“Do you want me to phone the hospital and see if her surgery went smoothly?” He reached into his suit pocket and produced his mobile.
“No, I am going to phone when I get back to your flat. I know it is on the list, but why did you keep in contact with her but not me?”
He exhaled loudly as he tapped his fingers on the table. “There is not a simple answer. At first I called to make sure you were OK, had enrolled at University of Edinburgh, you know, you were getting on with things. But I kept calling because she is the closest thing I have got to family since my nana died.”
“Why didn’t she tell me about it?”
Liam shrugged his shoulders. “Ask her when you speak to her today.”
The question that had played on her mind for years repeated on a constant loop demanding to be asked. “Why did you wait so long for us to have sex?”
The way it happened had been cruel. By the time they got around to having sex, they could only be considered virgins in the most liberal use of the word. But still Liam had been determined they wait, only to leave the next day without looking back. If it was possible, the timing made it even more painful. She needed to know for sure he had not planned it that way.
A pained expression settled on Liam’s face. His large hand encircled her fingers, brushing her knuckles in the softest of caresses. “I wanted to wait because you deserved better than a quick shag with a schemie kid. I wanted it to happen when we started our new life together. I waited because it took me that long to afford to rent a room in the Balmoral.” He tried to laugh but the sound caught in his throat. “I waited because, back then, I thought we had for ever. Looking back, I still don’t know if I would change it. I still think you deserved to have your first time be special. But I know now I robbed myself of all that time with you. I wish we had had more time.”
When he looked at her, she could feel his emotion, the same way she could when they were younger. She could feel his sadness and remorse; they mixed with hers and settled painfully in her chest.
A hot sting formed in Sarah’s eyes. She wanted to go back and tell herself to make a different choice. She did not know what choice would have made her hurt less. Maybe they’d always had a shelf life but she could tell herself to appreciate every minute they had together, because she was never going to find anyone else that made her feel the way he did.
They spent the rest of the afternoon sightseeing. And she finally got to get a bus; granted it was a hop-on hop-off tourist bus, but it fulfilled her public transportation needs all the same. She listened intently to the recorded guide. Liam used the opportunity to catch up on emails, though periodically she would interrupt him to tell him an interesting fact she had just learned. And, bless him, he pretended to care.
She was eternally grateful for the sunglasses he had given her, not only because her corneas would have been burned to cinders without them, but also because the dark lenses meant she could stare at him unabashedly without him noticing. She liked watching the way his Adam’s apple moved when he took a drink from his bottle of Fiji® water. She loved studying the scar above his left eye; it was barely noticeable now. He got it when he was eight or nine, Sam had thrown a rock at her but Liam pushed her out of the way and it hit him square in the face. Seven stitches later, Liam was left with a small white line running perpendicular through his eyebrow. On other men it might be a flaw, but it was quite possibly her favourite feature on his face. He was far too good-looking for any man. It was almost greedy.
By the end of the tour she had decided two things: Dubai was an amazing city, and she wanted to have sex with Liam. She needed to feel that connection again. This time she would know it was their last time and she would make herself remember more; she would savour it because she knew the memory would have to hold her for ever. He was still the same Liam. The sweet, gentle, gorgeous, considerate man was still there. He was in there and she needed to be with him again. Just once, to have him, the way he was, the way they were.
It was more an all-consuming need than a desire. It wasn’t entirely rational. Well, actually, it wasn’t even a little bit rational. Maybe it wasn’t entirely nostalgia, maybe it was because she had gone too long without sex, but she wanted it more than anything she had ever wanted. And the only thing that could keep her from doing it was, well, him.
When they finished the tour, Ahmed was waiting for them, as if by magic, ready to take them home. Before she got in the car she leaned over and whispered to Liam, “I think we should have sex.”
His eyes widened. “Like, in the back of this car? People get arrested for that here. I can only handle one legal battle at a time.”
Aware that Ahmed might be able to hear them, she whispered, “No, not here. I like quickies now, not audiences.”
Liam’s face was a picture of bemusement. For the first time ever, she had rendered him speechless.
“So are you up for it?”
“Not currently,” he said, gesturing to his crotch. “But I wouldn’t need much encouragement.”
“Is that a yes, then?”
“No, it is an, ‘I’m horny and it would not take much to set me off’,” he said, not seeming to care if he was overheard. He pressed a button and a screen rose, separating them from the driver. “Christ, Sarah. You still have the ability to surprise me, I will give you that.”
She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I’d rather you gave me something else.”
“Damn it, woman, it is taking all my will power not to bend you over the seat,” he said between gritted teeth.
“So is that a yes?” she asked again optimistically.
“Stop asking, or it will be a yes. But no, Sarah.” His face looked pained.
She looked down. It was like old times again, her wanting to go all the way, but him holding back. But now they both knew there was nothing to stop them. “Part of you is up for it. Very up for it, by the look of things.”
“I am a man. Of course I am up for having sex with you.”
“Good, because this consenting adult is well up for it.”
“What exactly are you consenting to?” he asked.
She scrunched up her nose. “Do you want to agree on the fine-print items upfront? Like who is going to put what where? How about just a general waiver? Assume I am up for anything unless I say otherwise. And even then, I might come round with a bit of convincing.”
“No, that’s not what I meant, though good to know.” He shifted in his seat. A bead of perspiration formed on his brow. “I mean what happens after the sex?”
“Hopefully we do it again if you’re up for it. I know you are not as young as you used to be,” she teased.
“And then?” he pressed. His gaze was hot on her, searching her.
What did he want her to say? Was this a trick question? “And then you don’t call.”
“And you’re OK with that?”
“This time I am. I know the rules going in.”
“Have you ever had a one-night stand?” he asked.
She had two choices: lie and say she had, or say nothing. She chose the latter.
“That is what I thought,” he said as they pulled into the circle in front of the hotel.
“So is that a no to the sex?”
This time he did not answer. He took her shopping bags and when she tried to take them he said, “I would rather not share my erection with the world, thank you.”
“You could always just share it with me,” she said coyly.
He did not look amused.
Her phone rang in her pocket. It was Leslie. She would not call unless there was a problem. She was single-handedly the most competent social worker she had ever met. Please don’t let it be my gran, she prayed as she swiped her finger across the phone to accept the call. “Hello, lovey. How is my granny?”
“No word on that yet but I have good news. I got Sam a bed in Fife.”
“Seriously? No, you didn’t. There is an eighteen-month waiting list. How did you do it?” S
arah asked. A relief washed over her.
“It may have involved a blow job,” Leslie said.
“No, really?”
“I just pleaded his case to the consultant. Turns out he preferred to put Sam in the front of the queue, rather than answer my hourly calls. Very weak willed if you ask me. I would have held out a hell of a lot longer.”
Sarah started to bounce in place. This really was good news. If, no when, Sam came home, there was a residential programme willing to take him. “You are the best, you know that, right?”
“Sure do. It is just the convincing other folk that is my problem.”
“Thanks again, Leslie, for everything.” She said goodbye and then hung up.
“Sam’s got a place in a residential rehab centre in Fife,” she told Liam. “I know he is on the ‘do not talk about’ list, but it is really great news. I had to tell someone.” Her smile was so broad, her cheeks were starting to ache.
“Putting the cart in front of the horse just a bit,” Liam said.
“No,well, maybe. But there has to be a forward plan in place.”
Liam shook his head. “Why do you put so much bloody effort into that man? And don’t give me any shit about every human being having value.”
“What happened to the list? I thought we weren’t talking about Sam.”
“Just explain it, because I sure as hell don’t get it. If roles were reversed, he wouldn’t have your back. Are you in love with him?” he asked.
“You asked me that before,” she answered.
“No, I asked if you were shagging him. Love is a very different thing.”
“There has never been anything romantic between Sam and me. I am not in love with him, but I do love him. I love what he once was. I love what he could be. I love his potential.”
“What potential?” he demanded, the anger making his voice hoarse. “At some point it can’t be called potential any more. There has to be some likelihood that it will be realised. You’re smart enough to know he is never going to amount to shit.”
“That’s not fair. Where there is life there is hope.”
“Fuck the platitudes.”
“He did have potential until he was arrested the night before you left.”
“He stopped having potential long before he went to the dealer’s house with a gun.”
Sarah stopped dead in her tracks. How did Liam know about the gun? No one other than the police knew about the gun—no one, not even her granny. Sam pled to a lesser offence to avoid doing time for a weapons charge. A sick feeling washed over her. The events of that night played back to her in vivid Technicolor®. Her mouth went dry. She wanted to scream. She looked at Liam, and, without a word, they both knew the other person knew.
They went through the lobby and into the private elevator. Liam put in the executive key and then let out the breath he had been holding. He turned to speak but she didn’t let him. “Shut up. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know.”
“I need to—”
“I told you to shut up.” Her legs couldn’t hold her. She grabbed the railing for support and turned the key until it clicked and the elevator stopped between floors.
Within seconds a voice patched through the elevator asking if everything was OK.
“Everything is fine. We just wanted to enjoy the view,” Sarah managed to say before turning to look at Liam. It was a plausible lie. The view from the elevator was superb; the sun was setting over the city skyline, painting it a dusky pink. It would have been beautiful had she given a damn.
Her heart pounded violently against her ribs. Whatever relationship they had would be destroyed as soon as he confirmed what she already knew. She wasn’t ready to admit it to herself. The Liam she knew would be gone for ever. She needed one last piece of him, of that Liam, before she let the dream go. He was slipping away again and she had only just found him. She needed to feel him again, with nothing between them. She wanted to remember what they were once upon a time. Even if it wasn’t real, even if the boy she loved was just an invention, just memories warped by time.
For a few minutes she would turn off all rational thought and reason; those could only hurt her. She just wanted to feel. She had until they reached the penthouse to pretend that nothing had changed, that her Liam was still there, able to give her comfort and pleasure.
She needed that illusion now. This was her only chance to have him again. They had wasted their chance before. This time she would not make that mistake. She would have Liam again while she could still pretend he was hers.
“When the doors open you are going to tell me everything. And I will probably hate you.”
Liam nodded wordlessly.
“But right now I don’t know anything, not for sure.” She leaned into him, until her lips brushed against his. She needed to feel him. She needed to have him inside her, whoever he was. He wasn’t the man she thought he was, not the one she had missed for a decade. He wasn’t the man she compared every man to. But he was the man she wanted right now.
He caught her lower lip between his and sucked gently. A bolt of desire ran through her, sending hot tendrils of pleasure to every nerve ending in her body.
“Sarah,” he moaned into her mouth. His hands ran down her sides and settled on her hips. He grabbed her and crushed her body against his, his erection pressed against her belly.
Her hands went to his belt; she pulled on it until the smooth leather gave up its hold. Her fingers fumbled with his zip. He grabbed her hands and pushed them against the glass panel that separated her from the city. He held her in place with one hand while the other pulled her panties down just below her knees.
Effortlessly Liam lifted her and placed her on the brass railing. It was cool on the naked flesh of her thighs. Her ass pressed against smooth glass. He undid his trousers, freeing the length of his hard erection. She circled the tip of his shaft, her hand unable to wrap fully around his girth.
“Tell me to stop and I will,” he said.
Her response was to pull him closer. With a single thrust, he was in her. She winced as her body stretched to accommodate his size. She took a deep breath and willed her body to make room for him, but when she did he pushed further and filled her deeper. She bit into his shoulder to keep from crying out, pain mixing with exquisite pleasure as her body clamped down around him.
His hand went to her face and held it tenderly. He pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes with the pad of his thumb.”Sorry. You weren’t ready,” he said. He stood perfectly still, allowing her time to adjust to him.
“No, it is fine. You’re even bigger than I remembered,” she panted against his chest.
He slid out of her slowly, then back into her. She moaned and bucked her hips, pulling him farther in. She was hot and wet, almost painfully tight around his swollen cock. He would not even need to move, and he would be coming soon. Maybe it was because he had never had sex without a condom, or maybe it was because it was Sarah—either way he was not going to last long so he enjoyed the sensation of being encased in her. He pushed into her fully; his mouth came down on her, capturing her groan. His hand reached between them, searching and finding the sensitive spot between her thighs. His thumb circled her clit at the same pace he thrust into her. She pushed her hips further into his hand. He could feel her tightening around him, ready to come. He slowed down so he could pull back and watch her face. “Don’t stop,” she cried.
“I couldn’t stop if I tried,” he said.
She came hard and fast, her muscles clenching down on him in rhythmic waves. He pushed into her a final time, groaning with pleasure as he found his own release.
He held her silently while the last waves of her orgasm washed over her.
Sarah slid down from the railing. She pulled her pants on and turned away from Liam. She could not look at him now. She needed to think and he was too close for that. She turned the executive key and the elevator started its assent again.
“Sarah,” he said just as t
he doors opened to the penthouse. He reached for her hand.
She pulled away. “No,” she said. She went to the bedroom and closed the door.
Chapter Seven
Sarah took a long hot shower. She was sore and satiated and sad all at the same time. If she weren’t numb she would probably cry. She pulled her yellow dress back on and opened the bedroom door, ready to face Liam. It was a conversation she was dreading, but she didn’t need to—it wasn’t as if she was going to learn anything she didn’t already know.
Liam was sitting on the patio staring into the skyline.
“I need a drink,” she said. Thank God Liam had the licence required by Dubai to keep alcohol at home, because Sarah was going to need something strong to get her through this conversation.
He returned moments later with a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“I don’t want wine—this isn’t a date. I will take a whisky and lemonade if you have it,” she said.
“Room service does.” He made a quick call and then sat down.
“I am on the pill so you don’t need to worry about that.”
“I didn’t even think about it. I am clean. I have never had sex without a condom.”
“Me either. Looks like we shared another first,” she said humourlessly.
“I sort of lost control back there. I am sorry if I hurt you,” he said.
“The betrayal hurt worse,” she said.
He exhaled loudly. “So you know now. I have thought about that night so often I could recite everything we said and did from the time I picked you up until the time you got the call.”
The doorbell rang and Liam went to answer it. He returned moments later with her drink.
“Thanks,” she said. The whisky burned as it washed down her throat. “What happened that night?”
Liam rubbed the stubble with the back of his hand. “I took a calculated risk and I lost.”
“What does that mean? Just tell me straight. We both know. I just need to hear it. How did you know about the gun?”
“And then what?”
“And then…I don’t know…then I will know.” She wrapped her arms around her folded knees. She felt cold despite the blistering heat.
Twice in a Lifetime (Carina) Page 8