At that point I've had it. His hot and cold attitude is driving me crazy. “What's your problem?” I snap. “Why do you hate me so much?” The least he can do is give me an honest answer. I feel like I've had to put up with his moody attitude, and hateful looks I at least deserve an honest answer.
His head turns slowly and his eyes sweep over me quickly before returning to the windshield. “Who said I hate you?” He lowers his voice a level. “Did I ever say that?”
“You don't have to say it,” I groan, frustrated. “It's always written all over your face.” I try to think of how many times he's scowled at me since I've met him, but I realize I've lost count.
“I don't hate you.” He turns his head toward me again, a sincere look in his eyes.
At that moment, I'm elated yet baffled at the same time. Every look he's ever given me has insinuated dislike for me. Or maybe it's me and I'm just that terrible at reading people. Our eyes are locked on each others. His are smoldering with something intense. Maybe its desire. Could it be want? Suddenly I break away from the seductive stare-down when a bright white light burns in my eyes. They are so close I can feel them scorching my skin. We've drifted into the opposite lane and there's a semi truck headed straight for us. “Sean!” I scream. “Oh God! Look out!”
Sean's swerves the car out of the way and his thick muscled right arm juts out across my abdomen, shielding me protectively like he's bracing me for impact. The car does a 360 in the middle of the highway and I can feel Sean's arm tighten against me. My stomach is in my throat as the wail of screeching tires throbs in my ears, and I swear I can smell the rubber burning. My heart hammers against my ribcage and I'm trying to breathe, but I can't.
Seconds later the waterworks have commenced.
Sean finally gains control of the SUV and hits the brakes on the side of the highway. He flips on the hazards and I'm breathing shallowly, trying to control the sobs escaping my throat. My attention averts to his arm that's like a metal bar on a ride at an amusement park that's keeping me from falling out. Sean yanks his arm away and slumps down in his seat, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Are you okay, Hadlee? Are you hurt or anything?”
“No.” I swallow a wad of saliva and tears. “Just a little shaken up.” My voice vibrates and I clear my throat, trying to gain control of it.
There's a grave look on Sean's face and he nods. “Good.” Another tiny nod. “Good.”
He's breathless too and even though I know he won't admit it, he's probably a little shaken up too. “Can we just stay here another couple minutes?” I ask, my breathing still shallow and raspy.
He swallows hard and closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah. Sure.”
We stay on the side of the road for another fifteen minutes and during that time Sean gets out to check his vehicle for any damage. I mean we didn't hit anything, but maybe something got damaged from the spinning. I don't know much about cars, but you never know. If a rock can fly up and crack a windshield then maybe spinning a bunch of times can damage something.
“Everything good?” I ask Sean as he climbs back into the driver's side.
“Yeah. I thought maybe I might have bent a rim or something, but everything is fine.” He puts his hand on the keys and goes to turn over the ignition, but hesitates. “Can I drive now or would you rather wait a little while longer?” His blue eyes flit across my face before resting on my green ones, full of worry and sincerity.
My breathing is no longer erratic. My heart has ceased racing. I've completely calmed down. “I'm good,” I answer slowly. “Thank you.”
With that said, he turns over the ignition, puts his blinker on and pulls out into mass of on-going traffic.
We don't talk for the rest of the ride home. Me, my mind keeps flashing back to that moment where we almost collided head-on with that truck. For a minute I actually thought we were going to die. And that was my second brush with death in the last two years. I think of the way Sean, put his arm out in front of me. It seemed like he was trying to protect me. But why? Why would someone want to protect a total stranger? Maybe he likes to play the hero. Maybe he was just trying to be nice. I also think of what he said before that; I don't hate you. Well, if he doesn't hate me then why all the nasty looks? Why all the harsh innuendos? Maybe he just doesn't like me in the way I like him. Maybe he was just trying to push me away because he could tell from looking at me how I feel about him.
It's crazy to me how a person I barely know can make me feel this way. This way meaning, just a smoldering glance from him makes my heart beat all erratically, hearing his voice drowns out my noisy thoughts, and the feel of his touch keeps me from jumping out of my skin. I peek over at him, and he's not relaxed like he was before. He seems more nervous. More tense.
I tell him which exit to take then instruct him where to turn on all the side roads. Before I know it, we're pulling into my driveway. Sean turns off the engine and leans back in his seat with a sigh. My eyes center on his abs and the way his flimsy shirt clings to them. Heat sears in my cheeks and I look away momentarily, hoping that the blush will fade.
I inhale and exhale slowly, swallow my nerves, and face him. “Thanks for the ride.” My voice is low—hushed. “I guess...I guess.” I can't find words. I wish he didn't make me so nervous. I wish that I could act normal around him.
“No problem.” He gives me a cocky smirk and I fight off a smile pulling on my lips. Then he shifts in his seat. “Hang on a sec.” In a flash he's out of his seat, out of the car, and opening the door for me. “I'll walk you to the door.”
He extends his hand to me and helps me out of the car. I climb down and he instantly yanks his hand away. Oh. Now we're back to the cold, calculated Sean and I don't like it. He walks me up to my door and I look up at him through my lashes, my insides a tangled mess of confusion and emotion. “That was nice of you.” I rock back and forth on my heels. “You didn't have to walk me to the door.”
“I just wanted to make sure you got in okay.” He appears to be distracted. He's doing everything he can to avoid looking at me. He glances over his shoulder and studies the sidewalk along the front of my condo.
It’s like he's canvasing the joint.
I snap my fingers in front of his face. “Yo! Sean.” Finally he looks at me, eyes vacant of any emotion. “You okay?”
He fidgets and shoves his hands in his pockets. “It's cool. I'm cool.”
My eyes sweep over him and I've never seen him so rigid. “Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to come inside for a minute?”
Wait...What am I saying? First off,I don’t know him that well. Second he's acting all weird like he's a snake about to shed his skin. I study him hard for a few minutes.
Instead, he politely refuses me. “No thank you, Hadlee, I'm fine.”
I drop my head, and start playing with my fingers. “Oh, okay.” I don't know why his refusal upset me so much, but I have fight back the oncoming tears. I just don't understand this man. He seems to be concerned for my safety, but wants nothing more to do with me. “Why did you put your arms across me earlier when we almost hit the truck?” I ask weakly.
He ignores me, but I hear the sound of his breathing picks up when I ask.
“Sean?”
He clears his throat and even though my gaze is lowered, I notice him picking up a hand and running it over his jaw. “I didn't want you to get hurt.”
“Why? Why would you try and save someone you don't even know or like?”
“Just drop it, Hadlee!” There's a harsh tone in his voice and it startles me. He exhales in frustration and kicks a rock off the porch. I can't look at him. I don't want him to have the satisfaction of seeing the emotional part of me that he brings out. I don't want him to see the weakness in my eyes. Not just because of him and the way he makes me feel. I don't want him to see me like this because I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of the person I've become. Then after a second he inserts two of his fingers under my chin and tilts my head up. “Look at
me, Hadlee.”
I don't obey. My eyes are all over the place; on the porch steps, the front door, on the gold crusted address numbers bolted to our door. “No.” I'm doing everything I can to avoid looking at him because I know if I look into his deep, puddles of blue that it will be my undoing. I know at that point I'll fall apart.
I've been rejected before. Many times. So I can't understand why this time it hurts so bad. It’s like a venomous spider bite, starting out as a tiny sting, and now it’s spreading breaking out into a full-on throb, a lethal red line snaking its way to my heart.And everything hurts. My head, my limbs, and more than anything my heart. Sean keeps his fingers under my chin, then his whole hand is on my chin. He jerks my head to the side and forces me to look at him. Don't cry. Don't cry. I repeat the mantra several times inside my head. It's not working. Tears well in my eyes and as I blink them back several stream down my cheeks.
Sean uses his free hand to wipe the tears away. “Don't cry,” he murmurs. “It's not you, it's that...
I yank my head out of his grasp and frown. “What?” My voice is thick with emotion. “Is it that I'm too weak? Not pretty enough? What is it? Tell me, I can handle it.” Even though I said that I'm not sure if I will be able to handle it when he tells me the truth.
He clenches his jaw as a flash of anger sparks in his eyes. “It's not you. It's me. I'm a bad, bad man, Hadlee. I've done terrible things. I do…” he trails off. “Nevermind. I should go.”
I open my mouth to answer, but he silences me with his finger against my lips. Then I lower my gaze for a second and when I look back up, eager to gaze into Sean’s eyes, I realize something.
He’s gone.
Chapter Fifteen
~Sean~
It took me about an hour to come to terms with the fact that the one person I’m trying to avoid lives in the same building as me.
It also took speeding around town and yelling at myself for that hour for me to talk myself into coming home.
And when I came home, I sat in the parking lot and waited for Hadlee to turn her light out.
Now I’m walking into my condo the following day, relieved that I haven’t seen Hadlee since that awkward ride home.
And I also walk into a pair of intense evergreen eyes.
Add a scowl in with that.
Pale skin with freckles dotting the dainty, pointed nose. Long, cascading auburn curls. Pint sized stature.
But a big bark.
A very big bark.
Mix all of those ingredients together, shake them around a bit then swallow them and choke on them and you’ve got yourself my kid sister.
“Teagan?” She’s shaking her head and huffing. Not a good sign. She’s got my Ma’s temper. Everyone who knew my Ma knew when she was pissed it was best if you kept your distance. At least for a few days. Me, I’ve got my Da’s temper, where I lash out, cause massive waves of destruction and then I feel better. “What are you doing here?”
I try to go around her, but she moves with me. When I finally stop moving and cross my arms she digs her finger into my shoulder blade. “What do you mean, what am I doing here?” She opens her mouth and widens her eyes in mock surprise. “Oh that’s right. You wouldn’t know because you refuse to answer the phone when I call.”
“That’s not true and you know it,” I say and brush past her.
But Teagan doesn’t let me get more than a few steps before she grabs my shoulder and jerks me around to face her. “If you would have listened to my voicemails or answered my calls, you would have known that I said I was coming for a visit.” She takes a step back and folds her arms across her chest. “Because my only brother insists that I schedule my visits.”
“I don’t make you schedule your visits.”
Tee throws her hands up in the air in frustration. “Lies. All lies.”
Truth is, I kind of do. But only because I don’t want her around the shady shit I’m mixed up in. I only do it to protect her. I know she knows some of the shit that goes down, but I don’t tell her more than I have to. “Whatever.” I grip both of her narrow shoulders. She stiffens when I first grab her, but then relaxes when I wrap my arms around her and kiss her temple. “I missed you little sis.” I pull out of the hug and pat her gently on the shoulder. “So tell me about school.”
Tee goes to Brown University. I was so proud the day she got her acceptance letter. She’s the first Reilly to go to college, let alone get into an Ivy League school. “Well it’s…” Her words are cut off by a loud clanking noise coming from my kitchen.
“What the fuck was that?” I go into protective older brother mode and position myself in front of Tee, my right hand slowly creeping toward the gat tucked into the back of my jeans.
“Sean.” Tee’s voice comes out softer than it normally does, but still high pitched. “There’s something I have to tell you.”
A third voice rings out. “Teagan, babe. The only kind of beer in the fridge is Guinness. Who the hell drinks this shit? It’s like drinking anti-freeze.”
My gat is palmed in my hands before I know it and I’m aiming it at the Abercrombie model wannabee in front of my sister and I yell, “Back the fuck up!” I shake the gun at at him. He doesn’t move. “I said back the fuck up!” I ignore the judgmental yelling coming from behind me.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he whimpers then raises his hands over his blonde, spiked hair. He drops the bottles of Guinness he’s double fisting and they smash on the floor. Tee runs out from behind me, positioning herself in front of the douchebag.
Who the hell is this pansy ass bitch? And why the hell is my kid sister protecting him? She is protecting him. Funny but I thought my parents raised us for it to be the other way around. “It’s okay, Emerson,” Tee says soothingly. She turns and glares at me. “Sean! Lower the friggin gun!”
Oh. Fuck. That’s probably why pretty boy is terrified. “This isn’t a god Damn hold up!”
Tee’s spitting fire. I blow out the hot hair I’ve been holding in my cheeks and tuck my gun in the back of my pants. “Who the hell is this asshole?”
“Sean!” Teagan gasps, clearly embarrased by my rude yet honest comment.
Now, it has been a few years since I’ve been Tee’s age, but I do remember punks like this guy. I knew them in highschool. The popular great-looking jocks whose parents had more money than The Queen of England. They’d walk the halls like they owned them, never having to work for a damn thing their entire life, but somehow they still thought the world owed them a living. My eyes sweep over Emerson’s spiked blonde hair, his pristine white Nike’s. Bronzed arms. Gold band on his right ring finger.
Gold band on his right fucking ring finger.
What.
The.
Fuck.
Is.
That?
I narrow my eyes and ball my fists. “Is that a fucking wedding ring?”
Emerson’s powder blue eyes drop to the floor. “Um, yeah. About that….”
I glare at Tee, my jaw clenched and do the best I can to contain my temper. “Are you knocked up?” I blurt because somehow, to me, that seems like the only plausible reason for her random act of stupidity.
Yet there’s a large part of me that think that this whole thing is some kind of random hoax.
Where’s Ashton?
I mean Justin Bieber.
Am I being punk’d?
Her cheeks redden and she scowls. “No!” she snaps. “I’m not!” She adds an eye roll before folding her arms across her chest. “I was trying to tell you. I tried to call you and tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I scoff. I point at pretty boy. “That you’re married to this asshole?”
Tee digs her foot into my hardwood floor and slams her fists at her sides. “He’s not an asshole! I love him!”
That says it all.
My kid sister is a twenty one year old moron . I pinch the bridge of my nose. Take deeps breaths. Be calm. Be calm. Yeah, there is no being calm about this. I turn tow
ard Emerson, eyes still closed and growl, “Listen asshole, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten to get the fuck out of my house or I’m going to pull my gun back out and start shooting.”
I count silently.
One.
There’s no movement.
Two.
Still no movement.
Three.
Now Asshole and Tee are whispering.
Four.
A few footsteps.
Five.
Tee starts whimpering.
Six.
More footsteps.
Seven.
My front door opens.
Eight.
My front door slams.
Nine.
I open my eyes.
Ten.
Tee chucks the television remote at my head and I duck just before it hits me. “What’s fucking wrong with you?” she screams. “What do you think Ma would say if she saw how you treated my husband?”
Husband.
Husband.
The word sounds dirty leaving her lips. It reminds me of crusted over dog crap.
The fact of the matter is, I’ve built up this theory that no man would ever be good enough for Tee and now that she’s gone and found a man, one that I don’t approve of, well, it’s sent me over the edges of craziness. “What do you think she’d say to you?” I lower my voice and move closer. “Huh, Teagan? Do you think she’d be fucking elated over this? I’m gonna go ahead and say no. She’d be just as pissed off as I am.”
Tee shakes her head. “No she wouldn’t.”
“Yes she would.”
“No she wouldn’t.”
“Yes she would.”
“No. She. Wouldn’t.” Now I’m screaming. “She wouldn’t Teagan Rhiannon Reilly! She would not!”
Tee clenches her jaw and barks back, throwing me a curve ball, “Oh and what do you think she’d say about you, Sean?” She takes a step forward and I take a step back. “Do you think she’d be proud that you got mixed up with Uncle Connie and all of his fucked up criminal bull shit?”
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