by Cox, Carrie;
…And then I remembered how Olga’s hands had been all over him for the last forty minutes. Not that I’d been timing it of course.
“Nothing is the matter,” I snapped and brushed past him, walking back into the sitting room.
I didn’t know why I was snapping at him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. But I couldn’t help myself.
“So what do you want to do with the rest of the day?” I asked, cheerfully, looking back at Jack.
He was frowning at me, and staring at me with his dark, intense gaze. He had a way of looking at me that made my legs turn to jelly. I didn’t know how he did it. I’d never met anyone who could make me feel this way before.
He bit down on his lower lip. Which was exactly the wrong thing to do as it drew my attention back to his mouth. But this time I couldn’t turn away.
“I wish you would tell me what’s wrong. You know I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, don’t you?”
“I haven’t done anything,” I said. I turned away again and walked back to the kitchen.
As I walked, I heard him mutter behind me. “You have,” he said. “More than you know.”
17
That afternoon Jack decided he wanted to watch a film and educate me in the process.
“African Queen,” he said, connecting up the iPad to the TV. “A classic. Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn.”
As the intro sequence began to play on the screen, we settled on the sofa and I turned to him. “Is it black and white?”
“What’s wrong with black and white?”
I pulled a face, and he grinned. “It’s in color, and you’ll like it, I promise. Hopefully it will cheer you up.”
“I don’t need cheering up. I’m absolutely fine,” I said, but I couldn’t hide the cold edge in my voice.
He frowned at me. “Honestly, you’ve been in a terrible mood today. You’ve been annoyed about something since Olga…”
His face broke out into a wide grin. “You’re jealous?”
The sudden flood of blood to my cheeks answered the question for me.
“You are jealous,” he said, seemingly delighted as he picked up the remote control.
Much as I hated to admit it, the way he smiled made his face look boyish and charming and made me feel like two-hundred pound butterflies were flapping around in my stomach.
He nudged me gently with his elbow. “Go on, admit it. You’re jealous of Olga.”
I clenched my fists and purposefully scooted a foot away from him on the sofa. “I am not.”
“Sure you are,” he said. “Come on, admit it. You’ve been in a bad mood ever since she turned up this morning.”
I scowled at him. “You have too big an opinion of yourself, you know? Why on earth would I be jealous?” I asked in the haughtiest tone I could and folded my arms across my chest.
All of a sudden his face darkened, and the boyish smile slipped from his face, making him look years older.
He looked away as he flicked through the apps with the remote. “Yeah,” he muttered. “I was only kidding. I mean, why would you be jealous?” He looked down at his legs. “I’m not exactly a guy worth being jealous over anymore, am I?”
He focused his attention back on the screen.
“I…” My voice faltered.
What did I say to that? If I told him the truth, I risked losing my job and laying myself out for ridicule. But I couldn’t stand to see the hurt look on his face, as if he thought he was no longer worthy of anyone’s jealousy.
I swallowed hard, then said, “Jealousy’s ridiculous. I’m not really the jealous type.”
He nodded. His eyes stayed fixed on the screen. “Sure.”
We watched the film in silence.
Every now and then, I turned and watched his brooding face in profile. His jaw seemed to be clenched, and he looked thoroughly miserable.
All I wanted to do was reach out, stroke his hair and kiss the skin on his cheek that was dusted with stubble.
But of course I didn’t.
I kept my hands linked together in my lap, resisting the temptation to reach out and touch him, and we sat there in silence.
18
Jack
She looked so cute when she was angry.
Her eyes flashing and sparkling — I wouldn’t ever get tired of seeing her like that.
I knew she wasn’t really jealous because of me. She was probably just worried that Olga would take her job. It was another female encroaching on her territory. It had nothing to do with me at all. She made that crystal clear.
I stared straight ahead at the screen. I knew Kristina was feeling sorry for me, and I hated that. She didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, and I was a big boy now. I’d get over it.
I’d seen this film so many times, I could practically recite the lines. But my mind was not focusing on it today. It’s hard to concentrate with Kristina sitting so close. She might not be sitting as close to me as I would like… but it was still close enough to be distracting.
Olga was nice enough today, but she’s nothing like Kristina.
Olga knew her stuff, and the massage did really help to ease the pain in my lower calves.
It had been entirely different when Kristina had done the massage. Olga was business-like and brisk — no nonsense. It definitely wasn’t sensual.
The complete opposite of Kristina … Every time I thought of Kristina trailing her fingers along my legs, rubbing and… Well, I had to try and think of something else to keep my emotions in check. Even now, the thought of her massage makes me hard. I automatically adjust my position so she doesn’t notice.
I wanted to watch ‘African Queen’ this afternoon as I thought Kristina would like it. She’d been down all day, and I thought this might help. I really had no idea why she was so mad.
I was an idiot. I actually let myself believe, just for a fraction of a second, that she was jealous. That she had feelings for me. How stupid was that?
I should have known better. What do I have to offer her when I am like this?
Sometimes it was just so easy to forget when she was around. On days like yesterday, she made me feel normal again — almost happy. For that brief moment, I felt alive again. Then I remembered, and the happiness drained away.
I wasn’t sure whether that was better. At least before I was persistently miserable. Now I got these highs and lows, making me feel like I was on some kind of a roller coaster.
It was crazy.
I used to get this thrill of excitement when I made the fastest lap time around the circuit. It just gave me such a buzz, and this morning, I got that same feeling just from walking a few steps unaided. I could never have imagined myself like this a year ago.
Kristina was still ignoring me. I could tell she was still annoyed by the way her fists were clenched tightly in her lap.
She might think she’s good at hiding her feelings, but she isn’t.
Maybe I was too presumptuous earlier, teasing her about being jealous. Sometimes I forgot she was here to do a job, not because she was my friend.
No matter how much I might wish it otherwise, this was a job to Kristina, nothing more.
19
Kristina
After we finished the film, which despite everything I actually enjoyed, Jack told me I could leave him to it. He said he was tired and wanted to take a nap.
I felt like he was punishing me for something. I deserved it. I’d been moody and snarky all day.
He looked so down and melancholy. I wanted to do something to cheer him up, but right now, my emotions were all over the place, and I thought I’d probably end up saying the wrong thing. So I did what he asked and left him to it.
I decided to video call my sister. It was always Kate I turned to when I was feeling down. I knew I shouldn’t lay my problems at her door, especially now that she was pregnant. And I was determined not to off-load my problems onto her.
I planned do call her and make out I was having the time of my
life. I had no intention of telling her about this situation with Jack. I just needed to hear her voice.
I dialed up and Kate’s face came into view after a few seconds. Despite my best intentions, I immediately teared up.
I blinked rapidly. What the hell was wrong with me at the moment? I was not a crier. I never had been. But when my sister’s face came on the screen, I wanted to reach out and hug her.
“Hey you!” she said grinning at me.
“Hey, yourself,” I said. “How are you and the bump?”
Kate stood up, so I got to see her baby bump in profile. She was really starting to show now.
We chatted about her upcoming wedding and how she’d been feeling with the baby. She made me laugh when she told me that Benjamin was practically beside himself because she refused to get married until after the baby was born. It was funny; he didn’t really strike me as the traditional type. But it seemed that Benjamin couldn’t wait to marry Kate.
I thought I was doing a good job of pretending I was happy, but Kate knew me too well.
“So what’s up with you, Tina?” she asked.
She still called me Tina. To everyone else I’m Kristina. But to Kate, I’ll always be Tina, her little sister.
“Nothing is the matter; I’m doing great, honestly.”
Kate nodded. “You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you? You know there is nothing to be ashamed of if you’ve had a setback. You can come home, and we can get you back into the program.”
I cut her off. “No, I’m doing really well. I promise I haven’t had any setbacks. The job’s going well too. I really feel like I’m doing something worthwhile.”
Kate smiled at me. “I’m glad. I really am so glad it’s working out. I was worried about you going away for so long but I’m really proud of you. You’ll have to come back when the baby is born though. Do you promise?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
She looked relieved and rested her hand on her bump. “Good. And if anything goes wrong or you want to come home sooner, give me a call and I will organize the flight for you, okay?”
I smiled. “Sure. But nothing is going to go wrong. Everything’s great.”
Just after I’d said goodbye to Kate and signed off, Lauren bundled into my room in a state of nervous excitement. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were sparkling.
“What’s up?” I asked, eager to know what had her so hyped up.
She threw herself down on my bed and grinned. “Oh my God. You won’t believe where we’re going tonight.”
“Where are we going?”
She flipped over onto her stomach and grabbed hold of my hand. “You do have an evening dress, don’t you?”
“An evening dress? Uh, you mean like a long gown?”
Lauren nodded.
I pulled a face. “No. Long gowns aren’t really my thing.”
“Okay, not to worry, you can wear something of mine. It might be a little short on you, but it should be all right.”
I nodded. “Okay, so where are we going?”
“The Monte Carlo Ball! It’s a dinner dance, and it’s going to be awesome. I think the Prince will be there. A real life prince! You do want to come, don’t you? Say you want to come. Please.”
I nodded. “Sure, sounds great.”
What I really wanted to do was stay home and mope about, feeling sorry for myself. But I knew that was not going to help anyone.
It would do me good to get out of this house. My life, for the last few weeks, had completely revolved around Jack, and I needed a break. I needed something different, something to remind me that the outside world was still there, and I thought the Monte Carlo dinner dance might do just that.
I borrowed a midnight blue dress from Lauren. I wore kitten heels with it so the dress didn’t look too short.
Lauren had told me to be ready by seven, so I still had half an hour to kill. I decided to go back to Jack’s apartments to see if he was still awake and tell him about the ball. I didn’t just want to disappear and not tell him I was going out in case he needed something.
He hadn’t needed me after hours since I started working here, so my inner voice nagged at me that I was just making up an excuse to go and see him. My inner voice was probably right.
I walked into Jack’s sitting room, but there was no sign of him and the bedroom door was closed, so I thought he must have already gone to sleep.
I didn’t leave straight away. I headed towards his computer table, where on the corner of the desk, he had a set of three photographs. In one of them, he was wearing black tie, and he looked unbelievably handsome. Beside him was his nasty ex-girlfriend, Joanna.
Jack was looking into the camera full of life and hope, and his eyes were devoid of the sadness that seemed to haunt him these days.
“Hey.”
Jack’s voice behind me made me turn.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just thought I’d come back and check that you don’t need anything…”
My voice trailed away.
Oh. My. God. He was bare-chested and only wearing sweat pants that hung extremely low on his narrow hips.
He was leaning on a single crutch. His biceps flexed as he shifted position.
My eyes traveled slowly down to his muscular chest, then further down to his taught abs that led into a ‘V’ and lower … I quickly averted my eyes.
What was wrong with me? Honestly, anyone would think I was a sex-starved nymphomaniac.
“You look nice,” he said.
It was on the tip of my tongue to reply and say if I looked nice, he looked hotter than hell. Thankfully, I managed to control myself just in time.
“Lauren has invited me to the Monte Carlo dinner dance tonight. It’s at one of the hotels… I forget which one. Do you want to come?” I blurted the last part out before I could stop myself.
Jack shook his head. “And be the toast of the gossip queens? No, thanks. Anyway, Brian’s coming back for a session. He’s got some kettle bells or some other instrument of torture. He thinks it will give me a whole body workout… so there’s something to look forward to.” He grinned and rubbed a hand over his face.
As he lifted his arm, his sweat pants slipped a little lower. It would be so easy to walk up to him slowly, pull down the waistband of his pants and curl my hand around…
God. I had to get out of here.
Jack didn’t seem to notice the images my dirty mind was conjuring up.
“Think of me while you’re having fun,” he said.
“I can stick around, if you’d like? I don’t have to go,” I said a little too eagerly.
“Oh, no, you’ll like it, I think.” He pointed to one of the pictures behind me. “That was taken at the dinner dance last year. It’s quite a spectacle. Everybody is out in their finest clothes. It gets boring after the first few times, but I think you’ll like seeing it for the first time.”
There was a rap at the door and Brian entered.
“Okay, buddy, are you ready for a torture session.” He held up two large kettle bells.
“They look like they weigh a ton,” I said.
I hovered around the kitchen area as Brian took Jack through the steps of the new workout.
I watched closely as he gripped the kettle bells. The muscles in his arms flexed as he lifted them up higher towards his chest. After a short time, his chest was covered in a vague sheen of sweat and I was focused on him intently … too intently.
Brian grinned at me. “He’s doing brilliantly, don’t you think, Kristina?”
“Huh?” I said distracted and looked at Brian. “Oh, yeah, he’s doing great.”
There was a knock at the door, and it made me jump. Who could it be at this time? Maria would have gone home by now. I pulled open the door to see Lauren.
She looked at me with her mouth gaping open. “What are you doing? The car is waiting for us.”
“God, sorry. I didn’t realize the time.”
&nbs
p; Lauren looked stunning. She was wearing a full length burgundy evening gown that complimented her creamy skin, and she was wearing a beautiful gold chain. It was simple but it set the outfit off to perfection. Her hair was neatly curled, just brushing her shoulders, and was fastened at the side with a little Diamanté clip. I had never seen Lauren looking so sophisticated.
“You look amazing,” I said.
“All right, no need to sweet talk me.” She grabbed my arm. “I’m not mad, but we’d better get a move on.”
“Oh, I’d think I better stay.” I pointed behind me, gesturing at Jack.
Lauren pouted.
Jack shook his head. “No, go and have fun. You don’t want to be around me all the time. You need a break, have some fun. You don’t want to be around a misery like me forever.”
That’s exactly what I do want, I thought, but I said nothing.
“Okay, we’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Lauren said as she pulled me out of the room.
20
Jack
I focused on the burn in my muscle, grateful for the lactic acid buildup and the pain that accompanied it, bringing me back to the present.
I tried to concentrate, but my mind was still full of Kristina. I couldn’t shake it.
She always looked gorgeous, but tonight, seeing her dressed up like that… I felt odd inside.
I didn’t want anybody else to see her like that.
I’d been to hundreds of these stupid events and even before the accident I wouldn’t have wanted to go, but when Kristina asked me tonight, I wanted to be at her side.
“Hey buddy,” Brian said and took the kettlebell from me. “I think that’s enough with that one.”
As we moved on to the next exercise, I grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat from my face.
She was here to do a job. I knew that. She was paid to be here. So why was it that whenever she wasn’t around, I felt hollow inside?
I clenched my teeth and grabbed the next kettlebell working my muscles until they were exhausted. It felt good to work out my frustrations.