Tiga took a seat next to Fluffanora and picked up one of the photos. They were all of Eddy Eggby.
‘Why do you care so much about Eddy Eggby disappearing all those years ago when Peggy is missing right now?’
Fluffanora slumped on her sofa and looked guilty. ‘Well, I love Eddy Eggby.’
Tiga glared at her.
‘… and Peggy, of course. It’s just I have a feeling solving the Eddy Eggby case might help us find Peggy.’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ said Tiga, casually rifling through all the bits of paper. Fluffanora had collected so many things belonging to Eddy Eggby – her old notebooks, various receipts, including a handwritten one from Clutterbucks from over a hundred years ago, and notes on where she had been in the lead-up to her disappearance. She’d even found a bunch of photos.
Fluffanora picked up one of the photos and sighed. ‘You’re right – this is nonsense. Eddy Eggby can wait.’
But something in the photo caught Tiga’s eye. ‘What have you found out?’
‘Not much,’ Fluffanora said. ‘On the day Eddy Eggby disappeared, she woke up and travelled straight to Clutterbucks for her morning drink. That’s when we saw her. She was planning a trip above the pipes – that’s what her diary said too. She had found a pipe that led straight into the Queen of England’s bathroom! She was going to look at royal fashions. Like she mentioned to us in Clutterbucks, she made a quick stop to visit Celia Crayfish on her first birthday. And then the trail runs cold. No one saw her leave the Crayfishs’ house after the visit, so no one knows if she did. There is a chance she was captured above the pipes – it was a risky trip sneaking into the Queen’s bathroom.’
‘When was that taken?’ Tiga asked, pointing at the photo Fluffanora was still holding. It showed Eddy Eggby posing in front of Ritzy Avenue and waving. A jubilant crowd was standing behind her, smiling and cheering.
‘It was taken along the road from Clutterbucks, right before she went to see Celia Crayfish, not long after we saw her.’
Tiga took the photo and stared at it.
‘I’ll get rid of all this stuff. It’s distracting me from finding Peggy, I know,’ Fluffanora said, tidying all the papers away.
But Tiga wasn’t paying attention. She had spotted the most peculiar thing. Two faces in the photo looked all too familiar. It was Miss Heks standing behind Eddy Eggby! Her face was half concealed and if Tiga didn’t know it so well, she might not have noticed her at all. Next to Miss Heks stood old Miss Flint, the owner of Desperate Dolls. They both looked a little less wrinkly, but not much.
‘What are you looking at?’ Fluffanora asked.
Tiga pointed. Miss Flint wasn’t just standing there. She was slipping an old doll into Eddy Eggby’s bag.
‘A doll! And Peggy mentioned a doll in that note you found in Linden House!’ Fluffanora cried.
‘Why would Miss Flint be doing that?’ Tiga asked, just as Fran flew into the bookshelf, wearing an eye mask.
‘Ouch!’ she squealed as glittery dust exploded everywhere.
‘No one told me we were having a midnight feast!’ she cried, as she removed the mask and spotted the strawberry tart slopped on the floor.
‘We’re not,’ Tiga and Fluffanora said flatly.
‘… You should be,’ Fran said, twirling in the air and sending small cakes shooting about the room. They landed in a neat pile on the floor. ‘Dig in,’ she said, as a teapot zoomed around them, pouring tea into tiny little cups.
Fluffanora told Fran about the photo.
‘I don’t see why this is relevant!’ Fran protested as her wings got caught in her puffy skirt and she crash-landed in the pot of tea.
Fluffanora fished her out and shook her.
‘You don’t think it’s weird that Miss Flint slipped a doll into Eddy’s bag moments before she went missing, and a hundred years later Peggy wrote a note about talking to Miss Flint about a doll and then went missing?’ asked Tiga.
Fran shook her head. ‘Miss Flint is the owner of Desperate Dolls – dolls are probably all anyone speaks to her about.’
Tiga sighed. Fran had a point.
‘But Miss Flint is a weird one …’ Fran added.
‘Maybe we can ask the cove witches when we go there to look for Peggy!’ Fluffanora suggested. ‘Maybe they will know something. They are the oldest witches in Sinkville, after all.’
Mrs Pumpkin’s head shot up and she clawed at Fluffanora.
‘NO, MRS PUMPKIN, YOU ARE NOT COMING TO THE COVES WITH US. You will stay here, guard the house and look after the slug.’
They could see the slug, all the way across the room in the doll’s house, sliming its way up the automatic escalator stairs and heading straight for the cupboard. That was always where it hid when left alone with Mrs Pumpkin.
‘The cove witches are far too busy partying and eating cake to know anything,’ Fran said, as she licked the tea off her skirt.
‘At least Felicity Bat and Aggie Hoof don’t seem to be after us any more,’ Tiga said. ‘That’s something.’
Fran wiggled on the spot, because deep down in her glittery little bones, she knew it was highly unlikely that Felicity Bat was up to nothing …
23
The Mmmf
Felicity Bat was standing in the foyer of a large and incredibly untidy building.
Papers and small books were stacked high like pancakes that an entire country had forgotten, and the tiny windows that lined the walls struggled to shine even the tiniest beam of light past the piles of clutter.
They were in the Mmmf, otherwise known as the Ministry of Mess and Many Files.
It was home to all of Sinkville’s official documents and sat proudly in the centre of Pearl Peak. Celia Crayfish had built it to keep track of all the witches of Sinkville but since her reign as Top Witch had ended it had become a dumping ground for any old paper or Sinkville file. No one really visited the place.
‘Fel-Fel, why are we here?’ Aggie Hoof moaned. ‘This is the number one most boring place in the one hundred most boring places to be in the top ten most boring places OF ALL TIME.’
An old woman with legs as rickety as a tired chair came clattering down the spiral staircase in the middle of the room.
‘Tina Gloop at your service,’ she said eagerly as she took a seat in front of them. They were the first visitors in years.
Since the Crinkle Cauldron Factory had closed down, Tina Gloop, who had owned the place, had taken a job at the Mmmf to keep herself busy. It wasn’t the same as the old cauldron factory – there were not nearly enough crinkles in the place for her liking. But it was something to do.
‘We need everything you have on Tiga Whicabim,’ Felicity Bat said.
Tina Gloop raised a bushy eyebrow. ‘The Witch Wars girl?’
Felicity Bat nodded. ‘We want anything and every-thing you’ve got.’ She plonked a cauldron of sinkels down in front of her.
The cauldron had a crinkled handle.
‘Oh, you use Crinkle cauldrons!’ Tina Gloop said with a grin so large you could have slotted the cauldron into it.
Felicity Bat nodded enthusiastically, a fake grin smacked on her face. ‘Oh yes! I LOVE them.’
Tina Gloop chuckled and waved her spindly arms in the air. A huge black book came careering down the stairs and landed in from of them.
Aggie Hoof nearly choked on the dust.
‘Ceeeebuuuuuch,’ was kind of the noise she made.
‘Surname again, please,’ Tina Gloop said.
‘Whicabim,’ Felicity Bat repeated.
Tina Gloop’s eyes darted from side to side as the book magically flicked its own pages. After a couple of minutes, it got to the end and she turned it around and flicked through it again, this time by hand.
When she finished, she slowly raised her head and stared at them blankly.
‘What have you found?’ Felicity Bat demanded.
Tina Gloop slowly removed her glasses and placed them on top of the book.
‘
It’s the strangest thing,’ she said slowly. ‘Never, in the whole history of the world below the pipes, has there ever been a witch called Whicabim.’
‘What does that mean, Fel-Fel?’ Aggie Hoof asked. ‘Does that mean Tiga’s not a witch?!’
Felicity Bat took the sock off Aggie Hoof’s ear and smacked her with it. ‘No, you idiot! We made that up, remember? Tiga can do magic. I mean, she’s terrible at it. Her spells during Witch Wars were rubbish. But she is definitely a witch.’
Tina Gloop was staring at the pair of them like they were talking in Froggish (the official frog language).
‘So, why are there no witches with her name, Fel-Fel?’ Aggie Hoof said, sounding more confused than ever.
‘Because,’ Felicity Bat said with a smirk, ‘it must not be her real name. All the time she’s been asking people if they know a Whicabim, trying to figure out who she is, but no one knows a Whicabim because Whicabim is a stupid name that doesn’t actually exist! She must be called something else …’
‘But she said that was her name, Fel-Fel,’ Aggie Hoof went on.
‘She doesn’t know,’ Felicity Bat said with a satisfied cackle. ‘She doesn’t even know who she is.’
‘But if she isn’t a Whicabim, then what is she?’ Aggie Hoof asked.
Felicity Bat levitated high up in the air and soared towards the door. ‘That is what I’m going to find out … with a little help from a certain small friend …’
‘Who, Fel-Fel? I’m your best and only friend!’ Aggie Hoof shouted as she trotted after her.
24
Party at the Coves
‘Wheeeeeeeee!’ a witch shouted as she roller-skated across the room and landed face first in a cake.
Tiga had seen it all before. The house in the coves was filled to the brim with witches who loved to party. The old Docks legend was that no witch ever returned from the coves because the cove witches were evil and probably ate other witches, but really it was because they were all having an amazing party and no one ever wanted to leave.
Fluffanora had rowed the boat out to the coves while Fran soared above them, lighting the way with a glowing skirt. The cove witches had seen them coming a mile off.
‘Tiga, my precious bundle of above-the-pipe wonderfulness!’ Bettie Cranberry said as she pelted towards them. She lifted Tiga up off the ground and swirled her around.
Lily Cranberry, a much older witch, struggled to get out of her armchair. ‘Tiga,’ she said. ‘So wonderful you’re here again. You can turn your skirt off now, Fran.’
Fran nodded her head and the bright light from her skirt faded.
‘Cake?’ a witch asked, slapping a piece of cake on Tiga’s cheek. Tiga scraped it off and shoved it in her mouth.
The only new addition, apart from a couple of new witches, was a massive painting of Peggy. They had recreated the picture of Peggy that had hung outside Linden House on the Witch Wars flag. She had a big swollen eye and messy hair.
‘I love her,’ a witch said, pointing at the painting. ‘Is she back yet? I hear she went away to eat some fairies and has put a gigantic witch-eating bat in charge until she gets back.’
‘That isn’t quite right,’ Tiga said.
The witch nodded knowingly. ‘By the time news reaches us at the coves, it’s often a little muddled.’
‘She’s missing,’ Tiga explained. ‘Felicity Bat says Peggy put her in charge because she was “going away with the fairies”, but we don’t believe her.’
‘Oh goodness! Felicity Bat?!’ the witch cried. ‘I thought it was only a gigantic witch-eating bat, but this is much worse.’
Fluffanora stepped forward. ‘I’m Fluffanora Brew. Lovely to meet you all.’
‘Ah, Fluffanora!’ Lily said with a toothless smile. ‘I heard you are quite the brat.’
‘I. AM. NOOOOOT!’ Fluffanora shouted.
Lily laughed. ‘I also hear you did a very kind thing and saved our Tiga here and brought her back to Ritzy City,’ she said.
Fluffanora was confused. ‘… I, well, I suppose I did.’
‘A brat wouldn’t think to think about others. They wouldn’t care to care. But you do. You aren’t a real brat at all, are you?’
Fluffanora shrugged. A witch skated up to her and slapped some cake on her face, then rolled away.
‘So what brings you witches here? It’s not to stay, is it, because we’ll have to build more house again to accommodate you,’ Bettie said, sounding worried.
‘We’re looking for Peggy,’ Tiga said, pointing at the painting. ‘You haven’t seen her, have you?’
‘No, sadly not. She hasn’t been to see us in a while,’ Bettie said.
Fluffanora took a seat next to Lily Cranberry and pulled the picture of Eddy Eggby out of her pocket.
‘We sneaked into Linden House to try to find out what happened to Peggy,’ Tiga explained.
‘And what did you find?’ Bettie asked eagerly.
‘Nothing,’ Tiga said. ‘Well, not nothing, just nothing much. I found this piece of paper. It’s a note Peggy had obviously written to herself, it just says call Miss Flint about the doll.’
‘What doll?’ asked Bettie.
Fluffanora and Tiga shrugged.
‘But while all this has been happening,’ Fluffanora went on, ‘I have been trying to figure out what happened to Eddy Eggby. We drank some Boom and went back to Clutterbucks one hundred years ago and saw her.’
‘Oh, no one knows what happened to her, dear,’ Bettie Cranberry said. ‘She disappeared a long time ago.’
‘I found this,’ Fluffanora said, handing the photograph to Lily. ‘It shows Eddy Eggby on the day she went missing. She’s standing on Ritzy Avenue. But look there in the background. Miss Flint is putting a doll in her bag.’
‘So she is!’ said Bettie.
‘We thought, given the photo and the note Peggy wrote, that perhaps Miss Flint has something to do with both disappearances,’ Tiga said.
Lily Cranberry was being very quiet. She just stared at the photo and smiled a sad smile. ‘It was better with old Eddy around,’ she finally said.
‘Do you know Miss Flint?’ Tiga asked.
Lily Cranberry looked up. ‘Oh yes, of course. Everyone knows Miss Flint. Although, since she was a child she has been a quiet type. I doubt you’ll find anyone who knows her very well.’
‘I knew her very well,’ a spindly old witch said, stepping forward. ‘I was her assistant in Desperate Dolls for many years. Many, many years.’
Fluffanora patted the seat next to her and the witch sat down.
‘One day, I had had enough. I left the shop, jumped in a boat and sailed to the coves, hoping to never return and knowing that whatever terrible thing awaited me, it couldn’t be as bad as old Miss Flint. Life in the shop was so boring and she barely spoke to me. Also her cat Fuzzscrumple attacked me every morning! And what I found here wasn’t bad at all,’ she said, looking around the room. ‘In fact, it was absolutely brilliant!’
‘WOOHOO!’ all the witches in the room cheered, and then dissolved into a chorus of wheezy cackles again.
‘Miss Flint has a routine, you know,’ said the old witch. ‘It’s been the same for a long time. Every morning she gets up and rubs each of her toes individually. Then she slips on her shoes. They have a very high heel. She wears them to look taller and scarier, I think. Her dress is always the same – it’s the one she bought on the day she opened up Desperate Dolls. It was the best day of her life, and she fears that if she loses the dress or one day wears another, something will happen to her beloved shop. She’s very superstitious, you see. Then she stomps downstairs, always missing the last step, and walks to the kitchen, where she eats one jar of mouldy jam and lets old Fuzzscrumple lick the jar.’
Fluffanora shuddered.
‘After breakfast, she walks sixteen steps along the road to Desperate Dolls. She opens up the shop, turns on the light and then takes her place behind her desk. She gets to work fixing the dolls that she’s piled up th
e night before.
‘At lunchtime she goes and picks up Fuzzscrumple and the pair of them go to Nibblers, the sandwich shop in the Docks. She always has an Old Bat wrap and Fuzzscrumple usually just licks the grime off the floor. Then they return to Desperate Dolls and she fixes the remainder of her dolls. She then takes more dolls from the big pile she has collected and plonks them on the table, ready for the next day.
‘She does this every day, except for a Wednesday when she goes around Sinkville collecting old dolls. But apart from a Wednesday, her routine stays the same.’
‘Fascinating stuff!’ Fran said, twirling in the air.
Tiga and Fluffanora nodded. It was interesting, but it didn’t tell them anything particularly useful.
‘One thing no witch knows,’ the witch added, ‘well, apart from me, is that every evening she puts on a huge hat and large glasses to disguise herself and she goes to Cakes, Pies and That’s About It, Really for a tart.’
‘But Miss Flint once told me she hates Ritzy City!’ Tiga cried.
The witch nodded. ‘Oh she does. But she loves those tarts.’
Again, it was interesting, but it still wasn’t particularly useful.
‘Thank you,’ Tiga said. ‘And you don’t know what Peggy could have meant about the doll? Or why Miss Flint was slipping a doll into Eddy Eggby’s bag in that photo?’
The witch shook her head. ‘It’s very strange. I doubt Miss Flint would give someone a doll for nothing, especially not a Ritzy City witch like Eddy Eggby.’
‘What do you think happened to Eddy Eggby?’ Fluffanora asked Lily Cranberry.
‘The Queen of England ate her,’ Lily Cranberry said, matter-of-factly.
25
The Fairy Caravan Park
Felicity Bat floated into the Fairy Caravan Park, closely followed by a panting Aggie Hoof.
It was perfectly quiet, apart from the occasional squeak from the caravans that hung in the trees, swaying back and forth gently in the breeze. It was dark and the little sparkly lights from the windows glowed brightly.
Witch Switch Page 6