“Name it.” She leans in to kiss my cheek as we walk through the service entrance. I look over at her and have to laugh at how innocent she looks right now. Most definitely not the type of woman anyone would suspect of getting to second base in the alley with a doctor.
“Walk me up to the unit.” She won’t be able to escort me all the way to my office, but if I have her by my side until I reach the restricted area, maybe people won’t notice what she’s done to me. I know my brain sure as hell turns off as soon as she’s in the room. And it’s not because I know what’s under that flirty gingham dress either, it’s this sweetness that she exudes. Mary is the type of person everyone wants to be friends with.
“You got it,” she says, reaching for my hand. She leans into my side as we ride the elevator to the top floor. A couple of older doctors raise an eyebrow at us, but I don’t care. She’s my girl and they might as well get used to seeing her around. Damn, I think Zeke is starting to rub off on me.
I barely manage to get through the door when Zeke rushes out of his office. He has this goofy grin on my face that tells me he’s up to something, which makes me smile. It’s good to see him finally getting back to his usual self. “Hey, let’s get out of here,” he says, circling my waist as he walks me toward the living room.
“You sure are in a good mood,” I laugh. He’s kissing me all over my face, quick, playful pecks. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well, Jeff called and said he wants to take you out to dinner tonight, so I figured we could hang out until he gets done with work.” I look up, trying to see any trace of jealousy on his face. Not seeing anything negative reflected back at me, I realize that we’ve turned a corner. It’s the first time I’m not concerned about my time with Jeff because I can tell Zeke knows we’re in a good place.
“Sure, but I want to change first.” I’m not going to tell him that the reason I need to change is Jeff got me so turned on that it’s slightly uncomfortable walking around in damp underwear. Not only that, but if Jeff managed to get me in such a state, I have no doubt Zeke will find somewhere to have his way with me if I’m wearing a dress.
Despite the heat, we decide to take a walk. I still can’t go long distances, but it feels good to finally be able to do something. Zeke pulls me into the co-op to grab a snack and something cold to drink before turning up one of the side streets that leads to the lake. This is one of my favorite places in the city because it’s easy to get lost in the beauty of the surroundings. It’s far enough off the main thoroughfares that it’s rare to hear a car drive past and we’re sitting at the top of a hill overlooking the lake.
I lean back against Zeke, letting the breeze coming off the water cool me down. If he doesn’t say something soon, it would be easy to fall asleep up here. I turn to look back at him and see him staring down at me. “What’s that look for?”
Ever so gently, Zeke brushes a stray hair away from my cheek. The corner of my mouth quirks up in a smile as I stare up at him looking down at me. “Just thinkin’,” Zeke responds, his fingers still slowly stroking my cheek.
Normally, I would have a witty comeback, telling him he’s going to get in trouble if he thinks too hard, but I can’t say anything this time. It’s one of those moments that feels important even though we’re not doing anything and I don’t want to ruin it with sarcasm. “What are you thinking about?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Us,” he sighs. He breaks eye contact, looking out over the water. Figuring he’s not going to say anything else on the subject, I do the same. It’s a gorgeous day. I’m envious of those who are out on the lake in their boats. The only consolation is that, from here, it looks like diamonds glittering in the sun and I know you can’t get that view when you’re actually on the water.
“I have to tell you something,” Zeke says quietly. Unlike previous times he’s started a conversation this way, I’m not worried. I turn my body so I can place a hand on his chest, still not looking up at him. I’m the most at peace I can remember feeling and I don’t want to see something in his eyes that will dampen that feeling.
“Okay?” My voice shakes slightly and I wonder if I’m not quite as calm as I thought.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” he blurts out. My head whips up to look at him, to see if I imagined that he said those words.
“Are you kidding me?” Okay, so it’s not the most eloquent response, but Zeke has caught me completely off guard. I figured he would be the last one to admit something like this, not the first.
“Should I be?” he asks, his expression falling slightly.
I wrap my arms around his neck, burying my head against his chest. “You’d better not be,” I say softly. “Because I’m certain I’m falling in love with you. I just… you always said you didn’t do love.”
“Yeah, well, a guy can be wrong.” He shrugs, lifting me so I’m straddling his lap, my legs wrapped tightly around his back. It’s definitely a good thing I didn’t wear that skirt. As much as I want to get lost in Zeke’s mouth and hands exploring my body, I remind myself that we’re in a public park, less than fifty feet away from a playground.
On our way home, we stop by the recording studio to see how things are going with Blessed Tragedy’s new album. It’s surreal to me to sit and hang out with them. Rain flops down on the couch while the guys talk about heading out to a club tonight to watch a battle of the bands competition.
I always envisioned rockers as acting like the world owes them something, but this group is quickly dispelling that idea. Jon came up to me earlier, asking me to contact some local schools for them to visit and talk to the music students. Between that and how amped they are about heading out tonight to support new acts, I’m realizing that they might be some of the nicest people I’ve met.
“Okay, you can tell me to mind my own business if I’m crossing the line, but how in the hell did you land two sexy men?” Rain asks, taking a sip of her water.
“You’re one to talk, you’re married to Colton Bradford. That man is the epitome of walking, talking sex,” I laugh. The fact that he’s looking over his shoulder at Rain like there’s nothing else in his world only makes him even sexier. “Seriously, look at him. Women would kill to have their man look at him like that.”
“Exactly my point,” she giggles, punching me in the arm. “Every night, we’re at your place and I have to watch both of them look at you that way. I’m starting to feel robbed.”
“I don’t know about all that,” I deflect.
“Oh, I do,” she says, shaking her head as he pulls herself off the couch. Seeing her struggle, Colton rushes to her side. She rubs her protruding stomach as she stretches. “Seriously, you’re a lucky woman. Hang on to them. And if that one gets out of line,” she says, pointing to Zeke, “you give me a call. He’s a good guy, but I get the feeling the day will come when he needs a good kick in the ass.”
Jeff calls me on his way home from work, asking me to meet him at his house. I leave Zeke at the studio so he can finish up whatever it is that he’s doing with the band. Even though he seems fine knowing that Jeff and I are spending some alone time, I’m glad that he has something to keep him busy while we’re gone.
“Love you,” he yells out as I make my way to the front of the studio. My heart leaps at the words I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to hearing.
I look over my shoulder, blowing him a kiss. When the guys start giving him shit, I decide against saying anything in return. As the door closes, I hear Rain telling them to knock it off, that they’re just jealous because they don’t have anyone to come home to. I wish they didn’t live so far away because I really think she’d be a perfect addition to our little group.
I let myself in when I get to Jeff’s. He knows I have a key, so it seems silly to ring the doorbell. Smelling steaks on the grill, I drop my purse on the couch and make my way to the sliding glass doors off the kitchen. I’m so used to seeing Jeff around the condo, he almost looks out of place lou
nging in a deck chair wearing plaid shorts and a t-shirt.
“You made it,” he says excitedly, standing to greet me. I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his chest.
“Did you think I was going to stand you up?” Seeing the way he’s looking at me when I tilt my head back brings memories of earlier in the day rushing back to me. My time with Jeff at lunch. The afternoon in the park with Zeke. The need to know that I’m not imagining what’s happening between all three of us.
“Nah, I’m pretty sure at this point that you like me,” he laughs, bending down to kiss the top of my head. As much fun as it was to get a little bit reckless at lunch today, this is the Jeff I’ve grown to love. Somewhat reserved and always in control. Okay, almost always.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” I say, deciding that I need to get this out so I can enjoy the rest of the evening.
“I’m wrong?” Jeff releases me, leading me to one of the chaise lounges overlooking the backyard. It’s a stunning view for being in the city. Just enough of a lawn to not feel claustrophobic and a dense tree line at the back of the property. He sits on the chair next to me, his legs hanging off the side.
I mimic his posture, scooting forward so our knees are touching. Zeke made it seem so effortless to tell me how he felt and I’m sitting here freaking out. Saying it out loud will make it real. It will change things forever, for better or worse. I blow out a deep breath, steeling myself in case Jeff pulls away.
“Yes, you’re wrong. I don’t like you.” I look at the man sitting across from me, the concern etched on his face. “Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you.”
Jeff stands and begins pacing along the edge of the deck. Not the reaction I was going for. I stare at him, too stunned to move, as he doesn’t say anything to me. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to look at me and tell me that he loves me too and then tonight, when we go home, we could tell Zeke that we are both head over heels in love with him and we would all live happily ever after. Except, right now, Jeff looks like I’ve given him the worst news ever.
“Wow,” I sigh, dropping my head into my hands. I will not cry. No matter how much it feels as if my heart is shattering right now, I refuse to cry. This started as fooling around. We agreed then that there wouldn’t be strings. I was an idiot to think we would all be on the same page now.
I stand, not seeing any reason to stay at this point. As I turn to walk away, I feel Jeff’s hand on my arm. “Where are you going?” He sounds hurt. He doesn’t get to feel hurt right now, I’m the one who told him what I’ve been trying to not say for a while now and he walked away from me.
“Home,” I say sadly. Part of me wants to stay, ask him why he doesn’t feel what seems so obvious to me, but I’m not that person anymore. I did that with Becky and Will and I will never beg someone to love me if they don’t.
“Why?” Jeff doesn’t let go of me. When I feel his chest press against my back, I almost fall apart. Why is he doing this to me? He hasn’t even acknowledged what I said.
I jerk my arm out of his grasp, turning around to look at him. “I don’t know, maybe because I just told you I’m in love with you and you acted like that’s a bad thing. It’s not really the type of reaction that makes a girl want to stick around.”
When I feel his hand against my cheek, I do lose it. The tears I don’t want him to see won’t stop flowing. We should have been content to leave it as the three of us without strings. We worked that way. Now, I get to go home and tell Zeke what I’ve done.
“It’s not a bad thing,” Jeff assures me. He wipes away my tears with his thumb, tilting my head back so I can look at him. “I just wasn’t expecting that. There are some things about me I promised myself I would tell you and Zeke before telling you how I feel about you. That way, you could decide if you can put up with the pieces of me that aren’t always easy to get along with.”
“Jeff, I highly doubt there’s anything you can say that’s going to change the way I feel about you,” I promise him. “Unless you tell me you have a wife and a couple of kids hiding inside. That would be a definite deal breaker for me.” I know he doesn’t, but I need something to break the tension.
“No, nothing like that,” he sighs, pulling me against his chest. He holds me tight, like he’s afraid I will still turn to leave if he lets go. “Let me get the steaks off the grill and we’ll talk over dinner.”
I follow him into the house, to the dining room which is set for dinner. The wood blinds are drawn, allowing tea lights lining the table to create a romantic setting for our meal. At the center of the table, there is a bouquet of pink roses. “Wow,” I sigh, this time because I’m stunned in a good way. It’s an entirely different space than it was this morning.
Jeff pulls out my chair, sliding it to the table once I’m settled. Over dinner, he opens up about his own past and how it has formed his views on relationships. At times, it seems as if he’s reciting statistics out of a text book, but I can understand where he’s coming from. To hear him tell it, his father started drinking after losing his job and he watched his parents go from seemingly in love to constantly fighting. One day, his mother got fed up with listening to the excuses and left, leaving Jeff alone with his alcoholic father.
“And why would that scare me away?” I ask when he finishes. I reach for his hand, needing him to know that I’m right here with him and have no intention of leaving.
“It could. You know I’m not against alcohol, but when it becomes a frequent part of life, I sometimes struggle to remember that not everyone is my father.” He stares at his plate and I realize why it was so important for him to tell me this.
“You’re worried about Zeke, aren’t you?” Zeke has always enjoyed a beer or two after work, but for the past week, the condo has been party central. I thought it was the fact that Jeff wasn’t getting enough sleep that was putting him in a foul mood, but now, I don’t think that was the reason at all.
“Not yet, I’m not. As I said, I can be rational most of the time. But I need to figure out how to talk to him about it because he can’t keep going the way he has been.”
This is another one of those difficult moments in a situation such as ours. I’m sitting in the middle, able to see both sides. Zeke wants to make Blessed Tragedy feel welcome, more like they’re friends than visitors. That means inviting them to the condo, which leads to drinking and playing video games until all hours of the night. Jeff, on the other hand, watched alcohol destroy his family, and worries that the same thing will happen to him if he opens himself up to someone. There has to be a middle ground.
“We’ll talk to him,” I promise, sliding my chair closer to Jeff’s. “We’ve jumped over all these other hurdles, we’ll get past this one too. I know Zeke’s crazy about you, I can’t imagine he’ll put up much of a fight once he knows where you’re coming from and why.”
Jeff nods to the bouquet at the center of the table. “Can you grab that card and read it for me?”
I reach for the card, my eyes never leaving his. Sliding the card out of the envelope, I’m immediately overcome with emotion.
Mary,
If you’re reading this, it means I haven’t scared you off so I’m going to try harder. I love you. I know we said no strings in the beginning, but I think I’ve been caught in your web since the night we met. You’re a beautiful, amazing woman and I can’t imagine not having you by my side. Tonight, I plan to show you exactly how much I love you, and then I want us to go home and do the same for Zeke. What do you say?
“You had this planned out already?” I sob. I can’t believe that the entire time I was convincing myself that I had made a huge mistake, this card was sitting inside waiting for me.
“What can I say? I knew I had to tell you about my parents so that was out in the open, but I was certain at lunch today that I wanted you to know how much I love you.” Jeff pulls me onto his lap, holding me close as he keeps talking. “You do these little things for m
e that tell me that you genuinely care. I was a fool to think I would be able to resist you. So yeah, I spent the afternoon trying to figure out how I wanted to tell you.”
“I love it,” I tell him, holding his face in my hands. “And I love you.”
One down, one to go. Unfortunately, Zeke is the one I’m worried about. It seems like he’s having to restock the fridge with beer more and more often every day. Granted, that’s partly due to the nightly parties in the condo and more people drinking it, but I’m not entirely comfortable with how easy it is for him to lose track of how many he’s had. I’ll have to think about that later because right now, the only person on my mind is Mary.
“I have one more surprise,” I tell her, easing her off my lap. I blow out the candles in the dining room while she takes our dishes into the kitchen. “Once those are in the dishwasher, come upstairs. Open the last door on your right.” I wouldn’t typically ask a guest in my home to help with dishes, but I need to buy myself some time.
Romance isn’t something I do often, so I’m nervous as I make my way to the master bedroom. What if she thinks it’s overkill? If she does, she will have to get over it because Mary is only the third person, outside of family, I’ve ever said those three little words to. I rush around the bedroom, lighting two candles on each nightstand and four on the dresser. The sun is still shining outside, so I pull the drapes closed, looking back to make sure everything is the way I want it.
When Mary walks into the room, Wicked Game is playing softly in the background. While I swore I would never listen to that song again after the night Zeke had it playing on repeat, I couldn’t find anything else that seemed more fitting for this moment. All of us got so much more than we bargained for in one another, this feels like our song.
“Interesting song choice,” she laughs, reaching for my proffered hand. I pull her close to me, swaying with the melody. She leans close enough that nearly every inch of her body is touching mine. I begin singing along, hoping she understands how much it means for me to open up this way.
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