Sarah excused herself and searched for the ladies’ room. She found one after a server pointed her in the right direction. And as luck would have it, it had a velvet fainting couch. Never in her life had she felt the need for a fainting couch more. She plopped herself down and yanked off the straps to her pumps so she could examine her feet. Her left ankle was bleeding and the right had a blister the size of a pound coin. She really was Cinderella’s ugly stepsister. Except there was no prince waiting to rescue her, and Sarah would laugh at any man that tried to actually rescue her, but other than that the analogy summed up her night perfectly.
She wondered what time it was. If Liam didn’t get back soon she was going to find Ahmed and ask him to take her home.
“Sarah?” a soft feminine voice called from the doorway.
Sarah glanced up. She quickly took her feet off the sofa and sat up straight. “Oh… Hi, Gemma, isn’t it?” Sarah asked. Of course she knew her name, and her face, but it seemed awkward to admit it after the way they had first met. It wasn’t Sarah’s finest hour, though sadly it was far from her worst. “How’s it going?” Sarah asked lamely.
“Yeah, good. Nice to see you. How are things going?” Gemma asked. Her conspiratorial tone suggested that she and Sarah shared a secret, but Sarah couldn’t guess what unless Liam had told her about Sam, which seemed unlikely. She racked her mind to think what it could be.
“Yes, fine. Everything is fine.” Sarah smiled.
“How is he doing?” Gemma asked.
Sarah’s eyes widened. Liam had told her? “Sam? Yes, he is fine, I guess,” was all she could think to say.
A confused look marred Gemma’s delicate features. “Sam?”
Sarah coughed to cover her mistake. She should have known Liam would never confide in anyone about his past. He liked to pretend it didn’t exist. “Sorry, I meant Liam. You were asking about Liam?”
Gemma nodded.
How should Sarah know how Liam was doing? And why did Gemma care so much? “Liam is…fine.”
Gemma’s lips pressed together as if she wanted to say something but she was holding herself back. “I am worried. He hasn’t been himself,” she said eventually.
Sarah blinked. “In what way?” Who knew what normal Liam behaviour was any more?
“He seems distant and worried. I just wanted to make sure he is OK.”
“Why don’t you speak to him?” Sarah asked. It seemed the most straightforward way to assess the situation.
Gemma shook her head emphatically. “No, I couldn’t do that. He doesn’t like talking about his personal life.”
“Tell me about it,” Sarah said under her breath.
“What was that?” Gemma asked. Her blue eyes had to be contacts, because they were far too bright to be natural.
“You’re right. Liam is very private. He is just not a very sociable sort, I guess you could say.” That was the most diplomatic way Sarah could think to say that Liam was an ass; he was Gemma’s employer, after all.
“No, I wouldn’t say that at all,” Gemma insisted. “Look at tonight. This is the must-have ticket of the summer. I am sure you already know this, but Liam is the largest private contributor to breast cancer research.”
Sara blinked. “This ball is for breast cancer research?” Why hadn’t he told her that? She would have been far more willing to stay had he mentioned that particular piece of information.
“Yes. It is one of the causes Liam is most passionate about.” Gemma beamed.
“He has this ball every year for breast cancer research?” Sarah asked again, making sure she had heard her correctly.
“Yes, he doesn’t talk about it much, but he once said his mum died of breast cancer. That is why he puts so much effort into support for finding a cure.”
“I see,” Sarah said weakly. It was hard to breathe. She needed to get some fresh air. Surely it was a coincidence. “Are you sure he said it was his mum?” Sarah asked.
Gemma looked to the side as if she was trying to remember. “Yeah, I think so. Why? Did you know his mum?”
Sarah coughed. She managed to nod, but could not look Gemma in the eye.
“He doesn’t speak of her very often, but he must have been really close to her, to do all this.”
Sarah couldn’t think. It didn’t mean anything. She wasn’t about to get caught in the trap of thinking Liam was the same boy she had loved a lifetime ago because every time she thought she saw a glimmer of him, he reminded her just how much he had changed, and not for the better. “Lots of people give to cancer charities. It is like giving to puppies and babies. I am sure it helps his company’s profile as much as it helps the charity.”
“He doesn’t do it for recognition,” Gemma said emphatically, her tone laced with righteous indignation.
Sarah stared at the beautiful blonde woman in front of her. Her blue eyes sparkled even brighter with the intensity of her emotion. Dear God, Sarah knew that feeling. Gemma was in love with Liam, completely head over heels. She remembered feeling like that, defending him with that same veracity. Gemma was welcome to him, but Sarah really should warn her that all he would bring her was a broken heart and a decade of wondering what went wrong.
Gemma continued, “Liam supports lots of charities, not just breast cancer. He funds an entire drug rehabilitation centre in Scotland. New Beginnings or Fresh Beginnings or something like that. That hardly does anything for his portfolio.”
Sarah’s head snapped up. Her heart jumped into her mouth. “What did you say?” she demanded.
“I said Liam funds a rehab in Scotland. I can’t remember what it is called off the top of my head.”
“Fresh Start? Is it called Fresh Start?” Sarah held her breath as she waited for an answer.
Gemma smiled. “That’s it! Have you heard of it?”
Sarah could only nod. Her head was spinning. If she wasn’t already sitting, she would have fallen. Liam was her anonymous donor. Why? How could it be him? “Are you sure it is called Fresh Start?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah, I am sure. I file all the paperwork. He set up a separate company to fund it for tax purposes—Addiction Specialist Limited. They also give out scholarships to disadvantaged Scottish students studying abroad. I am surprised he didn’t tell you about it. I thought you two knew each other in school.”
Sarah couldn’t speak. She shook her head; the pieces didn’t fit. None of it made sense. Jesus, he had done it again; he managed to completely change the way she felt about him in seconds. Her heart felt painfully full. She took a deep breath. Anger and confusion battled inside her, along with something else. No, she couldn’t be falling for him again. It took her ten years to get over him the last time. She squeezed her eyes shut to hold back the pressure that was building. She couldn’t do it again. She wanted to scream. Why, Liam? Every time she thought she knew him, another layer appeared, more complicated and flawed than the one before.
“Are you OK?” Gemma asked. She handed her a linen square.
Sarah dabbed it at her eyes. “I’m fine,” she lied. “It’s just my feet,” was all she could think to say. She held up her foot for inspection. “I take a seven and a half.”
“I guessed a six,” Gemma said apologetically. “Liam didn’t know your size. He just said you were normal size, whatever that means.”
Sarah laughed. “That sounds like Liam. He doesn’t get bogged down in details.” Sarah set her foot down. “I can’t bear to put them back on so I am just going to hang out here until I turn into a pumpkin, or until Liam comes back, whichever happens first.”
“Where is he? I haven’t seen him all night. He was supposed to give a speech.”
Sarah shrugged. “I’m not sure. He said he had an emergency meeting.”
“Sounds about right. Some stock probably had a profits warning. He will be back at the office shouting down the line at some newbie CEO.”
Sarah doubted it. “Probably. I should call him but I left my phone charging back at his place.”
> “Do you want me to phone him?”
Sarah shook her head. She needed time to think. “No, I actually think I will just go outside and see if the driver is back, but thanks. And thank you for picking out this dress and sunglasses. You have great taste.”
“You’re welcome. I loved doing the shopping. It kind of reminded me of the scene from Pretty Woman.”
Sarah bit her lip to keep from smiling. “Never seen it,” she said.
“Oh, it is a great movie. You really should rent it. You would love it.”
Sarah had to laugh. “Yep, I probably would.” She swung her satin pumps over her shoulder and started back to the ballroom. Hopefully showing one’s feet wasn’t considered a horrible insult here, because there was no danger of Sarah trying to squeeze her little piggies anywhere in the foreseeable future.
She spotted Liam at the table. He had taken off his tuxedo jacket and loosened his tie. His hair was tussled. He looked tired. She stood for a moment and stared at him. Sadness, anger, and despair mingled together painfully in the pit of her stomach. She wished she knew him the way she’d thought she had.
“I bet your night was better than mine,” Sarah said when she reached him. Part of her wanted to punch him and the other part wanted to wrap her arms around him and not let go.
“I doubt it. Unless your evening involved water boarding.” He tried to smile but it did not reach his eyes.
“Worse, foot torture.” She dropped her shoes in his lap. “Can we go home?”
“Yeah.” He sighed. He ran a hand through his thick hair.
“But I need a drink first.”
“I think we both could use a drink. What would you like?”
“An Irn-Bru, please.”
“Nothing stronger?” He cocked his head up to see her.
“No, just an Irn-Bru. Actually, you know what? I think I will have a cup of tea when we get back to your flat. And a biscuit. And by that I mean a whole pack of biscuits, so if you want your own you are going to need to order your own pack.”
“You eating the world right again?” he asked.
“No, there are not enough biscuits in the country for that. I am just hungry.”
Liam opened the car door for Sarah and then slid in beside her. He yanked his tie all the way off and shoved it in his pocket.
Sarah gazed out at the skyline. There was so much she wanted to say to Liam but she didn’t know where to start. “I’m not ready to go home yet.” She wanted to scream and shout and cry and ask him why he was so bloody stupid.
“I thought you said you were tired.”
“No, I said I was hungry. But the biscuits can wait. I want to go to the beach.” She wanted to feel young and carefree again. When they were younger, they would often sneak off to the beach at Cramond or Portobello. They would talk for hours. And kiss—there was a lot of kissing and lots of the foreplay that Sarah now avoided. It spoke volumes for Liam’s will power that they never actually had sex on the beach because Sarah never red-lighted it.
“It’s almost midnight.”
“I know, but I just need some air. And I haven’t been to the beach yet.”
“The beach it is.” Liam rolled down the screen and directed Ahmed to take them to Jumeirah Beach. “I should probably warn you the people watching will be dire at this time.”
That was OK, because Liam was the only person she wanted to see right now anyway.
A few minutes later Ahmed pulled over. Sarah put her feet in the sand and squished the soft granules between her toes. It felt like caster sugar. “It is better this way. No sun cream needed.”
They walked to the edge of the water before Liam laid out his jacket for Sarah to sit on.
“I…um…I spoke to Gemma,” Sarah started.
“OK,” Liam said.
“OK?” Sarah said.
“OK, that’s nice?” Liam asked.
She waited to see if he would expand on the subject but he didn’t. “Your mum didn’t die of cancer,” Sarah said. She had never been great at beating around the bush. When something needed to be said, she said it.
Liam turned away from her and stared into the waves. “Nope, she didn’t.”
“My mum died of cancer,” Sarah said.
He nodded. “I remember. I was there.”
Liam had held her while she cried. He was the one she wanted. He gave her the comfort she needed. Liam had been her safe place. “Do you remember? Because you seem to put a lot of effort into forgetting your past.”
“I remember, Sarah.” There was a vulnerability in his deep voice that she had not heard in a long time. He knew where this conversation was going. He had to know Sarah wasn’t going to let it drop this time. They had skirted the issue too many times.
“And your mum?” Sarah pressed. They had never spoken about it, but it was time. He needed to stop running.
“Don’t, Sarah,” Liam said. He stood, took off his shoes and socks and rolled up his trousers before walking in the shallow crest of water.
Sarah stood and followed him, not allowing him to distance himself from her again. Cool water splashed against her ankles. “No. I’m not going to pretend any more. You can have a made-up bio with everyone else, but I know, so just be straight with me. Your mum was a prostitute.”
“Sarah, stop,” Liam said, his voice faltering.
“And you never knew your dad because he was a punter. He could have been one of hundreds of men in Scotland. Your mum didn’t die of cancer. She died of an overdose. That is why you hate addicts so much, because your mum died of a heroin overdose.”
“Sarah, stop!” Liam shouted. He turned again to walk away, but Sarah held onto his arm.
Her fingers pressed against old cigarette burns. “No, I am not going to stop. I know everything. You hate that I know, but I do. You hate Sam because he is just like your mum. She came back into your life when you were fourteen, said she had cleaned herself up. And you believed her, because you were a kid, and she was your mum. And she was clean for a while.”
“She was weak,” Liam said. She could barely hear him; his low voice was lost in the sound of the waves.
“No, she was an addict. She tried to stay clean. She wanted to stay off the game for you, but she couldn’t. It doesn’t mean she didn’t love you.”
“She let one of her boyfriends do this.” Liam pointed at his burns with disgust. “I could do without that kind of love.”
“She was messed up, Liam, but she did love you. She would have been so proud of the man you became.”
Liam snorted, “She was too drugged up to notice anything past herself. She would still be the same. Don’t venerate her just because she is dead. She was a druggy. There, I said it, Sarah. Are you happy? I said it. My mother was a whore. She loved the needle more than she loved me.” He hung his head in his hands.
No, she wasn’t happy. She reached up and smoothed his hair, brushing his cheek. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but she didn’t. He would see it as pity and push her away. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Liam. I don’t care who or what your mum was. She is not you. I never look at you and see her. I just see you. The man who makes me scream, in the good way and the bad way.”
He looked up. In the light of the full moon she could make out the faintest smile. “I am not even going to say something dodgy because you will accuse me of hiding behind my penis.”
She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “Well, if you are going to hide behind something, it is a good choice.”
“Now who is flirting?” he asked.
“Am I? You must have rubbed off on me. Thank God I am going home soon, or I would turn into a complete lech.” She playfully kicked water in his direction.
“To be fair, you weren’t far off. You have always had a lecherous streak.”
“Only with you, Liam. You bring out the worst in me.”
“I would say that is the best of you.”
“Of course you would.” She laughed. She loved that even in th
e worst situation Liam could make her smile. She reached up and held his face in her hands, needing the connection, and not wanting him to be able to look away. He needed to know how she felt. “Liam, you have to know I don’t see your mum when I look at you. I never see anything other than you. You don’t have to pretend with me, about anything. I get you. We both made mistakes and I am sorry. I didn’t stay in Edinburgh because I stopped loving you. And I didn’t pick anyone over you. There has never been anyone in my life that I loved as much as you.” Her hands dropped to his, pulling him closer to her. There was so much more she wanted to say but she couldn’t.
She wanted him to kiss her, or to speak, say anything. But he just nodded, and it was enough. They stood in the shallow surf, the warm water drumming against their legs in a soft cadence. They stood together in silence for a long time, each gentle wave washing away a bit of the pain and resentment, salving the wounds that words could not reach.
Eventually Sarah returned to her makeshift seat on his jacket and rubbed her ankle.
Liam picked up her foot and stroked her heel gently, brushing away the powder-fine sand that was sticking to her. “What happened to your feet?”
“Vanity happened. I wanted to wear the pretty shoes.”
“Why bother? You have great tits—no one is going to be looking at your feet.” He smiled.
Despite herself she smiled too. She pointed at him. “That time you were hiding behind your penis.”
“Nope, that time it was all me, you just don’t know how to take a compliment.” His finger slid over the arch of her foot.
“Since when is that a compliment?” She leaned back on her forearms and let him rub her sore feet.
“I am a man. I have just paid you the highest compliment. Breasts are important to us—we are simple creatures,” he assured her.
“Until tonight, I would have agreed, about the being simple part, not my breasts, but then Gemma told me about Addiction Specialist Limited. And now I think you are possibly the most complicated creature ever created.”
“Remind me to fire her on Monday,” Liam said humourlessly.
“Why didn’t you tell me? ‘By the way I pay your bills, sweetheart.’ At the very least you would have got a blow job out of it,” Sarah said.
Twice in a Lifetime (Carina) Page 13