“That’s always possible.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re a neurologist.”
“Some illnesses will make people behave in uncharacteristic ways. It can be the first sign something is wrong.”
“No. Quinn was fine. He is fine.”
“I hope that’s the case,” Ethan said. “But the urgent note, his disappearance. If these things are out of character, then the question is why.”
A chill shuddered through Nicole. “We have to find him, Ethan.”
“If he left of his own free will and in his right mind, he may not want to be found.”
“But if he’s ill,” Nicole said, “or if there’s even the possibility that he’s ill, it would be just like him not to tell anyone.”
He gestured toward the sky. “The night is practically moonless. We could look all night and drive right past him in the dark.”
Ethan was right.
“Well,” Nicole said, “it can’t be that hard for the sheriff’s department to cover the county.”
“The Quinn we grew up with didn’t leave the county,” Ethan said. “That’s what we know. We don’t know what he does now.”
Nicole huffed. “You’re nothing if not stubborn.”
“I’m a scientist,” he said. “Going beyond Birch Bend could be one more uncharacteristic behavior.”
“So you do think he’s ill.” Nicole’s stomach clenched.
Ethan shook his head. “I didn’t say that.”
“Ethan,” Nicole said, “if something happened to Quinn or if he’s ill …”
“One thing at a time. That’s what I tell my patients. Let’s not assume the worst.”
Against her better judgment, Nicole linked an arm through Ethan’s. “You were always the rock in our relationship. I could always depend on you.”
Ethan was silent, but he covered her hand with his.
“Until you couldn’t,” he finally whispered. “Somehow the hole inside me started to matter more than hanging on to you.”
Nicole’s throat thickened.
“Did you fall in love again?” Ethan asked.
“No.” The answer came quickly. Nicole had tried. The bearded detective who fed her just enough leads to keep her working on a story without compromising his case. The rugged landscaper who worked on the grounds around her condo building. The restaurateur the Internet dating service had declared a perfect match.
None of them was Ethan.
“How about you?” Nicole asked.
“I didn’t think you would wait for me,” he said.
“What?”
“Med school. A long residency. The stress is enough to kill a relationship.”
Trembling, Nicole withdrew her hand. He had found someone.
“When I started researching med schools,” Ethan said, “I heard all sorts of horror stories about the toll it takes. I didn’t want to take the chance of ruining the way we were.”
Nicole absorbed his words. “You didn’t trust me to be tough enough for our relationship to survive med school? Didn’t you know I loved you?” That maybe I still do?
“I didn’t trust myself. I’m capable of immense unhappiness, Nicole. I have chronic, huge dissatisfaction with my own efforts. I always have to do more.”
“That sounds incredibly self-aware.” And it was no surprise to Nicole.
“Seeing the problem and fixing it are two different things. I couldn’t ask you to wait years and years for me to finish my training only to discover I wasn’t good husband material anyway.”
“It seems like that should have been up to me to sort out.”
“Maybe. I was too young and dumb to see that.”
“All these years, Ethan.” Nicole blinked back tears. “All these years of wondering how I disappointed you. It took me a long time to get past blaming myself, even though I didn’t know what I’d done.”
“Nothing. You were perfect.” His voice hushed. “You deserved a perfect life, not some poor jerk who doesn’t even understand why he can’t get along with his parents.”
“But I didn’t deserve an explanation?” Nicole’s voice cracked.
“Yes,” he said. “And no, I didn’t fall in love again.”
Nicole swallowed hard.
“My biggest regret is leaving you,” he said, “and second is not talking to you about why.”
“Now you can cross the second regret off your list.” Nicole pulled the coat collar up against her face. “I would have tried to talk you out of it.”
“I know.”
It was too late now. Their lives had parted ways. They lived four states apart. And though she had never fallen in love again, Nicole had stopped waking up every day with her first thought wondering how Ethan was, or where Ethan was, or jumping when her phone rang because it might be Ethan. She had a job, friends, a life.
And maybe he was right. Maybe life together after the focus of college, beyond the safe haven of Hidden Falls, would have been more than they were prepared to face.
Now they would never know.
“I should get to my motel.” His realism disturbed the spell that wrapped them in the moment.
“You’re really not staying with your parents?” Nicole wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or disappointed that Ethan wouldn’t be sleeping—or lying awake—under the roof next door to hers.
He shook his head. “I just came for Quinn. If I see them, it will only complicate things. I have to head back in the morning anyway.”
“Without knowing what happened to Quinn? How can you leave?”
“Two reasons: Brinkman and Gonzalez, both of whom would be glad to have my head if I don’t get back.”
Nicole didn’t know Brinkman and Gonzalez, but how could they compare to Quinn?
“This is an emergency,” she said. “Highly unusual circumstances. Can’t you explain?”
He held her gaze until she was uncomfortable and broke away.
“I’m staying at the old house.” She turned around and gripped the driver-side door handle.
“Nicole,” he said softly. “I have to go.”
Then or now? she wondered. Or was it all the same thing?
“It was good to see you.” She opened the car door.
He reached out and grazed her cheek with two fingers.
Nicole kissed his knuckles. “Good-bye, Ethan.”
Behind the steering wheel, she pulled forward through the empty parking spot in front of her car and didn’t look back. She had a new final image in her mind: Ethan alone in the shadows in his dark suit looking as handsome as he ever had when he took her heart captive. At the parking lot exit, she took a moment to get her bearings and choose her route. She decided to go back through town rather than take the country road circumventing the collection of buildings that formed downtown. In a starlit canopy Nicole didn’t often see above the lights St. Louis spread across the sky, the moon’s absence left the night black. The roads were no longer familiar at every turn, and in the dark Nicole maintained a modest speed.
Coming around a bend, Nicole hit the brakes and skidded to the side of the road. Adrenaline stole her breath as she put the car in PARK and opened her door to confirm her vision. A sedan lay on its roof, tires sprawled toward the branches of the tree the car had collided with.
A green sedan. An Oldsmobile Delta Eighty-Eight.
Quinn’s car. Nicole snapped off her seatbelt and lurched toward the wreck. The passenger-side door hung open at an awkward angle, ripped from one hinge. Nicole scrambled around the car, peering into every window and seeing no sign of occupancy.
The trunk.
She banged on metal. “Quinn? Are you in there?” Why he would be in the trunk was a trail of thought she banished from the urgent moment.
Nicole stepped back to assess the balance of the overturned car. She had been in the vehicle dozens of times—maybe hundreds—and knew where the trunk release was. Ducking in through the open passenger side, she clamored across the ceiling t
hat had become the floor and pulled the lever. Immediately she backed out again. The trunk hung open now, and Nicole squatted to peer inside.
The cracking branches behind her made her jump. Nicole spun around to face Lauren Nock.
3
A Town in Trouble
Sunday
9:23 a.m.
Lauren Nock pulled her apartment door closed behind her and made sure it locked. She was cutting it close. Seven minutes to be on time. She urged her sleep-deprived body to go faster than it preferred as she bounded down the flight of stairs to the street and set a lively pace down two blocks and around the corner to the church. By her own routine, she was at least an hour late. Lauren liked arriving early at Our Savior Community Church on Sundays, in time to listen to the musicians warming up and get a hint of what the morning’s music would bring. In her office, she liked extra time to gather the handouts and sign-up sheets she intended to distribute to children, youth, and parents that day, giving people plenty of opportunities to participate, both to offer ministry and to receive it. And someone always popped in for a quick chat before the service.
Not today.
With only three minutes to spare now, she entered the church. The pre-service music was under way, and worshippers were curtailing their conversations over coffee in the foyer and drifting into the sanctuary.
“Good morning, Mrs. Berrill.” Lauren’s long habit had been to disregard the dour expression etched on Mrs. Berrill’s face and greet her with cheer, no matter what. Ever since she retired and closed her hair salon, Mrs. Berrill seemed to require personal attention from every member of the church staff each Sunday or she mumbled to others in the congregation about how church leaders were too busy for her. Today Lauren dreaded mustering interest in which part of Mrs. Berrill’s body hurt now. She suspected the root cause of the pain was in the woman’s spirit, anyway. Thankfully, with the prelude beginning, even Mrs. Berrill wouldn’t choose this time to start on her litany of ailments.
Lauren slipped into a random pew. This was the sort of day she wished she had a regular spot to sit and know what to expect from the others around her. Her intentional custom, though, was to choose a different part of the sanctuary each week so her greeting and chatting were not confined to the same predictable list of people every Sunday. How could she serve as director of family ministry if she didn’t intersect with every family in the church?
On this morning, it didn’t matter where she sat. She wasn’t in any condition for socializing and doubted she would remember a thing anyone said to her.
She stood with the congregation for the opening songs, one hymn and one contemporary song to placate preferences for both styles of music. Even though her lips moved with the familiar words, Lauren’s mind spun with the events of last night and the consequent lack of sleep.
Lauren spent enough of the night sitting across from Cooper Elliott to watch his face begin to advertise its need for a morning shave. He wasn’t on duty, but someone—Lauren wasn’t sure who—decided to wake him and bring him in to do the questioning because he had been present at the banquet when Quinn disappeared.
It was the sheriff’s staff who asked Lauren to sit in a room by herself while Cooper further interviewed Nicole and then sent Nicole away during Lauren’s interview. Lauren resented the implication of wrongdoing. To officers on the scene, Nicole reported finding Lauren standing near the accident, but not with rancor or suspicion. They had bonded in their worry about Quinn’s welfare. Nicole didn’t suggest Lauren had anything to do with the accident.
Cooper kept saying they needed to piece together separate testimonies and not have two witnesses confusing each other and potentially blocking independent memory of significant details. By two in the morning, the circular nature of Cooper’s questions irritated Lauren. Cooper was making careful notes, but he didn’t seem to grasp that Lauren didn’t see the car’s collision with the tree, and she didn’t see Quinn get out of the car. She had no idea how long before her arrival the crash happened. She wasn’t hiding information. No matter what angle Cooper’s questions came from, the answers didn’t change. Lauren knew nothing.
Around three in the morning, Lauren overheard confirmation that Quinn’s house still showed no sign of his presence.
Now, Lauren spoke the words of a printed congregational prayer without taking in their substance. She sat when the congregation sat, hard-pressed to recall even a snatch of a phrase that might suggest the day’s theme.
Next would come the announcements—and the moment Lauren dreaded. Quinn was supposed to briefly present the health fair and would have had something clever to say. His congenial manner alone would have stirred interest. Lauren hadn’t stopped in her office for the sign-up sheets and hadn’t even remembered to bring the clipboard she carried around town yesterday for some basic information.
Only yesterday.
It seemed such a long time ago that she ran into Quinn outside her apartment and heard his reassurance that all was in hand.
Today all was most definitely not in hand.
Lauren caught sight of Nicole sitting three rows forward on the other side of the center aisle. When her turn came during the night, Nicole had to remember everything she touched inside the overturned car, any place where investigators might discover her fingerprints. She had been at the station just as late as Lauren, and given Nicole’s “maybe” answer to Lauren’s invitation to attend church, Lauren hadn’t expected to see Nicole in the service.
Someone nudged Lauren’s shoulder and she stirred.
“The pastor is calling for you,” Raisa Gallagher said behind Lauren. “Are you supposed to make an announcement?”
No, I’m not, Lauren wanted to say. Quinn is going to do that.
She stood up, arranged a smile on her face, and walked to the front of the sanctuary, where the pastor moved aside to give Lauren room to speak into the microphone.
Lauren saw in her mind the microphone and podium from the banquet hall. She saw her aunt’s drawn face at the end of the evening when she retrieved a speech that for the most part had gone unspoken. She saw the forlorn stage.
Lauren closed her eyes for two seconds to push the image away and instead visualize the clipboard she ought to have had in front of her. She cleared her throat, chiding herself for not at least bringing a bulletin up with her.
“Good morning. You’ll see in your bulletin that Saturday is the health fair we’ve been organizing for the last couple of months. I know that many of you are involved.”
Lauren hadn’t seen the final list of volunteers, but it seemed reasonable to give the congregation the benefit of the doubt. Quinn couldn’t do everything himself, after all.
“This is an exciting outreach to our community and a chance for all of us to explore better health in body and spirit.” Lauren could say this much with confidence because it had been her main argument for introducing the idea for a health fair in the first place. “If you haven’t signed up to help, I’m sure we still have room for you. And no matter what, we hope you will come and enjoy the booths and demonstrations. It’ll be a great chance to meet members of the community as well as learn something new about your own health.”
This seemed like a good place to mention specific attractions, if she could just remember some of them. “We’ll have … um, cooking demonstrations … um, immunizations and games for the children …” What else was there? “You won’t want to miss the joke contest, because laughter is good medicine.”
Chuckles broke out around the sanctuary.
“The list is too long to mention everything now. If you have questions during the week, you can call or e-mail me here at the church.”
That was the best she could do. Lauren might not have answers for any questions, but she couldn’t discourage people from asking. Quinn meant no harm yesterday by saying he had everything under control, but Lauren wished she had pushed harder, and sooner, for detailed information. The meeting they scheduled for Monday after school looked dub
ious.
Lauren needed Quinn to turn up soon. But after seeing the state of his car, she had to wonder what condition he was in for following through on the fair.
10:02 a.m.
Sylvia’s eyes trailed Lauren’s sluggish movement back to her pew. Next to Sylvia, her mother leaned against her shoulder and whispered, “Lauren looks tired.”
Emma was right. Lauren usually had a crisp, perky appearance and demeanor. Today it seemed not to bother Lauren that her glasses slid down her nose, and she had done nothing more with her hair than pull it into a midweek afternoon ponytail. Even the dress she wore was faded. Sylvia was surprised her niece still had that old thing, much less that she would wear it on a Sunday morning. On the surface, her announcement about the health fair was fine. Not overly informative, but fine.
A trio of teenagers made their way to the front to sing for the offertory. Sylvia glanced at Lauren again, expecting she would look pleased. For months now she had lobbied for including a wider range of people in the music program as part of a ministry to families. But it looked to Sylvia as if Lauren barely registered that anyone was singing.
Just yesterday Sylvia assured Lauren that if Quinn was working on the health fair, she had nothing to worry about.
Everybody in town, whether or not they attended the banquet, would remember the night the mayor lost the favorite teacher. The evening was nothing it was supposed to be. Sylvia had tossed and turned through the lengthening hours of the night and supposed she didn’t look much better than Lauren did.
Her mother phoned Sylvia at seven in the morning as she had for several years. Emma was awake to see the sun sneak out of its nocturnal cocoon most days and could tell anyone in town what the weather had been at dawn. If anything, aging had reinforced this habit, which now gave Sylvia peace of mind. The jangle of her bedside phone at seven each new day meant her mother was fine. She was up eating Nutella on toast and reading the psalms she had loved all her life.
“It’s warm in here,” Emma whispered as she passed the offering plate to her daughter.
Warm or cold. In her mid-eighties, Emma seemed to have two temperatures these days, and neither one of them was particularly comfortable. Sylvia handed the offering plate to the waiting usher. The warbling teenagers arrived at their big finish and held the last note like professional choristers. A slight smile crossed Lauren’s face, and Sylvia allowed herself a moment of relief.
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