by Davis, Jarod
“It’s not about revenge,” Kayla said. “I just want to see her again.”
“You love her?”
“She’s my sister.”
“Yeah,” Seth said. “But I see a lot of people who don’t love their families. Everyone says they do. They might even think it. But I see their thoughts and feel the texture of their feelings. They don’t. They don’t love their parents. It’s all habit for them, something they think they’re supposed to believe.”
“That must be hard,” Kayla whispered. She felt her lips shiver at those words like the sounds were somehow too cold to speak.
“I doubt it,” Seth said. “They’re just too scared to admit the truth. They’re raised in a society that says they’re supposed to love their parents, their siblings. They say the same things because admitting anything else would make them look like bad people.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she said. It was easier to look and search as she talked about something else. Her mind was stretched and fired too fast. This took much enough energy that she could hold it together. Kayla had to thank him later. “It must be hard for you.”
“I can make anyone do anything I want.” Seth remembered her abilities, “How could anything be hard for me?”
“No, that’s not what I mean. You see people. You see through the lies and everything. I guess it would be hard seeing everyone’s flaws. No one was really meant to do that.”
“And you still think our abilities are miracles?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” They pulled up to another stop sign. There was a woman pushing a stroller with grocery bags dangling from the hands. “Stop,” he ordered. Kayla paused at the sign and looked around. Anyone else would’ve thought she was lost and just checking out the street signs.
“Straight,” he said.
“You saw her?”
“I’m not sure,” Seth said. “The mom wasn’t paying attention. There was a girl, but I couldn’t tell if it was your sister. She was safe though.”
Kayla didn’t know if this should make her feel better or worse. Seth wanted to help her, but she just had to see her sister. Nothing would make her feel okay until she knew that she didn’t just lose another part of her family. She had to keep away from the rage inside of her. It burned at the edges of her thoughts like this forest fire threatening to eat up everything around it.
“What were we talking about again?” Kayla pulled fifty in a residential area. It was dark. There weren’t any kids around, but she still felt guilty. Too many feelings. She wished she could be as calm as Seth.
“Distraction,” he said, “Right. You were saying that it would be hard to see what everyone was thinking.”
“You don’t think that’s true?”
“It’s not.” Seth’s face turned out toward the window. She wanted to see his face, know what he felt. Another feeling bubbled up to the front of her mind. She wanted to reach out and help him. He’d been alone too long. No one deserved that, she thought. “I have more information than anyone else. That’s an advantage.”
“But it makes it harder too,” Kayla said.
“Everything is hard.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” she said. He looked at her, yet she couldn’t read his expression. She couldn’t tell if that was disbelief or hope. “You could be close to someone.” She hoped he wouldn’t hear the longing in her voice.
“No,” he said. Before she could say something, he pointed up ahead. There was a small park about a half block away. “It’s here. She’s close.” Relief flooded through her, but Kayla still heard him say, “Huh. I guess that means it’s not genetic.” Kayla sped up some more, slammed the breaks, and jumped out.
Kayla didn’t care about her abilities or where they came from. She just wanted to make sure she wouldn’t have to go to any funerals. Her feet pounded the pavement when she saw someone seated on one of the park benches. Covered in darkness, the park looked bleak and empty. With sunshine, it would’ve been a great place for kids. With shadows every where, it would’ve been a great place for some horror movie.
A girl had her head down, her forehead pressed against her knees, but Kayla wanted to think that she recognized her little sister’s brown bangs, her favorite jeans with the tear over her shin, and her pink sneakers.
Twenty feet away, Kayla shouted, “Skyler!”
Her sister looked up. Any rush of anger that might’ve sprung up from all of the worry and fear disappeared the second Kayla saw the streaked tears down Skyler’s face. A bang of stray, twisted hair stretched over her eyes. Crumpled in pain, Skyler locked her eyes shut. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t move.
Kayla slowed down to a walk, careful with each foot. She didn’t want her sister to run. It was like coming up on a scared animal. “Skyler?” she asked, her voice low. “What happened?”
“Nothing new.” She touched her knuckles to her cheek. Kayla reached out and placed her palm on Skyler’s wrist. It looked like she wanted to say something else, but didn’t want to let it go. “They were at it when I got home today. Too much. Way too much. I couldn’t do it anymore. I just couldn’t deal with them.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back down against her forearms. Her words were muffled, “Everything they said hurt. They kept digging and ripping through each other like they didn’t care anymore. I didn’t know they could hate each other that much, but we’re a family. We’re supposed to be a family, right?”
“We are a family.”
“They’re not. Not anymore. You don’t hurt family,” Skyler hissed that like she wanted to draw claws and tear something apart. It was the kind of rage Kayla never expected from her. “But it’s all they do now.”
“I know it’s hard, but we have to get through this.”
“It’s easier for you,” Skyler said. “You’re gone in a year. These fights won’t have anything to do with you.” Kayla nodded even though that wasn’t really true. No distance would break everything that tied her to her family.
“We’re going to have to go home,” Kayla said. A hundred feet away, Seth had his arms over his chest, his legs crossed as he leaned against one of the lamp posts. He didn’t look at him, and Kayla was pretty sure she was focused on not eavesdropping. Then again, he could’ve listened to all of Skyler’s thoughts to hear their whole conversation.
“I can’t.”
“It’s getting cold.” Skyler rubbed her hands together. The thin coat over her shoulder couldn’t do much against the chill. Her cheeks were pale and tinged almost blue. “We can’t stay out here for long.”
That was the kind of argument built out of common sense. And it didn’t matter because Skyler didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t care. “Doesn’t matter. I’m not doing that anymore.”
“Okay. Then I’ll stay here with you.”
“That’s not fair,” Skyler said. A fight would’ve been a fight. They could’ve been stupid and angry with each other, but if Kayla just stayed, then it didn’t matter. Skyler wouldn’t keep her out there. Instead of telling Kayla to go back home, her sister nodded over at Seth, “Who’s that?”
“Just a friend.”
“Boyfriend?”
“I’m supposed to be out here dragging you home again.”
“Can’t do that if you brought a boy out here. You don’t want him to see you with your crazy sister when she scratches your face off.”
“You’re not that vicious,” Kayla said. “Sorry.”
“Do you love him?”
“Okay, maybe you are that vicious,” Kayla regretted those words the seconds they were on the air. “No, we’re not together.”
“Not even close to what I asked.”
“Are you really going to make me stay out here all night?”
“No,” Skyler said. “You can go home. No one’s forcing you to be here.”
“You are,” she said. “I’m not going to just let you freeze out here.”
“Did they notice?” Skyler wanted to know. Her eyes b
ristled again. They got too wet, too shiny. “Did they notice I wasn’t there?” Kayla didn’t want to answer and she didn’t want to lie either. “Exactly. I don’t need to go back there. They’re not parents. Not anymore.”
“They’re always going to be our family.”
“Not really,” Skyler said. “Not anymore.”
Kayla wanted to find something good to say, something that would make Skyler feel better and help her get back to something like normal or happy. Then again, she wanted those same words for as long as the angry glances turned to angry whispers to angry hisses and angry shouts. When screaming dominated their house.
“I’m going to tell him to go, then I’ll be right back. Okay?” Skyler didn’t say anything.
“She’s hurt,” Seth said when Kayla approached. He unfolded his arms and stood straight.
“Yeah.” Kayla didn’t know how to say this. She pulled out her keys and held them out for him, “Look, you don’t have to stay. You can take my car. I’ll get it as soon as I can.” Seth looked at her like he didn’t really understand what she meant. “We’ll be okay. You don’t have to feel bad about going. This could take a while and I can’t ask you to just wait.”
“May I speak to her?” Seth wouldn’t look at her. For someone with the power to rewrite brains, he seemed nervous. “I might be able to help,” he said again.
“What are you going to say?”
“Something good.”
“I don’t think you should.”
“She’s hurt. She’s lost. I might be able to help her.”
“You’re going to read her?” she asked. “It’s cheating if you can just find out what she wants to hear.”
“I’m not going to lie to her. I promise. Assuming you trust me.”
“That’s not playing fair.”
“I know,” and he took that for permission, because he walked past her. Kayla wanted to follow, but he motioned for her to stay there. He sat next to Skyler, his hands on his lap. He didn’t look at her. Skyler smiled once, maybe a little nervous sitting next to the guy who was her older sister’s boyfriend. Even if he wasn’t her boyfriend.
Kayla paced back and forth and wished she could know what they were saying. It wasn’t quick like she half-hoped. It would’ve been nice if he could’ve tried, failed, and came back. She didn’t want to be that negative, but they talked. They kept talking for minutes where Kayla didn’t know what to do with herself. She didn’t want to pull out her cell phone. She didn’t want to go back to the car either. She itched to know what they said.
Ten minutes and they got up. Skyler walked ahead toward their car. Seth was about to follow, but she grabbed his shoulder and held him at a stop. “What did you say to her?”
“A couple different things.”
“C’mon,” she said. “You have to tell me.”
“Why?” he asked, his lips curved to a teasing grin. “That conversation was private.”
“You helped her.”
“A little.”
“What did you say?”
He pulled in a long breath of air, sighed, and said, “I was honest with her. I pointed out that she shouldn’t let her parents ruin her life because now she has to grow up and realize that not every part of her family will be good or true.”
“She was okay with that?”
“It’s true,” he said. “Family isn’t a right. It’s not automatic. Sure, they might’ve loved you before, but now they’ve decided that they’d rather have their fights than actually pay attention to their children. Hurting yourselves won’t help you.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. And then I also reminded her that they’re fighting over you guys. She didn’t get it at first, but no one really does. That’s the paradox of these relationships. They’re fighting over who gets to keep who and stay close, but then neither side realized they had a missing daughter. Painful. Tragic. Brutal. And very human.”
“Like you’re not?”
“I’m not sure,” he said.
Chapter 9: Found Prayers
They parked in front of Kayla’s house. Kayla got out at the same time as Skyler. She said a quick bye to Seth and headed for the front door. Hands in his pockets, he started the walk back to school where he left his car. Half way across the lawn, Skyler stopped them. “He’s a good guy. Isn’t he?”
Kayla looked back, “I think so. He asked me out tonight.” That part was out before she realized it was a mistake to say.
“You should go with him.”
“I shouldn’t leave you guys alone.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“You just wandered away and didn’t want to come back,” Kayla said. “How do I know you’ll still be here when I get back?”
“You don’t. But you’ll have to trust me some time unless you think you’re going to follow me to school tomorrow. Besides,” Skyler said with a nod at the driveway, “they’re home. It’s not like I’m going to sneak out. I just didn’t want to come back, but that’s happened.”
“You could run.”
“And you could go out with a guy who dropped everything to help you. Seriously, don’t let him just go home. You still have time to have fun.” She sounded hopeful. “Please.”
Kayla didn’t want to admit what a difficult decision this became. If she was the really good sister, she would’ve gone inside, but she had to ask, “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”
A flicker of surprise touched Skyler’s eyes. Kayla knew her sister and how that gesture meant Skyler smelled weakness. “I’ll be fine. It’s late so they probably won’t fight and if it gets bad I’ll just call. Okay?”
“If anything goes wrong or anything happens, you call, you promise?”
“Promise,” she said with one arm raised like she stood in court. Without waiting for anything else, she dashed inside and shut the door behind her like she knew that Kayla wouldn’t come home, not yet.
Seth was a couple houses down. Kayla got back in her car, pulled a U and rolled the car along beside him. Instead of smiling or teasing her when she rolled down the window, he tensed, “What’s wrong?” He glanced around like he expected hidden predators to leap out. Not a bad idea, Kayla thought, with Sasha still out there. But she wouldn’t think about that now. She had some time with him.
“Nothing,” she smiled. “We got her home safe, she’s fine, so I thought we could go out.” She paused and tried not to sound nervous, “If you still want to, that is.” This was probably stupid she realized in those moments between heartbeats. He saw this part of her life, so of course he wouldn’t want to hang out. Chasing down a rogue sister wasn’t a guy’s idea of fun. Kayla didn’t need Erin’s study of the male mind to figure that one out.
Kayla kept her eyes on him as he thought through an answer. She didn’t groan even as the instinct pressed up against her. She wanted to sputter an apology and tell him it was fine before she drove back home, parked, and tried to pretend that didn’t break something inside her.
“You’re sure?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“I’m driving,” he said. Kayla smiled and tried not to look too excited, but she was pretty sure she failed. It felt like it had been a long time since she’d smiled like that. Tonight, a movie would have felt exotic. A hamburger would have tasted special. She wanted to sit by this boy and hear his voice and talk to him. She wanted to be close to him, to get to know him, to learn everything about him. Something else glimmered when she thought about convincing him of the truth that he was a good guy too. He shouldn’t feel bad about himself, she thought.
Kayla knew that she should’ve been drained, but she wasn’t. Everything started to relax because she didn’t have to think about her sister being dead or watching her family explode even more. Instead, she got to talk to Seth.
He was hesitant at first and didn’t say a lot, but she asked questions and pulled him out. They started to laugh about school and what college might be like. At the same time, Kayla
kept getting scared because she didn’t want to bore him, but he asked her questions that felt too random, too boring.
When Kayla imagined that kind of conversation, she worried she’d freak. Seriously, she thought she’d freeze because she wasn’t that interesting. Youth Group made sense because everyone there had the same basic beliefs. They had the same behaviors. No one was too crazy or dangerous. No insane parties. Nothing dangerous.
Someone like Seth probably knew tons of people. If nothing else, he saw others’ memories. Whenever he was curious, he could just look into someone’s mind and learn how they spent their Friday nights. Most of Kayla’s Fridays were spent skating, bowling, or most likely studying. But as they drove between freeways and surface streets, he asked her about her favorite color, her family, her friends, her ex-friends like he wanted to study her. It was like she couldn’t bore him no matter how small the details got.
During one of the rare and small pauses in the conversation, Kayla looked out the window. She saw her reflection smiling back at her because she hadn’t messed this up. The glass was cold, the air warm.
“Do I get to ask you a question now?”
“Sure,” he said and pulled his eyes from the road just long enough to flicker a smile in her direction. “What do you want to know?”
“You know what I want.”
“Not that.”
“What could you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Now who’s the bad liar?” she asked.
Kayla didn’t know him that well, but she thought she was getting better at picking up on those little hints of movement along his lips, his eyebrows, his cheeks whenever he wanted to lie or squirm his way somewhere else.
“I know how to lie.” He gripped the steering wheel tighter, exhaled, and said, “Look, there are some things that you just can’t know.”
“Okay,” Kayla said. “That’s fine. I can think of some secrets that you wouldn’t want to share because they’re just none of my business. But I have to ask one thing.”
“One thing.”
“If you told me, are you scared that I’d finally really believe that you’re a bad guy?”