by Sable Hunter
Over the next hour or two, Tricia submitted herself to test after test. When the verdict came from the doctor, it wasn’t a surprise. There was no other explanation for her seizures but epilepsy. Okay. She could live with it. She would adjust. Her main concern was her baby and she told the doctor so.
“Don’t worry, Tricia. Women with epilepsy can deliver a normal, healthy baby.”
“How about taking care of it? Do you think I’m capable?” She had visions of dropping the baby if a seizure hit.
“Well, you’ll have to take precautions as best you can,” he spoke to her kindly. “Do you know what an aura is?”
She nodded. “An aura is whatever sensations a person notices before a seizure. With me, it’s a sense of déjà vu or odd smells or tingles, mostly. I have heard bells and felt disoriented at times.”
“Okay,” the doctor said, “there’s your answer. When you feel a seizure coming on, you have a little time to react. Put your baby down. Call someone. I wouldn’t recommend that you drive, however.”
“No, I’m not driving now.” She thought of poor Freddie waiting in the lobby. He was fast becoming a part of her life. She was having to force him to take money from her, nowadays. “I have help.”
“Yes, make sure you spread the responsibility to family and friends, especially the father. That’s what we’re for.” He smiled at her kindly.
Tricia ran her finger down the seam of her dress, a nervous gesture. “I don’t think the father will be in the picture.” She gazed at her ringless left hand. “I’m not married.” Looking up at the doctor, she sadly smiled. “I’m not much of a prize, considering the epilepsy. Am I?”
The doctor leaned in to her. “Nonsense. Stop that, right now. You’re a beautiful young woman with a great deal to offer a man. I want you to put that idea out of your head right now.” He gave her a wink. “If I wasn’t married, I’d throw my hat in the ring.”
Tricia had to laugh. “You’re a nice man.”
“I have a good bedside manner.” He joined her in the laugh. “No, seriously, I want you to go home and be happy. You’ve got a problem, but not an insurmountable problem. People live good lives with epilepsy and you’ve got something to live for now. Your baby.”
Tricia knew he was right, she just needed to get her head wrapped around everything and start making plans.
* * *
“Noah, I need to talk to you.” Lance hailed him from across the lot. “Gotta minute?”
Noah had been speaking with Aron, who held a pair of wire cutters in his hand. “Go on, Noah. I’ll replace the section of fence. Lance, where are the electric post hole diggers? I’m going to hook them up to the portable generator on the back of the half-ton truck.”
“They’re in the line shack behind the pavilion. Devin was using them yesterday.”
“Gotcha.” He waved at them and started off. “I don’t have my phone with me. If Libby looks for me, tell her I’ll be back for lunch.”
“Will do,” Noah answered, walking to meet Lance at the entrance to the stable. “What’s up, brother-in-law?”
Lance hated like heck to give Noah this news. “Zane called me last night, Blue’s paternal grandparents are seeking to make trouble.”
Concern flared in Noah’s face. “Well, that’s too damn bad. The adoption’s a done deal.”
Lance shook his head helplessly. “I hope so. Zane is on top of it. We’ve just got to be prepared and we’ve got to tell Skye. These people will fight dirty.”
Noah stared at the ground. “I refuse to let these strangers tear up my family. I will not have Skye hurt.”
“I’m with you, Noah. We’ll do whatever it takes, I just wanted to let you know. If you want me to tell, Skye, I will.”
“No, I’ll tell her,” Noah said. “She should hear it from me.”
“When you get ready to go talk to Zane, I’ll go with you.”
“I’ll call him before I tell Skye, just to make sure nothing else has materialized.”
Lance bowed his head, placing his hands on his hips. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I hated to tell you this, if there was anything I could do to keep this from happening, I would.”
“I know, Lance.” He gave his brother-in-law a pat on the shoulder. “You’ll have to help me comfort her, this is going to be a hard blow and she’s had enough of those in her life.”
“Yes, she has.” Lance watched Noah head back toward the house. He dreaded what was to come – for all of them. The one thing he did know, if he was in Noah’s shoes, he’d do everything in his power to protect his child.
* * *
“So, why aren’t you drinking with me?” Pawnee asked Tricia as they lounged at opposite ends of the couch.
They’d kept everything light so far, Tricia had shown her around her shop and apartment and they’d chosen some lovely flowers to enjoy while they ate. The promised lasagna wasn’t too bad and she’d added a delicious coconut pie for dessert. If they took a notion, there was makings for homemade ice cream in the kitchen.
“Why aren’t I drinking?” Tricia debated about being honest. She’d resolved to tell Lance about the baby and she would – as soon as she worked up the courage. She also hadn’t confided in Avery, Kristen, Freddy, or her grandmother. So far, she’d just savored the news herself, pondering it in her heart like the scripture described the Virgin Mary doing when she found out she was with child.
There was just something about Pawnee, though. She seemed so vulnerable and so sincere. Knowing she would be able to sympathize, Tricia decided to confide in her new friend. “I’m pregnant.”
Pawnee sat up so fast she almost spilled the glass of white wine she’d been holding. “Pregnant? Oh, my gracious! Are you happy about it?”
“Ecstatic.” This was the truth. The doubts that had first plagued Tricia were gone. She wanted this baby more than anything.
“And the father…?” Pawnee asked hesitantly.
“The father is the handsome cowboy who you saw yelling at me in your restaurant.”
Pawnee frowned. “Ass.”
Tricia shrugged. “Everything was perfect between us – and then it wasn’t. I don’t know what happened.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“I’ve tried.”
“How do you feel about him?” There was a look of sincere concern in Pawnee’s eyes.
“I love him.” Tricia couldn’t help it. “I wish I didn’t, there’s no excuse for how he treated me.” She ducked her head. “I love him anyway.”
“So, are you going to tell him?”
“I’m going to go see him tomorrow.” She shuddered. “I dread it, but he deserves to know.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
Her offer surprised Tricia. “How nice of you.” She admired how Pawnee looked, curled up on the cushion, her feet tucked underneath her. The woman reminded Tricia of a Bohemian gypsy or a 70’s flowerchild. She wore a long cotton skirt, a peasant blouse, and an embroidered vest. All the pretty garments were varying shades of blue. Her hair was long and curly, soft chestnut curls. Amethyst colored eyes surveyed her with sympathy. “I need to do this alone. We really need to clear the air.”
“Well, I’m available if you need anything,” Pawnee said softly. “Is the baby the secret he discovered?”
“Oh, no.” Tricia shook her head. “There’s more.”
“Is your secret as bad as mine?” Pawnee took a sip of wine.
Tricia was taken aback by Pawnee’s frankness. “I don’t know.”
Pawnee pushed her hair back, trying to make her expression look passive. “You don’t have to pretend. My secret wasn’t exactly a secret, was it?”
“I’m not sure.” She hesitated to say. “People gossip.”
Pawnee shook her head. “Once word gets out about something like that, it spreads like wildfire. I know you heard, everybody did.”
“I heard something.”
Setting down her wineglass, Pawnee folded her hands primly in her
lap. Tricia noticed her fingernails, they were painted pale pink. She glanced down at her own, buffed to a shine, but no color whatsoever.
“I was born…different.” Pawnee looked up and out the window. “I am a girl.” She laughed, an abrupt sad laugh. “I’ve never felt like anything else. Yet…I had some boy parts too.” Holding up her fingers, she showed Tricia the length of an inch. “I won’t worry you with the details, but I can say that my extra equipment made life difficult. My parents freaked when I was born. My father wanted to smother me in my sleep.”
“No!” Tricia exclaimed, trying to imagine such a thing. “What happened?”
“They gave me away, they just couldn’t deal with it. I could’ve had surgery when I was small and it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but it didn’t happen. I found out when I was older, that people like me are uncommon but not as rare as you would think. Once I was in the system, though, no one seemed to care about helping me, the emphasis was put on hiding me and trying to forget I was different.”
“How did that work?” Tricia asked the question, then wished she hadn’t, she sounded like a therapist.
“It didn’t.” Pawnee snorted delicately. “Other kids were the worst. I didn’t fit in with anyone, anywhere. No one let me close. They didn’t consider me a girl or a boy – I was a thing.”
“I’m so sorry, Pawnee,” Tricia muttered softly. “I can relate…to a certain extent.”
“What do you mean?” Pawnee looked at her with disbelief. “How could you?”
“I had epilepsy.” She shook her head. “I have epilepsy, thought I was cured. Now, years later, it’s returned – just in time to complicate my life beyond bearing.”
“I’m going to repeat what you said and say I’m sorry.” Pawnee looked truly sympathetic.
“Thanks. I understand how you feel when people avoid you and whisper and ostracize you. I’ve experienced all those things. I found it especially hard to deal with men.”
Pawnee laughed harshly. “Amen to that. I wouldn’t even know how to start.”
“You mean?” Tricia didn’t know how to put it. “You’ve never…?”
“No. No.” Pawnee’s hands shook as she drained the last sip of wine from her glass. “I haven’t even come close, not that I wanted to. Not until…”
“Listen, I can relate. Where I’m from, men never saw me as a woman, they saw me as an afflicted sexless person. Only when I came here, where nobody knew me, did I begin to feel normal. Lance was the first man I ever felt anything for.”
“Did he know?”
“About my epilepsy?” she asked and when Pawnee nodded, Tricia continued, “Not at first, but he does now.” She looked down at her hands. “I wished I had told him myself. We might never have been…intimate, but at least he wouldn’t hate me for it.”
“Why would he hate you?” Pawnee asked, then threw her hands up. “I can’t really relate your condition with my problem. Yours, while I know it’s difficult, it’s not…disgusting.”
“You’re not disgusting, Pawnee.” Tricia turned to face her completely on the couch. “You’re beautiful. You’re one of the most feminine women I’ve ever met.”
“If men could be put off by your seizures, can you imagine how turned off they were by my – birth defect? Neither of us chose to be this way. I can’t speak for you, but most people view me as a mistake. They don’t think of me as having feelings.” She let out a long breath. “Only one man has ever looked at me like a woman…once he knew the truth, I mean.”
“Levi.”
Pawnee blushed furiously. “Yes, Levi.”
“He’s a close friend of Isaac and Avery’s,” she said by way of explanation as to why she knew. “Levi is a really nice guy. He’s building furniture now, you know.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Why did you leave?”
Pawnee hugged herself, chafing her arms. “To have the surgery. They were able to do some reconstruction. I’m now fully a woman, mostly.” She half giggled, half sobbed. “I also left so no one would – talk about him. Even though nothing ever happened between us, he was nice to me and people couldn’t forgive him for that. They started treating him like they treated me. I couldn’t stand that.”
“So, why did you come back? Is it any better? How do they treat you at the restaurant? I’m trying to gauge what it’s going to be like at the florist when everyone knows.”
Pawnee wiped her face and Tricia handed her a tissue. “So many questions.” She swallowed. “Most people don’t know about me, the crowd that came to Hardbodies isn’t the same one who comes to the restaurant. There have been a few customers who knew me before and one left without eating when they found out I was the owner, but that was a rare case. As to why I came back?” She paused and twisted the tissue between her fingers. “Because I couldn’t stay away. I had to know if what I felt with Levi was real and if he could ever…accept me.” She stood up and walked to a window, looking out into the street. “I’m not going to pursue him, I’m going to leave everything up to him. If he wants to see me, he’ll come to me, I guess.”
“You are very brave,” Tricia said. “I ran away from home and you came back home.”
“You’re brave too,” Pawnee assured her. “You’re going to be an amazing mother and if Lance doesn’t want to be a part of yours and your baby’s life, it’s his loss.”
CHAPTER NINE
“I’m okay, Lance. Stop worrying.” Skye paced across the room, Blue Dawn clutched tightly to her chest. “Zane and Noah will get to the bottom of this. They won’t let those people take my baby.”
“I agree, they’ll do everything they can.”
“They will succeed.” Skye was emphatic. “I knew Brooke and I knew the baby’s father. He came to visit her at Eddie Warrior. I tried to tell her that crook didn’t have her best interest at heart, all he wanted was someone who’d earn money for him – on her back. He was the one who should’ve been in prison, not Brooke. I was convicted of killing a man who murdered my father and tried to rape me. Brooke was in prison for stealing a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk so her little boy wouldn’t starve to death. We were victims!”
“Was this man, Blue’s birth father, ever arrested?”
“Yes, I think so, but he only spent time in county jail. I can’t imagine what kind of parents he has or why they want this baby. They didn’t do a decent job of raising their own child, why would they want to try again?”
“I don’t know, Sis. They have money, they’re used to getting their way.” He joined her at the window, wishing they had no more to worry about than the calves frolicking in the pasture. “When Brooke called me about you adopting Blue, she said that she couldn’t care for her and that she didn’t trust the man who’d fathered her baby. I know he signed away his rights, but do you think he’s keeping Brooke against her will?”
“It’s possible.” Skye shook her head worriedly. “Talk to Zane, make sure he’s checking out all these questions. If I can think of anything else, I’ll let you know. Until then…” She began to cry, her shoulders hunching over, her arms clasping Blue tightly. “Until then, watch over us. Don’t let anything happen to us.”
Lance embraced his sister. “Don’t worry. No one is going to harm you. They’d have to go through me, your husband, and the whole McCoy clan.”
With a heavy heart, Lance left Tebow main house and began strolling across the lawn. Friday’s were always a big day at the ranch. Today had been payday and he never got a full eight hour’s work out of his crew on payday. After he’d let them go around three o’clock, he did his best to take up the slack, finishing a few chores around the ranch. Primarily, he’d put away equipment and moved a few bales of hay around. The weekend crew would start anew tomorrow, there was winter seed to get in the ground and he needed to dehorn a few head of cattle who couldn’t seem to get along with the rest.
As the evening shadows grew, Lance stopped in at the office and entered a few reminders on the computer, then l
ocked up for the day. His mind was unsettled, this thing with Skye and her baby worried him. He dry-scrubbed his face as he walked toward the cabin, his eyes on the ground. At least, this current problem refocused his attention on family and off his personal problems. Shenandoah was forever out of his hands, he might as we quit pining for it. He’d burned his bridges on that score.
He was just about to climb up the steps to his porch when a familiar scent caused his blood pressure to rise, Tricia’s shampoo. Jerking his head up, he saw her sitting on the porch swing. She looked small and a little lost. Lance ground his teeth together, he considered turning around and walking off. Seeing her again hurt like hell. “What are you doing here, Tricia?”
“I need to talk to you for just a minute. Please?”
Lance exhaled loudly. “What about?” he asked, gravitating to the far side of the porch, putting as much distance between them as possible without stepping off into the yard. “I can’t imagine what we have to say to one another.”
Tricia clenched her hands into fists, her fingernails slicing into her palms. The uncomfortable sensation diverted her attention from the vise-like pain gripping her heart. “I have something to tell you, but before I do, I need to make something clear. I didn’t come here to ask anything of you. I don’t expect or want anything from you. Okay?”
“What are you talking about?” Lance felt his gut drawing up into a knot.
Tricia held her breath, her eyes skating over his beloved face. Without wasting further time, she blurted out the news, “I’m pregnant.”
Lance stared at her wildly, his jaw clenched and his body tensed. “What did you say?”
“I’m pregnant,” she repeated softly, dreading his reaction, dreading the castigating words he’d say to her. Tricia wished she could turn back the clock, she would tell him her suspicions about the seizure. Maybe if she had, he wouldn’t hate her so much.
“Well, it’s not mine.”
“I knew you’d say that, but it is.” She looked at him with pleading eyes. “I’ve never been with anyone else.”