Straddling the Fence

by Annie Evans

  “But it’s part of who you are.”

  “A very quiet part, because it always throws people for a loop for some strange reason. I’ve never tried to force my choices on others or shame them for theirs.”

  Eli grinned, making adorable crinkles appear at the corners of his eyes. “Well, you did trick me into eating tofu sausage.”

  “To be honest, it never dawned on me to say something. We were discussing so many other things, I forgot. And it wasn’t tofu, it was soy.” She placed her palm on his chest, feeling the organ behind his rib cage thump at a steady beat. “It’s good for your heart.”

  He covered her hand with his and rolled onto his back, pulling her close to his side. “You’re like the metaphorical onion. I keep discovering all these layers.”

  She bit his shoulder. “I’m not that deep.”

  “Definitely not that smelly.”

  “But just you wait. One of these days you’ll catch me after vaccinating a litter of piglets and think differently.”

  * * * * *

  “I wanna show you something.”

  Through the steam rising from her mug of tea, Bellamy studied Eli’s somber expression. Something had shifted in their relationship last night. She couldn’t exactly put a name to it, but she knew they’d moved way past casual territory and into something more serious, perhaps dangerous—to her heart, at least.

  Dressed in faded jeans, a blue-plaid shirt that made her think of bedtime’s sexy boxers, and scuffed brown lace-up boots, his hair pushed back from his face and curling around his collar, he looked yummier than the honey she’d poured in her cup. Twice as golden.

  He was the one who was layered, not her, except it was one of those mile-high confectionary masterpieces made up of thin layers of cake alternated with sinful chocolate frosting. Sweetness stacked on tenderness covered in decadence. She was just a mess of uncertainty and worry and fear.

  Whatever he wanted to show her, she wanted to see. “Okay.”

  Outside the sun was just cresting the horizon as they finished a simple breakfast of buttered toast and scrambled eggs. Eli polished off his coffee and took her empty mug from her hands, exchanging it for a slow kiss that curled her toes inside her boots.

  Sharing a perfect morning together like this was treacherous when coupled with all the rawness and honesty from the night before. It was comfortable and easy to be with him. Addictive, even though it made her feel vulnerable. She didn’t know where they were headed, but if it was anywhere other than forever, it was going to hurt like nothing ever had before. Might even rip her to pieces.

  You should get out now while you still have a chance, the logical side of her brain said, while her heart wanted to ignore the warning.

  They tugged on light jackets and climbed into his truck for a short ride that ended at the spot where they’d delivered the calf. He helped her down from his jacked-up four-wheel drive, holding her hand as he led her inside the dark barn to an older-model tractor with equal amounts faded red paint and rust, no cab, and a hay spear mounted on the front.

  “Climb on while I open the doors,” he said.

  Dust motes danced in the beams of sunshine spilling through the interior of the barn when he pushed the big doors apart. Her nose twitched at the musty smell of hay and damp earth. This was his world, she thought, as he strolled back to her, so confident in who he was and where he wanted to be. At home and comfortable in his skin. She could admit to being a bit jealous of that swagger, if not continuously turned on by it too.

  He placed one foot on the tractor’s low step and swung a long leg over the seat, snugging her back against his body once he settled in. His long thighs bracketed hers as he cranked the engine and started working pedals and levers that intimidated the crap out of Bellamy. Meanwhile, she just tried to make herself smaller to stay out of his way.

  “Put your hands on the steering wheel.”

  Panic rose briefly. “You’re not making me drive this thing?”

  “Not yet, but you can point us out of the barn. Then once I get a roll of hay loaded, you can steer us into the pasture while I do the rest.”

  Fascinated by how second-nature this was for him, she watched him deftly maneuver the double-pronged spear into a round roll of hay, then back the tractor out from under the broad overhang of the barn. Once they were moving forward again, he placed her hands on the steering wheel. They bounced across a cattle gap keeping the cows inside the pasture without the necessity of another gate. He handled the pedals, pointing toward an empty hay ring out in the field. Once they reached it, he patiently showed her which levers to push or pull and together, they got the hay dropped into the circle before backing the tractor into a small copse of trees and killing the engine. As soon as they were out of the way, the animals began to mosey over for breakfast.

  Morning dew turned the spider webs between the rows of barbwire white and droopy, like wet lace hung to dry on a clothesline. Combined with the sunlight, it gilded the grass and scattered diamonds across fence posts, wire and tree limbs. Accentuated the slope and swell of the land around them. The air was so still she could hear the cows crunching the hay between their teeth. Sitting there in the beautiful quiet was cathartic in a sense, the way your mind emptied to instead soak up the peacefulness and wonder of nature. The farmers and ranchers she met always seemed to have a calmness about them she sometimes envied, and she wondered if it was because they were able to enjoy mornings like this so often.

  Bellamy counted six calves trailing closely behind their mothers. Judging by the size of the herd, Eli and his brothers still had at least another fifteen births to weather. Maybe they’d get lucky and not lose any, but it was unlikely. Sooner or later, one would be lost to the elements, a random stillbirth, some bovine health issue or hungry coyotes. Sad, but true nonetheless, and all a part of raising animals.

  About fifty yards from where they sat, the big Hereford bull stood sentry over his harem and offspring, keeping a watchful eye on Bellamy and Eli. He was long and made of solid muscle covering thick bone, well over half the size of the tractor. Despite his particular breed being known for having a good temperament, there was no doubt in Bellamy’s mind that if crossed, he’d defend his ground the only way he knew how—with brute force. Eli’s bull was polled, meaning he didn’t have horns and his descendants wouldn’t either, but with that kind of size and power, he didn’t need them. It still amazed her how an animal that heavy could jump and twist as quick and agilely as they did inside a rodeo arena.

  Eli turned her so she was sitting sideways on his lap, resting his chin on her shoulder when she looped an arm around his neck. “I sometimes wonder if I’m not crazy for taking this on, what with all the demands farming will make on us once springtime rolls around.”

  Well, someone’s mind wasn’t so quiet. “What made you want to try it in the first place?”

  His sigh warmed her neck. “My brothers seem to know who they are and where they want to be. They’re both really good at things. Fritz is the farm king. For him, it comes as natural as breathin’. Sage has a talent for specifics—numbers and drawing stuff, things like that.”

  Something clicked in Bellamy’s brain. “Sage draws?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe. He drew the plans for my house. Anytime we need to build anything, he’s got it sketched out, in ridiculous detail, in less than a day. I’m thirty. The oldest but the least focused of the three of us. It was high-time I got my shit together and started acting like a grownup.”

  “You’ve never given me the impression that you were scattered.”

  “That’s because when you’re around, I’m not.”

  Her heart did a funny backflip before wedging itself firmly in her throat. Humbled and grateful that he’d chosen to share this side of himself, she pressed her mouth to his temple until she recovered enough to speak. “You’re going to be good at this, Eli. You already are. You know why I think that?”

  He shook his head.

  “Becau
se you care. You want to succeed, but it’s not solely about the profits for you. It’s about doing things right, learning and growing with the process. You understand and accept the responsibility and the seriousness of the endeavor. Not everyone does. I’ve admired you for it from the very beginning.”

  His arms tightened around her waist. “Thanks, Bell.”

  “Where’s Clover?”

  He grabbed her hand and pointed with it. “There, nursin’ her momma.”

  She could see the subtle difference in size now, when compared to some of the calves born more recently. Clover looked to be about twenty pounds heavier than the day of her birth, which meant she was on par with the amount of weight she should be gaining daily. By this time next year, she’d weigh almost as much as her mother. In one ear hung a bright yellow tag with black numbers, another thing Eli was doing right.

  “She reminds me of you,” he said.

  That sparked a laugh. “Klutzy and gluttonous?”

  “Hardly.” He laced his fingers through hers, meeting her gaze. “A little unsure of herself maybe, but smart, curious and beautiful.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “The fuck are you thinkin’, bro?”

  Eli ignored Fritz’s question because really, it was rhetorical anyway, and gently coaxed the gelding out of the trailer. He kept a hand wrapped tight around the lead rope in case the horse spooked over his new surroundings, which, given his brother’s agitated demeanor, might happen.

  “I was fully on board with buying the cattle, but horses? Hell no.”

  “Will you relax? Jesus, I’m not keeping him. This is temporary until I help Tucker finish a barn and replace a few fence posts, then he has a new home.”

  “Thank Christ ’cause I know shit-all about horses,” Fritz said. “Where did he come from?”

  “Old man Herman Fuller.”

  “Your neighbor? He’s ninety if he’s a day. What business would he have with a horse?”

  Eli tied the lead rope off to a post and grabbed a bucket from the trailer to refill it with fresh water, since most of it sloshed out on the ride over. “He didn’t. His niece bought it for her teenage daughter, not taking into consideration how much it costs to actually care for a horse or how much time has to be taken up with them on a regular basis. When the daughter grew bored and negligent, as teenagers are apt to do, Herman’s niece dumped it off on him and hasn’t been back since.”

  “I suppose he was happy to be rid of him then.”

  “Yep. Even sold all the tack for a minimal amount. It’s in the back of my truck.” Eli sat the bucket of water down in front of the gelding and walked back to his truck for more supplies.

  “Tucker wants a horse?”

  “Tuck’s always wanted horses. He was just waiting until he finished remodeling his place.”

  Fritz walked over to pat the gelding on his neck, grimacing at the smell. “Damn, he’s ripe. He could use a good scrubbin’.”

  “And worming, and his hooves trimmed I’m sure. Tucker can tackle all those things. But I am going to brush him, see if I can work some of those knots out of his mane and tail. Maybe get rid of a layer of dirt at least.”

  “Does he have a name?”

  “General, according to Herman.” The horse’s ears didn’t so much as twitch at the word.

  “I hate it too, buddy,” Fritz said to the horse. “But then, you’re not mine to name.”

  Eli was slow and gentle with the brush, letting the paint get used to the feel of it and the extra attention. “I think Soldier suits him better, but we’ll see what Tuck thinks.”

  “This little rescue operation wouldn’t have anything to do with Bellamy, would it?” Fritz asked, leaning back against one of the corral panels, stretching his arms along the top.

  “It has everything to do with Bellamy.” No use lying about it. “She spotted him in the pasture behind the house Saturday afternoon. When I called him over and she got a good look at his condition, the heartbreak on her face was tough to take.”

  “So, you’re doing this more for her than the horse.”

  “Well, both I reckon. I’m doing it for the horse because of her. She has this way of making me more aware of the things around me. Fully awake. I feel…grounded when I’m with her. Like I have an actual purpose, as dumb as that sounds.” Wincing, Eli glanced at his brother. “I’m totally fucked, ain’t I?”

  Fritz grinned. “I’d put money on it. Buy hey, who am I to talk? I bought out the entire home goods section of a store for Kai. I still have nightmares about that day.”

  “Here’s the thing, though,” Eli said. “I don’t want her to know about the horse.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m afraid she’ll think I’m trying to fix everything for her, like I fixed her gate and mailbox post.”

  “You kinda are in a way.”

  “Maybe. Probably, but I need to tread carefully with Bellamy. There’s a lot more going on beneath the surface that she tries to keep hidden. She reminds me of a wild deer sometimes. Move too quick and she’ll spook.”

  “What’s going on with her?”

  “Well, there’s the house she’s living in, for starters. The place is huge and ancient and a strong gust of wind shy of fallin’ down around her ears. It’s sittin’ on eighty acres of land she’ll likely never need or use. But she’s attached to it because of all the great memories she has of her grandparents and the summers she spent there with ’em. Her relationship with her parents is lukewarm at best. And I know taking over her uncle’s business had to be tough. I mean, this is the Deep South. She’s going to face sexism and skepticism as a female large-animal vet, no matter how well she knows her stuff. She’ll have to prove herself a hundred times over before being truly accepted around here and that fuckin’ sucks.” He stopped brushing the horse, shaking his head in aggravation. “I wish I could fix all of that for her, but I can’t.”

  “And even if you could fix it, it wouldn’t be the same as her working it out for herself. I know because Kai went through a lot of those same things when she moved back. As hard as it is to sit on your hands, you have to let them find their own way. Otherwise it won’t work. They’ll never be satisfied and happy.”

  Eli tossed the brush aside and pulled the metal comb from his back pocket to start working on the knots in the gelding’s mane. “The worst part of it is, Bellamy never wanted to come to Serenity in the first place. At least not permanently. She lost out on her dream job at some big horse farm up in Alpharetta.”

  “You’re thinking she might leave if given the chance at something better?”

  “Just as sure as I know Soldier here wishes he still had his nuts.”

  God, it hurt to even think about her leaving. He was in too deep already.

  “Sucks when they leave you, too,” Fritz said, and he would know.

  When Kai left for college in Athens after high school, Fritz was a miserable wreck for well over a year afterward. Eli had lost count of the number of times he’d pried a bottle out of his brother’s hand or patched up his busted face after a fight. Even when he told Eli he was fine, he wasn’t fine. Lucky for Fritz, she came home, single and ready to make things right between them again. His brother would’ve been a fool to turn down a second chance.

  “Speaking of my beloved,” Fritz said. “I was given strict instructions to remind you about supper tomorrow night at our house. We’re supposed to be makin’ plans for Mom’s surprise birthday party, remember?”

  “I haven’t forgotten the upcoming birthday, although the planning part did slip my mind. Not sure Ruby’s gonna be all that happy about us makin’ a big deal out of her sixtieth.”

  “With Kai at the helm of this shindig, she’ll love it. We might not, considering Kai wants to have the party here in the big barn.”

  Eli stopped working on the knots to stare slack-jawed at Fritz. “You serious?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  “Good God, do you know how much shit there is inside
that barn? Why here?”

  “Because if we try to do it at one of the barns behind Mom and Dad’s house, we won’t be able to keep it a secret. Ruby and Joe never come over here.”

  “Then let’s rent someplace. I don’t mind paying.”

  Fritz shook his head. “Just try arguing with Kai, see how far you get. She’s already ordered half the decorations and reserved the rest. I’ve seen pictures of what she wants it to look like and I have to admit, it’ll be nice. In fact, this is probably where we’ll hold the wedding too, so cleaning it up now will save us a whole helluva lot of time and aggravation later on.”

  “Fine. We’ll get the fucker cleaned up.” Checking his agitation, Eli went back to combing horsehair. “Have y’all set a date for the big day yet?”

  “Early March, since we’ll have to get corn in the ground soon after.”

  “Be here before you know it.”

  “She’s already decided on a dress. Grace’s mom is making it for her, along with Grace’s bridesmaid dress. We’re wearing jeans and boots—both new, of course—with vests and ties.”

  “I’m cool with that. Sounds like she’s planning on keeping it small and low-key.”

  “Her mother ain’t likin’ it much, but Kai’s digging her heels in. Mitch is probably over the moon about all the money she’s savin’ him, though.”

  Eli moved to the knots in the gelding’s long tail, standing to the side just to be safe. He’d been kicked and stepped on by cows before and it wasn’t fun. That made him wonder if Bellamy had ever been physically hurt in the line of duty. Surely she had, working with animals as much as she did. He’d have to ask next time he saw her, which couldn’t get here soon enough. Maybe he’d inspect her body for scars, inch by smokin’-hot inch.

  “How much longer do you think you’ll be here?” Fritz asked, interrupting his dirty thoughts.

  “An hour maybe,” Eli said. “I’m gonna leave him in the corral for today, then turn him loose in the pasture with the cows until I can help Tucker fix his fence tomorrow. Why?”