Becoming Bella

by Sarah Hegger

  “Ho! Ho! Ho!” Phi appeared in the kitchen door, resplendent in gold and green like the Ghost of Christmas Past.

  “Who you calling ho?” Simon grinned at her.

  “Oh you.” Phi swept Simon into a hug. “So like your gorgeous father.”

  Bella came next for a patchouli-engulfing hug.

  “We’re going to have so much fun.” Phi chuckled and capered back into the house.

  Simon sucked in a breath as they entered Christmas on crack. Every available surface had been decorated with bows, bells, angels, and sparkles.

  June, Phi’s longtime housekeeper, scowled her hello from the oven.

  Something smelled incredible and Bella took a big breath. She loved her family, but Christmas Day with Nana’s burned turkey and dishwater gravy wasn’t something she missed.

  The sitting-room fire ate its way through most of a tree. A massive real Christmas tree sparkled and shimmered under the weight of decorations.

  Bella added her gifts to the pile beneath it. They’d agreed on a Secret Santa type of thing. From the pile of presents, it looked like Phi had broken her own rule. No surprise there.

  Pippa and Matt sat curled together on the sofa and rose when Bella entered.

  Pippa’s sister, Laura, and her husband were there with their two kids as well.

  Flawless as ever, Pippa’s mother, Emily, sat in an armchair beside the tree and kept the children at bay.

  “Fabulous dress.” Pippa gave her a hug, looking even more fabulous in an understated wraparound dress that screamed designer.

  Matt drew her into a hug. “Merry Christmas.”

  As the people kept coming, so did the Christmas hugs and kisses.

  Noel and Liz arrived, followed by Eric Evans, flying solo again. Another hot Evans brother, and this one also determinedly single. Jo and Cressy arrived together, the tension already leaking off them.

  Deputy Gabby slunk in, still in uniform because she could only drop by briefly before she had to go back on duty.

  Of course Phi had unearthed Daniel and insisted he join them. He headed for Bella with a big smile. “Hey, sweet thing.”

  He had taken to calling her that and she rather liked it. He also seemed to have embraced that they were going to be friends.

  Accepting a glass of wine from Simon, she drifted around the room and did her best not to tense every time someone new walked in. Back to the door, she examined the ornaments on the tree.

  Still, Bella knew the moment Nate entered the room. It was like the air in the room suddenly vibrated with him, then rushed over to her and sent tingles all over her skin.

  As if sending her positive thoughts, Daniel caught her eye and winked.

  Simon moved to flank her.

  Feeling safer, Bella turned.

  Shit! Three weeks hadn’t in any way diminished the Nate-to-the-knees factor. His gaze came straight to her and stuck. Those strange and beautiful lion eyes stopped her world in its tracks.

  He walked toward her.

  Her vision tunneled until he stood right in front of her.

  “Bella.” His voice stroked her name. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas.”

  He leaned into her, his lips hot on her cheek, his hand a brand on her hip. “You look beautiful.”

  You are beautiful. Always. “Thank you.”

  “Nate.” Daniel gave him a hearty clap on the back.

  Nate looked away.

  Bella sucked air into her starving lungs.

  Simon glanced at her with a wink. “You’re fine.”

  Was she? Not so much.

  Nate walked away to greet his family and she wanted to fling herself at his broad back and hang on for dear life. “I’m an idiot.”

  “We’re all idiots from time to time.” Simon toasted with his wineglass. “To idiots.”

  “To getting your secrets,” Bella said.

  “Good luck.” Simon winked, then jerked his head to the other side of the room. “And what’s up with that?”

  Daniel and Jo stood next to each other, bristling and throwing off screw-you vibes like a pair of lightning rods.

  “I’m not sure.” Bella tried to think whether Pippa had ever mentioned anything about Jo and Daniel. Nope.

  Phi barreled in with a tray of hors d’oeuvres, which she managed to foist on Pippa, and headed straight for the bar. Matt clearly knew the drill and had a Manhattan all ready for her.

  “Darlings,” Phi tapped her glass, “I wish you all a wonderful Christmas. We are so thrilled to have you here with us. Especially this year, with my first great-grandchild on the way.” She sipped her Manhattan. “Of course I will be naming the little one.”

  “No,” Matt said.

  “Not happening, Phi.” Pippa spoke at almost the same time.

  Phi patted her hair. “We shall see. In the meantime, I thought I might sing for my supper. Pay attention, darlings; this only happens once a year.”

  With anyone else, this might have seemed the most incredible moment of egomania, but this was Phi. She’d sung for kings, queens, and heads of state and performed at every great opera house in the world.

  Phi launched into “Pie Jesu.”

  Over seventy, and still Phi’s voice soared above the room as if lifted by angels. Pure, powerful, and clear as the bells decorating her Christmas tree.

  Pippa had tears in her eyes as she watched her grandmother. Even restrained Emily looked moved.

  Phi was a star. She may live a quiet existence—as much as Phi could ever be quiet—here in Ghost Falls, but this woman had once commanded thousands of people to silence with her voice.

  Phi held her final note, let it linger and touch everyone in the room, and fell silent. Pure magic.

  Bella stomped her feet and cheered with the rest of the room.

  “Now,” Phi lifted her chin, “Let’s eat.”

  Some inborn sense of self-preservation made Bella choose a seat well away from Nate’s. Unfortunately, she now had an excellent view of him. Years of secret crushing had honed her peeking skills and old habits died hard. Except she now knew what his face looked like moments before he kissed her. How passion spread a flush to his high cheekbones. The way his eyes would turn liquid gold when he was buried inside her. The gentle smile he wore when he framed her face with his hands and tried to look deep into her soul.

  “What?” Liz nudged her.

  “What-what?” Bella nudged her back.

  “You sighed,” Liz said. “Loudly.”

  Bella flushed and returned her gaze to her plate. June had done an excellent job on dinner and it seemed a crying shame to push it around her plate. Bella made more of an effort to eat, laugh, interact. This was why she’d launched the epoch of the new Bella anyway, to change old habits, and the habit of waiting around for Nate no longer served her well. Only Dr. Childers never said how breaking some habits felt akin to ripping out your heart and lungs and stomping on them.

  Merry Christmas, Bella.

  * * *

  Nate could feel her eyes on him, softer than the caress of her hands on his skin but no less tangible. As she had scurried to the far end of the table, he’d had a brief, bloody skirmish with his better self. Better self had emerged the victor and let her put distance between them. What choice did he really have? He liked Bella too much to let her waste time on a man who had nothing better to offer.

  Phi kept him entertained throughout dinner with an endless and agonizing stream of stories involving the diva and handcuffs.

  After dinner, he tracked down the rent-a-cop.

  Simon nursed a glass of orange juice, his dark gaze always tracking Bella. As much as it bit Nate’s ass to admit it, Simon knew his job and did it well. According to Gabby’s internet search, Phi had hired the best for Bella. Not really a surprise. Phi, for all her drama, had the biggest heart of any human being.

  “Hey.” Simon greeted him. “Any sign?”

  “Not a whisper.” Nate allowed his gaze to find Bella. Per
fectly legitimate, given that they were talking about her. “It’s making me edgy.”

  Bella laughed at something Liz said. Through her smile, though, he could see the underlying tension in the line of her jaw and the way she held herself stiff. This has to be hell on her and yet a stranger looking at Bella would have no idea what was going on behind her incredible smile.

  “I hear you.” Simon nodded. “Anything since spotting him in Chicago?”

  Nate’s irritation spiked. “I would have let you know, but I don’t think we’ve heard the last of him.”

  “I’d bet everything I have on him reappearing.” Simon cleared his throat. “So, I’ve been thinking.”

  “Did it hurt?”

  Simon laughed, too cool a customer to be dragged into an infantile argument. “He’s not gonna come within a breath of her as long as I’m with her.”

  Nate’s skin prickled. He hated where this was heading. “Don’t even suggest it.”

  “Ordinarily I wouldn’t.” Simon sipped his juice. “But my read on him is that he’s a patient man.”

  “Yeah.” Nate knew Simon was right. Still, the idea of Bella being exposed to Adam again dripped acid into his gut and made it churn. “Let’s hear what you’re thinking.”

  “I’m thinking he’s beat a strategic retreat.” Simon propped his shoulder against the wall. Only a fool would read the posture as relaxed. “If I back off far enough to give him his gap, he’ll take it. It’s gotta be driving him crazy that he can’t get near her.”

  “So you want to use Bella as bait.”

  Leaning over her shoulder, Daniel said something to Bella that made her flush and smile. Even in heels she didn’t reach Daniel’s chin and Simon wanted to dangle her as bait. Like the tiny glass figurines on Phi’s tree, she would break so easily under Adam’s heel.

  Nate clenched his fists and shoved them into his pockets. “Not gonna happen.”

  “I don’t think that’s your decision.” Simon put down his glass. “This is Bella’s life and she deserves to have it back.”

  “By exposing her to unnecessary risk?” Every instinct of Nate’s roared its protest. He needed to keep her safe. “If your sources know everything we do about him, then you also know how dangerous he is.”

  “I know.” Simon nodded. “And he’s not gonna give up until he gets to her.”

  “Forget it.”

  Bella glanced up and froze. She looked from him to Simon and frowned. Yeah, she knew they were talking about her. Sunlight danced off her blond hair and bathed her in a pool of golden light. So tiny and so fragile, it made his gut hurt. “If I ask you not to do this, would you leave it?”

  Simon sighed. “I get it, man, I really do. You don’t want her in danger. Neither do I. But we both know she’s never going to get her life back until we catch this douche.”

  Nate fucking hated how much sense Simon made. “What kind of guarantees can you offer?”

  “You’ll be there every step of the way.” Simon met his stare. “Nothing’s going to touch her while we’re watching.”

  Nate still hated it. “Let me talk to her about it. I need to know she’s on board.”

  Nate’s presence washed over Bella before she heard him speak.

  “Bella,” he said, “if you’ve got a moment . . .”

  Liz stared at her, telling her silently that if she didn’t want to give him a moment, Liz had her back.

  Bella appreciated the support, but she and Nate lived in the same town, had done all their lives, and sooner or later she was going to have to find that moment for him. She turned and forced an easy smile. “Sure.”

  Nate led her out of the sitting room and into Phi’s library. The room was cold after the people press in the other room and Bella shivered.

  Nate shut the door behind them. “Simon and I have been talking.”

  She nodded, not liking how grim he looked.

  “Simon came up with this.” Nate laid it out for her.

  Funny thing; with Adam going so quiet, she’d almost convinced herself that he was gone for good. Reality came screaming back at her. “I thought he might stay away.”

  “Bella . . .” Nate’s expression softened. “Babe, I wish I could tell you that was true.” He shrugged. “And maybe it is, but not in my experience.”

  It still seemed incredible to her that this all had happened. One night, she’d met a man in a bar. Done what most people did and gone on a date. Liked him enough to go on another.

  “Don’t.” Nate cupped her face and turned her to look at him. “Don’t go thinking what you could have done differently. Because there’s nothing. Nothing.”

  “It’s been easy to pretend over the last couple of weeks,” she said.

  Nate nodded. “Simon brought you some peace of mind. But this can’t go on forever. You deserve more.”

  The irony of that statement lanced through her. “You say that to me a lot.”

  “Yeah, I do.” His smile dripped regret. “And that’s because it’s true.”

  So easy for him to say and only one degree removed from it’s not you, it’s me.

  “Yeah.” Her laugh sounded bitter. “And yet here I am.”

  “Don’t.” Face achingly solemn, he brushed her tear away. “You’re breaking my heart here.”

  Funny, she thought that was her line.

  He pressed his forehead to hers. “I wish I could be that man for you, Bella. You’ve gotta know how much I wish that.”

  “Really?” She jerked out of his hold. “Those are just words, Nate. And they don’t mean a whole helluva lot unless you back them with some action.”

  He straightened and wiped any expression off his face.

  She knew she’d scored a hit, but she was so damn tired of being the only person hurting here. So damn tired of the men in her life letting her down. This had to end. All of it. “I’ll tell Simon I’ll do it.”

  “Bella.” He grabbed her arm. His eyes held a wealth of stuff she didn’t have the energy to decipher.

  “Nate.” She met his stare. He stared back silently.

  Her bravado took her back into the lounge.

  Simon looked up as she walked in. Eyebrow raised, he glanced at Nate and back at her.

  Bella nodded. She would do this.

  Simon strolled over and touched her cheek. “You okay?”

  People asked her that all the time. Most of the time, she went with fine. “No,” she said, “but I will be.”

  “What the hell did you say?” Simon glared over her head at Nate.

  Nate bristled. “That’s between Bella and me.”

  “Leave it.” Bella touched Simon’s arm when he kept his scowl going in Nate’s direction. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Simon looked at her. “You have to know I’m gonna take care of you, Bella girl. He’s not getting anywhere near you.”

  His sincerity twisted through her and made her want to cry. She was scared. Weak-kneed, belly-churning, toss-your-cookies scared, but most of all she needed this to be over. This place she found herself in hurt and confused her. Heart aching for one man, scared shitless of the other, and her feelings jammed in the middle with no safe place to go. It had to end.

  ChapterTwenty-Nine

  Simon moved out of her house two days later.

  As he loaded his bag into the back of his sleek black SUV, Bella swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d gotten used to having him around. Simon made the very best kind of housemate: he gave her plenty of space, cleaned up after himself, and made coffee without being asked. Bella swore her bathroom had never been as clean as it was after Simon used it.

  Liz stood behind her and sniffled. “I’m going to miss that hunk of burning man love.”

  “Yeah.” The fact that they were being silly didn’t stop Bella from feeling like she was losing a friend.

  “Nobody mixes my Manhattans like he does.” Liz blew her nose.

  “Not even Noel?” Bella had seen more and more of him in the last couple of days. H
e arrived at Liz’s house in the evening and stayed all night.

  Liz blushed. “Not even Noel.”

  “So . . .” Simon stood in front of them. “It’s been fun, Bella girl.” He held his large hand out to her.

  Screw that! Bella tugged him into a big hug.

  Arms like steel bands came around her.

  Then Liz threw herself into the hug and turned it into a three-way.

  “Hey, now.” Simon disentangled himself. “You girls are getting me all wrinkled. I’ll only be one town over, you know.”

  “But it won’t be the same.” Liz scrubbed at her eyes with her palms. “We won’t be doing girls’ nights anymore.”

  Simon winced. “Liz, I hate to break it to you, but I’m not a girl.”

  “That’s what made them so special,” Liz wailed.

  Simon laughed. “Get it together, woman. I’ll come to see you soon. And I’ll bring the movie. I’m all chick-flicked out.”

  As Simon drove away, Liz sighed and leaned against Bella. “Are you sure you’re not a little bit in love with Simon?”

  “No.” Bella wished she could answer differently. “He’s going to make some girl so lucky one day.”

  “True.” Liz sighed again. “He even has that broody, man-of-secrets thing going on.”

  “I tried that.” Bella turned them back into her house. She felt bad about not letting Liz into their plan. Simon had discouraged her, saying they needed everyone around Bella to behave much as they would if Simon really had left. “Next time I fall in love,” she said as Liz followed her into the kitchen, “it’s going to be with a nice guy. One with no dark past or skeletons.”

  Liz snorted. “Good luck with that. Noel was one of those.”

  Bella refused to be depressed. “There are nice, normal men out there who are looking for the right girl to share their life with.”

  “Name one,” Liz said. “Name one we know who isn’t already taken.”

  Keeping it positive, Bella said, “Maybe we should get a dog?”

  * * *

  Bella joined Daniel chopping vegetables at a large stainless-steel kitchen counter while Liz went off to set up tables because she said she hated chopping. Bella remained convinced she only did the setting up to get a look at Michael’s ass and back as he hauled furniture around in preparation for the soup kitchen. Michael had a spectacular rear view. The front didn’t suck either.