“I’m sorry, Kitty. I don’t want to sound like a—”
“Bastard? That’s what Clayton calls you.”
He grimaced. “No doubt. The man doesn’t like me for many reasons. The main one being you.”
“He wants me to be happy—for us to be happy.”
His hands slipped to her shoulders and began to knead the taut flesh. “I’m trying, Kitty, but it’s hard to be happy when I’m constantly worrying about you. Felicia was about seven months or so when she—” He broke off, then shook his head. “Well, ever since you made that trip last month to El Paso you’ve been different with me. And driven with your work. I can see how tired you’re getting. This thing with Dahlia is getting out of hand. You eat, sleep and breathe that filly. It’s not healthy for you or the baby!”
She silently groaned. “You, more than anyone, ought to understand how important the Oaks are to me. Dahlia’s victory would solidify my barn’s success.”
“Your barn is already considered successful. You don’t have to prove anything.”
Oh, God, if only he knew, she thought. And maybe now was her opportunity to tell him about her father’s will. Natalie believed that Liam should know about the conditions Willard had placed on her, but Kitty wasn’t convinced it would help anything. She’d made a mistake when she’d taken Natalie’s advice and told Liam that she loved him. Telling him about the will might be an even bigger mistake.
“That’s not true. Dad isn’t running things and calling the shots anymore. It’s me. I do have to prove myself.”
“Not at the expense of my baby.”
My baby. My baby.
The words pierced her heart. With Liam everything came down to the baby. It was the only reason he’d married her and the only reason he was likely to stay married to her. That day she’d returned from El Paso and he’d given her the flowers, she’d let herself believe that he was changing, that he was beginning to consider her just as important to him as the baby. That’s why she’d let those words of love slip out of her that night. She’d been wrong. And she couldn’t let herself make that mistake again.
“Liam, I’m not endangering the baby. If I thought I was—”
“Kitty, I’m asking you to let up,” he said gently. “At least leave the house later in the mornings and get home earlier in the evenings.”
He wasn’t making demands; he was asking and because he was, she felt she had to make concessions for him and their marriage. For years she’d been fighting against her father and her brother to hold on to her own identity and she intended to keep on fighting for it. But she also wanted to make her husband happy.
“I promise that I’ll shorten my hours and that I’ll rest as much as possible. And as soon as the Oaks is over—”
“The Oaks! The baby is due that very day!”
When Kitty had learned that the baby was due on or about the same day that the American Oaks had been scheduled to run, she’d wondered if it was a cruel twist of fate or a blessed sign from heaven. And she supposed she wouldn’t know until it was all over.
Casting him an imploring smile, she said, “And you may have to take over for me during that time. You will, won’t you?”
Even though there was a wry twist to his lips, the softness in his eyes was something she’d not seen in days and the sight couldn’t help but lift her dark spirits.
“Clayton is back,” he reminded her.
She swung her head back and forth. “He’s not you,” she said simply.
He let out a helpless groan. “Oh, Kit, you make me so aggravated and miserable at times, but I can’t help but want you.”
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she rested her forehead against his. “Then maybe you should take me to bed,” she suggested, her voice husky with need.
“You’ve not eaten yet,” he whispered.
“You can bring me supper in bed. Later,” she added slyly.
“It’ll be my pleasure.”
He placed a swift kiss on her lips, then lifting her into his arms, carried her straight to their bedroom.
*
Hours later, Liam sat at a small desk in their bedroom with his laptop computer open in front of him. For the past thirty minutes he’d been trying to work, to concentrate on the data sheets of his horses’ recent workouts, but his brain refused to focus on the numbers representing the time fractions and distances. Instead, he kept looking away from the computer, his gaze drawn to the image of Kitty sleeping soundly in their bed.
Something had happened to him that night she’d revealed that she loved him. And though days had since passed, he still didn’t quite understand his reaction to her admission. He’d been dazed and humbled, but more than anything he’d been terrified and that fear he’d desperately tried to hide behind a wall of anger and frustration.
Tonight was the first night they’d had sex since she’d spoken that vow of love and the reconnection to his wife had shaken him deeply. Just as he’d known it would. That’s why he’d fought so hard to keep his distance, he supposed. To keep his body from wanting; his heart from needing.
But when she touched him tonight in the kitchen, he’d been unable to refuse her or the hungry need that had clawed inside of him for the past two and a half weeks. He’d made love to her and now he was beginning to wonder if he was falling in love with her. If he was doing the very thing he’d sworn never to do again.
Kitty loves you. And she wants you to love her back. She needs for you to love her back. And you’ve fallen short. You make love to her, but you refuse to give her your love. That’s not enough to make her happy, Liam. Or to keep her by your side.
Stifling a groan, Liam clicked a button to shut down the computer. He couldn’t work with thoughts of Kitty consuming his mind. And he sure as hell couldn’t concentrate with that dratted L word rattling around and around in his overworked brain.
A big part of being a man was being able to give his woman what she needed and wanted. For the past two weeks Liam had gone around feeling like a complete bastard for being such a failure. No one had to tell him that Kitty was unhappy. Even though she tried to disguise her feelings, he could see the sadness in her eyes, hear it in her voice and that alone was enough to make him miserable.
Now Liam was feeling like a bear being cornered by a determined hunter and the only way he could escape was to fight his way out. But after tonight he was afraid he was losing the fight.
Clicking off the light, he climbed back into bed and turned his face into the long blond hair spilling over his wife’s shoulder. Sex wasn’t just sex anymore, he thought. And this ache in his heart felt dangerously close to love.
Chapter Eleven
For the next three weeks Kitty’s girth grew much heavier, causing her steps to slow and her energy to dwindle. She tried to hide her fatigue, but she wasn’t fooling Liam. However, in keeping with her promise she had shortened her working hours at the track and she was allowing him and Clayton to take over more of the tasks that she usually handled herself. But as far as Liam was concerned she needed total rest at home with her feet up and a maid to wait on her.
But Kitty wasn’t the let-someone-else-do-it-for-her type and Liam was slowly beginning to see that he’d be putting her under worse stress if he tried to order her to stay home and away from the horses.
This evening, Liam was determined to drive her home at an earlier hour and after finding her office empty, he’d gone through her end of the barn, searching for her in every stall. He was nearing Black Dahlia’s stall when he heard her voice and what she was saying caused him to pause before he reached the half gate. Standing partially hidden by the stuffed hay bag swinging at the side of the stall door, he listened as Clayton made a remark about the filly’s feeding schedule.
“Clayton, I want you and you alone to inspect Dahlia’s feed before it’s given to her. And whatever you do, make sure that someone is in or near this stall at all times. I do not want her left alone. Not for any reason.”
Liam fro
wned to himself. It was clear, not only to him, but to everybody around the track, that Kitty was practically obsessed with her star filly. But this was taking things completely over the top and he couldn’t understand it. Kitty wasn’t a paranoid person. But the Oaks was one of Hollywood’s most prestigious races and there was a huge purse involved. Maybe she simply wanted to be extra careful.
Clayton replied, “Hell, Kitty, we have guards here on the grounds. No one can get in the barn without the proper identification. You make it sound like if we turn our backs, someone might do something sinister to the filly.”
“Stranger things have happened. And there might be someone around who’d like to see her lose the race,” she muttered, then added, “and don’t argue. Just do what I say.”
“All right. All right. So when will you be back from El Paso?”
“Tomorrow evening. If everything goes okay with my doctor’s checkup there won’t be any point in staying longer.”
“Liam might want you to stay over another night so that you can rest. Especially since he’s going with you.”
Liam made himself known by stepping into the stall and shutting the gate behind him. Both Kitty and her assistant turned to look at him.
“I do want her to rest,” he told the other man, “but she’s already purchased the round-trip tickets.”
“Well, I’ve been trying to assure your wife that Dahlia and the rest of the herd will be perfectly fine while the two of you are away. If I can’t take care of them for twenty-four hours on my own, then I need to be making sandwiches at the local deli or something. I sure as hell don’t need to be a racehorse trainer.”
Kitty rolled her eyes and let out a weary chuckle. “Okay, Clayton. Give me a break. I’m a pregnant mother hen. I have a right to be overly protective.” She walked over to Liam and slipped an arm around the back of his waist. “What do you think of my prodigy?”
Liam smiled drily. “You mean your assistant or the filly?”
Clayton let out a good-natured groan and Kitty laughed. After she’d made it clear to Liam that her assistant considered him a bastard, Liam had set out to change the other man’s low opinion of him. These past few weeks he’d been helping Clayton as much as he could, so that the two men could alleviate some of Kitty’s workload. The time they’d spent together was allowing the two men to get to know each other better and in the process they were actually becoming friends.
“They both look like they can handle themselves without you around for the next day or two.”
Kitty walked over to the filly and kissed her nose. “I’ll see you soon, my pretty girl.” She looked pointedly at Clayton. “And no treats. No carrots, no fruit or anything unless you give it to her yourself. Understand? And only if she cleans up her oats. Make sure Maryann and Greta have my orders, too.”
Clayton assured her of everything one more time, before Liam was finally able to urge her out of the stall and down the shed row.
“Aren’t you going a bit overboard with Dahlia?” he asked. “I overheard you telling Clayton to keep someone posted at her stall at all times. I’m beginning to worry that you’re getting paranoid, Kitty.”
She looked at him sharply, then after a moment shook her head and chuckled. “I guess it appears that way, doesn’t it? Like I told Clayton, I’m just a pregnant mother hen. Please humor me on this, Liam. I—I’m just so proud of her and anxious for her to do well. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”
“Yes. I feel the same way about her,” he reasoned. “But to worry that someone might try to sabotage her—that kind of thinking is far left field.”
She frowned at him. “Really? Well, tell that to the people in Texas who found their champion dead in his stall after being injected with a toxic cocktail of drugs. I realize that incident occurred several years ago. But it’s a terrifying thought.”
His features full of concern, he glanced down at her. “Kitty, who would ever want to do such a thing to you?”
She smiled at him, but it was a weak expression. “I hope to heaven not anyone.”
*
The next morning Kitty and Liam’s flight arrived in El Paso with just enough time to make her appointment with the doctor. They were both relieved to hear that she and the baby were flourishing, but she was caught off guard when the physician ordered her to quit flying until the baby was born.
“But, Dr. Talman, I have to fly back and forth!” she exclaimed. “I wanted to be here for the birth!”
The older man with a round, gentle face gently patted her shoulder. “The only way you can do that is to stay here in El Paso until you deliver. And given the circumstances of your job, I don’t think you want to do that,” he reasoned.
Frowning, she looked helplessly to Liam, who’d accompanied her to the examining room, then up to the doctor. “No. I can’t. I have responsibilities in California.”
“Well, from my best calculations, the baby will be coming sometime during the next three weeks. You don’t want to give birth in an airplane,” the physician pointed out. “That’s why I’ve contacted an excellent doctor in your area and he’s agreed to take you on as his patient throughout the last few weeks of your pregnancy. You’ll be seeing him weekly from now until you have the baby. Any problems that come up between now and then, he’ll take care of. But of course, I’m always available if you want to call with any question or concern.” He scribbled something on the top paper of Kitty’s file then slipped his pen into the pocket of his white lab coat. “Now, before I go, do you want to know the sex of the baby, Mr. Donovan? I’ve offered the information to Kitty during some of her earlier visits, but she insists she wants to be surprised. If you can keep a secret, I can whisper it in your ear.”
Liam smiled broadly. “No thanks, Doctor. I like surprises, too.”
“Fine,” the doctor said, then after shaking hands and wishing the couple good luck, he left the room.
Dazed from this unexpected change in plans, Kitty slowly pulled her shirt back over her belly and began to fumble with the buttons. All along, she’d planned on returning to Desert End during the last week of her pregnancy and having the baby here. It was her home! But she had to be reasonable, and if her delivery time did arrive when the Oaks was due to run, she wanted to be in California. Oh, what a mess she was in!
“I can tell you right now this wasn’t the way I’d planned for things to go,” she muttered.
“Well, if it’s any comfort, things rarely go as we plan them. And babies tend to come whenever they get the urge, not when we want them to.”
Lifting her head, she looked at him with anguish. “Liam, I don’t want to change doctors at this late date. I don’t want to have the baby in California. This is a Texas baby. He or she should be Texas born!”
Smiling gently, he left his seat and once he was at her side, folded his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “Kit, think of it this way. The baby was conceived in Texas, so it’s Texas bred. Nothing can change that.”
He was being sweet and understanding and that was enough to take away some of her anguish. Trying her best to smile at him, she said, “You really do understand, don’t you?”
A wry grin twisted his lips. “Of course I understand. And if you want to stay here in El Paso for the next three weeks, I’ll call Conall and have him fill in at the barn for me.”
“No! Absolutely not!” she said emphatically. “You need to be there. I need to be there. And I can’t rest unless I’m near the barn to make sure everything is going okay before—” She started to say “the Oaks,” but caught herself. Liam was already getting the idea that she was overly obsessed with Black Dahlia and the race. She didn’t want to add to his suspicions and have him plying her with more questions. Right now she felt good about the filly. She even had an excellent shot at winning. If that happened Liam would never have to know about the dire weight her father had thrown on her. “Before the baby arrives,” she finally finished.
“Well, if that’s the way you feel, t
hen you have no choice but to have the baby there,” he said.
She stood on the bottom step of the examining table and Liam helped her down to the floor.
“Are you okay with that?” she asked him. “This is your baby, too.”
“As long as you and the baby are well cared for and that you’re near your doctor whenever you go into labor is all that matters to me,” he said gently.
“Thank you,” she said, then smiled and squeezed his hand. “Now can we go get some lunch? I’m starving.”
*
Later that afternoon, as Liam drove their rented truck across Desert End land on way to the ranch house, it was clear that his wife was lost in her own thoughts. From the moment they’d entered the ranch property, she’d gone rather quiet. Whenever she wasn’t staring out at the rocky outcrops jutting from the low mountains and the sage dotted fields around them, she was blinking and swallowing as if she was fighting back a wall of emotions.
Kitty had never discussed her ranch with him that much. But from the few comments she made now and then, he could tell it meant the world to her. Today he’d expected her to be displaying happiness to be visiting her childhood home, but she appeared to be anything but joyful. He understood that pregnancy was causing an overload of hormones to dally with her moods, but this seemed much more than that and he could only wonder if her woeful frame of mind had anything to do with him.
“The ranch looks beautiful,” Liam remarked as he glanced over at her pensive face. “Aren’t you glad to see it again?”
“I’m always glad to see the ranch,” she answered, then let out a long breath. “But it’s—well, not quite the same with Dad not here.”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I know.”
Spying a wide spot on the dirt road, he suddenly pulled the truck to one side and killed the engine.
Rising up in her seat, Kitty looked at him with surprise. “Why are we stopping here?”
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