by Paige North
“Are you disappointed?” And now I’m wondering if this was too much, too soon. To me, a day’s jaunt to Miami Beach isn’t a big deal, but I can see how it would seem that way to her.
“Are you crazy? No way! This…” She leans back, sighs, and looks at me when I rest my hand on hers. I don’t want to think about what any of this means. I don’t want to overanalyze. I just want to have a good time. It is what it is. “This is awesome.”
“It is,” I agree and within minutes, we’re taxiing down a dirty, half-melted snowy runway, heading for land of sun, surf, and sand.
Miami Beach in March might be packed with tourists, spring breakers, and locals all out for a romp around the barrier island, but for me and Alana, it’s a day away from reality. I’ve needed this. She’s needed this. We’ve both been under too much stress lately, and nothing says “leave your worries behind” like laying on the sand in Lummus Park, listening to the great Atlantic Ocean swishing against the shore. Drinks in hand, we listen to a local band of steel drums playing something vaguely resembling Beethoven.
“You know what the best part of this is?” I ask Alana, lowering my eyewear to peer at her through the brilliance reflecting off the sand.
“That we’re in freakin’ Miami Beach?” She giggles.
“That you’re in a yellow-and-black bikini.”
She scoffs. “A super-extensive bikini you had to buy for me in a tourist shop because I didn’t own one.” When Alana laughs, there’s this lightness I can’t explain. It’s fun and flirty and reminds me of a little girl whose daddy has just told her she’s the most breathtaking princess in the world. And while I’ve been with women exotic enough to resemble human orchids, Alana is the kind of homegrown sunflower you find in your own backyard.
The big, bright blooming kind you want to stare at all day.
“It was my pleasure, Alana. And if I’m lucky, maybe you’ll let me take it off you later.” It’s the rum floater in my drink talking, but I don’t need any help wanting Alana. Every day, I’m baffled by her. Why does she captivate me so? Aside from being intelligent, sexy as fuck, beautiful, stubborn, and hardworking, that is?
Her hazel eyes capture the sunlight and appear green today. Her desire for me is clear from the way she bites the inside of her lip as she thinks of a witty response. She doesn’t have one, though, and I’m glad. I like rendering her speechless. I like her innocence and lack of flirt game. She’s like no other woman I’ve ever been with. She’s too good for me is what she is.
And holy balls of Babylon, the girl can get freaky.
I. Never. Expected. That.
I’m a big, dumb guy at heart and yeah, I’ll admit it—I want more of that dirty, awesome sex. If that is how she is at age twenty-one, what’s going to happen when Alana unlocks her full potential in her thirties? Or her forties even? She’s going to be one of those full-fledged sexy-as-fuck MILFs. The thought of her being a mother and still retaining her sexuality long after having kids turns me hard right here on the beach.
And because I can’t, or don’t want to, imagine her having anybody’s children but mine, I strain inside my shorts because there’s nothing hotter in this world than a woman who still turns you on after many years, has had your babies, and belongs to you.
Holy shit. I nearly slap myself back to center.
I’ve already lost too much and I can’t imagine the pain I’d feel if I were to ever lose Alana, too. I faced the truth a long time ago, then I faced it again when Evie passed away—I’m a cursed man.
“What are you thinking?” Her voice floats on the breeze and for all its softness, still catches me off guard.
“You don’t want to know.”
“Actually, I do,” she says, shifting in the sand onto her stomach. Her ass is so tight, I could bounce a seashell off of it. “But I know you won’t tell me.”
Good girl. She’s learned and accepted my rule—ask no questions. Don’t get involved. I deflect the attention off me by asking her a few of my own. “Why banking? If your family was in service?”
“That’s why,” she says. “They worked for families all their lives. I swore I wouldn’t go down the same path and banking had some amazing potential.”
“Did you want to be the rich guy for once?” I ask. “It’s not everything it’s cracked up to be, you know.”
“You only say that because you have money, Kase. Why advertising?” She volleys the question back at me.
“Because I’m good at it. Sure, there’s lots of other things I’d love to be doing, but advertising promised me big bucks, and after growing up poor, that’s what I wanted.”
“Wait…” She pulls down her sunglasses and stares at me. “You used to be poor?”
“What did you think, Alana? That I was one of your rich families’ kids? You shouldn’t assume.”
“I didn’t, I just… That’s why you just asked if I wanted to be the rich guy for once?”
“Yep. My mother worked her ass off. Two, three jobs sometimes, all so I could go to college, get a good job. My dad was never in the picture, so she was all I had.” I have to stop talking. I never imagined I’d be mentioning my mom today and can’t bear the pain, even though it’s been ten years since she left this stupid planet.
What good was it to work hard to impress my mother and make her proud when now she wasn’t here to see it? Life is a dumbass bitch sometimes.
“Wow, Kase, I had no idea. Thanks for telling me that. I guess we’re not so different after all, are we? You wanted a better life. I wanted a better life. I had a better life for two seconds.” She scoffs but I know she hates working as a nanny. “Before it was all taken from me.”
“You’ll get it back,” I tell her. “This is just temporary. I know your kind, Alana. Nothing will stop you from getting what you want.” In fact, that’s why we’re lying here together today. Because of her insistence that I share and feel, that I stop pushing her away. “That’s what I really admire about you.”
I was going to say love. It’s what I love about her, but I told her she would never get me to fall in love—because I would never drag her into my world.
In the evening, we hit the bars and clubs, so different from NYC. Here there’s salsa music, reggaeton, half-naked bodies writhing in the heat, drinks made from mangos, limes, and coconut. There’s long, tanned legs left and right, and someone’s always flashing their cars out on the curb, no matter where we end up. Porsches, Ferraris, Bentleys, you name it.
The music pounds like a heartbeat, urging us closer, as Alana’s pretty arms wrap around my neck, and mine capture her by the waist. Her tits look beautiful in the silvery top she’s wearing, low-cut and natural. There’s little to stop me from sliding the fabric aside and sucking on them right here in the middle of the dance floor. Why not? People around me are drunk as fuck and doing worse, and nobody cares.
Anything goes here.
As her tongue slips into my mouth, darting around to taste and lose herself in the alcohol fog, my hands run up her torso underneath her top, resting at the lower curves of her breasts. My thumbs slide up and caress her nipples which harden under my touch. If I could fuck her in this club, I would. She eyes me with caution but I only smile.
“Guess what I want to do?”
“Visit the old guys playing dominoes in the park again?”
“Close. I want to turn you around and fuck you hard from behind while I play with these nipples.”
“Like this?” Pivoting in place, she grabs my haunches and pushes her ass against me, writhing up against my stiff dick like she owns it. And let me tell you—though no one has ever owned my dick but me—she can have it any time she wants. From now on, no matter what’s going on in our lives, Alana gets a free cock pass. 24-hour, full-access to Kase’s dick, all day, every day.
“Like that,” I say, sucking on her earlobe, pressing a finger against her lips. When her mouth yields easily and we’re three sheets away from fucking in front of every person in this club, I gra
b her hand, down the rest of my drink, and get the hell out of there.
Each time I look back at her, I catch that Alana smile. I never thought I’d say this, but I love it. It lights up my fucking day. I wish I could see it every day and then I beam when I realize I do. But what about when it’s time for her to go? What if they call her from Lodwick or any other bank she’s applied to and hire her?
I may as well enjoy this evening, because nothing lasts forever. I hope she’s not thinking that she’s breaking through to me, because she’s not. This is as close as we’re ever going to get and I’ll never let her in more than I am right now. I wouldn’t hurt her that way. This night on Miami Beach will soon be a beautiful memory, and I intend to make the most of it.
The moment we arrive back at the hotel, we’re making out in the elevator, making out in the hallway, and practically fucking up against the door. I fumble for the card key, stumble into the modern, sleek hotel room, and pick her up with both arms. It’s the fastest way I can get her to move. And then, setting Alana onto her pretty feet on our balcony overlooking Ocean Drive, I strip her of her glittery top, yank off her tight black pants showing off her bouncy ass, but leave on the four-inch black heels.
“Kase…” she tries protesting.
I shush her, kiss her deeply, then drop to my knees and spread her legs. I eat out her beautiful cunt, shoving my face into its slick wetness, licking that clit, and making it do my bidding. I cover my face in her juices, because I adore this woman. Adore this pussy. I would do anything for Alana, even if it means leaving her.
In my swirling brain fog, I love her while I still have her. In the darkness. In the warmth. In the presence of the great expanse of watery universe before us.
Alana
Something has clicked in Kase.
I feel it in his touch—it’s softer. Less about controlling me and more about exploring, taking advantage of the moment, this balcony, my body. It’s…I don’t know. Adoration? Whereas before, he was all “I’ll show you what you want,” now he only wants to breathe me in, taste my gifts, and show me all he can be.
It doesn’t take long for my desire to build. I mean, we’ve practically been having sex with our clothes on the entire night long, from one club to the next. That’s the thing about Miami Beach, I don’t feel like anyone cares or is offended. Everyone’s here for the same sensual block party. Even now, completely stark naked (except for my shoes) out on this balcony, I don’t care anymore if someone can see us.
It’s just me and Kase, the ocean swishing below, and the cries of partygoers up and down the strip. And Kase’s tongue, Kase’s mouth, Kase’s hot breath, slicing me open, searing me from my ass all the way up to my clit, working it in circles, molding me on his tongue. My body gives in readily—because I feel I’m his now—no one has ever owned me before, and no matter what happens between us, no one ever will again.
Not this same way.
When he starts fucking me with his fingers and sucking on my clit in a faster rhythmic way, I can’t hold on anymore and come, giving him my love. Joyously, he slathers his own face with my juices running out of me, and I relish in the roughness of his beard. “Fuck yeah…” The stars swirl, the breezes float over my back and bare ass, exposed to the beach below.
I’m buzzed but I’m aware of everything and though he stands and spins me around, forcing my breasts up against the railing, spilling over the edge, my nipples hardening in the wind, I almost lose my footing. His arms reach around me tightly to keep me from falling. I was never falling anyway—it was the dizzying sensation from the orgasm plus the drinks I’ve had tonight, married in a hazy dance.
“This.” I feel a slap to my ass. Then another. And another. I’m sure my cheeks are red, but I don’t care, because then his hand covers and soothes the pain. “This ass is mine, Alana.”
“Take it,” I tell him without realizing what I’m unlocking.
“No. Not tonight.” After feeling every contour of my body with his hands, he spins me around and unbuckles his jeans, pulling down the front of his shorts to expose his dick which never ceases to amaze me. Long and fat and covered in veins, ugly and massive, it’s so suckable, I long to have it in my mouth.
But Kase has other plans.
Positioning himself under me, suddenly, he hoists me up and wraps my legs around his waist. My feet instinctively lock behind his back. I’ve always thought I’d feel self-conscious with anybody doing this to me, but Kase lifts me like I’m made of baby hair, positions my pussy right over the head of his cock, then lets me fall onto him.
I groan, as he skewers me, filling me all the way to my core, pounding and lifting me, letting me fall and bounce on his cock, as his fingers dig into my ass. His stance is wide for balance, his arms and abs taut from the positions and strain of fucking me, carrying me, and standing all at the same time.
Somewhere below, I think I hear amused conversation of people who might’ve spotted us. I can’t be sure, and I don’t care, because I’m not there. I’m nowhere and everywhere at the same time, having an out-of-body experience as Kase batters my sore pussy with his massive cock, taking me higher, making me feel all sorts of new heights of pleasure I’ve never felt before. His tongue plunges into my mouth, our foreheads press together, and I swear, at some point, we meld and become one.
One person. One beast. One entity.
Something inside of me snaps, and I’m not the Alana I’ve always known. I’m desperate for deeper jabs, needy for his balls to slap my ass, wishing he could fill my entire solar plexus then spill his seed way up into my soul. My fingers dig into his back, scratch for more, and I’m frantic for him to come, to take me with him, for us to climax together, so I can scream it from this balcony how good this man fucks me, how much I adore him, and how panicked I feel that I’m going to lose him.
I can’t lose him. We’ve come too far, and I’ve allowed myself to get too close.
But it might be too late, because as he moans and cries my name and shoots way up into my body, gripping my back and pressing his spent forehead into my chest to suckle on my breast, I feel something shift again. This man who’s completely ravaged my body, who’s wanted me all night and brought me to a city three thousand miles away for a day, suddenly sets me down on the ground and rolls slightly away.
As though he’s gotten too close. As though he felt our oneness.
And decided it was too much.
When we return to his home in NYC, it’s amazing how quickly we fall back into our roles. Though the rest of last night was peaceful, we slept the whole night together, then took off this morning on a plane back home, now Kase is back to busy, back to being Liam’s dad, back to asking me to do things for him around the house.
Maybe this is just how it will be. Maybe with us, it’s three steps forward and two steps back. I certainly don’t feel like he’s pushing me away, but he’s being cautious, and something inside of me desperately wishes to reach him. What is he hiding? How can I help? Is it a trust issue? Maybe if he felt he could completely trust me, he could confide in me. It bothers me that we can be as intimate as ever but there still be a wall around his heart.
And I spend the next few days giving him that space he needs on the other side of that wall while simultaneously plotting to destroy it.
A week later, the day in Miami feels like a long-gone dream, Liam has graduated to solid foods, demanding Cheerios all day long, and Kase comes home from work happy. It’s like we’re all playing roles of mommy, daddy, and baby in a family with no name, trying out this repetitive dynamic to see how it fits. I don’t bring up the connection we felt in Miami. I know better than to push Kase away, but at some point, he’s going to have to give.
I scope out my perfect moment—on a Saturday when the three of us are taking a stroll through Central Park right as the temperature goes up, and I can actually wrap my sweater around my waist from how warm it’s starting to feel. Spring is a time of renewal, new beginnings, and I feel it down to my toes. Li
am has been babbling a lot more. I’m curious to see what his first words, but a sadness also hits me.
Will I be here for that event?
Will I be here for his first steps? His first run, his exploration phase, and his second year? I’ve been checking job postings every day, and though I still haven’t seen a job I’d like to apply for, with pay high enough to pull me away from nannying, I feel we’re getting closer. A sister company to Lodwick has just hired a new exec, and if they’re hiring, then maybe others will begin again too.
The park is serene, as we walk, pushing Liam in his stroller. All around us are families. We look like one of them, but we’re not one of them, and suddenly, I’m feeling emotional. “You okay?” Kase asks, dipping his head to look up into my eyes. “You’re quieter than usual.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong, hon?” he asks in a way, as though he doesn’t really want to know the answer.
“Nothing, really. Just remembering how I used to go on walks with my parents sometimes and the kids they cared for. It always bothered me that these kids got better clothes than I did, better stroller, better shoes, better attention overall. I wanted that attention for myself. I didn’t want them having my parents. I wanted my parents all for me.”
“I’m sorry you went through that,” Kase says. For a moment, he puts his arm around me, then he takes it away. Tears rise into my eyes, because for the first time since Miami, I want his touch. A gentle touch, not the sex we have almost every night. I want that moment again, the one where he came unhinged and nearly became himself right in front of me. But right as he noticed himself giving it up, he reeled himself in again.
I want to see the real Kase. The completely unfiltered Kase. It’s something I need to see once and for all, so I can decide if I should invest any more emotion or energy into him. If I had it my way, we’d be dating now. We’d be together, people would know about it, and I could call my mother and tell her I’ve met someone.