Meanwhile Alex turns his attention to Zoë. 'I want to swap lives with a Hollywood actress.'
'Are you going to send me to LA?' Zoë leaps to her feet. 'Oh please! Oh please!'
'Yes we are. You'll be right in the heart of Hollywood and we're going to make it as real an experience as possible.'
Sounds a bit cryptic.
'Do I get a choice of stylist, cos I think Rachel Zoe-‘
‘You'll get a detailed brief on arrival,' Alex shushes her and turns to Sasha. 'For you, we've found the perfect place where looks don't count – the Tiger Tiger animal preserve. It's where all the retired movie cats go. Believe me, they don't care whether you're a Pretty Woman or the Elephant Man, so long as you treat them right and feed them on time.'
Sasha looks mortified. She never was the world's greatest animal lover. Surely Helen could have advised The California Club against such a mismatch?
'Will she have to muck out the cages?' asks Elise, from behind the pillar, obviously trying to find suffering in other people's choices to console her.
'She'll have the full animal care experience,' is all Alex is prepared to say.
I catch Sasha looking at her nails, presumably deciding that if they're going to get wrecked she may as well start chewing them now.
'Elliot!' Alex continues. 'Just get me to California's biggest theme park.'
'Bring it on!' Elliot cheers.
'Did you know that the biggest park in the state is actually Yosemite National Park?'
Elliot pulls a face. 'I didn't realize there were rides at Yosemite, I thought it was all …' he spits the final word: 'nature.'
'It is.'
'So what's the "theme", then?'
Alex shrugs. 'Trees, I guess.'
'Bit tenuous, isn't it?'
'Maybe it would do you some good,' Helen ventures. 'All that time you spend in front of computers.'
'So this isn't really about making my wish come true, it's about me doing what you think will do me good?' Elliot challenges Helen, with a fond smile.
'You might like it,' Zoë chips in. 'Great outdoors, camping, bears.'
'Do you want to swap with me?'
'No.' Zoë shrinks back, protective of her assigned glitz.
'What about Lara?' Sasha asks on my behalf.
Alex takes my scrumpled sheet and reads: 'I wish I could have some special one-to-one time with each of my friends, enough to create a memory that would last a lifetime.'
'Agghhh – it sounds so corny,' I wail. 'It's just I haven't seen much of you all lately.' I apologize for being schmaltzy.
'Not very comfortable with baring your heart, are you?' Alex notes. 'No wonder you couldn't write down what you really want.'
I blanch. How does he know what I really want? My eyes dart around the group to check they don't know what he's getting at. Elliot looks oblivious. My eyes flick to Helen. Of course – she must have told him.
'So what's she going to do?' Zoë wants to know.
'Well, Lara will be dividing her time between you all. In the seven-day period she will visit each of you at your locations, keeping you company and getting the quality time she craves.'
I wish he'd stop embarrassing me like this.
'She'll also act as the central contact point. She wants to be more involved in your lives and she's going to be. Any messages or information you need or want to to get to each other will go through Lara.
‘Are you saying I won't be able to talk to Elliot for a week?' Elise stomps back out from the shadows.
Alex nods, 'That's right.'
I swear I see a flicker of relief on Elliot's face. Peace. Seven squawk-free days. I'm happy for him. And then I realize I'll be getting it all. The only person she can complain to.
Elise recognizes the look of dismay on my face and tries to recruit me. 'Lara, you don't want to be shunted from pillar to post, do you?'
Before I can answer she continues, 'You've never driven in America and you'll be all alone in the car. For hours. I mean, it's what – six hours from LA to Yosemite?'
How does she know that off the cuff? There's something shifty about the time Elise spent out here. She hasn't regaled us with any stories and it's not like her to pass up a chance to gloat. I have to find out more.
'Actually she'd be flying that leg of the trip,' Alex counters, 'but yes there will be a fair bit of driving in between.
Much as I want Elise to be miserable I'm not sure if it's worth it if the rest of us are too. Elliot's not that keen on trees and we could do the movie star thing in LA anyway – well a star-spotting version at least. Personally I'd love to see the lions and tigers but maybe Sasha would do better swinging by Elise's self-help group and getting a little therapy while she's here. I don't want to hurt Helen's feelings but I'm ready to forget the whole thing.
'At this point you may well be feeling that some of you are getting better deals than others. You may even be questioning why you should put yourself through this at all,' Alex once again seems to read my mind. 'Well, if you don't try you'll never know. Life will go along the way it always has. Maybe that's fine. But maybe you want more. And if you knew how to get more, I'm guessing that you would have taken those steps already; so give us the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we know something you don't!’
Darnit! He's got me. It's all too intriguing. On paper our tasks don't sound too life-changing but there he goes again with this hazy insinuation that miracles will occur.
I would really love for each of you to enter this with an open mind and heart,' Helen urges. 'If you harbor reservations they're just going to be an extra obstacle for you to work through. And try not to make premature judgments. Where you begin is not where you will end up.'
Not for me, that's for sure. I'm going to be traveling all over the shop.
I half expect Alex to pass around a companion book on enlightenment The California Club way, but instead he concludes by telling us we need to be packed and checked out by noon tomorrow.
'Oh and for your reference, Lara, the order of your visits will be: Sasha, Elliot, Zoë and finally Elise.' He hands me a sheet with a list of names and their assigned destinations, then bids us a wonderful last night of freedom.
I watch Helen walk Alex to the door and give him an extended hip-to-hip hug. Just as well Reuben's not looking. Mind you, these type of groups are always big on hugs. I wonder if I should donate one to someone. By the look on her face, Sasha has the direst need.
'Yours is great!' I try and encourage her. 'Nothing to worry about!'
'Unless I end up thrown to the lions,' she quivers, gripping me tightly. ‘Or a random paw swipes at me through the cage and my hair tangles in its nails and I can’t get away so I lie there in the dirt and bleed to death.’
'Other than that,’ I pull a face.
'But what about you?'
'Suits me,’ I shrug. ‘This way I don't have to watch them together.' I glance over at the Es, who are arguing in that tight-lipped hissy way.
'What about the driving?'
Another shrug. 'What's the worst that could happen?'
'You could get carjacked, lose your way, the engine explodes and you plunge to your death over a cliff edge.’
'Other than that…’
Sasha sighs as she adjusts one of the pillows. 'You do realize you are going to have to spend some one-on-one time with Elise?’
'It looks like she'll blow it long before I get there,’ I decide. ‘I doubt I'll even have to worry about it.'
'Okay gang!' Helen returns to the group. 'I've booked a table at the Sky Room for 7.30pm but I thought we could start with cocktails in the bar at seven?'
'Perfect!' We approve.
'It's pretty swanky so I'm popping home to change into something devastatingly chic,' Helen winks. 'I suggest you do the same!’
The atmosphere instantly fogs with what-to-wear panic. I'm so desperate I'm considering scalping the sofa for its fabric and turning one of the silver decanter tags into a necklace.
/> It is thus with supreme joy that I discover my beloved suitcase waiting for me back at the villa. There's just one catch – it’s empty.
'Where's everything gone?' I look around the room as though the contents might be playing hide-and-seek.
Zoë slides back the wardrobe door. 'It's all here – the butler must have unpacked for you!'
'And it's been pressed,' Sasha notes as she inspects the drapes of fabric.
'What are you going to wear?' I ask the girls, dismayed that I no longer have an excuse for looking less than fabulous.
Zoë opts for strapless black with her gold cuff-bracelets and Cleopatra collar, Sasha reaches for her white trouser suit and – six changes later – I settle on my long swishy skirt and sparkly sea-green top. (Elliot once said it matched my eyes so it's been a secret favorite ever since.)
After three consecutive showers, we line up in front of the steamed-up bathroom mirror to do our makeup. Even Sasha, who rarely wears any, is joining in.
'How do you think Elliot's going to get on in Yosemite?' she asks, expertly shaping her left eyebrow.
'No gadgets or computers? He'll short-circuit for sure.' Zoë dabs what looks like real gold leaf on to her eyelids.
'Not really one to revel in his own company, is he?' I note, fluffing pink on to my cheeks.
'Mind you,' Sasha nudges me, 'he will have company for a couple of days …'
'And nights,' Zoë bumps me from the other side.
I grin. 'Oh don't! I can't believe I'm actually going to get some time alone with him!'
'Out there in the wilderness, under the stars …' Sasha teases.
'Hot chocolate spilt on one sleeping bag – forced to share the other!’
We giggle at Zoë's perfect plan.
‘I just hope he sticks it out till I get there.'
'Hey – we should have a bet on who's going to drop out first,' Zoë enthuses.
'Oh well that's easy,’ Sasha asserts as she dabs cologne that smells of fresh linen behind her ears. 'Got to be Elise.’
‘Don't underestimate how tight she is,' I caution. 'You saw that look in her eye when she heard how much the Marilyn Monroe Beach House is worth per night. I just know she's thinking up ways to get the cash alternative.'
‘Oh don’t!’ Zoe shudders. ‘At least I know you’ll go the full week – you get to dip into everyone's wishes and experience all these different things: wilderness, kitties, glamour, even all that crazy spiritual stuff!’
She's right. Suddenly I feel the luckiest of all.
‘You know I’d swap with Elise in a heartbeat.’ Sasha is back to looking misty-eyed. ‘To have the chance to be surrounded by all these gurus who can guide you and help you truly find yourself.’
‘Well that all sounds great in theory but imagine finding yourself and discovering you don't like yourself.' Zoë inadvertently puts a dampener on things.
'That would be a bummer,' I admit.
For a moment we all look fearful of our futures then Sasha proves the surprise savior: 'Juicy Tubes at the ready?' she rallies the troops as only a model can.
We hold up our trio of glosses – lychee, melon and strawberry – and then ooze on the goo until our lips are inch-deep in sticky shine. 'Yum!' Zoë smacks away the excess.
'Well, that's our appetizer,' Sasha does her darndest to make a joke. 'I'm ready for the main course now!’
Chapter 12
‘Where are the Es?' Zoë sets down her leafy Caipirinha cocktail to check her watch.
‘They're half an hour late.'
'Well, Elise did say that they might stay in and get room service cos this was going to be their last night together in a while.' Helen looks disappointed.
'You're kidding?' Zoë scoffs. 'It's not like we're making them sleep apart, they could at least join us for dinner.'
'Shall we go on up to the restaurant?' Sasha suggests.
We're just shuffling off our bar stools when Elliot rushes in looking harassed.
'Sorry I'm so late. Elise wasn't feeling too bright so she's decided to have an early night. I just ordered her some soup.'
Which roughly translates as: We had a huge argument – she was insisting on dinner à deux, I explained that I see a lot more of her than I do my friends and it would be rude to miss the farewell meal and then she threw herself sobbing and screeching on to the bed and frankly I couldn't bear to spend another second in her selfish, manipulative company so here I am. I may be slightly exaggerating the last bit but that's the gist, I'm sure.
We take the lift up to the top floor and then spill into the Sky Room with its starlit panorama of the cove. As the maître d' shows us to our plum velvet booth, there's a shuffle to get the seating order right - first Elliot gets nudged into place then it's like the parting of the Red Sea as the girls make sure I end up next to him. My dear, dear friends!
As we mellow to the glow of the candlelight we realize there's a couple at every other table in the place. If you listen closely you can almost hear the proposals. Chez us, however, all breathless rapture is directed at the 'modern French' menu. It's the details in the sauces and sides that get us – yes the spicy ahi tuna tower sounds intriguing in itself but the fact that it comes with fresh mango strawberry and is garnished with a mandarin vinaigrette makes it nigh on irresistible. But then we read about the Muscovy duck confit with braised Belgian endive and pink peppercorn brandy sauce and our tastebuds fairly swoon.
'It's like the equivalent of giving a vegetable a double-barreled name,' Elliot decides as he scans down. 'Fire-roasted tomato just sounds so much fancier!'
Giddy from ordering rosemary jus and scarlet orange reductions we opt for a cheeky bottle of Perrier Jouet to toast The California Club and our impending adventures.
'Thanks for bringing us here, Helen,' I beam.
'Well, I thought that seeing as some of you will be spending the next week living off the fruits of the forest – ' she winks at Elliot '– we should do it in style!'
As I let the champagne bubbles crackle on my tongue, I realize I have a small window of opportunity before the arrival of the breadbasket to steal the floor…
'Um, remember earlier at the beach I said I had something to tell you?' I venture, nervously.
Nodding.
'Well, my mum's moving to Spain and—'
'Spain? Since when?'
I wanted to get it all out in one go but Helen's tripped me at the first hurdle.
‘Since she met this fella who's got a villa complex out there. He wants her to run it for him.'
'What about the B&B?'
'She's giving it to me!'
There's a collective gasp and a sensational whoop from Zoë. 'That's fantastic!' she shines. 'You can finally do it up exactly how you want!'
'Oh Lara! Congratulations!' Elliot cheers, pulling me into a lop-sided hug. 'Your own B&B, it's what you've always dreamed of.'
'It's going to be the most original and stylish in town,' Helen decides. 'A whole building showcasing your talents!'
'Well …' I try and cut in but I can't stop the barrage of excitement.
'We could all come down and help you strip wallpaper!' Sasha laughs, looking as if she's just found her purpose in life.
‘Wouldn’t it make for a brilliant for reality TV show?' Zoë gasps. 'The making of Brighton's newest B&B – we'd all be stars and your B&B would be famous!'
For a moment I get caught up in the abundant elation but then reality slaps me in the face and I hear myself blurt, 'I'm selling it!'
'What?' four voices snap.
The expressions on their faces range from stunned to uncomprehending.
'Why?' Elliot takes the next step.
I take a breath and tell them. 'The whole place needs rewiring and revamping and I just don't have the money.'
'I thought you were doing well,' Helen frowns.
'We're doing okay but the rewiring alone would cost $40,000 and that involves ripping up floorboards and drilling through walls so I'd have to rede
corate after, which of course is what I'd want, but that's at least another $50,000 on top. $60,000 to do what I really want. And the whole time we're working on the place, we'd have to be closed so we won't have any income.'
Trust me, I've thought this through.
'Can't you just do a few rooms to start with?' Sasha asks, trying to hold on to the dream.
'I thought about that but it puts a limit on the money I can make. If I don't get at least an 80 per cent occupancy over the summer I can't make it through the winter months.’
‘You need to find an investor, someone to go into partnership with,' Helen decides.
'I wouldn't know where to begin,' I confess. 'And I haven't got much time.'
'I'd love to help, Lara, but I'm just scraping together every last penny for a mortgage.' Elliot looks regretful.
'Are you buying a house with Elise?' Zoë still seems to be struggling with the concept of the fiancée creature as a permanent fixture. As am I.
'We're putting down a deposit when we get back,' Elliot nods.
I wonder who's paying more.
'Sure you don't want to relocate to Brighton?' Helen prompts.
'Actually I'd love to move back but obviously Elise's work—'
'No, no, don't be silly!' I trill. I'd rather squat in an amusement arcade than share my home with Elise.
'I haven't got a bean,' Zoë sighs. 'This whole trip is on credit.'
'My savings aren't going to last much longer,' Sasha reveals. 'I haven't worked in months.'
'I'm not asking for your money, any of you,' I insist. 'If anything, I'll be able to lend you guys some. The property should go for a million!'
Gloomy faces all round.
'But where would you live?' Zoë frets.
'I suppose I'd buy a flat or a small house, one with a nice big guest room.' I force a smile. 'And then invest the rest or whatever you do with spare money.'
I haven't got very far with thinking this version of my future through. Every time I imagine what I'd do with my newfound wealth, instead of feeling flush and fanciful, I just want to cry. I can't shake the feeling that letting go of the B&B is giving up my soul and I'll just end up sitting there counting my money in an empty, echoing shell of a building. But really, what alternative do I have? I simply can't afford to keep the B&B. I have to be practical.
The California Club: LoveTravel Series - USA Page 11