by Annie Evans
Miss Haile, this is Tom Warren. I’m the owner of Arrowhead Farm and Stables here in Ocala, Florida. I hope you’ll forgive the Sunday call, but I got your name from Roger Clay. I’d very much like to speak with you about a new position we have open for staff veterinarian. We’re one of the leading thoroughbred breeders in the southeast, and I think you’ll find we have a lot to offer. A generous salary with excellent benefits, just to name a few, and our facilities are state-of-the-art.
Roger is a good friend of mine and he had many nice things to say about you when I mentioned that we wanted to hire someone full-time. Frankly, we’re just not happy with our current veterinary arrangement, and we’re looking for someone fresh and eager to get on board with us.
I’d like to fill the position well in advance of breeding season, which starts for us in mid-February, if you didn’t know that information already. Feel free to also visit our website for a peek at our facilities. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
He rattled off his number before the call disconnected.
Bellamy was shocked to find her hands were shaking when she tapped the screen on her phone to replay the message.
She should be jumping for joy right now, elated over what sounded like her dream job apparently just a return phone call and a few hundred miles away. And she was excited and intrigued by the surprise offer. She’d have to be dead not to be.
So why did it feel like a rusty blade was sawing her heart in half?
Minutes later, rather than recap the message, Bellamy played it on speaker for Eli. For a long time he was quiet while he seasoned the burgers. So long that Bellamy began to wonder if he’d comment at all before he finally said, “You should probably call him back.” Then he picked up the platter and stepped outside to put the food on the grill.
His tone gave no clues as to what he was thinking and Eli was too selfless to try to talk her out of going. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t help her make up her mind. She wanted to know how he felt about the job, but more importantly, she wanted to know how he felt about her. About them together and if they might have a future. Strange, because she’d never really cared about someone else’s personal opinions on her career choices until now.
When Bellamy started vet school, she’d made herself a promise that nothing or no one would ever get in the way of her goals. Her dream of being a veterinarian was too important to her, her financial, emotional and physical investments too great to falter or fail. If she started dating a guy and he became needy or complained because she was putting her education ahead of him, which happened nearly every time, she ended it. Her eyes remained on the prize—a degree she’d saved and sacrificed for, and worked damn hard to get. A future doing something she loved.
But now that her ultimate aspiration was within reach, the man in her life had become as important to her as the goal. Maybe more so.
What was she going to do?
Dinner was spent in relative silence, the mood understandably subdued. They ate outside on the back porch because the weather was pleasantly cool, not cold or breezy. Eli did a lot of staring off into the night between bites of his food. Bellamy found that her appetite had vanished. There was too much going on inside her head and heart for her stomach to register anything other than turmoil.
She helped him clean up the kitchen, then once they finished he took her hands in his and pulled her into a tight, somber hug.
“I’m going to take you home,” he said into her hair.
Her stomach fell and a giant lump of disappointment filled her throat. “Why?”
“Because you need to call Mr. Warren back. You need to ask him all the questions you have running through your head because I know there are a lot, and then you need time alone to process what he tells you and how you feel about taking the job. Your laptop is at your place and I think you’re probably dying to check out Arrowhead’s website too.”
Bellamy nodded into his shoulder, still unable to formulate a worthy reply. Everything he said was true and logical, but she wanted to hear other things come tumbling out of his mouth. He was being so understanding about the situation, she wondered if perhaps she’d misread his feelings for her. Maybe he didn’t care if she stayed or went. Maybe she hadn’t meant that much to him at all, a couple of months’ worth of fun and great sex, nothing more.
You know better than that.
Did she?
He dropped her off at home, leaving her with a long, tender kiss and nothing else. No words.
She wanted words.
Once inside her grandparents’ house, she forced herself to focus and set aside her feelings for Eli. The job offer deserved serious, thoughtful consideration. She had her future to contemplate. The possibility of a terrific career taking care of just horses, the one thing she’d always wanted. Plus, a “generous” salary would mean that she’d be able to pay the taxes on the house and keep it, maybe even renovate it and live here again one day when she decided to retire. It promised options and security.
So she fired up her laptop and checked out Arrowhead Farm’s website. True, pictures on the Internet could be misleading, but everything she saw was just as he’d said in his message and then some—state-of-the-art facilities, pristine stables, well-groomed grounds with an indoor arena, and an impressive registry of champions bred and/or born on the premises. A page of nothing but accolades, awards and client testimonies.
She made a list of questions she wanted to ask Mr. Warren then called him back. The answers he gave struck her as honest, but most of all, she found him knowledgeable and friendly, eager to make her feel comfortable and welcome. The starting salary he offered was above the industry norm, plus the job came with an on-site apartment, a company truck to drive, and travel to and from sales and auctions on a private jet.
It was almost too good to be true.
Thankfully, Mr. Warren didn’t pressure her for an answer that night. He told her to take a few days to decide and get back to him. Just as she understood his need to fill the position soon, he understood she had an obligation to the community of Serenity, which posed another dilemma—finding a vet to temporarily cover the area until someone new took over the task.
After a long sleepless night, mostly over Eli, Monday morning Bellamy called the local agriculture extension office. Arrangements could be made for her customers’ veterinary needs to be covered through the university externship program in the interim until someone moved in to permanently replace her, which could take months.
Once that was settled, she made a trip out to the Millers’ to check on the goats and break the news that she was leaving. Mrs. Miller was disappointed and a bit weepy, making Bellamy choke up too, but she promised to keep Bellamy updated and send her cheese from the first batch they produced.
Since her heart had done nothing but hurt since Eli dropped her off on Sunday afternoon, she decided now was probably the best time to tell Kai. Ruby just happened to be working too, greeting her from behind the counter when Bellamy walked through the front door of Homegrown.
The hug Ruby gave her felt so familiar now, the warmth and genuineness seeping deep into her body to help ward off the uncomfortable chill of what she was about to tell them.
She waited until they were through helping customers, noting that Sage’s painting was gone from the wall behind the counter. Guess the interior designer from Tifton bought it for her client after all. She had good taste. Sage’s future as a budding artist looked bright, something else she wasn’t going to be around to see. Like Kai and Fritz’s wedding. Maybe she’d receive an invitation, if they hadn’t forgotten her by then.
“What brings you by on a Monday, Bellamy?” Kai asked. “Usually Friday is your day to visit.”
Bellamy shoved her hands in her pockets to hide their nervous tremble. “I have some news.” The way Ruby and Kai’s faces lit up with anticipation made her stomach roil. “I’ve had a very nice job offer from a horse farm in Ocala, Florida. They want me for their full-time staff veterinarian
.” At Ruby and Kai’s disconcerting silence, she rambled on to fill the void. “It’s my dream job actually, working exclusively with horses at a first-class facility. A good salary with wonderful benefits, travel and paid leave. Plus, hello, white-sand beaches nearby.” She tried to laugh.
The smiles on the faces of two of her three favorite women stayed in place, but they looked as phony as the one she wore. Inside her chest, her heart was cracking like dropped ice.
Ruby’s smile finally slid away, try as she might to keep it there. She hugged Bellamy again, sniffing into her shoulder. “I’ve come to think of you as a daughter, Bellamy, and I always want my family to be happy above all else. If this job will make you happy, then you should take it.” After a quick kiss on Bellamy’s cheek, she hurried out the front door of the store without looking back.
Fighting tears, Bellamy sighed and looked at Kai.
“She’ll be fine,” Kai said, her eyes glassy too. “And I understand your situation better than most, believe me.”
“I know the story. Eli told me how you left Serenity after high school, breaking Fritz’s heart in the process.”
Kai smiled wryly and took Bellamy’s arm, drawing her over to a table to sit down. “Broke mine too. But you know how they say a bone heals back stronger in the spot of a break? I think sometimes that hearts do that too. Come back stronger than ever, more resilient. I thought I loved Fritz before I left, but I wasn’t sure I could trust it with us being so young. The second time around feels so much richer, more fulfilling. It does feel stronger, and sweeter.”
“But you came back, Kai.” She left the rest unspoken—I may not.
“Serenity is my heart, like Fritz. Deep down, I guess I always knew. It just took leaving it behind for me to finally get it. That might not happen with you, though. You may find your happiness in Ocala, or somewhere else entirely. But the only way you’ll ever really know is to follow your heart.”
Good advice, something her grandmother would say too, except her heart was still confused.
“Have you told Eli yet?”
“No. Planning to tonight.”
“I don’t envy you that conversation.” Kai pulled her into an embrace. “I refuse to say goodbye, but I will say good luck. And I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but if you don’t call me at least once a week, I will come down to Florida, hogtie you to a horse trailer and force-feed you meat as revenge.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
“You’ve made up your mind?”
Eli was propped against one of the porch posts, trying to look calm, but his body language read much differently. His shoulders were tense, the line of his mouth tight. His gaze stayed trained on the yard as if he found the trees fascinating. He liked nature, but not that much, and the resident fox was nowhere in sight.
Sitting on the edge of the porch, Bellamy nodded, finding it difficult to look at him too when she answered. “I’m going to take the job.”
Silence stretched until she grew uncomfortable. She got to her feet, rubbed damp palms down the legs of her jeans and stepped up onto the porch. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
He finally glanced over, frowning. “What should I say, Bellamy?”
Frustrated, she huffed out a breath. “I don’t know. Anything! Fuck off. Have a nice life. Keep in touch. Or…” It took two tries to swallow her dread. “Or maybe that you might not want me to go.”
In two long strides, he was in her face. Long fingers wrapped around her biceps, keeping her from backing away from the fierce look in his eyes. “God, how can you think I’d want anything else? I want you to stay more than I want to wake up tomorrow. I love you, Bell. I think I’ve loved you since that night we spent together in Perry. But this isn’t up to me. I’m not allowed to make the decision for you. You have to want to stay for your own reasons, not because I gave them to you. Otherwise it won’t work. You know this too.” His tone gentled and his hands slid up her arms, over her shoulders to tunnel beneath her hair. “All this time I thought helping you put down roots was the way to make you see that you belong here. I was wrong, though. Seems what you really need are wings.”
She nodded, the building tears finally spilling down her face over his confession. She loved him too, and she’d been way off base in thinking he didn’t care if she stayed or went. But he was so right. If she didn’t go, she’d always wonder if she’d made a mistake. If things went sour between them, she’d resent him for asking her to give up this incredible opportunity. Going might be the biggest blunder of her life, but the only way to know for sure was to take the chance and live the experience.
“Eli, I never set out to hurt you.”
“I know that, honey.” He brushed the dampness from her cheeks before cradling her face in his hands. “The day you showed me that letter from Roger Clay I wondered if we’d find ourselves in this exact situation—with you leaving me and Serenity behind to follow your dream. And even if I had known for sure this would be the outcome, I’d still be begging you to break my heart. Go, Bellamy. As bad as it’s killing me to say the words, you need to go. Then you’ll know.”
She touched his mouth, awestruck by his beautiful bittersweet words. “And what will you do?”
He gave her a smile that didn’t wipe away the sadness in his eyes. “Hope.”
Taking her hand in his, Eli led her out to the swing. This time when she sat down on that new seat, Bellamy refused to let memories of the past clutter the moment, a moment she might never have again. It was too special and fragile. Too fleeting. Blink and it would be morning. She felt nothing but the heaviness of her heart inside her chest and his hands grasping her waist. He pushed her until the sun sank low behind the trees, scattering shapes and shadows across the house, and her lips grew numb from the cold, then he kissed them warm again.
Wordlessly, they went inside where he stripped her clothes away, piece by piece, before removing his. He kissed her until her mouth felt swollen and her jaw tingled from the rough brush of the stubble on his jaw. Heated her skin with his hands. Together they melted down onto her bed, and from that point on, their bodies didn’t separate.
Bellamy recalled how Eli had made love to her before Ruby’s birthday party. The intense sex had been drenched in dark emotions spawned from his fight with Sage. Tonight was no less emotional, no less melancholy, but it came from a place deep inside them both that heightened every sensation and weighted every kiss with hopefulness. It made each caress more precious than the last. There was an aching perfection about it happening there, in a house filled with so many powerful memories for her, a keepsake box he’d called it, and it was true.
Seconds became minutes, minutes turned to hours, which suited Bellamy just fine. She didn’t want the night to end.
But it did.
The next morning when she woke up, he was gone. This time she understood.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The alarm on Bellamy’s phone woke her an hour before daylight broke over Arrowhead Farm. She switched it off and rolled onto her side to stare through the window of her second-floor apartment at acres and acres of quiet, darkened fields. Once the sun started to rise, they would turn golden before the dew dried and their shade shifted to a rich, dark green. This late in the fall and the grass was still as thick and healthy as it would be in the middle of the Georgia summertime. But then again, it rained in Central Florida almost once a week. No chance the ponds on the property would need to be artificially filled anytime soon.
Four days before Christmas and Bellamy still hadn’t bought a tree. It felt unnecessary, wasting even ten bucks on one of those pathetic pre-lit jobs you slid from a box, plugged in and fluffed to some semblance of a triangle when she’d be the only one around to enjoy it.
She’d bought gifts though, whenever she’d managed a spare moment to shop, mostly from a few antique stores in the area. Some pretty vintage fabric for Grace, another piece of milk glass for Ruby, a beautiful pair of pearl earrings for Kai. For her parents, she’
d sent them gift cards they could use on their travels. They were spending the holiday in Alabama with one of Bellamy’s aunts. She hardly missed them anymore.
She’d searched and searched for just the right gift for Eli, racking her brain to think of something appropriate, until she’d finally come across a collection of vintage toy tractors in a local farm store that had been around since the 1950s. Sitting high on a shelf collecting dust and little interest, they were made of real metal, some of the paint rubbed off from tiny hands plowing them through pretend fields of corn or hay, but she knew he’d appreciate them for what they were, not what they were worth.
She’d also bought him a new pearl-snap western shirt because despite his telling her he had a closet full, in her eyes, he could never have enough. Even if she never saw him wear it, she could still imagine it on him and know it was hers. A bolt of jealous pain shot through her heart at the thought of another woman fingering those snaps.
All the gifts were wrapped and waiting for her to decide whether she’d overnight them or try to make the trip up to Serenity and back on Christmas day. As hectic as the farm was as they prepared for breeding season, she’d be lucky if she was able to take that much time away.
Bellamy missed Eli so much she ached. She missed everyone really, but him the deepest, his touch and smile and voice, all steady drumbeats of memory inside her body. To combat the emptiness, she tried to stay as busy as possible during the day so when nighttime fell, she was too exhausted to think past nourishment and sleep.
Bright headlights swept through the darkness in an arcing path before they disappeared behind one of the barns. Expensive cargo being delivered. That was her cue to drag her ass out of bed and get moving. After starting the kettle to boil, she generously filled a diffuser with loose tealeaves and dropped it into a tall mug, then picked out clothing for the day ahead. When the kettle whistled, she filled the mug with steaming water and showered while her tea steeped.