by Cameron Jace
I’m up in Tom Tower, watching the world below. This is the place where the Pillar once stood, shouting and warning the world of an upcoming war, yet no one paid attention. Things have changed. The world is talking about the possibility of a Wonderland War now. If they only knew what’s coming.
But I’m not here to watch the world. I am standing here to watch Jack on the other side of the street. This is the present time. The now we should cherish. But it hurts so much. Jack is on the other side of the street, playing cards and hustling other people. I would love to run to him and throw myself in his arms. But I’d be ruining all that I worked for in the past.
I tell myself that I should be happy for him. He is alive and well. He isn’t a ghost of a boy who died in a bus accident anymore. Eventually I will let him go. I know that.
I am also grateful I’m alive. Even though I didn’t find my Wonder, somehow time let me live and return to the present moment.
I remember waking up in the Inklings room, all alone after Mr. Tick and Mrs. Tock had left. Even Fabiola had gone to do something. They thought I was already dead and were preparing to bury me. I woke up and left immediately.
In all cases, I’m everyone’s enemy now.
Black Chess will hunt me if they know I am back as the Good Alice. The Inklings will hunt me thinking I am the Bad Alive, and that I can never change.
Back to square one, I tell myself. Back to where I am the loneliest hero in the world.
How I survived without finding my Wonder, I still don’t know.
Silently, the Pillar arrives and stands next to me. We share the view of the world in silence. It’s still good to have someone whom I can enjoy the silence with.
“You’re a tock too late,” I say.
“Or a tick too soon,” he says.
“So you read the Alice Under Ground book, went mad, and still killed people,” I say. “Some things never change.”
“True,” the Pillar says. “Believe it or not, the things you changed are very little. In this new version of the future, everything is still almost the same.”
“That’s what Mrs Tock said.”
“In this version you and I still met in an asylum. I killed twelve people and entered as a patient. I asked Truckle for you and persuaded you that you were a hero. We saved so many lives, like in the earlier timeline.”
“How so? If the bus exploded without me, I couldn’t have ended up in the asylum again.”
“But you did. The people waiting at the station told the authorities about the mad girl running hysterically after the bus. The court suspected you were an accessory to whoever exploded it. Your lawyer pleaded insanity, and you ended up in Radcliffe Asylum again. Your sisters and mother still believe you blew up the bus.”
“So it’s true that the future always finds a way.”
“In a most wicked way. Like I said, nothing changed at all. I met you. We saved lives. Tom Truckle is still who he is, except that he remembers his mission clearer now. The Cheshire came to this world, the Muffin Man was killed, I tricked you into showing me the whereabouts of the keys by pretending to be the Hatter, and we were in Columbia a few weeks back.”
“So I really failed in changing anything.”
“All but him.” The Pillar points his cane at Jack across the street. “He looks happy.”
“Yes. He does.” I smile. “I am thankful that time let him live.”
“You let him live, Alice.”
“And the Cheshire didn’t possess him?”
“No, because they never met. The Cheshire is as vicious as he’s always been. Nothing’s changed.”
“I heard rumors he was dead.”
“They’re not true. Although he was going to, being left alone in the cold without a soul to posses.”
“How did he live then?”
“He possessed a parasite. Some sort of bacteria.”
“How convenient.”
“He’s always been a parasite of souls. He’s also the most important Wonderland Monster at the moment.”
“Because he knows where Jack hid the keys?”
The Pillar nods, still sharing the view affront. “Pretty stupid move to throw the keys at him in the past, I must say.”
“You have no idea how emotionally draining that moment at the bus stations was,” I say. “So stop being practical.”
“I’d like to sympathize, but if you’re going to keep saving lives, you need be stronger than that,” he knocks his cane on the floor, once. “But still, you should be proud you saved Jack’s life.”
“I know, although he’ll never talk to me again.”
“Yes. That will never happen,” the Pillar says. “And it will hurt a lot.”
“Sometimes I hate your bluntness.”
“Some would argue it’s called the truth.”
“A painful one,” I say. “Any advise how I should live with it.”
“Pain is like a glue to the skin. Try to rip it off and it will take a piece of you with it.”
“And the solution?”
“The solution is to understand there is no solution.”
“That’s optimistic.” I roll my eyes.
“Once you neglect it will wither away. Pain is like the Cheshire. A parasite. It can only feed on you if you let it.”
I have little to contribute to this logic. Maybe because the pain is so fresh. Maybe because I saved Jack, and was hurt again in return. I rest my case.”
“And don’t worry about the corpse they buried instead of you,” The Pillar says. “I took care of things.”
I don’t even want to know what he did.
“Are we good?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Are you comfortable with resisting the Bad Alice in you?”
“I’m not sure.”
“But you’re not her now.”
I didn’t know how to answer that. The concept of having good and evil inside me still makes me uncomfortable. I need time to get used to it and know what I want. “I have a question, Pillar.”
“I’ll answer if I know. Lie to you if I don’t.”
“Why am I alive, even though I didn’t find my Wonder?”
“Who said you didn’t?” The Pillar points at Jack again. “What is a greater Wonder than saving a loved one’s life?”
I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about it. But the Pillar may be right. My Wonder is Jack. Saving his life, to be precise.
I watch him for a bit longer until another girl comes and wraps her arms around him and kisses him. It’s my stepsister Lorina.
Chapter 90
“I guess Jack has a thing for the Wonder family,” the Pillar remarks.
I say nothing. Just watch Jack ride his motorcycle with Lorina behind him. I know I have to forget about him forever, although I don’t know how. I turn to face the Pillar. “So you did all of this to convert me from a Bad Alice to a Good Alice.”
“I wasn’t sure it’d work. You made it work.”
“And I hated you for pulling me out of the asylum all the time.”
“A lot of people hate me lately. I’m familiar with the concept.”
“How did you ever know I was the Real Alice?”
“That’s a long story. No need to dig up more secrets now. There are more important matters at stake.”
“Like what?”
“Like making sure you can control the Bad Alice inside you.”
“I don’t know if it’s possible.”
“I guess only time will tell. There are still other important things, anyways.”
“Please tell me.”
“Another Wonderland Monster is coming.”
“This week?”
“Yes. Saying he is the darkest of all is an understatement.”
“You always say that.”
“This one has a personal grudge against you.”
“Really?” I grimace.
“It’s going to be a hard test for you.”
“Explain, plea
se.”
“The next Wonderland Monster is someone you hurt badly when you were the Bad Alice.”
“I see.”
“He has an agenda of his own. On top of it is making you suffer.”
“How will he do that?”
“It will depend on who you choose to be. Good Alice, he will make you suffer by letting you see the world suffer. Bad Alice, he will have to hurt you personally.”
“I’m ready for him,” I say. There is a certain confidence speaking in me. I feel stronger. Part of me has the cruelty of evil inside. The other part has the innocence of goodness. I believe they can complement each other.
“Ready and optimistic aren’t enough reason to face him.”
“Then what is?”
“Not being ready. Always be pessimistic in your hopes with a monster. Always believe you will fail. Because if you feel a tinge of optimism, they will see it and stab you the same moment you thought you won.”
“I understand,” I say. “But seriously, Pillar, why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you save me?”
“Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“That sounds noble, but let’s not fool ourselves. I know you’re not a saint walking around and doing good deeds. I need to understand why. Please be honest.”
The Pillar shrugs. He slowly reaches for something in his chest pocket. He pulls out a yellow piece of paper. It’s folded and he grips it hard.
I am curious.
Chapter 91
THE PRESENT: BUCKINGHAM PALACE
“You have what I want?” Margaret asked the Queen of Hearts.
“I do,” the Queen said. “But you didn’t really have to blackmail me, Duchess. You could just have asked.”
“You never listen.”
“Then you could just have shut up.”
Margaret shrugged. “I need you to fulfill your part of the deal. Give me back what belongs to me.”
“I will.” The Queen called her guards and told them to let the woman with the red fur in.
Margaret stared at the woman for a long time. It was good to see her, but this wasn’t the deal. “Where is he?”
“Patience,” the woman in the red fur said, and then clapped her hands.
A chubby young boy entered the room. He licked an ice cream and looked confused.
Margaret’s eyes moistened. She opened up her arms, waiting for him to come to her. But the boy stood there licking on his ice cream.
“Don’t you remember me?” Margaret said.
The boy shook his head.
“I’m your mother.”
“My mother is the woman in the red fur.”
“No.” Margaret got on her knees. “I am your mother. They lied to you.”
“If you’re my mother, then you must be deliciously evil. Do you like to hurt people?”
Margaret was shocked.
“Yes, dear Duchess,” the Queen of Hearts interrupted. “Your son grew to be one of us. He is a nasty Black Chess member now. I’m proud of him.”
“You filthy b—”
“No need for swearing. I took your son from you back then so you’d always do as I say. Now I brought him back. You should be thankful.”
“But he is — ”
“He is not going to remember you’re his mother or return to his old self unless I cure him,” the Queen said. “And I won’t do that until we win the war.”
“So you’ve planned this from the beginning. You knew you wouldn’t give him back to me.”
“I may be short, but I’m smarter than you. How many times do I need to spell it out for you?”
“So what do you want from me?”
“To keep working for me, Duchess. Once we win the war, you can have your innocent version of your son back. Until then…”
“The show must go on, I know,” Margaret said. “Please don’t hurt him until then.”
“As long as you obey me.”
Margaret hesitated then nodded. “At your service, My Queen.”
“Brilliant. We have a new monster coming. A special one. This one has the key to the Pillar and Fabiola’s weaknesses.”
“Why those two?”
“Because once we find the keys, all we need to win the war is to get rid of those two.”
“I see.”
“One last thing.”
“Yes, My Queen.”
“The coming monster never lost a war, so we’re expecting someone to die, from us or the Inklings — but it’ll be worth it.”
“Why?”
“He is one of few who knows how to use the keys.”
Chapter 92
THE PRESENT: TOM TOWER
“What’s on this paper?” I ask the Pillar.
“I wrote my Wonder on it.”
“You have a Wonder, like the rest of us?” I chuckle.
“At least, I think it’s my Wonder.”
“What does your Wonder have to with why you helped me?”
“One day you’ll know.”
“So you’re not showing it to me know?”
“I’d love to, but I’m sensing a few complications on the way. I can’t explain much, but let’s say I’d like you to keep the note.”
“I’d love to.”
“Only you have to promise me you’ll never open it until I die.”
“Whoa. Why are you talking about death now?”
The Pillar steps closer to me. He gives me that look again. “Something strange happened when I was in the future.”
“What happened?”
“I went to Carroll’s grave to get a stock of Lullaby pills from his corpse.”
“You dug him up?” I don’t like the sound of that.
“Let’s not try to be ideal heroes here. Yes, I dug him up to get the pills and save your life.”
I shrug.
“But that’s not the point,” he says. “On my way out of the cemetery, I came across a tombstone.”
“Whose?”
“Someone dear to me was buried there.”
“Fabiola?”
“That someone is very important to me. You have no idea how.”
“Me?” I say. “But it can’t be me. I was alive in the future. My kids expected to see their mum, so I was alive.”
“It’s not you, Alice,” the Pillar says.
“Who is that someone? Do I know him or her?”
The Pillar steps back, locking eyes with me. “That someone is me.”
There are no words to describe my shock. No words at all. “But…”
“Don’t, Alice,” he says. “I’m going before, or some time within the Wonderland Wars”
“Don’t say that, Pillar.” I step forward. “You will not die. We can do this. We can do this together.”
“No, we can’t. The future will always find a way.”
“But you’re wrong. Didn’t you see I saved Jack?”
“I think that’s why I’m going to die, Alice.”
“What do you mean? What does Jack have to do with this?”
“According to the terrible Guide to Wonderlastic Time Travels, time will take a life for every life you save. For every life the time traveller cheats out of time.”
I didn’t know that. “Are you saying that Jack’s life comes at a cost?”
“Yes. At the cost of another life.”
“So what? It doesn’t say it will be you.”
The Pillar shrugs. It’s one of the rare moments I’ve seen him do that. He tries to evade my eyes, but I don’t let him, locking on with his. “It has to be me, Alice.”
“Pillar?” I tilt my head, realizing I can’t lose him now. “What’s going on?”
“Time let you save the dearest person to you. In exchange, he will take the next dearest person to you.”
And with this I realize the paradox and dilemma. Now that I’ve learned what the Pillar has done for me, and even though he may have his own agenda, I know he is truly the dearest person to me after Jack.
“Pillar,” I say. “No. We’ll find a way. We’ll…”
“Just don’t,” the Pillar says. “I’m good to go. Just keep my note. Read it only when I die.”
The Pillar starts to walk away. Even now, he is as arrogant as he’s always been. He is smiling. Caucus racing, and doesn’t give a mushroom about this world. I am out of words — and solutions.
“I think you should look for that future husband of yours,” he says, walking away and happily waving his cane in the air. “Get married after you win the Wonderland War, Alice. Have kids. Teach them how to go down the rabbit hole and beat it.”
I am standing in place, soaked in my tears.
“But I have a question,” he says. “Why name your Tiger and Lily? I thought Lewis and Carol would be neat. But then again, I’m not their father.”
The Pillar disappears from view and I stare at the note in my hand. I am staring at the Pillar’s Wonder. But I can’t open it. I promised. I can’t describe how much I love and hate this note. If I keep it closed, the Pillar lives and I never realize his Wonder. I’m afraid if I open it, I will know his Wonder, but he will be dead.
Chapter 93
THE PRESENT: PILLAR’S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM
Tom Truckle, having made a deal with the Pillar, keeps me in the Pillar VIP cell upstairs. It’s a lonely place up there in the empty ward. But it’s necessary to have everyone else think I’m still dead at this point. I understand.
The Pillar doesn’t use the cell anymore. He said he wanted to make something useful out of his days alive. When I asked where he’ll be, he said: “Where madness is a virtue.”
I can’t imagine where that would be, but he promised me he’ll have a great time.
All until next week’s monster arrives.
Now in the Pillar’s cell, Tom brings me my Tiger Lily pot from downstairs. He sets it next to me and asks me if I need anything else. I thank him and he leaves.
I spend hours and hours trying to solve a few mysteries in my head. Like why I had to kill those on the bus, where it was going, and who my future husband really is.