I don’t bother closing the bedroom door behind me because there’s no way Mary’s going to let me off the hook that easily. Seeing as I fucked up the plan to stay sober tonight and earned myself a drunk driving ticket, I really wish I had been drinking all night. At least that way, I would be drunk enough to pass out right now and my mind would shut up.
“What did you do?” Mary asks me as she closes the door behind her. “Zeke, we can’t fix this if you won’t talk to me about it.”
Tell that to Jeff. He’s the one who wouldn’t even fucking listen to my side of what happened tonight.
I lay down on the bed, not bothering to get undressed. I have a feeling I’m not going to be getting any sleep tonight, so why bother getting ready for bed? She flips on the light and I shield my eyes with my arm. “I don’t know what to fucking say, Mary. I had a few drinks when we got to the hotel while we sat around talking about the bands we saw tonight. Little did I fucking know that I had a burned out headlight and I got pulled over on Johnson Street.”
“Oh, shit,” Mary mumbles as she climbs into bed next to me. “And then what?”
“And the cop smelled alcohol on my breath.” Mary pulls her legs close to her body, arms wrapped tightly around her knees. I don’t think she’s mad at me, but she’s obviously upset. “He didn’t believe that my ears are all fucked up and that’s why my balance was off. I blew a .09, that’s it. I swear, Mary, you know I wouldn’t drive home if I knew I was fucked up.”
“Shit,” Mary repeats, burying her head between her knees. “Shit, shit, shit,” she mumbles. Yeah, it sucks, but I totally don’t understand why she’s this upset. I probably won’t even fight the ticket. The officer who brought me in was kind enough to give me a pamphlet on some sort of first offender’s program, so I’ll probably go through that just so my insurance doesn’t go through the roof.
“It’ll be okay, Mary,” I say, reaching over to rub my fingers along her spine. “I think Jeff was just pissed because I woke him up in the middle of the night. He’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Mary’s head snaps up so she’s looking directly at me. Now, she’s pissed off. “I’m glad you’re sure about that. After what he told me tonight, I’m not so sure about that. I don’t know if there’s any way you can fix this, Zeke, but you need to try. I love both of you and I don’t want to be forced to choose between the two of you.”
Okay, so that hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. Why is she talking about having to choose between us? I know Jeff likes his sleep and he was pissed about having to pick me up, but that hardly seems like the type of thing you break up with someone over. Unless you were a convenient plaything for him and this gave him an easy out of the arrangement without losing Mary in the process. Fuck.
Someone pounding incessantly on my bedroom door jars me awake. The way I’m feeling, I probably got about twenty good minutes of sleep. It’s too fucking early for this shit. I pick up my phone and see that it’s ten after seven. Definitely too fucking early.
“Hang on,” I yell as I stumble out of bed. My mouth feels like I ate a bag of cotton balls as a midnight snack. I pull the door open and see Dylan’s ugly mug staring me down. “What’s the fucking emergency?”
“You want to tell me what you were fucking thinking?” Dylan asks, leaning against the door jamb. How the fuck does he know?
“I was thinking that I would be fine to drive home. If I had stayed twenty minutes longer, I would have been.” I shove him out of my way, pointing for him to meet me in my office. Mary waited until she thought I was sleeping last night and left the bedroom. For all I know, she’s gone too. Fuck, this sucks.
“Care to explain? Because right now, Tasha’s threatening to come down here and kick the shit out of you.” Dylan makes himself a cup of coffee using the single cup brewer on my desk. Coffee sounds like a damn good idea right now. “Jeff woke her up twice last night. Twice,” he repeats, holding up two fingers, just in case I didn’t comprehend what he was saying either time he said it.
“Why did he call her?” I ask, rubbing my temples. I’m not hungover, but I have one hell of a stress headache brewing. And the way the morning is starting, it’s only going to get worse.
“He didn’t, jackass.” I flinch when Dylan goes to slap my head. Right about now, that would be the green light for me to knock the shit out of him. Okay, so I would try to kick the shit out of him and the rest of my body would hurt too much to be upset about my head. “Jeff called me looking for you the first time. The second time, he was asking me to make sure your stupid ass doesn’t drive anywhere today. Said something about you got popped for a DUI last night.”
“That pretty much sums it up. Care to tell me where the confusion lies?” I slump back in my desk chair as I wait for my cup to brew. I need to find out what Jeff’s damage is because Mary refused to tell me. And then I need to figure out how to make him come here, where he belongs, so we can find a way to fix my latest fuck up. Dylan’s early morning tantrum is the least of my worries right now.
“Let’s start with what fucking possessed you to get behind the wheel after you’ve been drinking. I know you aren’t talking to most of your family right now, but fuck, do you even think about what that would do to them?” My stomach sours at the notion he thinks I would drive drunk. Okay, so I did drive drunk, but just barely.
“Don’t fucking bring them into this,” I yell, pounding my fists on the desk. “For your fucking information, I was barely over the limit. I honestly thought I was fine. You were there, you know I was drinking soda all night because I knew I had to drive the guys back to the hotel.”
Without waiting for Dylan to continue his inquisition, I tell him the entire story. How Jon and Colton wanted me to come upstairs and talk about some of the bands because they’re looking for a newer act to hit the road with them this fall. That we had a few drinks and a couple of shots while I was there. How I got pulled over and the cop was a total fucking douche. And finally, Jeff’s complete over-reaction and unwillingness to hear me out.
“You have to talk to him,” Dylan says when I finally finish. Thank you, Captain Obvious. “Seriously, you guys have something that not everyone gets to have. You’re not going to fuck that up. After all, if you give up now, all that shit you said to your mom was for nothing.”
I don’t agree with him, but there’s no sense arguing. My approach might have sucked, but I can’t regret what I said to her. This is part of who I am and that’s not going to change, so she needs to come to terms with it. Not only that, but I’m sick of listening to her hypocritical bullshit day in and day out.
“Yeah, I know we need to talk, but until I know exactly what he’s pissed about, what do I fucking say?” I take a sip of my coffee, scalding my tongue. I would say nothing else could go wrong, but my dad always said that was like daring God, and that’s not something you do.
“Oh, I don’t know, how about you ask him what he’s pissed about.” Dylan grabs his empty mug as he stands to leave. “Go ahead and take the day off. We don’t have much going on and you look like shit.”
“Gee, thanks,” I grumble, turning my attention back to my desk.
As much as I didn’t want Zeke to think I was abandoning him last night, I couldn’t stay in the same bed with him. There came a point when I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears and I crawled between the sheets in the spare room. It was either that or tell Zeke why Jeff is so upset, and I still don’t think that’s my story to tell.
By the time I come out of the bedroom, the condo is empty. As I pour a cup of coffee, I see a note sitting on the counter.
Mary,
I have no clue where everything fell apart last night, but I’m going to try to make this right. I have a few things I need to do this morning and then I’m going to call Jeff. Maybe he’ll be calmed down enough to talk to me by the time he gets done with work. I know you’re upset with me too, and I’m sorry. I know now that I was a fucking idiot last night.
I love you,
>
Z
I try calling Jeff to find out what time he’s going to be done with work. My car is still in his garage and I could really go for a long drive to clear my head. The type of drive where you fill up the gas tank, crank the stereo loud and see where the road takes you. Because the only place I’m going right now is crazy.
“Hello.” Jeff sounds about as good as I’m feeling right now. Not only that, but it’s nearly eleven in the morning and it sounds like I woke him.
“Hey, it’s me,” I respond quietly. “Did I wake you?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t really in any shape to head in today.”
I want to ask him why he reacted the way he did last night. I get that his dad had a drinking problem, but I still don’t think it’s fair to put Zeke in the same category. He made a stupid mistake, one that I’ve seen countless responsible adults make. And most of the clients who have come to me with cases exactly like Zeke’s weren’t alcoholics, they simply had a lapse in judgment. The only problem is, if I bring that up to Jeff, it would be easy for him to think I’m trying to minimize what he went through as a teen.
“Did you need something?” He’s more gruff than usual for just waking up.
“I was just calling to see when you might be able to pick me up so I can get my car.” I close my eyes tightly, unwilling to break down in tears while we’re on the phone. Just because Jeff is upset with Zeke doesn’t mean they’re going to split up and I’m going to be the one to lose both of them. They aren’t Will and Becky. They both love me, and I know that they love each other, even if they haven’t said as much. There’s zero doubt in my mind that’s why Jeff is so upset right now.
“I have to take a shower, pick you up in an hour?”
“Sounds good.” We hang up and I curl up in the club chair, hoping to catch up on some reading. It quickly becomes apparent that won’t be possible because I can’t stop thinking about the guys. My mind keeps alternating between this being nothing more than a tiff that they’ll get through and Zeke getting arrested being the worst thing that has ever happened.
I pick up my phone, fully intending to call Tasha to get her opinion, but that’s not the number I wind up dialing. “Hey, Mary, I figured I might get a call from you today.” The music in the background gets quieter, until it’s replaced by the sounds of traffic on the street in front of the studio.
“Hey, Rain. Sorry, I must have hit the wrong contact in my phone,” I apologize.
He’s a good guy, but I get the feeling the day will come when he needs a good kick in the ass.
She’s not someone I would consider a friend, but as I remember her words of advice from yesterday, I feel compelled to talk to her about how to fix this. Who knows, it might be better to talk to her since she’s not as close to all of us. She doesn’t have an allegiance to anyone, other than the fact that she’s gotten to know Zeke a bit in the eleven days since they came to town.
“You still up for kicking his ass?” I say, failing miserably when I try to come across as flippant.
“Only if you tell me what he did,” Rain laughs. “I’ve been trying to get him out of his mood all day, but he’s not having any of it. When I asked what was wrong, all he would say is that he fucked up, as usual.”
“You could say that.” I give Rain a quick run-down on the situation. If Zeke wants to get pissed at me for talking to her about it, so be it, but as I continue rambling, I realize just how much I need someone to talk to. Someone who doesn’t see Zeke as a big brother or best friend. I’ve focused so much on my own career that I don’t have my own circle of friends, they’re all tied to Zeke in some way or another at this point.
“Damn, so you’re basically telling me he’s been waiting for a reason to blow and this is it?” I can tell she’s truly interested in listening, not just trying to give me a chance to get this off my chest. By the time we’re done talking, I’ve gone all the way back to the beginning of our relationship and told her every little thing that has gone wrong.
“Maybe I was stupid to think this could work,” I sigh. “Any words of wisdom?”
“Yeah, after the sexy doctor gets you to your car, give me a call back. I’ll meet you outside so you don’t have to see Zeke just yet, but we’re going to go to lunch and figure out how to pull that boy’s head out of his ass.”
“Do you really have time for that?” I ask, starting to feel guilty for taking up her time. She’s supposed to be here working, not playing Doctor Ruth for me.
“Yeah, the guys are working on writing a new song today, so I’m sitting around here bored off my ass. Trust me, it’ll be a welcome break.”
When I hang up the phone, I stare at the screen, thinking about how crazy it is that not only did I just cry on Rain Maxwell’s shoulder, she just invited me to lunch.
I don’t miss work. Ever. And yet today, I knew there was no way I was going to make it in. Zeke brought out demons I thought I had buried long ago with his little stunt last night. And this morning, I spent most of the morning lying in my bed, stopping myself from picking up the phone and calling him.
I probably shouldn’t be driving to pick up Mary right now, but she needs to get her car back. She’s going to want to talk about what happened and I’m not ready for that. I still want to wrap my hands around Zeke’s neck and choke him until he gets a clue of what he could have done. When I think about the black and white statistics, I know there’s a good chance he will learn his lesson. But that little voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me that I’ve thought that before.
I barely hear the knock on our front door over my blaring stereo. Finals are less than a week away and I’ve been so busy at work that I’m starting to sweat. I turn down the volume before bounding down the stairs to our front door.
I look around, praying no one wants to come inside. I hate this house. Ever since Mom walked out, my dad hasn’t done a damn thing. A coat of dust thick enough to draw pictures in with my finger covers every surface. Sure, I could clean up this pit, but why? I did that for a while, but my dad would just bitch about the fact that Mom should be here to do it. If he hadn’t turned into a drunken piece of shit, maybe she would still be here to wait on him hand and foot.
When I open the door, two uniformed Winfield police officers are waiting for me. “Can I help you?” I ask, wondering what my dad has done now. It isn’t the first time we’ve been in this position. Since he lost yet another job, his drinking, and subsequently his temper, have gotten out of control.
“There’s been an accident, son,” the older officer says, placing his hand on my shoulder. I jerk away from him. I’m not his son and I don’t need him pretending to comfort me.
“Let me guess, my dad?” I ask flatly. Again, wouldn’t be the first time he misjudged a turn and hit a pole. It’s gotten to the point nothing surprises me with him. I used to freak out, but what’s the point? He’s an idiot, but he’ll sober up in the morning and swear he’s never going to do it again.
“Jeff, it’s not good.” I recognize the younger officer. I think he graduated when I was a freshman. “If he makes it, he’s going to be facing prison time. You can ride with us to Memorial Hospital.”
I stand on my front porch wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts, staring at the officers. I shake my head, refusing to believe what they’re saying. If he makes it… He has to make it. He might be an asshole who cares more about his alcohol than me, but he’s all I have. He has to be okay.
“Jeff, I know this is hard, but we have to get you there as soon as possible.” I grab a t-shirt out of the clothes hamper, not sure whether it’s clean or dirty, and my tennis shoes. I don’t bother trying to find my keys. If someone wants to steal our shit, let them.
“Hey, are you okay?” Mary asks as she climbs into my truck. I shake my head, gripping the steering wheel tightly. She leans over, giving me a tentative kiss on the cheek. When she pulls away from me, I reach for her hand. I need her to know that my feelings for her haven’t changed simply bec
ause I’m upset with Zeke.
“A little better now,” I assure her, putting the truck in gear to pull into traffic. From the looks of it, she didn’t get much sleep either. Maybe I was wrong to leave her to deal with Zeke last night. I should have been there, not for him, but for her. “Look, I’m sorry I took off the way I did last night. I just…”
“I get it, Jeff,” she says, tightening her grip around my fingers. “I mean, I think you probably overreacted a bit, but you told me about your dad last night. I can’t imagine it’s easy for you to not make comparisons when you care for someone.”
While I told her a bit, I didn’t come close to telling her everything. I wonder if she will think I’m being too harsh on Zeke if she knows how quickly life can change. How you can go from living with a man you can’t stand because he’s always drunk to walking back into an empty house, realizing that you’re completely alone, all because of a single bad decision.
“There’s more to it than I told you,” I admit, paying more attention than is necessary to the traffic around me. Anything to keep from looking at her. I meant it when I said I love her, and seeing the way my issues are hurting her is more than I can deal with right now. “But I shouldn’t have left you to deal with the aftermath.”
“It wasn’t that bad. I think he’s more confused than anything.” She bites at the corner of her fingernail, probably trying to figure out what she can say that won’t make me run away again. I’m not that guy, but given the fact that that is exactly what I did last night, I don’t blame her for being cautious. “You need to talk to him.”
“I know.” Satisfied with my curt response, Mary doesn’t push the conversation any further. We drive the rest of the way to my house in uncomfortable silence.
Unexpected Consequences Page 20