Drawn To Dark

by Emma Tharp

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I never met the guy and I’d like to punch him. “Why would he do that?”

  “I still don’t know why. He told me he was in love with this new girl. They were meant to be together. She never nagged him. He filed for divorce and moved to Tennessee to be with her.”

  I’m completely confused. “Does nobody believe in monogamy anymore?”

  She smiles at this, even though there’s still sadness in her hazel eyes. “It’d be nice if more people did.”

  We both laugh at this in mutual agreement. I refuse to talk about Helena, but she clearly wasn’t a one man type of woman.

  “I have to admit that I don’t have the best track record with relationships. If you read the gossip magazines, most of the stuff they say about me is probably true. Or at least it was. I’ve been doing my best to grow up and clean up my act.”

  “Oh, good to know.” Her expression is open. She’s taking it all in. I’m relieved to see no judgment there, even though she has every right.

  “Holt, who plays bass in the band, is married. He and Sydney have a great relationship. They really love each other. I envy it. Although they’ve been going through a tough time with infertility, they’re strong enough to get through it.”

  “That’s nice to hear. I can imagine it would be difficult to be married to a rock star,” she says.

  “Why do you say that?” I can guess, but I’d like to hear her answer.

  She bites on her lower lip; it’s incredibly sexy seeing her teeth scrape the red flesh. “Okay, maybe it’s a generalization, but when I’ve been at concerts, there are women everywhere throwing themselves at band members. I’ve seen women lift their shirts up and flash the band. And once at a show, a woman was holding up a sign with her room number and hotel information on it. It has to be tempting for you guys when you’ve been on the road and you’re lonely.”

  Of course, she’s right. That’s why I have such a bad reputation, but that’s not true for everyone. And when I started seeing Helena, I quit groupies. “Holt never ever goes out on Sydney. He’s faithful to her. And if I find a woman to settle down with, I’d do the same. Trust me, it gets old having women fall at your feet because of who you are. I’d like to find someone who wants me for me, not because I’m the lead singer of a band with money.”

  “Makes sense. Guess I never thought of it that way,” she says and takes the last bite of her meal. There’s something appealing about a woman that finishes her meal and doesn’t complain about getting fat.

  “Can I ask what your full name is?” I’m intrigued by her and want to know everything.

  “It’s Camilla, why?”

  “Just curious. I like it.” What a beautiful name. It suits her. “Want to watch a movie? I’ve got Netflix,” I say as I pick up our plates and bring them to the sink.

  “I’d like that.” Cam pushes her blond hair away from her face as she stands up. “Let me help you clean up first.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’ll take care of them later. Let’s go sit down.” I pour more wine in both of our glasses and we head to the living room. We sit next to each other on my couch. It’s far too big tonight; she isn’t close enough to me.

  Picking up the remote, I power on the TV and scroll through the movie listings. “What are you in the mood for? Drama, thriller, action, horror?”

  “No. Not horror. How about an action movie?”

  We agree on an action movie and I re-adjust myself so I’m closer to her. She looks uncomfortable. She’s got her legs stretched out so her feet are on my ottoman. My heart rate kicks up, I want to make a move. I think she likes me and I’d like to touch her. What, am I in seventh grade again? Man up, Kingston. Reaching forward, I angle her legs onto my lap, and I stare at her intently, gauging her reaction. “Is this okay? You didn’t look comfortable.”

  Her chest heaves as she looks down at her legs, now settled on top of mine. She licks her full lips before she says, “Yeah, it’s nice.”

  As the movie proceeds, neither of us moves. Taking a chance, I stroke my hand up and down her thigh. At first her muscles tense slightly, but I don’t stop. Her legs are soft, but toned. Not tight like Helena’s, but more like a woman. Curves are sexy in my book. I’ve got a semi and we’re both fully clothed. Her quads relax under my touch, so I keep going.

  The movie ends and I make no move to start another one. Turning to her, I say, “Did you like it?”

  “It was good,” she says, her tone is breathy.

  Feeling brave, I stroke a piece of her hair that she’s curled and loop it around my finger. Her eyes flutter and she inhales a shaky breath through her mouth. “You are so beautiful, Camilla.”

  “Thank you. You’re not so bad looking yourself.”

  I give her my most charming smile and lean in to kiss her. When her lips meet mine, it’s electric. Like two live wires coming together, super-charged with energy. I don’t mean for it to have this much intensity this fast, but the kiss is going where we both want it to go. Her mouth opens to mine and my tongue sweeps in against hers; she tastes sweet, exactly as I imagined. She surprises me when her hands come to my face, inviting the kiss to go deeper. My hands have a mind of their own. I lift her top and bring my fingertips up to the delicate skin of her abdomen and a moan escapes her lips. The feel of her silky smooth skin fuels me.

  Pushing her hair off her shoulder, I skim the skin of her neck with my tongue. The smell of her rose perfume is all around me, driving me wild.

  “Oh, Kingston. That feels so good.”

  Hearing that she likes my kisses and gentle touch begin to teeter my last ounce of control. She isn’t begging for me to dominate her. It’s everything. My hands work their way up her shirt and under her bra. Her breasts are soft and flawless, as her nipples harden under my fingertips. She tips her head back and grinds her sex up and down my erection.

  It’s almost unbearable, the need to know what color her bra is, and to see her perfect body lay underneath mine. What would it feel like to be inside her? What would that connection be like? But it’s too much too soon. She isn’t some groupie or one-night stand. I’d never want her to feel less than worshipped.

  Feeling the last bit of control I have wither to nothing, I pull back and say, “We have to stop.”

  9

  Cam

  It’s like someone doused me with frigid ice water.

  One second, Kingston has his hands all over me, the next he’s telling me to stop. My heart hammers against my rib cage and I can’t seem to get my breathing under control.

  He stares at me with dark pools of blue full of lust and longing. He’s still hard under me. What happened? God, I knew this was too good to be true. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  “Nothing at all.”

  Fighting back tears, I say, “I don’t understand what I did.” I make a move to slide off his lap.

  “Wait, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He grabs my hips and repositions me back onto him.

  Putting my head in my hands, I stifle a sob.

  “Please, look at me, Cam. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

  “Do you honestly have to ask?” Looking back up at him, his eyes are full of compassion.

  “I’ve never been any good at mind reading.” His tone is low and comforting. It almost makes it harder to answer him.

  “If I didn’t do anything wrong, then why don’t you want me?” There, I said it. My pulse beats hard in my neck.

  Kingston tilts his head, shakes it, and cups my chin in his hand. “Oh, no. Trust me, I want you. Very much. But my restraint is at an all-time low. If we went on for even another second, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.”

  Relief washes over me. “Oh,” is all I can say. I make a move to get off his lap again, but think better of it. “Wait. Are you saying that you’d like to be intimate with me?”

  His eyes narrow, and he seems confused. “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  “Then why di
d we stop?”

  Kingston runs his fingers through my hair. He seems to enjoy doing that and it feels amazing. “I don’t want you to think that I invited you over here for a hook up, Cam. I like you and I want to do right by you.”

  My stomach starts to flutter. That is really sweet, but he needs to hear what I have to say. “I love that you feel that way about me. And I don’t think you invited me here to hook up. But, we’re both adults that are attracted to each other. I’m a twenty-six-year-old woman who hasn’t had sex in two years. You’re leaving in a couple of days to go on tour. I like you. Do you see where I am going with this?” I put my hands on his chest.

  He leans in and kisses me; it’s gentle this time. He pulls back and says, “Are you telling me that you want me to take you up to my bed and worship your body?”

  A pulse builds between my legs. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing more.”

  Grabbing me under the ass, he lifts me up off the couch and walks me up the stairs to his bedroom. He places me down on his massive bed and comes to lie over me. “There are so many things I want to do to you.” He takes the hem of my shirt in his hand and pulls it up over my head. “Ah, pink lace. I love it.”

  Kingston strokes his fingers over the material of my bra and reaches around to unhook it. I’m naked from the waist up and feel my cheeks blush at the heat of his stare, but the hungry look in his eyes makes me feel beautiful. It’s empowering. His hands cup my breasts, then he groans and leans in to take one of my nipples in his mouth. I nearly squirm off the bed as the sensations work their way to my core. Digging my heels into the bed, I attempt to ground myself. He pulls his shirt, pants, and boxer briefs off and comes down to kiss me.

  His chest is perfect: muscled, tan, and smooth against my skin. He kisses his way down my chest and stomach, and pulls my shorts all the way off, leaving only my pink lace thong. He touches the material and places a teasing kiss on my sex. He pushes it aside and grazes me with his fingertip. Shamelessly, I press into his hand. “Please, Kingston.”

  “You’re so wet.” He tugs my panties off and brings his mouth back to my belly, giving it a gentle kiss before he works his way down to where I want him most. When his tongue flicks over my clit, I quiver and moan.

  I’ve only ever been with one man, my ex-husband, and he was a selfish lover, barely ever making sure I orgasmed. I forgot how good this feels. As his tongue continues, I see stars behind my eyes and feel the waves crashing in the distance, just within reach. “Yes,” I cry out. With only a few more strokes of his tongue, I’m falling over the edge, legs shaking, body pulsing, riding out the delicious sensations overtaking my body. Kingston kisses his way back up my body and stops at my mouth. “You’re gorgeous.” He leans over to his nightstand, pulls out a condom, tears it open, and slips it on in one smooth motion.

  “Camilla.” I love the way he says my full name. I don’t let anyone else use it, but when Kingston says it, it’s sexy and glorious, like it’s a privilege to say it. He’s positioned himself over me, staring at me, connecting with me before we are even joined. “I want to be inside you now. Are you ready for this with me? Because I don’t want casual sex with you.”

  What does he mean? I want him inside me now more than anything, but I don’t know what he’s asking of me. “I want this. I’m ready. And I’ve never had casual sex, so please tell me what you want.”

  He’s rubbing his erection up and down my sex. It’s maddening. I need him inside me now, but clearly, he needs to get something off his chest. “I like you and I feel something different when I’m with you. I can’t leave to go on tour in a few days and not tell you this. Do you feel this thing between us?”

  “Yes,” I agree. It’s beyond me that this beautiful, sexy, rock star wants something with me. What did I do? How did I get so lucky?

  That’s all I need to say before he slides into me. I gasp at the instant fullness and completion I feel with him inside me. We stay like this, holding still, eyes locked and full of desire, heavy breathing, enjoying how good it feels to have his body inside of mine. “You feel so good,” he rasps. His words spur me on, fill me with confidence. I buck my hips up to his and we find a slow, steady pace.

  The delicious smell of sandalwood and spice surround me, intoxicating me. Taking him in, I stare at the sculpted muscles of his body. Reaching up, I grip his shoulders and tug him toward me. His warm skin pressing against mine, I bring my lips to his and kiss him. Every surface of our bodies is joined together. I’ve never felt anything like it and I’ve only just met this man. Could all of this be too good to be true? As if reading my mind, Kingston cups my face in his hands and says, “You are perfect. I’ve never wanted anyone this much.”

  With my head clear, and my focus solely on our connection, I drive my hips toward his, and we move together in perfect rhythm. The only sound in the room is our soft moans and labored breathing. When he pushes me to the brink this time, I say, “Please don’t stop. I’m close.”

  “Yes, go for me.”

  Just when I think I can’t take anymore, my body releases once more. For the first time ever, twice in one night. Sensations roar to life from my center all the way to my toes, satisfaction so complete, I never knew what I’d been missing.

  Kingston’s movements get erratic and his thighs turn to steel. “Oh, my…yes,” he pants out as he lowers himself onto me and buries his head in the crook of my neck.

  We lie this way until our breathing stabilizes. Kingston runs his fingertips through my just-had-sex hair, smoothing it out. My eyes are heavy with fulfilment and exhaustion. He shifts us so he’s lying underneath me now, my head on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat and looking into his sapphire eyes.

  Gliding my fingers over the tattoo on his right shoulder, I ask, “Tell me about this.”

  “It’s my favorite place, out in the Adirondacks in New York. For a short time, we lived there and one of my mom’s bandmates, Richie, who was like an uncle to me, used to take me up in the mountains. We’d hike, go fishing. Stuff a boy would do with a father. Since I never met my dad, and Richie didn’t have kids of his own, he’d bring me along with him, give me advice. I miss that guy. After their band broke up, I didn’t see him anymore. We sent each other emails from time to time. He was a good guy.” He’s absently stroking my arm with his fingertips, a deeply contemplative look on his face. “It’s one of my favorite childhood memories, so I decided to get that spot tattooed on me. Now I can see it anytime and remember the good times.”

  Listening to his story makes me sad for him. You can see the hurt in his eyes when he says that he never knew his dad. At least for a short time he had a man in his life that paid attention to him and took him under his wing. “I’ve never been to New York, but it sounds amazing. And I’m glad that you had Richie. He sounds like a great guy.”

  “He was. He wasn’t in my life for very long. I have to wonder if he had been, maybe I wouldn’t have been as reckless. With my upbringing, it didn’t take long before I started making bad decisions. Since Joni never really had money, I started stealing, hanging out with the wrong crowds, and was introduced to my good friend, Jack Daniel’s. Trouble followed me everywhere,” he sighs deeply and shifts his weight under me. “Finding Joni on the floor with a needle in her arm was my undoing. I’d just started the band, with Dee’s encouragement. If she didn’t push me, who knows where I’d be? When our mother died, it hit us both hard. She wasn’t the best mother, but she was the only one we had. I turned to the bottle more often than not to push down my pain and avoid dealing with it. At first, I was able to function and got through touring just fine. The band was making a name for itself and we were making money. But as our schedule kept us on the road most of the summer, my ability to control myself started to spiral out of control.”

  My heart hurts for this man. He’s opening up and being vulnerable. My affection for him is getting under my skin. “Wow, Kingston. I’m so sorry. It sounds like life had it out for you for a w
hile.”

  “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I take responsibility for my actions. I could’ve risen above my circumstances, and at this point in my life, I feel like I have. But yes, there were some rocky years in there.”

  I’m in awe he’s telling me all of this personal information. I love it. It’s something that was lacking in my marriage, especially at the end. We never talked about anything that mattered. “I’m happy you’re in a good place now.”

  “I am. And the fact that someone like you is here with me goes to show that my life is turning around,” he says and kisses the top of my head.

  “Someone like me. What does that mean?” I’d like to know exactly what he thinks about me. It’s still a mystery to me that he has feelings for me at all.

  Kingston gives me a sweet little smile, his eyes shine. “You’re amazing, with a huge heart. You comfort me. Why do you think I just spilled my guts to you? I never do that, but you make me want to open up to you.” His fingertips make lazy circles up and down my spine. “And what I like most is that there’s nothing chaotic about you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re…normal. And I appreciate that.”

  Hmm, normal. I’m trying not to take it the wrong way, but it’s hard. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.” My tone is hesitant.

  “It is the best praise I can give you. You calm me. You don’t make me want to go and get a drink when we hang out. That’s saying something.” He lets out a chuckle and I can’t help but laugh with him.

  “It’s strange that we haven’t known each other that long. It feels like it’s been years. Not days,” I say.

  “You’re right. Every time I get to see you, I get a big dumb grin on my face.”

  “Me too.”

  “Cam, I want to say something to you, and I know it’s early, but I’m leaving soon and it feels right,” he says, his tone apprehensive and he breaks eye contact.