by Ally Vance
Maybe I needed color instead, something bright and cheerful instead of monochromatic and almost… lonely feeling.
Because I was lonely enough without the reminder.
The slam of the apartment door and then Louise’s voice filtered into me and I sat upright, considering getting out of bed to make her a coffee and see how her night was, but the sound of male laughter made me pause.
“…sshhh…”
More laughter.
“…I don’t want to wake her…”
I slunk back under the covers as I heard her bedroom door open and close and then more laughter ensued. Reaching into my nightstand, I pulled out my earplugs. Louise must have been wasted because she knew I hated it when she brought men home without checking with me first.
The sound of moaning and hushed laughter echoed from her room and I scowled into the darkness, knowing I wasn’t going to get to sleep anytime soon.
Chapter Two
As morning light filtered in through the shabby material of my bedroom curtains, I rolled over with a groan. My own head hurting like I had been the one out drinking all night, and not Louise. I’d barely slept two hours, the sound of lust-fueled sex filling my apartment, and my head, until I could barely think straight, but it had been quiet for a good hour or so now, so I was guessing that Louise and whichever new man she’d brought home, had finally passed out. Thank God. I wasn’t sure how many more ‘Oh, my Gods’ I could stand to listen to.
It was always the same with Louise and it was one of my biggest complaints about living with her. In life, there were rule followers, rule benders, and rule breakers. Louise was a rule breaker. And the biggest rule we’d set when we moved in together was one that she’d broken yet again. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get it through to her this time, but I needed to somehow, because listening to her screams of ecstasy until nearly sunrise was not my ideal start to the weekend.
I slid out of bed, my feet hitting the cold wooden floorboards softly, and headed to the kitchen for painkillers and coffee, expecting to be alone. It was only 8am so finding Louise curled up on the sofa with a blanket over her was not what I expected. Especially when, as I got further into the room, I could see that on the opposite end of the sofa was Damen.
My Damen.
He was topless, his hard chiselled chest on full display, a nipple ring glinting at me. The duvet covered the lower part of him, and I couldn’t stop myself wondering if he was completely naked under there. His hair was wilder than it usually was; a messy mop of too long darkness, that dropped into his eyes without styling product. His eyes were bloodshot from all the late-night drinking and no sleep, but if anything, he looked more attractive than he normally did. The ‘just fucked’ look really did suit him. It was a shame he had that look because of Louise and not me.
I stopped in my tracks, caught off guard by them both curled up like a loving couple and not two people who barely knew each other. Anger and resentment was travelling through my veins like steam. Finally it hit my heart like a nail in a coffin.
Louise looked up at me, her blond hair in a messy top knot on her head. She smiled, dark rings under her eyes telling me that she hadn’t been to sleep yet but was getting ready to crash at any moment. I hated her more in that moment than I’d ever hated anyone before, and I’d hated a lot of people. How could she, after no sleep and drinking all night, still look so fucking perfect?
“Morning sleepyhead,” she said, her voice husky from all the screaming she’d been doing all night.
Damen looked over, his gaze leaving the movie on the tv. “Hey…Anna, right?” he asked with a sheepish grin.
I looked between the two of them in stunned and awkward silence, listening as the seconds ticked by on the large clock on the kitchen wall.
“Err, hey,” I finally managed to spit out, my mouth feeling like it was full of cotton wool as the shock absorbed its way into my bones.
“I’m sorry if we kept you awake last night,” she said, with a Devil-may-care tone and slight twist of her cupid’s bow mouth.
I tried to pry apart the reason that she would call him and ask him to go out with her. Why she would bring him back here, to our apartment. And why, oh fucking why, she would fuck him noisily all night and then display him like a prized steak on our shared sofa.
I tried and tried, but the only explanation I could come up with for why she would do this was that she was evil, cruel and a total bitch.
A best friend wouldn’t do this, she just wouldn’t. Not when it was so easy to see, so transparent, that I liked him first.
Turning on my heel, I headed back to my room, slamming the door behind me. I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for the world to stop spinning and my breathing to return to normal. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be.
A soft tap came on my door before it slowly opened. I looked up sharply as Louise’s figure filled my doorway before coming in and closing the door behind her.
“Look, don’t be mad, okay?” she said, her voice a whisper.
“Why would I be mad?” I asked through gritted teeth. “It’s not like you met the man I’ve been talking about for months, invited him out the same day you met him and then brought him back to my home and fucked him all night, is it?” I glared at her through my rage.
“Woah, hang on a minute, you said you weren’t interested!”
“So you took that as your cue to have him for yourself?”
She cocked a hand on her hip and shook her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I got his number for you, you said you weren’t interested, so I called him. We hit it off.” Louise shrugged helplessly, like this was all being blown up out of proportion. “Can we just not do this while he’s here? We can talk about it later or something.” She headed back to the door and the image of me grabbing a handful of that pretty blond hair of hers and smashing her head into the door came to my mind so clear and true that it was practically a memory.
She opened the door and left. I sat and stared at the space where she’d just been stood, fury and sadness making my heart feel like it might explode at any point. I realized that I could either deal with it or lose my best friend, and I’d already gone through too much to let the latter happen.
Sooner or later, she’d get bored of Damen and I’d be right here waiting when she did. Men came and went, but friendship was for life.
So this was fine.
It would be fine.
He was just one guy in a sea of guys…
Chapter Three
A month or so had gone by and waking up to find Damen semi-naked walking around the apartment, or lounging on our sofa, was becoming commonplace. I hated every moment of it. Every flirty little look they gave one another in the kitchen. Every giggle that was elicited from Louise’s bedroom right before the moans and groans. Every extra dirty dish that was left in the sink.
I hated it all!
And what was worse was no one seemed to care.
They didn’t care that I could hear them fucking all night long. Or that they had taken over the living room. And Louise really didn’t seem to care that I had seen Damen first. Apparently, all was fair in love and war.
Each day that went by made me grow angrier and angrier, but there was another side too. One that got to see Damen’s muscular chest on a regular basis. One that had coffee made for her in the morning before he set off for work. And one where I was asked how my day was. As the days wore on, it was becoming more and more apparent that Damen actually liked me and not Louise. He clearly just didn’t know how to tell her.
I strolled into the kitchen after another night of hardly any sleep thanks to their nightly sex games, and I picked up my coffee that Damen had already filled. We passed each other, and I smiled and said thank you and he smiled back and said I was welcome. I reached into the fridge for more milk but found it wasn’t there and I was about to lose my temper because clearly one of them had used the last of it and not replaced it, but when I turned around there
he was. Perfect Damen holding out the bottle of milk. He smiled again, tipping some of it into my mug and then placing it on the counter before walking away.
I smiled at his retreating back, thinking how perfect we were for each other. It was like a cheesy old black and white movie where the couple finish each other’s sentences, or shimmy around the kitchen cooking together, their bodies working in perfect sync. It was magic and the sort of love that I wanted, and now here it was. There he was.
Louise walked back through, and I caught her grimacing at my happy expression.
“You’re looking happy with yourself,” she bit out tartly, and I nodded in agreement. “You found yourself a boyfriend?” she giggled and where the laugh used to be endearing, now it was annoying. Like nails down a blackboard or scraping your knuckles down a cheese grater. It set my teeth on edge.
“Sort of,” I replied.
Her eyes widened and she leaned back against the counter. “Ooh, spill!”
I shook my head no and sipped my coffee. She’d find out soon enough who my boyfriend was.
“Fine,” she pouted. “I’m staying at Damen’s tonight. He has work early in the morning and his apartment is so close to his office it makes sense.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter, but I knew it did to her. Louise had a rule of her own, and it was that she didn’t like to stay at her boyfriend’s places. She said it was like walking into unknown territory. You never knew what you were going to find. Old girlfriends’ numbers, underwear, photos. It was just better to keep those two things separate. Girls were better and more considerate at hiding that sort of thing compared to men, and I couldn’t agree more. As much as I liked having Damen here, the extra mess he created was annoying as hell. Still, I’d be able to train him up. I mean, I’d have to if we were going to make things work between us, because I hated mess.
“Earth to Anna, where’d you go?” she whisper-shouted.
“Sorry, just thinking.”
“Did you hear what I just said? I’m going to be staying at his place tonight.”
“I heard you.” I wasn’t sure if she was trying to bait me, but I wasn’t rising to it. She knew how much this whole thing was hurting me and here she was emphasizing how she was going to be in his home, in his bed, probably in his fucking shower. My hate for her grew a little bit more in that moment.
“I just wanted you to know, I really like him.”
It took all my energy not to throw my scolding hot coffee in her face, and perhaps I would have if Damen hadn’t walked around the corner at that exact moment. His hair perfectly sleeked back and his smile perfectly in place. He was perfect in every way.
Perfect, perfect, perfect!
“You got your stuff together?” he asked.
Louise nodded, leaning into him as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. I put my coffee mug down, scared I might smash it into a thousand pieces if I didn’t.
Damen was watching me over the top of Louise’s head. She was talking but Lord knew what about because I had completely drowned her out and was instead focusing on the look of desire that was currently on Damen’s face. His eyes smouldered as he looked at me, burning deep into mine and I squeezed my thighs together, desperate to make the throbbing between my legs stop.
“Did you hear me, Anna?” Louise snapped and I tore my gaze away from Damen.
“No,” I mumbled, my voice barely audible over the rampant beating of my heart.
She scowled and shrugged out of Damen’s grip before leaving the kitchen.
Damen and I were alone again, and I knew I only had moments to ask him what I needed to before she came back.
“So, she’s staying at yours tonight.” It wasn’t a question, but a fact and I pursed my lips in sympathy and he chuckled.
“Yeah, she thought it was about time that we spent some time by ourselves.” His voice was rich and deep, filled with gravel and base, like a man who smoked 60 cigarettes a day and had done so for forty years. But he didn’t smoke, and he was barely 30. It was a delicious sound that rumbled through my body.
“Listen,” he said, coming closer. He took a quick look behind him to make sure that we were alone, and Louise hadn’t sneaked up on us. Satisfied that we were, he looked back, coming closer still, until we were toe to toe.
“I’m listening,” I replied, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath.
He smelt like sandalwood and something altogether masculine; sex and strength, and a gasp of air left my lips as he placed a hand on either side of me, gripping the counter and leaned in until we were within kissing distance.
This was it.
We were going to kiss and Louise would walk in and see us. They would be over, but Damen and I would begin and it was going to be amazing, and thank God I brushed my teeth this morning.
“We just need a bit of space,” he said.
“I couldn’t agree more,” I replied.
He nodded, his eyes like mist on a cold winter morning. Gray moved through them like storm clouds and my breath caught in my throat as his scent wrapped itself around me like a noose.
“It gets a bit much, don’t you think?” he asked, and I nodded again.
Damen reached a hand up to play with one of my curls, his gaze leaving mine as he wrapped the curl around his finger. Every touch sending my body into overdrive until my panties were soaked and I thought I might combust at any moment. Quite literally self-combust here in my kitchen just because he touched my fucking hair.
“You’re driving her crazy you know.”
I smiled at that, glad that he saw how jealous she was of what he and I had. Glad that she could see that Damen and I were better suited and that she would soon be out of the picture.
“All the looks. The stares. The following around like a lost puppy.” He tsked and released my hair. “You need to get laid, Anna.”
My smile grew wider. “I do, you’re right.”
If it wasn’t such a cheesy move, I would have winked just to let him know that as they fucked every night, I was orgasming in the next room right alongside them. Learning the way he made love by the sounds of Louise’s screams and groans. Her high-pitched moans when she was close and how the bed banged quicker and quicker and quicker.
My face felt hot and red, and a trickle of sweat trailed between my breasts to dampen my bra, and I groaned, outwardly, no holds barred, groaned as desire swept through me in a tidal wave. It was embarrassing but invigorating all at the same time. To be this close to him. To have his scent on me, his breath on my face, his hands in my hair. I came with a pant and a groan and my thighs squeezed together like I was trying not to pee.
Damen’s eyes widened and he stepped back from me. “What the fuck?” he mumbled as I dragged a hand through my wild hair and continued to pant my way through the tail end of my orgasm.
Louise’s footsteps came back down the hallway and he moved further away from me. I took the gap to turn around and face the sink, turning the faucet on so I could splash my face with some cold water.
“Come on, let’s go. Anna, I’ll see you tomorrow, or whenever,” Louise said and by the time I’d turned to face her, they were already at the door and leaving.
I pressed a finger to my lips, still able to feel his breath against them. My smile grew wider, and I flushed with happy embarrassment.
We were so perfect for each other.
Chapter Four
The sound of the door unlocking had me jumping up to my feet. Louise walked in like everything was normal, but everything was far from normal and I stormed towards her.
“Where the fuck have you been?” I screamed.
She stepped back, her eyes going wide in shock and then fear and then anger. “I was at Damen’s. What is wrong with you?” she scowled and pushed past me, heading to her bedroom.
“You’ve been gone three days, Louise, and not once did you call and text. You didn’t even have the decency to return my calls! What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?”
I was screeching now as I stormed behind her following her to her room.
On the threshold she stopped and spun to face me. “You’re not my mom, you psycho!” her eyes were wild with rage and honestly, she looked a little like she’d lost the plot.
She stepped into her room and slammed the door closed behind her, and I stared at the white wooden door like it was a magical portal that could transport me to another time and place. Back to when we were kids and were so close that people used to think we were sisters. Back before she discovered boys and all the magical things they could do with their tongues. Back when her dad was nice and not a pervy asshole.
But that time was gone. That was then and this was now.
I screamed at her closed door and slammed my fist against it over and over, kicking it with my bare feet until blood splattered the paintwork, the red glaring back at me like an alarm bell. And then I sunk to the ground crying.
The door opened several moments later, and I felt the air shift beside me as Louise came to sit next to me. Her arms draped around me and I leaned into her touch.
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered.
“I know,” she replied quietly. “So am I.”
I looked up at her through my mass of curls and tears. “We always said we’d never let a man come between us.”
Guilt flashed in her eyes and she nodded in agreement. “The thing is, Anna, I really like this guy. Like, really like him.”
Guilt squeezed at my heart.
Guilt for loving him.
Guilt for wanting him.
And guilt that I knew he wanted me too.
This was my best friend, and she deserved better than both me and Damen, yet she was stuck with us. Perfect fucking Louise was stuck with a shitty best friend and a boyfriend who didn’t really love her. It didn’t matter anymore that I’d seen him first.