by Paige North
Liam doesn’t crawl. Holding Ms. Hernandez’s hands for assistance, he walks—yes, walks, toddles at eleven months—straight toward me with that big goofy grin on his drooly face. “Dadadada…” Right into my arms.
Alana
Things get easier.
And even though I’m still aching in my chest most of the time, each day brings renewed promise. Maybe because it’s spring, and the flowers and rain help rejuvenate my spirit. I shudder to think how I’d feel going to work every day during winter after never seeing Kase and Liam again. My heart would’ve shriveled up and died by now.
But the people at work are nice enough, and the attention I get every day from the nice guys who work there at least remind me that I’m wanted. Too bad I’m not interested in any of them. I’m back to where I started before I met Kase—in need of no man. All about my career.
It’s a slow start to the career, too. Here I thought the world of banking would be exciting, but all I pretty much do is read reports, create reports, and enter numbers into spreadsheets. Hey, it’s what I wanted. I can’t complain, though at times I find myself wishing I could deal with the crazy, unpredictable-ness of caring for the little boy I miss. The little boy I love.
No, Alana, stop.
It was a chapter in your life, not the book. Life’s only beginning.
These are the mantras I tell myself every day in the hopes they’ll erase the deep-rooted pain I still feel. Who knew you could mourn the loss of such a small part of your life? Was my life that boring before, or…was Kase my soulmate who somehow got away? I want to believe that anyone who’s meant for you will eventually find their way back, like a carrier pigeon or a loyal pet lost out in the woods, but I’d never met anyone as tormented as Kase.
And I know I never will again.
Arriving at work, I greet the front desk and head straight for the café, picking up my French vanilla soy latte. The barista smiles at me. “Oh, hey,” she says brightly, like she finally knows me and I’m not just the new girl anymore. The other workers behind the counter stare at me, smiling, too.
I feel like Emma Stone in La La Land when she finally becomes the big-time actress and everyone on the production lot coffee shop is star struck in her presence.
Did I enter another reality?
I can’t put my finger on it. It’s like love and happiness have sprung. People chatter more than normal and even weirder, some of it’s directed at me. Or maybe I’m just caught in whatever’s infecting the office. But something’s going on. As I head to my cubicle, I see heads popping up like meerkats in the prairies of Africa.
“She’s coming.”
“That’s her.”
Whispering.
Stares.
Is it my birthday? I mean, it’s possible I’ve been so distracted that I forgot. No, not my birthday. Not for another month. Some sort of belated “Welcome to Thames Group” surprise, maybe?
That would be weird.
“Hey.” I smile at Brad, a cubicle guy who nods at me every morning, whose leering stare I can feel following my ass down the hallway every morning.
Today, he says, “No wonder.”
I slow down. “Excuse me?”
“No wonder you never give me the time of day.” He chuckles, nothing mean or vindictive, just a genuine realization. I have no clue what he or anyone’s talking about today. Then, he does this…his eyebrows waggle up and down and…gestures with them. If eyebrows could speak, his would say, “Over there. Look.”
Following his lead, I glance over to my cubicle and…
Oh, my…God…
Surprise, shock, and…utter thrill rise into my chest, my heart chakra spreading warmth and adrenaline all through my body. A little blonde boy with blue eyes pokes out the top of my cubicle. Is that…Liam? He hasn’t seen me yet, but someone’s obviously holding him on top of my desk and pointing over the edge, as if saying see her? See Alana?
Liam, if that’s him (I approach slowly…it is), ducks down and comes back up holding the biggest, most gorgeous pink and white roses I’ve ever seen in my life. He waves them and screeches like the happy boy that he is, and the moment his eyes connect with mine, recognition injects right through him and spreads like pure joy.
Around me, coworkers gather. Are they in on the surprise?
A fuzzy blue bunny pops up too and waggles around. My eyes fill with tears. “Buddy?”
Liam screeches and waves the flowers around so hard, petals start flying off. He bangs them on the edge of the cubicle right as a hand appears underneath him to control him. Around me, everyone giggles. I can only imagine who the puppeteer is behind this morning display. When I finally arrive at my cubicle, heart pounding like mad, I slow down and hold my arms out.
Liam flies out of the puppeteer’s hands and lands in my arms. The hug he gives me is everything I’ll ever need today. I kiss his little cheek ten times in rapid succession. I can’t do anything about the tears that start overflowing. But of course, there’s more, because there’s no Liam in my life without Kase.
Immediately, I see him. He stands and sighs from the effort of having carried Liam all this time. Inside my cubicle is his stroller, strewn flower petals, pens, pencils, highlighters, staplers, and erasers that have been chucked and thrown and played with in my absence, and a general mess. A mess I’ve missed.
“Kase! What are you doing here?” I’m so shocked and confused, I’m spilling my coffee in the hand that’s holding Liam, and Cassie takes it out of my grip for me.
“I had no idea you knew Kase Hardwin,” she whispers in my ear then gives me a knowing look. With a short stack of papers, she fans herself.
I don’t just know him, I want to tell her. I love him, hate him, and ache for him every day of my life. I lay in bed at night wondering why my life took such a crap turn, why I can’t have what I most want in this world, and how I’m supposed to move on without him. And now, he’s here, and I direct all that energy at him with my gaze.
“I got Liam back,” Kase says. Everyone around us hushes. “They took him from me, Alana. I couldn’t handle it, couldn’t cope. I’d lost it all.”
“I can’t imagine,” I tell him.
He continues to keep his distance. He’s wary, as if hoping that Liam will act as a probe on this new territory, scoping out where my anger might still be but thinking about where his new hope might be colonized.
“How did you manage to get him back?” I ask. Because we’re talking privately, my coworkers begin to shrink back, minding their own business but still eavesdropping. I know them—noseys.
“I offered Raymond the old man’s business.”
“Newfound?”
“Yes. It’s worth billions. I knew it was all he wanted. I asked him to sign adoption papers in return, and he did. I’m Liam’s father now, Alana. Officially.” A certain peace settles over his face, his smile reflecting inner harmony. It’s a look I’ve never seen on Kase before.
I can’t believe it—Liam’s back home.
Kase approaches, slowly assessing. I’m receptive, though still hurt. Curling an arm around me, he reels me in, and I lose it. I start crying against his shirt. His buttoned work shirt thinly covers that strong chest, a body I’ve missed, a body I had thought of as mine then felt stupid when I realized it never was. Maybe I was wrong. Why is he here? To show me he got Liam back?
“That’s amazing, Kase. I’m so happy for you.” But what does this mean for me?
Liam wiggles, wanting to be put down, and I’m reticent. “He wants to go.”
“Let him. Watch.”
The second I set him on the floor, he crawls the cubicle corner, pulls himself to his feet, and toddles into the workspace to begin picking up markers, pens, and pencils. I bite my lip to keep from crying again. “He’s walking?”
“Can you believe it? Right in time for this first birthday.” Kase hugs me then steps back. As Cassie comes in to swoop Liam out of view, clearly having been enlisted to help with the baby, Kase takes t
he roses and hands them to me. “For you, hon.”
Pink and white blooms fill my vision. They smell so beautiful, but what is this?
“Alana Frasier,” Kase says, “in honor of Liam’s first birthday…” It’s today—his first birthday is today! It’s been five months since I’ve known this lovely little family. “I want you to know that I was crazy for you from the first moment I met you. You walked into my office and right away, I knew you were special. At first, I hated you because of it.”
My coworkers all “awww.” They’re definitely eavesdropping, and now my ribcage is pulsing with anticipation. Is he doing what I think he’s doing?
“Kase…”
He holds out his hand so I can let him talk. “I hated you because you were the beginning of me changing, Alana. I had everything so perfectly in place—perfect fortress walls around, perfect forcefields up—then you come along and start shooting cannonballs at my defenses. I thought keeping you away from me would be the answer. But it only made me realize how much I missed you. And then, when they came and took Liam away, I really lost it all.”
Behind me, I hear sniffles from Cassie and other women coworkers.
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe Kase is here, in my office, pouring his heart out in front of everyone.
“But I’ve done a lot of thinking, Alana, and I know in my heart that I don’t have a choice in the matter. I have to love you. I have to let you in. You came into my life to save me. What kind of man would I be if I turned away my one and only angel?” He drops to his knees, and right at that moment, the meerkat heads pop up again.
I’m going to die. I’m going to die then wake up a completely new person with a new, bright future. The first time I tell my parents and friends that I have a boyfriend will be the same day I announce my engagement. Life doesn’t always happen the way you expect it to. But the surprise is always better.
“Kase…”
“Alana Frasier, I’ve thought long and hard…” He pulls out a small box from his pocket and opens it, offering it up to me. Inside is the biggest ROCK of pure awesome I have ever seen in my life. “There’s only one life for me,” he says. “A life with you. Would you please make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife?”
Suddenly, from every cubicle in the room and every office, more roses pop up…way up…as my coworkers all stand on their chairs holding bouquets. Pink, white, yellow, lavender—every springtime hue one could possibly imagine, dozens and dozens of them, rustling, shaking, petals raining down. The room fills with the sweet scent of new love, their smiles dotting the floral landscape like pearl necklaces to accompany Kase’s diamond.
I can’t speak through my tears. Is this for real? Is this really happening to me?
A little patience was all that was needed. This is more than I ever expected. Be Kase Hardwin’s wife? The wife of one of NYC’s most sought-after bachelors? Who’s been in the news and women everywhere have wanted him ever more after learning about his heartbreaking custody case?
I want to freeze this moment in my mind forever. The smiles, the faces hinged on my reply, even Liam as he reaches for roses everywhere, his big blue eyes filled with wonder. I haven’t known Kase for very long, yet I know he’s my man. I’ll have all my life to get to know him more deeply, and it can only get better now that he’s opened his heart.
“Yes,” I say, beaming. “I’ll be your wife, Kase.”
The office erupts into cheers and laughter, and my coworkers all hug each other as though this celebration has been for them. And maybe it has. Maybe the love we make is for everyone, to give others hope, because if I can get engaged to this complex, sweet man, anyone can find happiness.
Kase slides the ring onto my finger and stands. I can’t stop looking at the ring. I mean, holy shit, it’s HUGE! Then again, everything about Kase is huge. I snort at my own thought. With one finger, he tips up my chin and gazes down at me. How I’ve missed those eyes, those lips. “Thank you,” he says then kisses me. And it’s the most rewarding, lovely kiss ever. Another moment to frame and cherish in my mind.
He’s mine.
Kase Hardwin is mine. Maybe I earned him. Or maybe I just got lucky. But for whatever reason, I’m now his woman, and he’s my man, and I’ll keep doing whatever I need to do to keep him forever.
Cassie can’t hold Liam anymore. He’s wriggled in her arms so much, he literally leaps out and holds onto Kase’s arm for support. “Hey there, kiddo, you want in on this hug, too, don’t you?” Kase pulls him into our embrace, and now it’s a group hug.
“I love you, Kase. And I love Liam. I can’t wait for us to become a family.”
“We already were one, Alana,” Kase says through a sad, reflective smile. “I should’ve seen it before, but I was too scared to acknowledge it. Both of you are everything to me. If I lose you, I lose you. It’s a risk I have to take.”
I know how losing us has always been his demon. “But you won’t lose us, Kase. We’ll be here a long, long time, and so will you.” I pull his face down gently and give him the softest, sweetest kiss I can muster. Suddenly, I feel little fingers on my cheek, as Liam leans in and drops a kiss on my cheek, too.
My family.
My loves.
My life.
Kase
I take my woman to bed for the first time in two months.
For the first time as my fiancé.
I admire her gorgeous body, as she takes deep, full breaths, her swollen breasts pressing against her top. All I want to do is rip that blouse free and watch them hang over my face. If I have to tie her down and make her my love slave to make up for lost time, so be it. I’ll never let her go to that apartment again, except to pick up her things. From now on, she’ll stay with me. She’s my woman.
Alana’s stayed in this room a few times with me before, but never the whole night, now I can’t wait to snuggle and sleep with her in addition to fucking her brains out. It used to be Evie’s room but became my room after she died, and now it’s ours. Something deep and feral stirs in my gut, though. I want us to have a place of our own. I want so badly to give into this need for a new place, relinquish this control I’ve kept over myself for too long.
Give in, my mind tells me, the same mind that’s kept me away from happiness all my life. Now it wants me to win, take what’s mine, make my own destiny, build my future with this woman before me. My dreams, finally coming true. Alana’s in my arms, Liam’s home and asleep, and now my life has a purpose—a real purpose. I used to work for money and status. Now I have real reasons to live, and this is what life is for.
Took long enough, but I finally got my shit together and made things right.
Taking her into my arms, I kiss her deep and long, trying to convey everything I feel for her in one embrace, knowing it’s impossible. It’s going to take a lifetime to show her. She moans low in her throat and bends her body into mine, literally trying to meld as one. We’re connected, we were always meant to be. I was just too stupid to see it.
I kiss her harder, wrapping her arms around my neck, pressing those fucking beautiful tits against me. Such a perfect woman. I lift the blouse up over her head, unhook the bra, then slide down to take those breasts into my hands, playing and squeezing the nipples. Rosy, soft, and one day, will give milk to my children. But for now, they’re mine, ripe and full. My cock is so hard, I want to take her right now but I kiss her again, lick the seam of her lips, nudge them open, and elicit a small groan from her. I can’t get enough of her taste or her body, and my hands can’t seem to stop exploring all of her.
She’s more than enough and not enough all at the same time. She’s the end of my story but the beginning of a new one. A new story for a new man. I’ll be eternally grateful.
“I want you, Kase. Fuck me, make love to me, do whatever you feel…”
My heart soars hearing her say those words.
I thought I’d lost her. I thought for sure I’d waited too long, but she accepted me back. Nothing will
humble a man as much as a woman who you don’t deserve loving you. She kisses and licks my neck, and my desire grows harder, faster. Her hair splays out along the bed like tendrils of gold. God, I love her hair, her body, her desire for me. She sits up and slides off her work skirt—she looks so pretty working for this banking company, a very sexy professional, the kind that would have me fantasizing all day long if I didn’t know her. If all those people wouldn’t have been there, I so would’ve fucked her in that cubicle. We’ll have to revisit it one day.
If she stays with the company.
Because she doesn’t have to. Though I don’t work for Newfound anymore, I have millions of ideas for a new company to start, and it won’t take long. Just like I built Roper’s empire for him with Evie, I’ll build my own again. She won’t have to work another day in her life. I’ll work for her, though knowing Alana, like me, she would take the trains instead of the Bentley. She’d work for the enjoyment instead of playing the part of kept woman.
I’m fine either way. I just want her to be happy.
I watch her get naked, drink her in, captivated by every inch of her lovely skin being revealed. Clearly, she’s tormenting me and loves it. “Fucking beautiful,” I tell her, gripping her thighs tightly. “Keep going.”
“Yes, Mr. Hardwin.”
“Oof. You’re killing me.” I pick her up and slide her up along the bed on her back, latching onto her luscious tits, swirling my tongue around each nipple until I hear groaning with need. I love how responsive she is, how she throws herself into sex like she does everything else in life.
I enjoy every second of sucking on her tits until I’ve got her begging me in a breathy voice. “Please, Kase. Fuck me.”
“All in good time,” I tell her, sucking and licking and nipping, wondering how I ever managed to let her go. Underneath, she writhes and grasps, driving me into a frenzy of lust. Straddling me, her dark golden hair spills over her shoulders, and I know right then that she’s my goddess.