'Bloody hell!' I pant, leaning in the driver window. 'He's just confessed that he's jealous!'
Joel's face lights up. 'Did he say he wants you?'
'No,' I admit. 'But he wants what I have. With you.'
'He wants me?'
'No!' I scoff. 'He wants the fun stuff.'
'He wants to have fun. But not with you.' Joel talks it back to me with the cold-light-of-day glare.
'Well, he hasn't specifically said with me but—'
'Then you get your ass in this vehicle now,' Joel commands.
'But!' I protest.
'Look, he's obviously having some kind of epiphany about his relationship with Elise. Maybe it's seeing us together, maybe it's having time apart from her, maybe it's the prunes he had for breakfast. Whatever it is, great! About time! But if you stay with him now and talk him through what he's feeling, that's you finished – you'll just be counselor girl, listening ear, damp shoulder, good ole trusty Lara, you get me?’
I turn and look back at Elliot. He looks fretful in the extreme, as if he's trying to unravel internal knots using mind control alone.
'Are you sure? I feel like I should be there in his hour of need,' I worry.
'I thought you had an appointment with Zoë,' Joel reminds me.
'I do, but—'
Joel takes my chin in his hand so he can bore into my eyes. 'You stay with him now, you're going to have to listen to him sift through every stage of their relationship. It's going to be all about her, nothing about you.'
I don't want that to happen but Joel could have a point.
'Does that sound like fun to you?' Joel enquires.
'No,' I concede, fiddling with the door lock. The shape of it reminds me of the pegs that come with a set of travel Mastermind.
'Lara.' Joel clicks his fingers like a hypnotist trying to wake up his patient. 'Your heart has been aching for him for ten years, it won't do him any harm to have a few days' misery.'
I sigh. 'Okay, just give me a moment to say goodbye.'
'Good girl. Quick pep talk and a peck and let's be on our way.'
I stride back to Elliot telling myself that discipline and restraint is the order of the day. Stay away from the light. No blubbing, no clinging, no releasing ten years of pent-up love and affection.
'Elliot. I feel awful leaving you at a time like this,' I begin.
'I know you've got to go. I don't mean to worry you, I've just been thinking about things all night and we haven't really had the chance to talk.'
I try to dodge a pang of guilt but it gets the better of me. 'I'm sorry Joel's been around the whole time.'
‘That's fine. You deserve some, er, romance. It’s just,' he shrugs, looking sorrowful, 'I miss you!'
I tilt my head and give him a quizzical look.
'You've always been my number one girl and all of a sudden I feel I'm losing you,' he whispers, scuffing the ground.
My heart strains towards him and I confess: 'I've been missing you a lot too, ever since you've been with Elise.’
He nods understanding. 'I was thinking about that last night. I didn't realize until now how that might have felt for you.'
Oh why are we having this conversation now, with just seconds to go? As if sensing a moment of weakness Joel leans heavily on the horn.
'I have to go,' I say, forcing myself to get practical when all I want to do is hug and reassure him and wallow in our revitalized empathy. 'So. With Elise. You just want me to see how she is?'
'We haven't really had any time apart since we met. I just want to know …' He shakes his head. 'I don't know.'
Poor Elliot, he looks a terrible mix of confused and despondent.
'Look, I'm sure it doesn't feel like this now and yes I am partly saying this to make myself feel better about leaving you, but having a few more nights out here to sit quietly and fill your lungs with this amazing air could help you clear your mind so you can figure out what you really want.'
He nods.
'And don't just think about relationships!' I add. ‘Think about what makes you happy in all aspects of your life.'
'Okay.'
'And if an that thinking means you end up a total basket case I'm sure Elise will be able to recommend a great therapist!' I tease, hoping to provoke a reaction.
He gives a little chuckle. He's coming back. 'I'll be fine,' he forces a smile.
'Really?'
'Would I lie to you?'
I grin, pulling him into a goodbye hug.
As I turn to leave he asks, 'What about you and Joel?'
If I was being honest I'd tell him, 'I have a feeling that, after today, I'm never going to see him again!' but I'm learning to keep schtum more often so instead I say: 'I guess we'll hang out until one of us gets a better offer.’
Chapter 28
‘Eyes forward!' Joel barks, tiring of my transfixion with the wing-mirror.
‘It just feels such a wrench!' I wail, slumping back into my seat.
'You're making me feel like I've kidnapped some poor little forest-dweller!' he complains, defiantly flooring it. 'Off we go to the big bad city so I can corrupt you!'
'Sorry Joel!' I tut myself. 'You are a total star to drive me, I'd be a wreck without you.' Giving his gearstick hand a squeeze, I stare determinedly out the window as we bullet past Erna's Elderberry House.
All too soon we're back in the flat modern world - a.k.a. Fresno – with its concrete strip malls and pretzel emporiums.
It's strange to think I flew in just two days ago with one man on my mind and now I'm leaving with another.
'What?' Joel asks.
My face must be doing something giveaway.
'I was just thinking how bleak it looks round here,' I fib.
'You think?' Joel queries.
'Don't you?'
'I know something you don't,' Joel jiggles his eyebrows.
'Oh really?' I glint.
'Have we got time for a half-hour diversion?'
'Let's do it!' I enthuse.
Joel insists I close my eyes until we get there and so for ten or so swervy-curvy minutes, images of $5 Shoe World and Hot-Dog-on-a-Stick vendors parade through my mind.
Finally we bump to a halt.
'Now?' I ask.
'Not yet!' Joel cautions.
I hear him thunk his car door closed and then unclick mine.
'Keep them closed,' he instructs as he guides me across the uneven ground.
'What's that amazing smell?' I breathe in a delicate yet overwhelming perfume sent to me on a warm breeze.
'Okay … now!' Joel whispers.
At first I can't make sense of what I'm seeing – I seem to be entirely immersed in a fluffy pink heaven.
'Where are we?'
'Blossom Trail.' Joel smiles at my enchantment. 'The orchards run for miles round here. Almond, peach, apricot …' As he continues – 'apple, orange' – he reaches out and shakes the tree I am standing beneath, showering me in soft pink kisses. I laugh as the paper-thin silk flutters between my fingers.
I feel like I'm in a dream scene from one of those MGM extravaganzas – any minute now dozens of beribboned dancers will waft by in sugary chiffon, swirling up the confetti carpet.
'What are you trying to do to me?' I sob as Joel pulls me into a warm all-encompassing hug.
'Nothing,' he smiles into my hair. 'Except maybe raise your game!'
I twist around so I can see his face.
'It's all out there if you really look,' he asserts.
'Were you born like this?' I laugh, marveling as much at Joel as at our soft-focus surroundings.
'Like what?' Joel worries.
'With so much energy for … I don't know – seeking out life's wonders?'
'I could ask you the same question.'
'I wouldn't have much of an answer.'
'Come on, you go rummaging around your antique stores, don't you? Looking for hidden treasures.'
'This is on a slightly grander scale.'
'S
o open your eyes a little wider,' he shrugs. 'Like I say, it's all there, waiting to be seen.'
I look around. My heart swells just a little bit more.
And then a thought crosses my mind.
'Are you trying to show me there is more to life than Elliot?'
'I'd hope you'd already know that.'
'I do, it's just … I do.'
'How do you feel right now?' Joel asks me.
'About him?' I think for a moment. The pang isn't quite so wrenchy-sickly as it was in the car, it's more a profound wish that he could be here with me, sharing this beauty.
'Better,' I'm surprised to hear myself say. 'Calmer.'
'Well, if it seems to be getting too much again or you're ever just feeling empty inside, here's my tip for you – try and fill yourself up with something else. You can't always get what you want romantically but the world is more than willing to offer you up some amazing alternatives.'
I get a sudden flash of Joel as a bereaved heart, someone who couldn't have his one true love and, seeing as no one else can compare, has been seeking out other and more extreme passions ever since. 'Is that what you're doing – trying to fill up your heart in other ways?' I gently probe.
But he ignores my question.
'You're a visual person,' he continues. 'You should seek out the beauty in art, landscapes—'
'Your face!' I offer.
He breaks into a grin. 'If I had any sense I'd challenge Elliot to a duel and win you for myself.' Then he adds sadly, 'But I don't.'
'It's alright,' I tell him, feeling I understand even though I'm only guessing at why he's like he is. 'We're just making the most of the here and now. And I'm loving every second.'
It's funny how some people come into your life so intensely and yet so briefly. Of course I don't want this to be all, I don't want to say goodbye today and then for us never to see each other again, but there's something finite about Joel. Something that says, Don't get too close. Make the most of me now because I can't make any promises. And that's fine. At least it's fine right now because I'm with him. I'm not sure how I'll feel when the time comes for him to leave.
Two hours later we're in Cholame, pausing beside the memorial marking the spot where James Dean crashed his Porsche Spyder in 1955. I'm just musing over the fact that tomorrow I'll be the same age as him – thirty – when Joel reminds me I promised to speak to Elise today.
'Do I have to?' I whine.
'You never know, she could be bequeathing Elliot to you,' Joel suggests. 'You said she sounded a bit wobbly.'
'I think it was just wishful thinking. Hey! Maybe you could seduce her and leave Elliot free for me?' I give Joel an 'Oh go on.’ look.
'I don't do charity cases,' he retorts.
'You did me!'
'You were an honor and a privilege.'
'Really?' I beam.
'Call her.'
I dial her number and humph a 'Hello?' into the receiver.
'Oh Lara! Can we speak later? Only the Ho'oponopono class is about to start!'
I frown. She's either turned sarcasm to an art form or is expressing genuine interest in self improvement. That can't be right.
'Come again?'
'Ho'oponopono,' she repeats as if I'm being deliberately dim. 'It's the ancient Hawaiian art of problem-solving. Apparently you can heal hurtful memories without having to replay them.'
I wonder why she's in such a hurry to get there. I see Elise as the kind of person who inflicts hurt on other people rather than receives it. What memory is she hoping to zap?
'It starts in five minutes,' she whines. 'I don't want to miss neutralizing the negative energies.'
'Of course not – off you go!'
I'm incredulous. And a little bit afraid. I want to hate Elise. I need to hate Elise. But it's very hard to despise people who are trying to better themselves. Oh no! What if she's developing into this angelic being and just when Elliot is having doubts she's going to reveal her new glowy-pure side and he'll fall in love with her all over again? I can't bear it!
I switch off the phone so she can't call back, and mantra 'Blossom, blossom, blossom' to myself, trying to recapture my former sense of hope and wonder but with Elise presiding over my thoughts the silken petals wither to a brown pulp.
Finally we arrive in LA.
'I think we'll take the surface streets so you can see a bit of city,' Joel decides, coming off the freeway early. 'Everyone says there's no center to Los Angeles but I'd say this is the closest thing – you've got Farmer's Market and The Grove right here, and the Beverly Center mall is just down there,' he points to our left and then turns down a quiet residential street.
'The houses are so pretty!' I gasp. 'And so different,' I note as we progress – Spanish-style haciendas next to mock French château with pointy turrets, Walton-style shacks with sunny porches facing twee balconies with Hansel & Gretel cookie-cut woodwork, one place ablaze of Moroccan blue paintwork. Others are just grey motel-like blocks though some have authentic Fifties lettering and star motifs that put me in mind of Bewitched.
'Give me Zoë's address again?' Joel prompts.
I read the slip of paper to him. The door locks click simultaneously.
'It said Hollywood that way,' I point back to the sign we just passed.
'She's not in Hollywood.'
'But—'
'She works there, I know, but it’s not where she lives.'
‘Where we’re going, is it bad?'
'Decide for yourself.'
All too soon the pretty houses are replaced by seedy-looking apartments and the chipper souls walking their dogs become bandana'd youths.
'Are we in gangland?' I shiver.
'Gangland adjacent, I think would be the estate agent's term,' Joel grimaces.
I tell myself it's bohemian. 'I bet a lot of arty types live here.'
'It's certainly cheaper to rent round here,' Joel looks on the bright side. 'What number are we looking for?'
'722,' I tell him.
'Should be 911,' he mutters.
'This is it!' I peer up at the kind of brick building I'd expect to find in New York. No glittery cement here.
'I'll come with you.' Joel escorts me to the door and scans the streets for potential sources of trouble as I jab the doorbell. I ring and ring but no reply.
'Try her at work,' Joel suggests.
'Lara!' Zoë answers out of breath. 'I tried to call you but I couldn't get through!'
That'll be Elise's fault, I forgot to switch the phone back on.
They've changed my shift – I have to work till 6pn., there's no getting out of it,' Zoë humphs.
'Don't worry – well, it's a bummer for you, but I can easily amuse myself.'
'Where are you now?'
'At your apartment.'
Silence.
‘Zoë?'
'Isn't it cool?' she blusters. 'It's a really up-and-coming neighborhood!'
'Don't you get scared here?' I grimace at the sound of someone's phlegm-tastic cough and a car backfiring. I hope.
'Oh no! It's all about keeping it real. There's loads of celebs in the area.'
A man in a hairnet and fiendish moustache eyes us suspiciously as he exits the building. I can't even imagine who Zoë might mistake him for.
'I think I'll come back over Hollywood way,' I stammer, daunted by the prospect of having to stay here with her tonight. This is not the LA we had envisioned. Maybe we could just check into the Viceroy for the next two nights, I hear it's intimidatingly fashionable – that's the level of discomfort I'm prepared to experience, not this!
'You have to go to Fredericks of Hollywood Lingerie Museum,' Zoë busily plans my afternoon's itinerary. 'Boris told me about it – they've got those fluffy Fembot négligés from Austin Powers and Ava Gardner's gorgeous nightie from Showboat and Tom Hanks' boxers from Forrest Gump!'
'Okay!' I intervene.
‘The best bit is the undie catalogues from the Fifties – they had blow up bras called
Belle Air and there's one called Tidal Wave that you could wear under swimwear—'
'Yup, I'll definitely—' I try to cut her short. I don't think Joel's enjoying the scenery.
'Ooh! And they've even got Tony Curtis's female body shaper from Some Like It Hot and it's so funny cos the bra straps are fixed with those clips you get on braces instead of hooks – you know how useless men are at undoing—'
'Zoë!' I yell.
'What?'
'I've got to go. I'll just get Joel to drop me—'
'Joel!' Zoë cuts in. 'He's with you?'
'Yes!'
'Well, then I guess you don't need any tips on how to entertain yourself!’
‘Actually he's got to go to a meeting,' I blush. 'But he can take me to a car rental place and then I'll whiz over.'
'Did you two …?'
I know exactly what Zoë is getting at but Joel is within listening distance.
'Yes, that's right,' I try to sound formal instead of gossipy.
'And?'
'Spectacular!' I cheer.
Zoë cackles with glee. 'You can tell me everything later!'
'I'll pick you up at the diner at 6pm,' I conclude.
I flip the phone closed and turn to Joel. His face is still filled with disdain for Zoë's accommodation.
'Do you girls have plans for tonight?' he asks as we return to his car, which amazingly still has all four wheels.
'I don't think so,' I shrug. 'Why?'
'Oh, I just thought of something you might enjoy. I'll have to make a couple of calls but if you like I could meet you at the diner later?’
‘Sounds perfect!' I'm so relieved this isn't goodbye just yet. I was starting to get pangs of resistance at the idea of being parted from him.
'Okay. Let's get you hooked up with a car.'
Somehow Joel manages to talk the car rental clerk into upgrading me to a convertible. I can't believe my luck. It seems a waste to just go a few blocks to Hollywood. I want to fly down a freeway! I take out the map and study it. I've got four hours. I shouldn't really go further than an hour away … Santa Monica is meant to be nice, or what about Hermosa Beach? Palm Springs is that little bit too far. Hold on – what if I went and surprised Sasha? I get a sudden rush of high spirits. Why not? She could do with a boost, I'm sure. Zoë and I have got two whole days to see the sights in LA. And if Ty would let her take a break I could help her with the Project Paradise fundraiser. I'm sure something must need decorating.
The California Club: LoveTravel Series - USA Page 24