away as he lifted his face towards the sun.
He turned back slowly. “It’s a good house.”
She shook her head. “But, I don’t get it. You bought my house.”
He nodded. Didn’t say anything else. Didn’t offer any reason why, didn’t do something over-the-top crazy-in-love like drop to one knee and propose.
And when he did speak, it was to shatter all of the fledgling dreams she’d begun to risk.
“I guess you’ll be off to Calgary as soon as possible.”
Pain stuttered across her nerves. She opened then closed her mouth a couple of times, looking for the right answer.
At the same time a trickle of heat ignited deep inside her belly. “Sounds as if you’re eager to get rid of me,” Janey observed.
Len shrugged. “I know you’ve got things to do, and the fall is a decent time to find a job. Better sooner than later.”
Oh, God. He was serious.
Janey wrapped her arms around herself in self-defense, raising a wall between her and the man she’d thought she was falling in love with.
In spite of the sun beating down on them, she was cold. An icy layer enveloped her, driving spikes into her heart. “I guess you’re right. There’s not much reason for me to stick around here anymore. Now that the house is sold, and all.”
“If you need help loading your truck for the move, let me know.”
She wasn’t sure how it was possible to be as broken inside and still feel such rising anger. “You’re not just eager to get rid of me, you’re as good as shoving me out the door.”
For the first time Len’s expression changed. He looked surprised, shocked even. “Are you mad at me?”
A tortured sound escaped her lips. “Are you kidding me? You have no idea what this sounds like from my side. It’s as if you can’t wait for me to get out of town.”
“I thought—”
“I don’t think you really have,” Janey snapped, all of her frustrations exploding as she lost control. “Thinking would require that you actually gave a damn, and it’s obvious you don’t.”
His face tightened. “That’s not true.”
“Oh, really? And I would know this how? Because everything you’ve done and everything you’ve said right now proves you care?” Janey swallowed hard. “You know, there are times when I was pretty sure you and I had something special happening. And I’m not talking about the sex, I’m talking about something in here.”
She pressed a hand over her chest where it felt as if her heart had shattered and only sheer willpower was keeping it together.
“I care about you,” Len insisted.
She shook her head, then reluctantly gave a single nod. “Okay. I will accept you care about me as much as you’re willing. But you know what I just realized? It’s not enough.”
His expression darkened, his gaze boring into her.
He wanted her out of town? Hell, he wanted their entire relationship to be over. Loaded into the back of her truck and driving away down the highway.
Tough shit for him.
Janey lifted her chin. “You’ve been someone special in my life for a long time, and I thought this summer meant something to us both. But I’m worth someone who wants me passionately, not only in the sack, but in every single thing we do. Someone who shows me how much I mean to them all the time. And that doesn’t need fancy presents, or fancy words, Len. It doesn’t require you to be someone you aren’t.”
She stepped toward him, closing the distance as he
stood his ground. She stared up at him. At the wall he’d erected between them for some reason.
“But when you refuse to be yourself. When you hide what’s important to you—what hurts you, what makes you happy—all those things are part of you, and when you refuse to share those things with me, it shows you don’t feel the same way about me I thought I was feeling about you.”
He didn’t answer, and that in itself told her so much.
“I deserve it all. I deserve all of you, and if you can’t give that to me, then it’s good I found out now. I don’t want to be around you every day for the rest of my life knowing I need more, and that you have it in you, yet you refuse to give it to me.”
She turned on her heel and headed toward the shop, moving quickly in spite of the tears filling her eyes. At her back, there was nothing but silence. Like a gravestone being raised over the relationship she’d hoped for.
It was dead before it truly had a chance to live.
Chapter Thirteen
The complete coldness in her eyes near the end was what made it real. Up until that moment, Len had been holding himself together. His soul hurt, but it hurt less now than it would down the road.
Or at least that’s what he told himself as she walked away. As she walked away and took his fucking heart with her. He refused to give in to the need screaming through him to chase her down and tell her it was all a huge mistake.
Instead he turned and went back to his job, thankful for the monotony of the task because he wasn’t thinking very hard at that moment. He was clinging to control, doubting his decision, but knowing in the end it was the right thing for them both.
Only today there was no joy in the banter with his brothers. No joy in being surrounded by his family.
Len watched carefully as his father drifted through the day, a touch more lively than the previous week. One of his greatest fears was that at some point his father would give in to the memories and never come back. That he’d be desperate enough to do anything to get rid of the pain he carried every day.
Len could only watch and hope, and do everything he damn well could to avoid the same fate.
Signing the final papers for the house purchase a couple days later didn’t provide the kind of relief he’d expected. Maybe once Janey was out of town, he’d be able to get on with his life, and she’d find things to do, and new people to help her be happy in her new situation.
It was for the best even as staying away from her killed him.
His little sister, though, had a few choice words for him as she barged through his apartment door and raced into his face. “Have you gone out of your damn mind? What the hell did you do to Janey?”
“Nothing.”
Katy narrowed her eyes. “So in the past three days, you haven’t seen her?”
Len shook his head.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. You’re not only an idiot, you’re a coward.”
He frowned. “I bought her house. The housing market is slow, and she needed to get to Calgary so she could get on with her life.”
Katy’s jaw fell open, and she seemed to hesitate for a moment, her gaze darting around the room as she floundered for words. “I stand corrected. You’re an idiot, a coward, and clueless.”
He went back to packing the box in front of him. She could insult him all she wanted, and the words wouldn’t change a thing. It wouldn’t bring Janey back into his life, and the sooner he got over that dream, the easier the weight in his heart would be to carry.
Unfortunately, his little sister was a bit of a terrier. She shuffled up beside him and hopped on the counter so she could glare at him easier. “Let me get this straight. You bought her house so that she could leave Rocky Mountain House quicker.”
He nodded.
Her eyes damn near rolled back in her head. “I wish smacking you would knock some sense into that thick skull of yours.” She leaned forward and spoke slowly. “Janey isn’t leaving.”
A sick sensation grew in his gut. “What are you talking about?”
His little sister spoke slowly, as if giving time for the words to sink in. “She found a job in town. The only reason she was going to Calgary was for work, and now that she’s got something figured out here, she’s staying.”
Len didn’t feel very steady on his feet for a moment, clutching the counter to keep himself upright. “Shit.”
“Shit is right.” Katy folded her arms over her chest. “Len, you’re the only big brother who never tormented me, so I’m going to hope for the best here and assume you don’t realize exactly how cruel what you’ve done is.”
“I’m clueless,” he confessed, echoing her words.
She held up a hand and ticked off fingers. “You spent the summer with Janey, and I’d swear the two of you got along like nobody’s business. You’re good together, Len. All of a sudden, out of the blue, you buy her house. The place you know she loves and was fixing up to sell only because she couldn’t afford to stay in it herself, but it’s home to her like nowhere else has ever been. And then you buy it.
“My first assumption is you have some alternative motive like…oh, I don’t know. How about like you actually want her to move in with you, and that—”
Len swore. “Oh fuck. Is that what Janey thought?”
“I don’t know because other than telling me the bare bones of what happened the other day, my best friend hasn’t said much more than two words in a row—most of the time which are ‘stupid bastard’, by the way. That’s all wrong as well, because Janey being a Sphinx about anything means she’s hurting bad. But there being some grand secret plans for the two of you? That was the first thing I thought when I heard you’d bought the house. Chances are the thought must’ve crossed her mind as well.”
The sick sensation in his gut only got stronger. Especially as Katy continued on her rampage, driving the spike deeper.
“Then, instead of doing something cheesy but romantic like proposing, or at least asking her to set up a love nest with you, you get all excited about how fast she’ll be out of your hair.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Len protested. It hadn’t been like that at all.
“Hey, I’m telling it like I see it. You can have any delusions on the matter all you want, but when it comes down to it, sure looks a lot like you’re shoving her out the door then locking it behind her.” Katy dropped her arms and her expression softened. “If that’s not what you intended, you fucked up big time. But Janey has a huge heart, and if you apologize, I bet she’d forgive you and you could start again.”
A new start was what he wanted so badly, because the thought of leaving her, the realization that he’d hurt her…
Fear flared inside, like a wind fanning the banked coals from years earlier. His father’s hopelessness, the agony of loss. It was too real.
Maybe he and Janey wanted each other now, but some time in the future he’d lose her—there was no getting around that truth. Plus, what she’d shouted at him the other day was real. He’d kept a part of himself from her, and he didn’t think he could ever take down the walls he’d constructed to guard his soul. He’d always be holding back, and she deserved everything.
Janey does damn good renovations.
The temptation was there whispering in his ear, but the sorrows from years earlier were too much to push aside. No matter how much he wanted to change his path, he couldn’t. As much as they were hurting right now, if they went forward they could get over it.
The process would be a lot more hellish with her still living in town, but none of his original reasons for wanting to end their relationship—none of them had changed. He had to stay firm.
He tilted his chin up, stared back without answering.
Katy’s expression grew incredulous. “That’s it. You’re going to remain Mr. Silent and not change a damn thing, aren’t you?”
“I never meant to hurt her. And I mean that.”
He went back to his task of packing, Katy sitting silently beside him. And
the longer she sat there without saying anything, the more he understood exactly how annoying silence could be.
Only there were no words that were going to make this better. He’d stay in his silent prison, and eventually the numbness would ease the pain.
Janey popped open the box top to grab a bowl, slopping cereal and milk into it and hitting the living room for supper.
Her new apartment was crowded with furniture and boxes, none of it put in place yet. The guys helping her move everything in hadn’t said much, just silently unloaded her stuff then left.
Everyone in the downtown knew Len had as good as dumped her, and it was as if everyone was holding their breath waiting for the explosion to come. She wasn’t going to blow up, though.
She’d gone so cold inside there was nothing left to burn. Thinking there had been more between them than there was had been a mistake, and it was time to move on.
Without Len.
Her phone rang, and instead of ignoring it like she’d been for the past week, she answered. “Yes, I’m still alive.”
Shannon made soothing noises. “Hell, of course you are. I’m calling to let you know we’re coming over. We gave you the room you asked for. Now, you have to put up with us and let us in.”
This was the moment that any day of the last week she would’ve made some excuse to brush them off, but Shannon was right—they’d given her time alone to get her head straightened out like she’d asked. Time to push it into the past.
No more moping around because Len Thompson had cut out her heart and stomped on it. “If you bring food, I’ll let you in.”
“That’s my girl,” Shannon said. “Chinese or pizza?”
Janey made a face at her bowl and the now soggy Cheerios floating under the surface of the milk that had gone warm. “Anything you guys like. I have pop in the fridge.”
“Screw the pop, Liz is bringing over the hard stuff.”
“You are true friends.”
Janey dumped her mushy cereal down the toilet, watching the final desperate Cheerio fight for the surface before the water swirled it away. Time to stop moping, definitely, because all the other fabulous reasons she had to stay in town were still there, except for the one.