by Jae
Lauren settled on one end of the sofa, carefully leaving as much distance as possible between them.
“Do you want something to drink? I bought a great blend of coffee that should be right up your alley.”
“No, thanks,” Lauren said. She wanted to get this over and done with, but now Grace kept procrastinating.
With the fingers of her good hand, Grace tugged on her cast. A few strands of hair fell into her face, and she impatiently swiped them behind one ear. Finally, she glanced up. “I haven’t seen you since I was in the hospital. Are you avoiding me?”
Heat rushed up Lauren’s chest. “No, I was just busy with work. We’re getting bombarded with media inquiries for interviews with you, and I’m trying to pick the best one for an exclusive.” She forced a grin. “Being your publicist is a full-time job.”
Grace’s face fell. “I thought I was more than a job to you. I thought we were friends.”
The hurt in Grace’s voice clutched at Lauren’s heart. God, how was she supposed to keep her distance if Grace looked at her like this? She wanted to slide across the couch and hold her. “Of course. I want that too, but…” She rubbed her face with both hands. “It’s not that easy.”
“Did I do something wrong?” Grace asked quietly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all the boring details of my marriage, but I just—”
“No. No, Grace, that’s not it. I’m glad you felt you could talk to me openly. I want you to. It’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
“I’m not sure that you and I being friends is such a great idea.” It pained her to say it. Everything in her rebelled against the words, but she forced them out.
Confusion and hurt flashed across Grace’s usually controlled face. “Why not?”
“Our friendship could hurt both of our careers. It’s hard to stay objective and professional if you’re friends with a client.”
“Who says I need you objective and professional?” Grace punched one of the sofa pillows with her unhurt hand. “What’s wrong with having a publicist who’s rooting for me for more than financial reasons?”
“Nothing. But now the media knows that Shailene wasn’t the reason for the divorce. They’ll keep digging, and they won’t stop until they find something juicy.”
“There’s nothing to find,” Grace said.
“Then they’ll make something up. Remember what they wrote about you and Jill? They’ll start those rumors all over again.”
Grace had already opened her mouth for a reply. Now she snapped it shut and gave Lauren a disbelieving look. “That’s what this is all about? You’re afraid they’ll photograph us getting ice cream together? That they’ll say there’s something going on between us just because we don’t hate each other’s guts?”
“Aren’t you afraid of that happening?” Lauren asked quietly.
Eyes squeezed shut, Grace nodded. “Yes. I’m afraid of stupid headlines like that every time my mother marches in with a stack of gossip rags.” She jumped up and started pacing in front of the couch. “But you know what? I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being just as trapped in that celluloid cage as I was in my marriage. At some point, any halfway intelligent person has to realize how stupid this is. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you have feelings for me.”
Silence descended on the living room.
Grace stopped pacing.
Lauren felt her gaze on her but didn’t look up. “No,” she said, trying to keep her face expressionless, “of course it doesn’t mean that.” It didn’t sound convincing, even to herself.
When Grace didn’t say anything, Lauren peeked up at her. Grace’s forehead crinkled; then Lauren watched as realization dawned.
“Oh,” Grace said and collapsed into the armchair.
A muscle jumped in Lauren’s jaw. She instantly regretted leading the conversation down this road. If she’d just kept her mouth shut, Grace would have never found out. But there was no way to take it back. “I’d better go. I’ll send you the best options for interviews.” She stood and made a beeline for the door.
“Wait!”
Grace’s shaky voice stopped her after just a few steps. Lauren hesitated, took a steadying breath, and slowly turned.
“I…I don’t know what to say.” Grace got up from the armchair and took a couple of steps toward Lauren but stopped before she reached her. “I just know that I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
A groan was wrenched from Lauren’s lips. “I don’t want that either, but—”
“Don’t you think two people can be friends despite having feelings for each other?”
Lauren stared at her. Surely Grace didn’t mean it the way that had sounded, right?
Grace lifted her hands to scrub her face with both palms, nearly giving herself a black eye with the cast. “That’s not… I… What I meant was, don’t you think we can still be friends, even though you’re attracted to me?”
It shouldn’t be a problem. Lauren had been friends with women she was attracted to before and had always managed without much heartbreak. But this wasn’t just about Grace being so damn attractive. Lauren was around good-looking women all the time. She was no stranger to desire, yet these feelings were new. This had disaster written all over it if she didn’t distance herself now. She opened her mouth to tell Grace that it wasn’t a good idea, but with one glance into Grace’s pleading eyes, she found herself saying, “It’s worth a try.”
Grace rushed forward and right into Lauren’s arms.
Lauren’s arms came up. She cradled Grace carefully, mindful of her broken arm and the bruises the seat belt had left on her chest.
“Friends?” Grace asked close to her ear.
“Friends.” Her eyes fluttered shut. God, what are you doing? She had a feeling she’d end up regretting this, but for now, with Grace in her arms, she didn’t care.
CHAPTER 24
“Stop looking at the clock and start unpacking,” Jill said for the third time. “If you’re not done by the time your mother is back from the spa, she’ll want to help and end up driving us crazy.”
“There’s not that much to unpack,” Grace said. She had left everything but her books, clothes, and a few other personal items behind, preferring a fresh start.
“Still. There’s no sense in watching the clock all the time.”
“I’m not keeping an eye on the clock because of my mother,” Grace said.
“I know, but it’s still useless. The numbers will come in when they come in.”
“Easy for you to say,” Grace mumbled. “I’ve got a lot riding on that movie.”
Jill stacked the books onto the cottage’s floor-to-ceiling bookcase. “And I don’t? People will keep an extra close eye on me in every scene I’m in, trying to find any sign of my MS or proof that I’m not fit to play the very cute, very straight best friend.”
Grace wanted to club herself over the head with her cast. God, how insensitive can you possibly be? She put her good hand onto Jill’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Jill. That was stupid of me.”
“No. I understand why you’re worried. But look at it this way. What do you have to lose? You’ve got a few million stashed away. If push comes to shove, you can just retire.”
“At thirty?” Grace gave her a skeptical glance.
Jill shrugged. “Why not? Just get yourself a hot lover to help keep you busy.”
Laughter bubbled up from Grace’s chest. “I’ll take it into consideration.” An image of Lauren formed in front of her mind’s eye. She chased it away with a shake of her head. It was completely normal for Lauren to pop into her head a lot, right? After all, she was still stunned by that revelation two days ago. It didn’t mean that she saw her as anything but a friend. A friend who had the hots for her. She still couldn�
��t quite grasp that thought, and that baffled her even more. What was so extraordinary about it? She’d had acquaintances before who’d revealed a romantic interest in her. After telling them she thought of them just as friends, she hadn’t wasted much thought on it anymore, so why couldn’t she stop thinking about Lauren’s confession? Was it just because Lauren was a woman and all the others had been men?
“Where dos this box go?” Jill’s question interrupted her thoughts.
Grace checked the label. “Up in the bedroom. But I’ll unpack that one myself, if you don’t mind.”
“Ooh!” Grinning, Jill nudged her. “That’s why you’re not interested in finding a new lover! You’ve got an entire collection of sex toys!”
Grace’s cheeks warmed. “It’s hardly an entire collection.”
“Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Toys are fun.” Jill set the box aside and peeked into the other one. With childlike enthusiasm, she dug into the moving box and triumphantly lifted something in the air. “You’ve got Scrabble? Let’s play!”
“Now?”
“Why not? You’re practically unpacked, and it’s going to be hours until we hear anything from the studio, if they even call today.” Jill dragged her to the couch and set up the Scrabble board. “Come on. I’ll even let you go first.”
They each took seven tiles from the letter bag and arranged them on their trays.
Grace stared at her tiles, but they just wouldn’t form any words. Not finding the right words seemed to be a common occurrence lately. She hadn’t known what to say to Lauren’s revelation either. Stop thinking about it. She arranged her letters this way and that and realized she could form a word after all. Figures. Making a face, she laid out three of her tiles on the star square at the center of the board. “S-E-X. On a double-word score, which gives me twenty points.”
Grinning, Jill used the x to form out the word boxers. “I think that’s fifteen points.”
Grace looked down at the seven letters on her rack. Most of them were useless vowels. Just when she was considering trading most of her tiles for new ones, she discovered one option that might work. She picked up three of her wooden letters and placed them to the right of Jill’s b.
“First sex and now boob?” Jill laughed. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
Blood rushed to Grace’s cheeks. “It’s just a stupid game, Jill,” she said, a little more defensively than she’d wanted.
Jill held up both hands. “Hey, I’m just teasing. Jesus, you seem really tense today. I hope the studio doesn’t make us wait too long to find out the numbers, or you’ll be a nervous wreck.”
Admittedly, it wasn’t only waiting to find out the numbers of the opening weekend that made Grace so tense. She hadn’t slept much the last two nights. “Sorry,” she mumbled and busied herself reaching into the bag and drawing out three new tiles. She hoped none of them would form any more sex-related words.
After scribbling down the score, Jill studied her own tiles and then added an ies to Grace’s boob.
When it was her turn again, Grace added a y to sex, which Jill then used to spell naughty. What a strange game this was turning out to be. Grace gave up on trying to find a word in the mess of letters on her rack and exchanged the tiles for new ones.
“Other than being worried about the opening-weekend gross, are you okay?” Jill asked.
Grace clutched the tiles in her hand so hard that the edges dug into her skin. She wanted—no, needed—to talk to someone, but how could she tell Jill what was going on with her without betraying Lauren’s trust? “I’m fine,” she finally said. “There’s just a lot going on with the release of Ava’s Heart, the divorce, the media nightmare, and all.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
Sometimes, Grace didn’t know what she’d done to deserve a friend like this. “You’re already doing it, keeping me company and helping me move.”
Jill nodded and laid out her next word, aorta.
Finally a perfectly innocent one. Grace took it as a good sign. “Did you ever have feelings—romantic feelings—for a friend?” she asked while Jill was distracted drawing new tiles.
“Besides you, you mean?” Jill said with a grin.
Grace threw a tile in her direction.
Jill was too slow to catch it, so it bounced off her chest and tumbled beneath the coffee table. She bent to retrieve it and handed it back to Grace. Now with a more serious expression, she nodded. “Once or twice. Falling in love with a friend is practically a lesbian rite of passage.”
See? It’s perfectly normal. Jill got over whoever she had feelings for. Lauren will too. Somehow, the thought did nothing to help improve her mood.
“Amanda and I were friends long before we became lovers too,” Jill added.
The tiles she’d just picked up dropped from Grace’s limp hand. “What? You and Amanda…you were lovers? Are we talking about the same Amanda? Amanda Clark?”
“The one and only.”
Grace sank back against the couch. “I had no idea. When was that?”
“Hmm. About four years ago, back when no one had ever heard of Amanda…or me.”
“What happened?”
Jill shrugged. “The usual.”
“Which is?”
“We were both busy building our careers and didn’t have much time for each other. Plus I was so far into the closet, I practically lived in Narnia. That can be really tough on a relationship. But at least we managed to stay friends after we broke up.”
“Wow.” Grace could only shake her head. “I had no idea.”
“Why would you?”
Yeah. I’m not exactly the best at figuring out what my lesbian friends are feeling. This was the second confession this week that had blindsided her.
Jill studied her across the Scrabble board. “So, why the sudden interest in my romantic past?”
“Can’t I just be curious?” Not looking at her, Grace trailed her fingers over the tiles on her rack.
“The reason for your curiosity wouldn’t, by any chance, have anything to do with Lauren, would it?”
Grace’s wooden rack toppled over, spilling tiles all over the table. “Why would you say that?”
“You should have seen her when you had the accident. I mean, I was pretty worried too, but Lauren… She was frantic. She would have mowed down every paparazzo in LA to get to you. I know you think I’m imagining things, but I really believe our favorite publicist has a pretty big crush on you.”
Instead of answering, Grace started picking up her tiles.
“She told you?” Jill said, her voice reflecting her surprise.
“I didn’t say that.”
“No, but you also didn’t deny it, which speaks volumes.” Jill slid a little closer on the couch and covered Grace’s hand with hers, stilling it. “How do you feel about it?”
Grace let go of her letters and clutched Jill’s hand instead. “I have no idea. I’m trying not to think about it too much.”
“Why not?”
That was the million-dollar question. Why had she so far avoided looking at her own feelings too closely?
The doorbell interrupted before Grace could answer.
“Damn. Saved by the proverbial bell.” Jill pointed a finger at her. “But don’t think for a minute I’ll just let this go. I want to know every last detail.”
“There’s nothing to know,” Grace grumbled and got up to open the door.
A quick glance through the peephole showed her that Lauren had braved the drive up to the cottage.
Grace’s heartbeat accelerated. It was just because she knew Jill would tease her mercilessly, she told herself. She slowly pulled the door open.
“Hi,” Lauren said. She shifted her weight from one leg to t
he other.
“Hi.” Grace stood rooted to the doorstep, taking her in.
Lauren’s hair was windblown as if she’d had the window open on her drive up, and the sleeves of her blouse were wrinkled from being pushed up her forearms earlier. Her hazel eyes behind the horn-rimmed glasses were red and surrounded by dark shadows. Had she lain awake the last two nights too? And if yes, was it because she worried about having ruined their friendship or was she just working too much, as usual?
“Can I come in?” Lauren asked.
“Oh, yes, of course. Sorry.” Grace quickly stepped back and let her in.
“Hi, Jill,” Lauren said as she walked into the living room. “I thought that might be your car in the driveway.”
Jill got up and greeted her with a quick hug.
Sudden envy gripped Grace. She wanted to hug Lauren too, but with this new awkwardness between them, she wasn’t sure it was a good idea.
Lauren looked around the cottage, taking in the two remaining moving boxes and the Scrabble board on the table. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”
Oh, please, please, Jill, don’t say anything. Grace sent a panicked look toward her friend.
“No,” Jill said. “We finished unpacking most of Grace’s stuff. Now we’re just killing some time while we wait for the studio to call with the opening-weekend numbers.”
“That’s why I’m here.” Lauren pulled a piece of paper from her back pocket and unfolded it. “I’ve got the numbers and thought you might want to know.”
Grace hurried toward her. “The studio called you?”
“No. I called in a few favors because I knew you’d be biting your nails until you found out how Ava’s Heart has done. These aren’t the official numbers, just an early estimate, but they should be pretty accurate.”
They both jumped around Lauren like boisterous puppies, making her laugh. “All right, you two. Sit down before you pass out.”