Becoming Bella

by Sarah Hegger

She didn’t have the guts to ask Liz if she’d heard if Nate had found a date for Valentine’s. Twice this week she’d made sure to drive past his office on her way to and from the store. Just to see if he was there. Once the cruiser had been parked outside. The other time, his usual parking space stood empty.

  How could he be so much a part of her life and then up and disappear on her? And leave her with a dog. Except she really did love Sugar.

  Even her therapist was dumping her, gently suggesting they didn’t need to see each other quite so often anymore.

  She took Sugar outside to do her thing. Another half hour and she could shut up the store. Yay! Another evening of watching the sidewalk to see if Nate would come by.

  “Bella!” Nate yelled from inside the store.

  “I’m out here,” she yelled back. Her heart sped up and she forced herself to wait for Sugar to finish. “I’ll be in soon.”

  “Hey.” Nate appeared at the door. Still in his uniform, with wind-ruffled hair and the day’s scruff darkening his chin, he looked incredible. Not so long ago, she would have been hard-pressed not to fling herself at him. “Sorry I’ve been MIA.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “I had a . . . situation I needed to handle.” He cleared his throat. “Police business.”

  Bella shrugged. If she told him how much she’d missed him, it would only encourage him to keep hanging around. “What can I do for you?”

  A muscle jumped in his jaw. “I came to get my dog.”

  “What?” Bella must have missed something because it sounded like he’d said he was here to get his dog. “Your dog?”

  “Sugar.” He scooped a squirming, happy Sugar into his arms and held her against his big chest. “Thanks for looking after her for me.”

  “But you gave her to me.” Bella wished Sugar would quit looking so comfortable in Nate’s arms. “She’s my dog.”

  “No.” Nate shook his head. “I asked you to look after her for me.”

  “You disappeared for eight days.”

  “You noticed?”

  What the hell was he on about now? He had her dog in his arms. As she struggled to formulate words, Nate turned and strode back into the store. With her dog. “You can’t just take my dog.”

  “My dog.” He flung the words over his shoulder and kept walking away from her.

  Bella had to run to keep up. “She’s mine.”

  “No, she’s not.” Nate opened the street door. Frigid air rushed inside.

  “But . . .” With no words, she flung her arms up. Nate was stealing her dog and she wanted Sugar back.

  Sugar shivered in the cold air and gave a tiny whine.

  Screw it! That was her dog and she was getting cold. Bella marched over and slammed the door shut. “Give her back to me.”

  “ No.”

  “Give her.” Bella tugged at Nate’s arm, the one holding Sugar. “She’s mine. I don’t care what you say. You left her with me for more than a week and that makes her mine.”

  “No, it really doesn’t.” Nate stared at her like she was a bug. “What do you care anyway?”

  What did she care? What did she care? “She’s my dog. I love her.”

  “Really?” Nate raised a brow and peered down his nose at her. “I thought you didn’t have anything left in you to give.”

  The tricky shit. Bella suppressed the urge to smack him. “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it. Now give her to me.”

  “No, Bella. She’s mine.” Nate tucked her into his jacket and unzipped it enough that Sugar’s little head poked out. “I’m not leaving her with someone who has nothing to give.”

  He was using her words against her and making her want to kick him. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “What did you mean, then?”

  “I meant . . .” What had she meant when she said that? Not that he could take her dog, that was for sure. Not that he could come into her store and take the only thing she loved. Hadn’t she suffered enough? Hadn’t he taken enough from her? “I don’t have anything to give you.”

  “Me?” He tilted his head. “Why?”

  “Why?” God! Was he kidding right now? “Haven’t I given you enough?”

  “Like what?”

  He stood there, staring at her with this look of mild disinterest on his face, like they were discussing the weather, and like he didn’t give a crap. How dare he? How. Dare. He. How dare any of them. “Twenty-fucking-seven years,” Bella yelled. “Since I was six, I’ve chased you, pined for you, cried for you, loved you. And not once did you turn around and see me waiting for you.”

  Nate flipped the lock on the door and put Sugar on the floor. “I’m here now.”

  “Great.” As if that didn’t beat all. He was here now and she should be happy about it. “Nate Evans suddenly looks down from his throne and sees pathetic Bella Erikson gazing up at him. After most of her life, he decides to give her a chance and love her.”

  “You were never pathetic to me.” Nate stepped closer to her.

  “Yes, I was.” If he touched her now, she didn’t know what she’d do. “Everyone knew about me and you and they all thought it was so funny. Poor, deluded, pathetic Bella.”

  “Bella . . .”

  Her vision clouded and she swiped at her eyes. Her fingers came away wet. Could she get any more pitiful? Now she was fucking crying. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to get it under control. “I thought I’d show them. I’d change, and then they would stop laughing at me. And what happened?”

  “Bella—”

  “Some whack job tried to give me a hysterectomy.” Nate stood there like he didn’t get any of this and Bella shoved him. “While I was still awake. And that’s not even the worst part.”

  He reached for her.

  Bella evaded his hand. “Wanna hear the worst part?”

  Nate nodded. Emotionless. Impenetrable.

  Bella shoved him.

  He didn’t move.

  She shoved harder. “He made me scared.” Her voice bounced around the store. “He made me scared to go home. He made me scared to breathe. He made me scared to live.” But it wasn’t Adam who truly terrified her. “But that’s nothing compared to what you did.” She wanted him to hurt like she did and Bella punched him.

  Nate grunted.

  Bella punched harder. Shock waves shot up her hand and it hurt like hell. Cradling her hand, she glared at him. “Whatever Adam did or did not do to me, you hurt me more.”

  Nate flinched. “Babe . . .”

  “You did.” The fight evaporated and left her aching. A sob caught in her throat and then another behind it. This was what she’d tried to avoid. The hurt, and she hurt so much. “After loving you for so long, you made me hope.”

  Stepping closer, he cradled her sore hand. “I know.”

  “And then you took it away again.” Her words came out in a jumbled mess of sobs.

  “I know.” His mouth warm against her fingers, Nate kissed her aching hand. “And now you’re terrified to trust me again.”

  He did get it. Bella stared at him. “And I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can.” Nate crowded her. “You can because there’s so much sweet in you, it humbles me. You can because you’re so much stronger and braver than I am.”

  “I don’t want to love you.”

  “You shouldn’t.” He wrapped his arms about her and drew her closer. “Because I really don’t deserve your love. But I want it anyway.”

  “Nate . . .” She didn’t have it in her anymore.

  “I gave you Sugar to prove to you that all the sweet and love is still inside you.” He tightened his arms as if he could physically absorb her into him. “I know it’s still there and I’m praying like hell you still have enough left for me.”

  “I’m mad at you.”

  “I know.”

  “No, you don’t.” How could he know what she’d only this moment discovered? Bella freed herself enough that she could see his face. “I’m so, so angry wi
th you.”

  Nate nodded. “I know and I deserve your anger.”

  “Wait a minute.” He looked a touch smug. “You gave me Sugar to make me love her.” Oh, tricky bastard didn’t even cover this. “And then you took her away to make me mad.”

  Nate looked a bit sheepish. “It was part of my plan.”

  “Plan to do what?” Bella needed to put some distance between them before she hit him again. Given his dickhead plan, maybe he deserved hitting.

  “Get you back.” Nate held on to her. “You’ve been angry for a long time, Bella, but the anger is a mask. When Adam attacked you, you retreated into your hurt and your fear and snarled at the world.” He grimaced. “I know all about putting on an angry mask. I did it when my dad died. I told the world to go to hell so they wouldn’t see how scared and hurt I was inside when my dad left us.”

  Yeah, he really did know about angry. She had watched him with her heart breaking for him. “When did you stop being angry?”

  “It took a long time.” Nate shrugged. “And I’m not even sure when it stopped, but it did. Yours will too.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “But not if you keep it all locked inside of you. You’re Bella Erikson, the sweetest girl in Ghost Falls, and sweet girls don’t let themselves get angry.”

  “So you gave me a reason to get angry?” She didn’t know how she felt about that. Resentful for sure, but also strangely cleansed. There was definitely something to be said for getting some of the stuff simmering inside of you out there. “What now?”

  “That’s up to you.”

  “I want my dog.”

  “She’s yours.” He dropped his arms and stepped away.

  It left her feeling all alone and exposed and she wanted his arms back again. Which she shouldn’t because they weren’t safe arms. Only they were, and he’d been going out of his way to show her that much. Since the attack, she’d wanted someone to hurt like she did, and Nate had hurt her enough over the years. Except Nate wasn’t hurting her anymore; he stood in her store with his heart in his eyes. “I’m scared.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Me too, but I’m not willing to let that stop me from taking a chance on us.”

  The silence between them resounded with words and feelings, none of which Bella could pin down and name. “I need to hear you say it again.”

  “Which part?”

  “The good stuff. All of it.” Bella stood close enough to feel the heat radiating from him.

  His gentle smile started in his eyes, reached down, and blew on the smoldering embers inside her. “I love you, Bella.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I can’t tell you exactly when it happened, but it wasn’t when Adam attacked you.”

  Bella put her palm against the sharp rise and fall of his chest. Beneath her palm, his heart pounded. “And what else?”

  “What else is there?” He pressed his hand over hers. “I’m not the first man not to realize how good what he had was until he’s lost it.” He scoffed. “And I for damn sure won’t be the last. Like every sad jerk before me, I’m hoping like hell you’ll overlook my dumb-assery and give me another chance.”

  “And if I can’t?”

  Nate sucked in a breath. “I really don’t know, Bella, but I don’t see myself giving up any time soon.”

  “Tell me again.” His chest scorched her palm as she traced the line of muscle beneath his shirt.

  “Which part?”

  “The important part. I need to hear you say it.”

  He cleared his throat. “I love you, Bella.”

  Damn; her knees gave way.

  He caught her hips and held her against him. “Your turn.”

  Oh, that was a good one. “After all this time, you really need me to say it?”

  “Uh-huh.” He nodded. “I really, really need you to say it.”

  “I love you, Nate.” She pressed her face into the crook of his shoulder and breathed deep.

  “Thank God. I’ll do better, Bella. If you give me you one more time, I’ll make sure you’re never sorry.”

  “Oh, Nate.” With the anger cleared, at least for now, she could see what she’d been trying so desperately to deny. “I never stopped loving you. Not once in all these years.”

  “I’ll make that up to you.”

  “No more tricks.” Later they would have words about today’s stunt.

  “No more tricks.” His beautiful smile took her breath away because here, finally, was what she’d been waiting for. Nate loved her.

  “Only the truth between us,” she said.

  “Only the truth.” He pressed her closer to him. “When you’re mad at me, you don’t push me away.”

  “You didn’t go far.” Heat blossomed between them. It had been too long since she’d allowed herself to feel anything.

  “I’ll never go far.” His lips feathered hers.

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  “I love you, Nate.” It was the one thing that was undeniable. They would have some hurdles to get over, and in light of tonight, she may very well need a couple more trips to her therapist. “Since the day you dipped my braid in purple paint in the first grade.”

  He tensed. “Um . . . Bella?”

  Her heart dropped. When she anticipated hurdles, she wasn’t thinking right this second. “What?”

  “Don’t hit me again.” Hard hands at her hips held her still. “But I have a confession to make.”

  Before she agreed to no hitting, she needed to hear this confession. “What?”

  “It wasn’t me who dipped your braid in purple paint.”

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Born British and raised in South Africa, Sarah Hegger suffers from an incurable case of wanderlust. Her match? A Canadian engineer, whose marriage proposal she accepted six short weeks after they first met. Together they’ve made homes in seven different cities across three different continents (and back again once or twice). If only it made her multilingual, but the best she can manage is idiosyncratic English, fluent Afrikaans, conversant Russian, pidgin Portuguese, even worse Zulu, and enough French to get herself into trouble.

  Mimicking her globe-trotting adventures, Sarah’s career path began as a gainfully employed actress, drifted into public relations, settled a moment in advertising, and eventually took root in the fertile soil of her first love, writing. She also moonlights as a wife and mother.

  She currently lives in Littleton, Colorado, with her teenage daughters, two golden retrievers, and aforementioned husband. Part footloose buccaneer, part quixotic observer of life, Sarah’s restless heart is most content when reading or writing books. Visit her at sarahhegger.com.

  NOBODY’S ANGEL

  Nine years ago Lucy Flint ran away to Seattle, taking her friend’s boyfriend and leaving her high school sweetheart without a word of explanation. Now she’s back in Willow Park, Illinois, to help care for her ailing father—and it’s no surprise that her ex, Dr. Richard Hunter, is still angry.

  Still, she’s a different Lucy now. Sober, wiser, ready to make amends to the long—make that very long—list of those she mistreated during her wild younger days. Falling for Richard all over again would mean wreaking havoc in both their lives and possibly squandering her opportunity for redemption. But here, in the place where everything went wrong, is the one person who always felt right, and a second chance that could be the best mistake she ever made . . .

  NOBODY’S FOOL

  Holly Partridge had no plans to return to Willow Park, Illinois, until her troubled younger sister Portia fled her home and aimed herself straight at Holly’s high school nemesis—too-gorgeous-to-be-true Josh Hunter. Riding a manic bipolar high, Portia’s only a danger to herself, but Holly needs to find her before she crashes. That means asking Josh for help.

  The ultimate love ’em and leave ’em lothario, Josh was never good for anything but a broken heart. But now he’s lending a hand when Holly needs it most—and revealing surprising generosity and compassion. Has Jos
h shed his bad boy ways? Or is Holly suddenly grown up enough to acknowledge her own mistakes? Trusting Josh could be a disaster—or the first step in banishing the past to make way for a future happier than Holly ever imagined . . .

  NOBODY’S PRINCESS

  Tiffany Desjardins has a plan. Well, she had a plan, until her past and all its complications came back to haunt her. Her not-quite-ex-husband, Luke, is missing, and suddenly everyone needs to find him—including Tiffany, if she wants to marry the true man of her dreams. Then there’s Thomas Hunter, Luke’s brawny friend, who won’t take “no road trip” for an answer—and who won’t stop showing up in her daydreams . . .

  Thomas couldn’t care less about Luke’s personal life, but he needs to find him if he’s going to make his fledgling minerals and metals company a reality. And if that means following Tiffany, who’s taken off in Luke’s rare Lamborghini Miura, he’s more than willing—especially if there might be a chance to negotiate some of Tiffany’s lovely curves. As Tiffany and Thomas speed along without a map, the only destination that seems certain is being together . . .

  POSITIVELY PIPPA

  An exciting new series set in small-town Utah, where secrets don’t keep for long—and love turns up in the most unexpected places.

  For Pippa Turner there’s only one place to go when her life self-destructs on national TV—home to Ghost Falls, and her heavily perfumed, overly dramatic, but supremely loving grandmother, Philomene. If anyone will understand how Pippa’s hit makeover show was sabotaged by her vengeful ex, it’s Phi. But she’s not the only one who’s happy to see her—and Pippa can’t help but wonder if Matt Evans, her gorgeous high-school crush turned Phi’s contractor, is game for a steamy close-up . . .

  Matt owes his whole career to Phi and her constant demands to embellish the gothically ridiculous house he built for her. Getting to see red-headed, red-hot Pippa is a bonus, especially now that she’s no longer the troublesome teenager he remembers. He’s willing to stay behind the scenes while she gives her own life a much-needed makeover, but not forever. As far as he’s concerned, their connection is too electric to ignore. And the chance to build something lasting between them—before she can hightail it back to Hollywood—is going to the top of his to-do list . . .