by Jillian Neal
She covered her face and sobbed. He wrapped her up in his arms. “I got it from that pawn shop that used to be out near Wellsley when you told me you were pregnant. I knew we couldn’t afford to get married or anything. It was all I could afford. I just wanted you to know that I was in it forever with you. I couldn’t think of any other way to show you that you never had to be alone. I’m sorry for everything I said when you first told me. I’m sorry I blamed you. I never meant any of that. I was just so fucking scared, Nad. I didn’t know how to take care of you and a baby. All I ever wanted was to take care of you, and I’d let you down. I was furious with myself. Never with you. Never, ever with you.”
Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he let her cry. At seventeen, his goal had been to constantly make her stop crying, the first of a long litany of mistakes. He’d never let her mourn her own childhood or their baby. Maybe he had learned a little something in the last few years.
When she regained just a little of her composure, she lifted her head and allowed him to wipe away her tears as he cradled her face in his hands.
“Maybe we should take that boat ride. We really need to talk,” she all but begged.
“Come on.” He guided her out to Wind Dancer and seated her between his legs in the driver’s seat just as he’d always done. They ignored the curious eyes watching them from the beach. When he was out of the no-wake zone, he made Wind Dancer fly across the waves and down the shoreline. He knew where to go and precisely what to do. He took solace in that, still not certain where this conversation would lead them. He tried to let the salty air ease his muscles and soothe his soul, but this time there was too much at stake for him to find peace in the waters.
The tides had washed away a decent portion of their hidden-away cove over the years, but he could still ease Wind Dancer in and drop anchor a hundred feet from the shoreline.
She stood and held onto his shoulder while she gained her sea legs in the rough waves, now that they were beyond the breaker islands that buffeted Gypsy Beach from the harsh tides. She spun and took the seat across from him. Tears still glassed her eyes, but she never dropped his gaze. She didn’t seem to know where to begin.
“Just talk, angel. Tell me anything I need to know. I want to listen this time. I swear I won’t yell or get mad again.”
With a nod, she drew a ragged breath. “I think … I just … I didn’t know how to go back, Grady. I never seem to know how to get back. I don’t understand why I couldn’t figure out how to get back.” Another round of tears overtook her. Her body shuddered against the drowning emotions. He took her hands in his own and tried to wait patiently.
She drew a stuttered breath and managed to continue. “I didn’t understand how to go back to when I wasn’t pregnant. I just felt like I was drowning, and you couldn’t save me. For two weeks after I took that stupid test I wished that …” she choked, and he couldn’t bear to watch her torture herself anymore. He stood, lifted her up into his arms and cradled her in his lap.
“I wished it away, too, Nad. But what happened … it’s not your fault. It just wasn’t. That’s not how life works.”
She managed a slight nod against his collarbone. “When I lost the baby,” she shivered again, and he strengthened his hold. “I didn’t understand how to go back to the way we’d been before. I couldn’t see my way back. I didn’t know how to pretend that it hadn’t happened, and I thought that was the only option, to forget about the baby. I couldn’t, and I still think it was my fault.”
“Listen to me. It was not your fault, Nadya. None of this was your fault. Not getting pregnant, and certainly not the miscarriage.”
“My mom was so mad. She didn’t want a baby around. She didn’t even want me, and she blamed you. She kept threatening to have you arrested and me sent to child services if I didn’t go stay with my dad. So, I got there, and I was worse than I was here because I didn’t have you. I just kept drifting further and further away until I was in California, and married to a guy I hated, and miserable, and I could just never figure out how to get back. I told myself you wouldn’t ever want to see me again because I left. I didn’t think I deserved to come back.”
Grady’s jaw clenched and he squeezed his eyes closed tightly and cradled her tightly in his arms. He tried to find the words to somehow mend all that she’d lived through.
He gently lifted her chin until she was staring at him. “Let me help you this time, please, angel. Just please let me help you find your way back to me. That’s where I want you to be. And I know you’ve been hurt so much. It kills me, Nad. But this time, let’s just find our way back to each other. You were barely sixteen years old, sweetheart. Of course we couldn’t figure out how to go on. We were making adult decisions that led to adult consequences. The only problem with all of that was that we were far from being adults. Please, angel, let me try again. Let me try to show you that I’ll be anything you want me to be. Let’s just give this a chance. I want to help you find yourself again, and I need you to help locate me because I’ve been gone for too damn long.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want? I’m a disaster, Grady. I don’t know where the girl you used to love is. What if I can’t get her back? What if she’s gone forever?”
His throat contracted in another harsh swallow. “I know where she is. She’s sitting in my lap on the boat we built, and I’ve seen little glimmers of her making a reappearance all morning long, and last night when I kissed you. I feel you, angel. You’re in there. My lucky angel is making a comeback. I let her get lost. It’s my fault, but let me help you now, please. This time we are adults, capable of making adult decisions, and dealing with the consequences. Together, we can do this.”
“I think I really want to try, but what if I mess up again? What if I get lost again? What if I still can’t figure out how to get back to you?”
“Hey,” he shook his head. “Together. You and me. It’s not all you, Nad. It’s us. We were lost for a long time because we lost sight of each other, so let’s just decide this time that we’re in it together.”
“But what if I’m different now? What if I’m not the same girl that you loved?”
“You are different, angel. I’m different. We lived a life apart, so now we need to build one together. My grandpa used to tell me all the time, ‘Never put a boat in the water, Grady, ‘til you’re sure she’s seaworthy. But once you’re sure, boats were never meant to sit dockside. Take her out. Prove her worth.’ I didn’t get it when I was a kid. I thought he was an idiot, just like I thought everyone else was, but myself. Who would put a boat in the water that wasn’t ready? But that’s precisely what we did. We tried to sail a ship that had half a hull and no beam. We have to build this back and make it seaworthy, and we can’t put it in the water until we know we’ve done everything we can to make sure it isn’t gonna sink again. But eventually we need to sail, Nad. Together.”
“And we can really talk about what we need to fix and what we want to do? You’ll let me help you, too?”
“Of course.” Grady leaned and located a clean rag from one of the storage compartments near the steering wheel. Gently, he blotted her tears and let her wipe her nose.
“What are we going to do about Beau?” Her mind seemed to be cycling through all of the problems they faced. He bit back the question he was about to ask, as it would probably make him come off as a sexist prick. He tucked away the insecurities about the money she made. He was proud of her. He just didn’t want her to downgrade her lifestyle because of him, and he was going to have to swallow a hearty dose of pride to let her continue to spend her money to solve his problems.
When they were kids, they were poor together. He’d never really known anything else. He made decent money during the season when tourists were around, but he gave most of it away. People depended on him, and he couldn’t let them down.
“I don’t know. I’m gonna wait to see what Bevins says tonight, I guess. I don’t really have money for a decent attorney.” His pr
ide was battered and bruised at this point. He’d just promised her they’d be in this together. That was all he’d ever wanted, but he wanted to take care of her. He didn’t want her to have to take care of him.
“Grady, let me ….”
His head fell in defeat.
“You know what, we’ll figure it out later.”
Lifting his eyes back to hers, he brushed her hair behind her shoulders. “You’re gonna have to let me get used to you trying to be my sugar mama.” He tried for a joke but fell short of the mark.
“Sugar mama, huh?” Suddenly, she turned and straddled her legs over his. She hoisted her luscious tits in his face. With the rise of his cock to the invitation, he decided to think about her career later, much later.
Eleven
Ordering himself to take this slowly and to relish the heavenly feeling of having her again, he threaded his fingers through her hair and brought her lips to his.
The salt-soaked air whipped around them and carried them back to the years they’d used that boat for every sexually explorative experience either of them had ever had. He’d laid her out on the padded front deck benches and had tried so damn hard to be gentle with her. God, he’d never forget the feeling of opening her for the first time. He’d tried to take care of her. That was always his singular goal.
After their first time, he’d fucked her daily, learning her and letting her learn him. Judging her moods by the way his wildfire blazed in her eyes. Occasionally, she wanted him slow and easy. She’d let him show her how much he loved her with the tender rasp of his hands over her body and the slow, penetrating thrusts of his cock.
More often, though, his angel liked it rough. He’d take her on Wind Dancer, drive back to the boathouse, and have her again. In the bed, on the table, on the roof deck when no one was around, they were insatiable. When she fretted about her cycle, he’d take her in the ocean. Bringing her pleasure was the most satisfying experience of his life. He lived for it, and the things she did to him were unfathomable. Nothing would ever feel as good as pressing into her and feeling her tightening, rippling, and coming around him.
Judging by the way her sweet little body was now grinding against the boulder-like strain of his denim-covered cock, his angel’s preferences hadn’t changed, but this time he was doing this differently.
“Oh God, angel. You keep that up I’m gonna lose it in my shorts. I’ve thought about you too damn many times. You’re killing me.” He grunted out his hunger. His body thrust against her, desperate to stake his claim.
He lifted the t-shirt over her head and stared mesmerized as her tits swayed to the motion of her pussy stroking against his cock. “So fucking beautiful.” He growled and cupped her breasts in his hands as he began to knead them and circle her throbbing nipples with his thumbs.
She gasped for breath, throwing her head back and rocking against him until he was certain he was going to lose his mind. Wrapping his substantial hands around her narrow waist, he brought her right breast to his mouth and drew it in. Her nipple pulsated in pleasure as he drowned it in the fiery heat of his mouth. Still just as insatiable as he’d been as a teenager, he pulled harder, so damn hungry for all of her.
“Oh God, please, Grady. Please, I hurt. I burn for you. I’ve needed you for so long.”
A low, craving hum of possessive hunger thundered from low in his abdomen. His substantial muscles flexed with voracity.
“I’m gonna make it feel better, angel. I promise. I’m gonna make everything feel better, but not here. This time, our first time back, I’m gonna have you in my bed, staring up at me, your body hot and begging, with me stretched over you, making love to you ‘til you feel safe and sated. I’m gonna spread you out, worship your beautiful body, taste your sweet little pussy ‘til you come in my face. God, I’ve jacked off ‘til my balls were blue dreaming about you. If we’re gonna do this, if I get the opportunity to prove to you that we’ve always belonged together and to make sure nothing comes between us again, I’m gonna do it right. I’m not a stupid kid anymore. I won’t make the same mistakes twice.”
Her entire body shuddered in ecstasy. She whimpered from her own desperation. His sweet little angel, so impatient for him it drove him wild. “Come here, angel. Need me to make it feel just a little better before we go?”
“Oh God, please!” Her voice trembled as her hands knotted the sleeves of his t-shirt, urging him onward. Still reared up on her knees, twisting and rocking her body over his lap, he halted the rotations of her hips long enough to unsnap her jeans. Unable to stand the temptation of touching her again, he drove his hand inside the panties she was wearing. The satin crotch was soaked, her folds saturated. How could he have forgotten how wet she got for him?
“So wet for me, angel.” His eyes rolled back in ecstasy as he gently dipped his fingers deep inside her. The fever of her flesh and the tight grip of her pussy spoke volumes. He resisted the urge to ask when the last time she’d had sex had been. It seemed quite obvious that she’d needed him as badly as he’d needed her. She’d needed to be tended and had been left unsatisfied. She’d needed to be held and had gone without. She’d needed to be touched and had been long ignored. No more. He’d never let her hurt again. He’d care for her constantly and thoroughly for the rest of their lives.
Dragging his thumb through the sweet honey her body made for him, he gently coaxed her timid little clit while his fingers stroked deeply inside of her. “Fuck, you feel good. You’re not gonna last are you, angel? Need it too damn bad, don’t you?” He panted for breath. His mind offered him a mix of fantasies and memories, all of her, all perfect. His cock begged to replace his fingers, desperate to be surrounded by her again.
“Please, don’t stop. Please, never stop again,” she gasped as her silky walls collapsed against his fingers and her body drew tight. She shook as he pushed her over. A raspy groan echoed from her lungs, but she was far from satisfied. No, that hadn’t even scratched the surface of their need. He was gonna have to fuck her all afternoon just to take the edge off. It would take a lifetime to ever satisfy himself or his angel.
Pulling his fingers away gently, he tried to give himself a modicum of relief by sucking her nectar from his fingers, but it just amped up his need to taste it from its source. He was gonna ravage her pretty little pussy with his tongue and then his cock.
“Grady, please.” Her whimpered pleas for more were going to do him in.
“Come here to me, angel. I’ve got you.” He lifted her up in his substantial arms and eased them from the seat they’d just used back to the driver’s seat. He situated her between his legs again and growled as she wiggled in the seat, caressing his cock with the lush cheeks of her ass. Leaning, he grabbed her shirt and helped her pull it back over herself. “You know I don’t share, Nad. Your beautiful body is all mine. And I know you feel me throbbing against your sweet little ass. That’s all you. All my angel. You’re mine forever.”
She turned her head and stared at him. White-hot fire blazed in her eyes lighting their onyx gleam like firecracker on the Fourth of July. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
As he cranked the engine, he pressed forward, mimicking a thrust. “I’ve got everything you want, angel, and every single thing you need.”
Her body writhed between his chest and the steering wheel. She arched and leaned her head back on his shoulder. Grabbing his left hand, she cupped it to her breast, still squirming in desperate anticipation.
Perfectly capable of driving with one hand, he backed Wind Dancer from the cove and flew through the water, giving her swollen breasts and hardened nipples plenty of attention as they made their way back.
In what felt like one fluid motion, Grady slid Wind Dancer into its slip, devoured her mouth with his own again, guided her up onto the dock, and then into his houseboat. Nadya wasn’t certain she’d felt the hot plank boards beneath her feet or the whip of the sea breeze through her hair. It had to have been there, but the only sensations she was capable of fee
ling came from his hands, his lips, and his cock. She was voracious, eager, soaking wet, desperate, and for the first time in her entire life, certain she was with the man she wanted to be with forever. Even as a teenager, she’d never believed that she would have enough to hold him.
She’d doubted him — and them. Her belief that she was ultimately unlovable had driven her away from the only safe haven she’d ever known: his arms.
Thoughts of the past brought her up short as he continued to brandish her mouth with his scorching kisses and edged the t-shirt back up over her fevered breasts. His hungry growl made her weak. She was momentarily lost between self-doubt and self-care. Squeezing her eyes shut and ordering herself not to think too hard about his answer to her question, she went on with it.
“Grady.” His name panted from her chest.
“What’s wrong, angel? I’m gonna make it all better. I promise,” he murmured as he shimmed her jeans down the curves of her ass and thighs.
She purred in anticipation and assuredness that he would indeed.
“Please tell me you have a condom, but I really don’t want to think about why you have one,” she fretted.
Giving her a devilish smirk, he brushed a sweet kiss on her cheek and then on her forehead. “I have some, and it doesn’t matter why I have them; you’re all I’ve ever wanted. No one else will ever matter to me. All I need is my sweet, little angel.”
His voice was rough and reverent. He’d stripped her out of her panties, and she could feel the fierce strain of his erection press against her mound as he drew her into his arms. She edged the t-shirt up his chest, pausing to spin her index fingers over the disks of his nipples. He tore the shirt over his head while she traced over the tattoo he’d gotten all for her. It took up most of the left side of his chest completely, covering his heart that belonged to her.
The expanse of his chest flexed as she leaned to tease the sensitive skin with her tongue. Blazing fiery trails with her fingertips, she felt the ripples of knotted muscle in his abs and then traced his cock.