A few hours later with my new hair and clothes, I walk into Leo’s and ask him if I can work there on a temporary basis. I’m inwardly cringing, hoping he didn’t see the spectacle between me, Aiden, and Todd last night. He agrees to my suggestion, because he’s in dire need of a waitress. My first shift starts tonight, and he says I will be trained by his son, Lewis or something like that. I’m barely processing everything he’s telling me. I’m really excited, while being simultaneously nervous about my new job. I’ve never worked in a bar before. This is definitely not the career I would have chosen for myself in a million years. Maybe I can just work my ass off and keep my mind off of unpleasant memories; more like unpleasant people. I came here trying to escape my demons and just when I think I can, Aiden throws me off balance. Every time something bad happens, I can’t seem to deal with the aftermath. The destruction puts me into freak-out mode. I bolt as fast as I can away from the situation. Will I ever be able to stop running? And if I do, where will be my final destination?
Chapter 4
Leo’s is pretty packed as I walk into the bar for my shift. I guess it’s just because it’s a Saturday and everyone is off for the weekend. God, I hope I can keep up tonight. I see Leo at the bar and a younger guy with sandy blonde hair and a big white smile. He’s really lanky, average height, with natural muscle. His piercing blue eyes tell me that this is Leo’s son, Lewis. I say hi to Leo, and he introduces me.
“Hi, I’m Lucas. You must be Emma.” So his name is Lucas, not Lewis. Up close he looks much younger, maybe early twenties. Still, he’s pretty cute, and I’m definitely interested. I’m up for anything that will get my mind off of one man in particular. This guy would be the perfect distraction, because he’s the exact opposite of him; in looks and personality. I laugh to myself, hoping I’m not entering cougar territory.
“It’s nice to meet you. I hope you’re not too hard on me tonight Lucas. I’m a little nervous serving all these people,” I say sweetly
“So you don’t want it hard from me, huh?” he smirks. Oh, he’s one of those guys. Good, because I can dish it right back to him and then some.
“It all depends on who it is. But I’m sure I could handle you.” Damn, maybe I went a little too far. My attempt at flirting is a little rusty and oh-so-embarrassing at this moment in time.
I think he liked that comment, because he smiles even wider and says, “Take a shot of vodka with me. At the beginning of your shift, you have to take a shot. It’s the unwritten rule. Just no more alcohol the rest of the night, though. Don’t’ want you getting too friendly with the customers. Save that for me.” Did he just wink at me? Uh, I’m pretty sure he did. This guy is worse than me! I think I’ve finally met my counterpart.
My shift is only until midnight and for the next few hours I shadow Lucas. He’s really thorough and sociable with all of the customers. He has me serve a few tables by myself, and I start to feel a little more confident with the job at hand. Thankfully the wonderful gentlemen from the night before aren’t in attendance; neither is Aiden. For some unknown reason I want to see him, and I have no idea why; maybe to have the satisfaction of showing him that I’m ok after his rejection? Yeah, tell yourself that. It’s not because you miss looking at him.
A little before my shift is over, I feel eyes burning holes into my back. Almost as if I’m being watched. I don’t feel a creepy vibe though. It’s just a little unsettling not knowing who it could possibly be. I look around, but I see no one catch my gaze. Just me being paranoid I guess. I shrug it off, getting back to my endless cleaning responsibilities.
As I’m leaving the bar, I wave goodbye to Leo and Lucas. Lucas doesn’t hear me, but I’m sure he will be pretty upset when he learns that I already went home for the night. He’s such a man-whore.
Still smiling to myself, I start walking across the street to my motel. My eyes are drawn to a black motorcycle in the parking lot. There’s no way that it’s Aiden’s; purely coincidental. It just looks like his. Why would he be parked near my motel room anyway?
As I open the door to my room, I see that the T.V. is blaring. That’s strange. I don’t remember leaving it on when I left. As I fully open it, I see Aiden sitting on the bed looking directly at me. What the hell?!
“What the fuck are you doing?!” I yell, touching my erratically beating chest. “How did you even get in here? Get out!”
“I’m sitting on your bed, the hotel manager gave me a key, and I’m sorry, but I’m not leaving yet. Does that answer all of your questions?” he says calmly. “You didn’t need to yell them you know. I’m not deaf.”
Ok, I need to settle down from this little impromptu reunion. I dump my bag on the floor and notice that he’s smirking at me for God’s sake. That asshole! Ok, let me just shut the door and attempt to decelerate my breath. Damn, I wish I knew some good breathing exercises. They would come in handy right about now.
“Ok, I’m not yelling anymore,” I say, my voice vibrating with anger. “Aiden, I think you need to leave. There is absolutely no reason for you to be here in my room right now. Just get your ass off of my bed, and leave me the fuck alone.” That got his attention. He’s frowning now, probably because I used the same lines he used on me. Hurts, doesn’t it? It’s good to know that he’s not made of stone. Now I know how to chip away at his body armor.
“I deserve that, Emma. I understand that you’re confused and mad, because I acted like a fucking dick to you last night. I wanted to apologize, which is something I rarely do, believe me. I also wanted to give you back your money. I can’t accept it,” he says ashamed. “I… um, also came for another reason too.” He looks so cute and vulnerable right now. Shit! Don’t cave because you want him. He’s not worth a second of your time, Emma! Just remember that you’re an independent woman who doesn’t need any man; especially one super fucking irresistible one with dimples, sitting on your bed.
“Fine. I’ll take the money back. What’s the other thing you’re here for?” Now he looks really nervous. I’m really enjoying seeing him sweat under my scrutiny. I hope I’m not smiling too blatantly.
Before he starts talking, I cut him off. “Look, I’m really gross from work. I’m going to go shower. You can stay a little while longer and say what you want to say, but after you do, I want you gone.” As much as my curiosity is begging for more information, I need to show him that I have the upper hand.
I don’t bother waiting for a reply. I just walk to the bathroom and leave the door a little cracked. He can sneak a peek, but that’s all he’s getting. I’m going to make this hard for him, no pun intended. I slowly take of my dress and tights, my bra and panties following. I’m not sure if he’s looking, but I fucking hope so. I set up a cheap iPod doc to play tunes in the bathroom, plugging my music player into it. An acoustic rock mix flows through the speakers; something I put together in my college years. I always listen to music when I shower, because it helps me to relax. At a time like this, I need all the help I can get.
When I turn on the water, I start singing along to the Counting Crow’s Colorblind. I used to be obsessed with that song, playing it on repeat, to everyone’s annoyance. I start singing louder, as if I’m alone. I want him to think I could care less that he’s outside the bathroom door waiting for me. I make sure the liquid is the perfect temperature, and I step under the spray. I can’t help but moan, because the heat is easing my sore muscles. I hope he heard that moan too and is wondering what I could possibly be doing in here. I start washing my hair, and then I start zoning out, enjoying my shower time.
My eyes are closed, when I barely hear the shower curtain move. A second later I feel a hard body move behind me. I freeze, not thinking that he would be that bold. I like it, don’t get me wrong, but I’m shocked as hell. I’ll control myself with every ounce of willpower that I possess and not turn around or touch him. Maybe I’ll tease him until he can’t stand it and then kick his ass to the curb. My tactics may be harsh, but he wounded my ego yesterday. The fucker needs to
pay.
I feel him move around behind me in the shower. A soapy loofa starts exploring my body, cleaning my skin. He methodically washes my flesh but not in a way sexual of course. That would be too amazing. It’s like he’s messing with me. He turns me around towards him, and I start to open my eyes.
“Keep your eyes closed. Promise me whatever happens, you will keep them shut, Emma,” he says huskily.
Fuck, that request is a little odd, but if that’s what it takes to get him to touch me, I won’t ever open my eyes again. I shouldn’t even let him get that far, but who am I kidding? I’m already a goner. I tried to stick to my plan, but it’s useless. Damn my traitorous body!
“I promise, Aiden. Just touch me already!” I wine. He chuckles and puts me under the water, letting the soap trickle down my skin.
I feel a soft pressure against my nipples. He’s lightly pinching them with his thumbs. He starts to tweak them even harder, and I can’t help but moan, arching up into him. I try to restrain myself, praying for self-control. Quiet down, Emma!
“No, baby. Let me hear you. Be as loud as you want.” Well, I think I can help him out with that command. I start moaning again, and he keeps on squeezing me. As much as I love this, I need to feel him in my hand. I don’t care if I’m being needy. I want this more than anything. With my eyes still sealed shut, I try to touch him, but I feel his body jerk away from me.
“Whoa, settle down. This is all about you, not me. Let me make you feel good, and we’ll worry about me later, ok? There’s no rush, baby.” Ugh, he’s such a gentleman. Fine Aiden, you win this round.
“You’re such a tease, you know that right?” He just laughs at my accurate opinion of him. Who would’ve thought that I was a fucking comedian?
He starts to kiss my neck and my shoulders very slowly, following each caress with a bite. How does he know that I love biting? Oh, that’s right; because he’s amazing.
I hear another song come on, and I start to hum along to the tune. The voice of the singer joined with Aiden’s touch, is just so damn sexy. I can’t place the band right now, because it’s difficult to focus with all of these sensations. All I know is that I will definitely have to look them up later.
He abruptly pushes me away from him, and I start to open my eyes. I know he said not to, but what the fuck was that all about?
“What the fuck’s wrong with you? Was this all just a game, Emma?!” He jumps out of the shower and flings the curtain shut behind him. I stand under the spray, trying to figure out what just happened between us. He doesn’t wait for me to reply. He just slams the bathroom door, and I hear him move around in the next room. Ok, calm down, Emma. Let him get dressed and cool down.
I jump out of the shower, not even bothering to towel off. I just put my clothes back on and walk out into the room. He’s standing near the door fully clothed and ready to bolt.
“Ok, just calm down, Aiden. What are you even talking about?” I try to say calmly. His face looks the most furious I’ve ever seen it. His eyes are blazing; his mouth is set in a forbidding line.
“You know what I’m talking about! How could you even play that music when you know what that means to me? Did you plan all of this? To see if you could fuck with me?” He’s breathing very heavily and running his hands through his hair, almost like he’s trying to pull it out. This guy is too fucking intense and confusing for me.
“Are you bi-polar or something? Because I’ve only known you a day and all you do is freak out on me! That music I was playing was a mix I made in college and that band, whose name I totally forgot because I can barely think straight, is one of many on it. Do you hate them or something?” I say vibrating anger. “Jesus, why would you flip out over a fucking song?” God, I hope this guy isn’t crazy and chops me up into a million little pieces. Oh, calm down. You know he’s not dangerous like that. You watch way too many Lifetime for Women movies.
“So you don’t know then?” he says this with a totally puzzled look on his face. At least he’s calmed the fuck down. He’s frightening when he’s pissed.
“The only thing that I know about you is your first name. That’s all I really know, because we’re not even on a last name basis yet. I met you last night, went home with you, and hoped to get laid. Are you supposed to be some fucking local celebrity or something?” He’s probably one of those guys who was on one of those shitty reality shows once and thinks he’s Jesus now. Please, Aiden. Don’t be that kind of guy.
He walks over to the bed and sits down, his hands rubbing his face. Just tell me what’s going on already!
“Emma, you have no idea how sorry I am; once again. I overacted. That song brings back bad memories for me. That’s all. Hearing it again just made me go crazy on you. Fuck, I’m such an asshole!” Yeah, you kind of are one. Why couldn’t this be just a fun fling? So far nothing is fun or easy about this relationship. I slump down on the bed, worn out from all of today’s shit.
“Aiden, I appreciate the apology, but I’m through with this bullshit.” He looks up quickly, pain overshadowing his eyes. “In all honesty, I just wanted to have a good time with you, and that doesn’t seem like a possibility. There’s something going on with you. Something you’re not telling me. I don’t know what it is, and I really don’t give a fuck at this point. Just get out of here, Aiden. I’m done,” I murmur, my voice cracking. I’ve finally been worn down and could care less about finding out what his problem is. Hopefully he understands how serious I am and will leave for good. I just can’t do this with him.
Instead of departing, he kneels down in front of me. I don’t look at him, because I’m scared that I’ll break my resolve and wrap my arms around him. I close my eyes, wishing that he would just disappear.
“Emma, please just listen to me. Yeah, there are things going on with me; things that I can’t tell you about yet, but I want to. I came over tonight to apologize for being such a prick, and here I am doing it all over again. When I saw you at Leo’s yesterday, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.” I snort, remembering how he didn’t seem too pleased to lock eyes with me. “Well, I did eventually, only because I saw how young you are. I felt sick knowing how attracted I was to you. That’s why I pushed you away. I’m years too old for you, baby.”
I look up at him and shake my head. God, what an idiot! “But you were all I could think about all fucking day long. I had to find you and make things right between us. I went by Leo’s and saw you working there, and I figured that you checked into a motel close by. I found out which one, and I bribed the manager to give me your hotel key. I said that I was your husband,” he says embarrassed. Is he embarrassed because he went to all this trouble to find me, or is it because he said he was my husband?
“I want you Emma; more than just physically. I don’t fully understand what I’m feeling, but I want to give this, whatever this is, a chance. What you’ve seen so far… that’s not how I want to be. I know I can be a fucking asshole most of the time, but I don’t want to be that way anymore. Years of self-preservation make me lash out and push people away. I’ve never wanted to let someone inside these walls I’ve built. But I want to…with you. Just give me another chance. Please.”
Wow. I think this is as honest as he’s been with me so far. He looks so bare and raw right now. I feel bad for him, but I’m not sure where to go from here. Do I want him? Yes. Do I want another relationship? I thought I didn’t, but now I’m not so sure anymore. I can see him shredding my heart into fragments. Can I handle that again?
“I’m so confused right now. You keep blowing up, and I’m not going to be okay if these outbursts continue. I won’t walk on eggshells around you, not knowing if one little comment will set you off. I just wanted to have some fun and start a new life. And I’m not sure if that new life includes you, Aiden. I’m sorry.” There, I was open and honest with him about my feelings. Then why do I feel a sharp pain in my chest after my admission?
“Do you want me to beg for forgiveness? Because I will if that’s
what you want. I have never pleaded for anything in my life. Do you understand how much I’m putting myself out there for you? I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t think we could have something special. When I look into your eyes I see determination. I thought you were an innocent, untouched by the world. But I also see pain deep down and buried. I know you saw that in me too, and it scared the shit out of me. I have this unexplainable need to make you happy, and I think you could do the same for me. We could help each other, Emma.” Oh, Aiden. You think we could help each other, but I think that we could destroy each other. I start to reply, but he starts talking again.
“Look, can we just start over? Let me take care of you. Let me touch you and make you feel good. I know that you want that just as much as I do. We can talk afterwards. Just let me be close to you, even if it’s only for tonight.” He sits down next to me on the bed, and I look into his eyes. He brings his hand up to my face, brushing his knuckles against my jawline. Ugh, I know I’m going to regret this, but I’m done fighting him. I give him a nod, and he starts to touch the rest of my face. It’s like he’s memorizing every crevice, in case he never gets to touch me again.
I close my eyes, because my emotions are starting to get out of control. I try not to cry, because the way he is touching me is so beautiful. It’s like he’s finally seeing me; the real me for the first time.
He gently pulls me up to the top of the bed with him and places me down against the headboard. He pulls off my tights and lifts up my dress over my arms. I shiver as the air jolts my naked flesh. I’m bare underneath, and he sucks in a harsh breath, studying my body. He smiles, making his irresistible dimples crease in appreciation.
We Fight, We Fall Page 3