by Xavier Neal
“Where…where is he now?”
“He died a few years ago during a camping trip. Mauled by a bear. I initially didn’t believe it. Why would I? He just wanted our guard down in hopes we would slip up and lead him to Julez. Predators don’t mind the wait. Holden did some digging, fact checking, more digging, and eventually brought up the autopsy and dental records that proved it was him. We kept a close eye on his social media accounts, and those he associated with even after his parents buried him just in case it was a ruse. About six month later, we passed the good news to Julez who was thrilled she could come home, but wouldn’t be. By that point, she had her own life that she loved. Nowadays, the two of us talk weekly on the phone. We tend to see her once a year at Christmas. Occasionally, she’ll send us a photo of something amazing she’s doing. We’re not at all as close as we were growing up… I keep trying to convince her to move back home, so we can change that. So we can fix that. So we can fix our parents’ marriage, too.”
I remove the no longer lit cigar from his fingers and then fold our hands together. “That’s not your job, Suit. It’s not your responsibility to fix or protect their relationship. It’s theirs.”
“My job is to protect and care for those I love. And I do. I wake up every fucking day and do my best to make sure the people I give a shit about know how much they mean to me. I’d easily rot in prison or die to protect anyone I consider famiglia. That includes you and Hattie.”
“Pax…”
“I love you, Ryann. And I hate myself for waiting this long to say it.”
As if it’s the most natural thing in the world, I whisper back, “I love you, too.”
Our parted lips rush to allow our tongues to reiterate the proclamation. I eagerly crawl into Pax’s lap, anxious to wash away the sadness of his confession.
The sadness of losing a sibling.
A family.
To praise him for wanting to create another with me and Hattie.
His large arms cage me against him so tightly I can’t move.
But I don’t wanna move.
I wanna be wherever he is.
All the time.
Every day.
I pull back to rest my forehead against his. “You love me?”
“La mia parola.”
“Then make love to me.” I angle my lips to feather his. “Right now.”
Pax lets out a primal groan and nudges me onto my feet. I expect him to begin the undressing process, but instead he clasps his hand with mine and begins leading us towards the water. The more and more distance we make from the house the more clothes that are left in our wake. Our naked bodies crash into the cold waves, yet it doesn’t deter our desire.
Our desperation.
Our love.
About waist deep in the water, Pax palms both my ass cheeks and lifts me up. My legs curl around his frame as his dick plunges to the deepest depths of my pussy. A loud gasp is stolen, which receives a groan of approval. The feeling of bareness for both of us is new.
Intimate.
Raw.
His arms return to their previous restraining hold while his cock rocks in and out, matching the gentle tempo of the water surrounding us. My head falls forward once more against his as I greedily thrust my hips forward to meet each push. The feeling of his balls brushing against my ass adds the tiny amount of attention to an area I wasn’t aware I loved having touched so much. Hot breaths bounce back and forth against one another until they melt our mouths back together. His tongue wildly whirls around mine, whispering delicious, devious promises. The harsher his presses become the harder his dick pounds. My pussy begs for mercy in the same breath it sings his praises for having none. I anchor my nails into the nape of his and bite his bottom lip in protest of breaking the orgasmic dam he’s determined to destroy.
Pax viciously growls at the delicious pain. “Il mio.”
My eyes squeeze shut to block out the moonlight waiting to highlight this moment.
To deter my focus from the way the waves are encouraging us to come.
To hold on to this life altering moment for just a few more minutes.
All of a sudden, he bites back and commands, “Come for me, Buttercup.”
A slave to his voice…his bravado…his essence…I let go.
Before I know it, I’m drowning in heavenly sensations that have me screaming so hard my throat aches. My pussy mirrors the verbally exclaimed pleasure with pulse after pulse until Pax reaches his pinnacle. His fingers burrow into my ass cheeks hard enough to bruise at the same time scorching blasts blaze the path for another orgasm to shoot free. Pax’s head falls back on a ferocious grumble, and I sink into a level of beatitude I never believed could be possible.
This is the type of love I always hoped to have.
I just hope it really does last forever…
Chapter 10
I stare at the computer screen, rubbing my chin in contemplation.
If this woman gets soul custody of the children, she will receive child support for each one yet no spousal support, which is ridiculous. Considering she hasn’t worked in six years, I can’t imagine that’s going to be an easy transition. However, if she shares equal custody and receives spousal support, she gets no child support and she has to use said support to help care for the children because she has no other income.
Why do people put themselves in these positions?
Why does it always boil down to material versus emotional attachment?
Comfortable lifestyles versus comfortable children.
Spending time with Hattie has definitely increased my appreciation of the latter. I absolutely love spending money on buying us new family board games to play and flowers for our garden rather than tossing it towards increasing my suit collection.
The knock on my office door pulls my eyes away from the material that was recently gathered by Gina, my oldest and favorite paralegal. “Come in.”
Jenna squeezes her face between the opening. “Miss Young is here to see you.”
A wide grin crosses my face.
“I didn’t realize you had so many teeth,” my office assistant teases. “Not sure if I’ve ever seen them all at once.”
I instantly lose the expression. “Send her in.”
She steps further into the room to allow Ryann access and the smile instantly returns.
Jenna shoots me a triumphant wink before shutting the door with her on the other side.
As soon as Ryann sees me making an attempt to get out of my chair, she shakes her head. “Don’t.” She places one of the two cups of coffee down in front of me and braces herself against the edge of the desk. “I know you’re working, but I’ve missed you, Suit, so I thought I’d bring you some dark, delicious fuel.”
I helplessly smirk. “Then open those legs.”
Ryann lightly moans and crosses her ankles. “I meant coffee.”
“I meant you.”
“Obviously.”
We exchange a small laugh, and my body relaxes for what feels like the first time in weeks.
Our schedules haven’t exactly been meshing lately. More mine than hers. Due to Charlotte’s case being more complicated than the fucking Kennedy assassination, I’ve had to rearrange my entire life to carve out time for the other cases I have. Late night readings after she’s gone to bed. Early mornings in the office with our paralegals that require me to skip making Hattie breakfast. Not having time for more than a two hour dinner or a brief playdate at the park. I haven’t seen my bros, either. Wyatt keeps whining every time he swings by my apartment I’m not there. Holden’s bitching he doesn’t understand how it’s humanly possible that every time he’s downtown and can have lunch I’m in a meeting. Thankfully, Nate’s gripes are to a bare minimum. Between his new job and his girlfriend he’s adapted a bit more of a go with the flow mentality.
Ryann’s hand lands on mine. “You know Hattie misses you, too…”
The words are like a gut punch. “I miss you both.”
&nb
sp; “Then how about seeing us for more than forty five minutes?”
Her hint at how hectic this week has been in particular pushes my body down in my chair. “If I could spare it, I would.”
“What has you this busy?” She inquires. “You almost never work Saturdays, and you’ve worked the last three. Not to mention, I woke up this morning expecting to give you a little rub and tug, but you were gone. What time did you even leave?”
“Four.”
“Seriously?!”
I nod. “You’re a hard sleeper just like Hattie Pattie.”
A hint of crimson stains her cheeks.
“Can we do dinner tomorrow? Maybe have a picnic in the park or try that godawful pirate restaurant Hattie has been pleading to go to?”
“Does that mean you aren’t doing family dinner with us tonight?”
I try to hide my cringe of forgetfulness by taking a sip of coffee.
“Guilty,” Ryann teases, tapping me with the tip of her cheetah print pumps. “Admit it. You completely forgot we’re supposed to have dinner with my mom and Bart.”
Reluctantly, I nod. “It just…slipped my mind. I’ve got a case that…I absolutely can’t lose. There’s too much at stake. And this client is…ruthless. It’s like having a dragon breathe down your neck around the clock. You never know when it’s going to be air or flames.”
“Is this the woman who is constantly texting you after hours?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you let her get to you?” Her curiosity is accompanied with her body moving slightly closer. “What is it about this woman that you fear?”
Rather than lie about not being afraid, I maintain my silence.
“I know fear when I see it, Pax. You’re terrified of this woman, and I wanna know why.”
“Ryann-”
“Now.”
Her demand is met with an uncomfortable adjustment of my gray tie.
“Do you trust me?”
“Ovviamente.” I fiddle with my cup. “Of course.”
“Then tell me what it is you’re afraid of. Tell me why she has this hold on you.”
I grind my teeth together in silent objection.
I can’t tell her.
She’ll hate me.
She’ll be disgusted.
I’ll go from being the man in a suit she fucking loves to another monster in a power tie.
She won’t see me as the victim.
Sitting around in this office for the last two and a half years I’m not so sure I even see myself as the victim anymore. Not sure I get to have that right when I sold my silence for startup cash.
“Pax…” Her soft voice calls to me. When I drag my eyes up to meet hers, she lovingly states, “You can tell me anything.”
My volume is barely above a whisper, “I don’t want you to hate me when you find out.”
“Did you hate me when you found out about Jesse?”
“Fuck no. And that wasn’t your fault! You didn’t ask to be assaulted!”
“And I have a gut feeling you didn’t ask for whatever hell was rained down upon you.”
I didn’t.
But I didn’t exactly reach for an umbrella when she made a mind blowing offer…
Her brown eyes plead with me to unbury a secret I haven’t shared with anyone.
Can I?
Can I tell her?
Can I tell the woman I’ve been eyeballing engagement rings late at night for, the shame I carry?
What if this costs me her?
This fucking firm can be rebuilt. Assistant, attorneys, paralegals rehired. Clients reacquired. Cases worked from the walls of my apartment.
But the love I have for her?
There’s no replacing that shit.
I swore I would protect it and her with everything I have.
What happens when I can’t protect her from myself?
Ryann prepares to stand in defeat when my voice trembles, “I’ll explain, but…I need you know che io ti amo.”
“I love you, too…”
I clear my throat, sit up straight, and push my coffee cup slightly to the side. “Charlotte O’Hara was previously married to Bart.”
Her face grows a puzzled look. “Wasn’t she…his second wife? The monster in Manolos?”
“Yes. In fact, it was the messy divorce with her that had him reevaluate the type of women he always went after.”
“Then the divorce was a blessing.”
“For more than just him…”
She furrows her eyebrows.
“I was one of the attorneys on that case. Not the lead, more like the fourth pair of eyes to make sure no details or lines were overlooked. There was so much at stake that Bart was willing to go to extreme lengths to insure he kept what he wanted. However, he highly under estimated the woman he had mistakenly married. There wasn’t a rule or a law, ethical or illegal, she wasn’t willing to break to insure she got what she wanted. One night, she…approached me at the bar I used to frequent. I was there with Wyatt, just trying to relax, and she offered to buy us drinks. I told her I couldn’t, nor would I, talk about the case. She claimed the only thing she wanted to talk about was how hot I probably looked without my suit on.”
“Pretty hot.”
The compliment kicks the corner of my lip upward. “We drank. We flirted. We fucked. Turns out, she just wanted an in to my apartment to see if she could find something to help her case in mediation. Unfortunately for me, she did. I had brought home files to review, and she discovered the information she needed to get everything she wanted. When I threatened to expose her, which inevitably would get me fired as well, she made me a deal. Stay silent about the issue, and she’d give me the cash to start my own firm. Talk, and she’d make sure I never practiced law again.”
Ryann’s jaw cracks.
“It was…unethical. The choice I made could’ve and probably should’ve cost me my career. I took a bribe to look the other way…to climb out from underneath the shitty shadow of the firm I had been working with. To start a place where I could balance working for money hungry moguls and help those who couldn’t afford to help themselves. Charlotte won everything she wanted and kept her word. She swore she’d never speak of or step foot in this office. But like everything else it was a lie. She barged in here this summer and demanded I handle her newest divorce, or she’d take back the money she gave me to build the firm. If I took the hit, I’d have to let employees go. Employees who have families that rely on them for support. And, I’d have to pour even more hours into work for a longer period of time than I am right now. I couldn’t do that to you and Hattie. It didn’t matter that we had just started dating. I knew I belonged with the two of you and denying Charlotte, taking the blow, it all meant I would have to choose between career and family. I chose family. I’ll always choose family.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Besides, when it comes to Charlotte there is no right or wrong decision. It’s which is the lesser of the evils and will result in the least amount of causalities. I couldn’t let you and won’t let you and Hattie be one of those causalities the way I let Bart become one.”
My girlfriend’s silence is more deafening than expected.
As I sit in the shame I’ve shared, there’s a surprising weight lifted off my shoulders.
Even if Ryann can’t stand to look at me another day at least I was able to let her see all of me.
The broken.
The bruised.
The ugly.
The shame.
The weak…
All of a sudden, Ryann’s hand reaches out to clasp mine. “That was a shitty position to be put in. And…that was a shitty thing for you to do.”
“I know.”
“But…from my experience in the corporate world, it happens.”
Her answer stuns me.
“The more determined people are to get on top, the dirtier they play to get there. Morals become flexible. Laws become subjective. It’s a brutal reality that you were thrust into. Do I agre
e with what you did? No. Do I understand the why? Absolutely. You’re smart with a large heart. You wanted to use both, and it seems like that’s not something that was possible at that firm. And rather than wait until you had earned it, you did what many would’ve and took the easy route.”