by Hazel Mills
Chapter 26
Ahmad
I don’t understand what you want me to do. I’m working hard to afford a good life for my family. You want for nothing. Still, you complain.
Nikki and I always argued about the same thing. Me spending too much time at the office. She didn’t complain when she went on frequent shopping excursions to Bergdorf’s or Saks. She didn’t complain while she was driving Aliyah and Corrie to private school in her spanking brand new Lexus or when she was picking out new furniture for our newly renovated three-story brownstone in Brooklyn Heights.
My girls need me? I work as hard as I do because of my girls.
I was determined to be a better husband and father than my father ever was. Corrie and Aliyah were never going to have to want for anything. I remember plenty of times when my mother didn’t eat dinner because there was only enough for her children. She would try to play it off and say she was on a diet but I knew better. She had to sacrifice for us because her worthless ass husband couldn’t or wouldn’t step up to the plate and take responsibility for his family.
These were not the memories I wanted my family to have of me. Lack was not a word I ever wanted my daughters to have. I wasn’t able to be present at every soccer game or piano recital and I knew they were disappointed. Quite frankly, so was I. I made it when I could.
The girls were growing up so fast; I could hardly believe my eyes. Corrie was thirteen years old and getting more beautiful every day. The fact that her body was quickly changing from that of a little girl to one of a maturing young woman literally scared the shit out of me. I saw the way young boys looked at her when we were out and I didn’t like it one bit because I knew what they were thinking.
Hell, I was thinking the same things when I was their age.
But what could I do? That was just the natural progression of things. I knew that soon, she’d come to us about dating. Aliyah was still my baby girl. At four and a half, she had a precocious curiosity about everything in the world. Much to Corrie’s dismay, Aliyah wanted nothing more than to do everything just like her big sister. Luckily, Aliyah hadn’t developed any health or behavioral problems. She was just as normal as any other preschooler was. What pleased me most was the wonderful job Nikki was doing with teaching the girls to grow up to love and to have respect for themselves and each other. She was a great mother.
“You should at least try to make it home every night for dinner,” Nikki chastised.
“I do try, Nikki. But it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes there is no way to get around working late.”
“Yeah, I wonder about that sometimes.”
I know good and hell well that is not Nikki’s way of accusing me of cheating. Does she really think that I would…
“Do you think that I’m cheating, Nikki?” I asked, trying to maintain my cool.
“No. I don’t think you are having an affair with a woman, Ahmad. I know better than that. But you are having an affair with your job. I believe that is much worse.”
“What?”
“You can’t say no to it.”
“Do you hear what you’re saying? You sound ridiculous.”
An affair with my job? Are you out of your mind? I’ve never heard of anything so absurd. Do we have to argue about this again and again? You can talk until you are blue in the face. I’m not changing my mind about it. You should know that by now and just adjust your expectations. You’ll be a lot happier.
“I’d might be more inclined to stop working so much and come home if you actually gave me something to look forward to when I got here,” I snarled.
I really hate to go there but it’s been a long time coming.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I don’t know how much more of this I can take, Nikki. I understand that you have been through a lot in your life. I truly do. But damnit, I’m your husband and I have needs.”
“Don’t go there, Ahmad. We make love.”
“Yeah, missionary position only. Half of the time, it doesn’t even seem like you want to be there at all.”
“How can you say that to me?”
“I can say it because it’s true. And let’s not get started on the way you shut down when I want us to please each other orally.” Truth be told, I hadn’t had my dick sucked since Shannon. I shouldn’t be thinking about this but I can’t help it. I think about it all the time.
“Ahmad!”
“I am not your father, Nikki. I am your husband and I love you. There is nothing wrong with us making love in every way imaginable. Absolutely nothing. I’ve been patient but—”
“But what? Huh? What are you going to do? I am doing the best that I can. Now, I’m sorry that you are upset because I don’t give you head but—”
I was glad the phone rang and interrupted this idiotic conversation between Nikki and me. I was sure this topic would come around again. It always did.
When Nikki answered the telephone, her voice went from strong and demanding to sad and sorrowful.
What’s going on? Who is on the other end?
“Oh no!”
“Nikki, who’s that?” I mouthed. “Okay, we’ll be there as soon as we can.” We’ll be where?
After hanging up the telephone, Nikki slid down the wall of the kitchen to the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. I rushed over and lifted her into my arms.
“What’s wrong, baby? Tell me what’s wrong.”
“That was my father,” she started when she was able to speak clearly. “My mother had a stroke.” Oh no!
“Is she in the hospital?”
“No, Ahmad. She’s dead.”
Dead? Damn!
“It’s okay sweetheart. I’m here for you. Shh…”
“What’s going on?” Corrie asked, walking into the kitchen.
“Nana Estelle has died,” I whispered.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry, Mom.”
Corrie grabbed her mother’s hand and held it to her cheek. The relationship between Corrie and Nikki was one of mutual respect and unconditional love and had been that way since day one. Corrie always referred to Nikki as her mom although sometimes Nikki was doubtful about her place in the girls’ lives. The adoption helped but I could tell that Nikki still was a little unsure at times, no matter how hard I tried to convince her otherwise.
“Do you need me to do anything for you?” Corrie asked.
“No, sweetie, not right now. Go check on your sister but don’t say anything about Nana Estelle’s death to her. I’ll tell her later.”
Corrie kissed Nikki’s forehead and then left the room to find Aliyah.
“Ahmad, I need to get to Alabama as soon as I can,” Nikki said, sniffling.
“Of course. We can leave first thing in the morning.”
“We?”
“Yes, we.”
Do you honestly think I would let you travel to your mother’s funeral alone?
“Okay. I don’t know what to do next.”
“You’re too upset to do anything. Why don’t you go and lie down for a while and I’ll call and make the travel arrangements.”
“But I need to finish preparing dinner.”
“I’ll handle that, too. Now, go,” I insisted.
Nikki nodded and did as she was told. I hoped that she would be able to relax a bit but I doubted it. Although they spoke on the telephone regularly, Nikki had not seen her mom since that whole ugly scene that went down on the day we graduated from Georgetown.
After we were married, Nikki never expressed any interest in visiting her parents in Alabama and I must admit that I was not mad at her for that at all.
Okay, I’ve got to get airline tickets and make hotel reservations. I refuse to spend a night in the same house as her father. Oh yeah, we’ll probably also need to rent a car.
After the girls and I finished dinner, I called and put all of our plans in motion. We would leave for Mobile tomorrow afternoon. Corrie agreed to help by making sure to get Ali
yah’s things packed and ready to go.
I am not looking forward to being in the same city with Nikki’s father, I thought as I showered. The last time I saw him, I was ready to kill him. I had to maintain my temper this time, for Nikki’s sake.
There is nothing I can do for my family from a prison cell. I have to stay calm.