Hearing a faint rustle of brush, Rachell sat up. She had a clear view of Jed walking toward her with a plate in his hands.
Not ready to deal with him, Rachell pulled the blanket about her buckskin dress and stared into her lap.
“I brought you some supper,” he said in a thick voice.
She didn’t want to look at him.
He crouched in front of her and set the warm plate on her lap.
“Rachell,” he whispered, the pain in his voice forcing her to meet his gaze. She was stunned by the raw emotion in his silver eyes.
Duty and honor, she reminded herself, were the source of his concern. Not love.
“About earlier,” he whispered. “The things I said…” He shook his head as his voice trailed. “I had no right to say what I did. I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” She ached to slide her fingers through his long hair, to tell him she hadn’t meant a word of it, that she loved him. But she would only be trapping him with words.
Jed released a hard sigh and sat beside her. Rachell bit her lip, attempting to stop the tears that had been endless these past few hours.
“I thought you should know that Juniper ran off while we were rounding up the others. His wound didn’t look too serious, but it needed—”
“Wound?” Rachell’s head snapped up as alarm seized her chest. “June was shot?”
“When he took you to the ground he was hit in the shoulder.”
Dear God. She had caused Juniper to be shot?
“It didn’t look too bad, but the bullet needs to come out.”
“This is all my fault.” Her breath came in short gasps as tears and guilt clogged her throat.
Jed’s arm settled across her shoulders. “Shh. It wasn’t your fault.”
She shook her head and tried to shrug off the comfort she didn’t deserve. “You’re all here…because of me.”
“No, sugar.” Jed’s arms closed around her. “You’d have been on my ranch weeks ago, if not for Sumner.” His fingers slid beneath her chin, tilting her face up to meet his gaze. “He wasn’t a reasonable sort of man. You know that.”
She nodded, Jed’s stern gaze demanding a response. She eased away and wiped at the tears scalding her cheeks. “Are you sure June will be all right? He’s too young to be out there alone.”
“He knows how to survive.”
“He ate three bowls of my stew! The boy was half starved.”
A small smile crept across Jed’s lips, though she could see he was trying to fight it. “He’ll be fine. I’ll find him.”
His arm tightened around her, tucking her firmly against his side. Rachell laid her head against his shoulder, not willing to give up his comfort. His palm smoothed across her arm, warming her chilled skin. She cherished the feel of his caress, the soothing glide of his fingers against her skin.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked a moment later.
Rachell glanced down, having forgotten about the plate. “I guess not,” she said, and set it aside. What she needed was to be held, loved.
“Sugar, I—”
Rachell shifted onto her knees and smoothed her fingers across the harsh lines of his face. His eyes widened in surprise. She smiled, wanting to ease his tension the way he’d eased hers. She’d told herself she wouldn’t pressure him, she’d distance herself from him to make his leaving easier, but she only wanted to be near him.
“Rachell, I don’t—”
She captured his mouth with her own, cutting off his whispered words. He didn’t love her. But right at this moment, she didn’t care. She needed to feel his arms around her more than she needed to breathe.
He pulled her against his chest, holding her close as he returned the passionate kiss. When he eased away from her lips both of them were breathless.
“Rachell, I didn’t come to your bedroll to seduce you.”
“I know.” She pulled him back to her lips and straddled his lap. Jed groaned as she pressed against him. The feel of his arousal doubled her passion. He wanted her. That was enough. “Stay with me,” she said.
Jed rolled her onto the blankets. Their fervent kiss grew wild, reckless, until both were moving in a frantic struggle to remove the barriers between their bodies, desperate to get skin against skin.
“Sugar,” Jed said in a gruff whisper as he moved over her, “what are we doing?”
She rocked against him, shivering from his slight penetration. “Loving each other,” she breathed against his mouth.
“Rachell—”
She locked her legs around his hips. “I’m not asking for your life, Jed. You don’t want another wife. It’s all right. I understand.”
“No, you don’t.”
He sank into her, linking their bodies, and she lost all comprehension of words. He kissed her with such tenderness, making her feel cherished. His hips mimicked the slow, gentle mating of his mouth. She matched every languid stroke. The subtle rhythm brought a shared climax that was fast and fierce, her cries of completion lost inside his mouth.
Rachell clung to Jed as the reality of what she’d done crashed through the aftershocks of their lovemaking.
She’d promised herself she wouldn’t try to hold him, and she’d already thrown herself at him.
He stretched out beside her and pulled her into the warm cove of his body. Unable to deny herself, she latched her arm around his lean waist, taking all the closeness he’d give her. She rested her cheek against the fuzzy warmth of his chest and wished with all her heart that he could love her the way she loved him.
Realizing the cold air was likely chilling Rachell’s delicate skin, Jed eased up to find a blanket. He was amazed by the contrast of her ivory skin tangled in his dark limbs. He grabbed the duster he’d thrown off in his haste to undress and pulled it over Rachell. She shivered and nestled closer. Spotting a blanket rumpled near their feet, he grabbed it and fanned the wool shroud over both of them. She settled back against him with an ease that shook his soul.
His heart had no resistance against this tiny woman.
He wanted so much to believe in the security he felt while lying with her like this. He knew she felt it too, her body completely relaxed against his. He wanted to believe she gave herself to him out of love, not a misguided need for warmth and safety.
Hell, the way he felt now, he didn’t give a damn what her reasons were for loving him. She was his, and he loved her!
But in the far regions of his mind, he knew he’d always wonder if she would ever have chosen to be his wife based solely on their love for one another. Given the option a few months down the road, would she see things differently, see him differently? He couldn’t shake the fear that he’d look into her eyes weeks from now and find resentment.
Hearing the steady rhythm of her breathing, he pushed her hair away from her face and studied her pretty features in the moonlight. Moisture glistened on her long lashes.
She’d fallen asleep with tears in her eyes. Did she share his doubt? Would the circumstances of their marriage always foreshadow their relationship?
“How are we gonna fix this?” he whispered, kissing her softly. Perhaps Juniper’s running off had been a blessing in disguise.
Jed doubted anything else could force him to leave the paradise of Rachell’s arms. He’d just as soon spend the next few weeks doing his damnedest to convince Rachell she couldn’t live without him. But Juniper had saved her life. And Jed needed to know that Rachell’s feelings for him weren’t based on gratitude and circumstance.
He tucked her close and closed his eyes.
I have to let her go.
He’d give her the option of having him in her life or not. And then he’d hope to God she would choose him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Feeling the chill of the early morning air, Rachell opened her eyes, her mind racing with the one fact she’d refused to contemplate the night before.
Jed’s leaving.
Hearing the muffled sound of voices, she sat up. Wrappin
g Jed’s long coat around her shoulders, she crept toward the hushed sound.
“Keep a close eye on her when you come upon any swollen rivers,” she heard Jed say, his saddle creaking as he mounted his horse. “I’m sure she’ll try to hide it, but she’s got a real fear of swift waters.”
“When should I tell her to expect you?” asked Buck.
“I’m not certain. Depends on the boy and the mood Widell’s in when I take care of the annulment.”
“Annulment?” Buck’s voice carried a ring of surprise.
Rachell’s heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach. She had desperately wanted to believe Jed loved her.
“For such a smart man, you sure are—”
“Do you often think about your wedding day?” Jed interrupted.
There was a considerable pause before Buck said, “I suppose.”
“You should. It was a beautiful day. There was no mistaking the love between you and Elizabeth when you said your vows. You weren’t standing in a smelly saloon being hitched against your will to someone who’d have rather spit on you than say howdy, all because some old cuss-bucket of a judge felt like playing matchmaker.”
“She loves you.”
“She was trapped in a hopeless situation and had no choice but to turn to me. She needs time to clear her head. If I travel by rail, I can be back in a week.”
“I’d hurry if I were you. She’s a pretty young lady who’s bound to cause a commotion among all the single men on the mountain.”
“Maybe that’d be for the best,” Jed said, his hushed voice barely carrying through the scrub and the retreating sound of hoofbeats—the sound of him pushing her away.
She pulled Jed’s coat tightly around her shoulders and sank down to the ground as tears blurred her vision.
Had his first wife hurt him so deeply that he couldn’t accept her love? Or had she been turning a deaf ear to the truth he’d told her time and again? He simply wasn’t a marrying sort of man, and didn’t want a bride, forced or otherwise.
The Double D.
Rachell stared up at the sign as she rode beneath the tall wooden arch stretching to each side of the wide dirt road, the entrance to the Darby and Doulan ranch. Jed’s home. So far all she’d seen were miles of rolling green hills dotted with oak trees and cattle.
Buck and Ben were riding on either side of her, with several pack horses trailing behind. Feeling a sudden flutter of nerves, she shifted in her saddle, rustling her full brown skirt of stiff velvet and layers of petticoats. Buck had insisted they stop in a town a few hours back and buy her new clothing.
Rachell had been truly appreciative. She’d been excited to buy dresses in beige, browns and grays that covered her from her neck to her wrists. She wanted to look nice when she saw her sister, but would have thought twice had she known Buck would tell the shopkeeper to put all her parcels onto Jed’s tab. Not that the lovely woman had been surprised—it seemed the entire mountainside had heard about the fight in Shadow Canyon and Jed’s new bride.
And Rachell had never felt more of a fraud.
The wide road curved around another hill, bringing a ranch into view. A large two-story ranch house sat at the center of a maze of white fencing and outbuildings. On the second floor, white curtains fluttered at the edges of open windows. A thin wisp of smoke over a stone chimney carried the scent of baking bread.
She tightened her hold on her reins as they drew near, the hard leather biting her fingers through her leather gloves, the gloves Running Bear had given her. The tan leather and red beaded cuffs didn’t quite go with her new velvet dress, but she didn’t care. She treasured them. They were all she had to give her some sense of familiarity.
“Don’t be nervous,” said Buck, giving her an encouraging wink as they rode into the yard.
“Pa!”
Two boys burst out of the front door and skipped down the wide steps of the front porch. The youngest appeared no older than five or six, the older boy a few years younger than Juniper.
Worry sickened her heart at the thought of June. She hoped Jed had found him, and that he was well. She yearned to see both of them.
“Kyle. Jake.” Ben swung down from his saddle and embraced his sons who shared his dark hair.
“Ben!” A tall slender woman with blond hair rushed out from the side of the house. Corin. She held a baby at her hip, the child’s blond ringlets swaying in the breeze as Corin rushed toward her husband. He took his wife into his arms, giving her a swift kiss before he reached for the baby.
“How’s my little sweetheart?”
“I thought I was your sweetheart,” Corin said, nuzzling against him.
Ben shifted his daughter into one arm as he hugged his wife against his side. “You, lovely lady, are my life.”
Rachell dismounted beside them, hoping they didn’t notice her eavesdropping. Never had she felt such misery. None of her past experiences had hurt as deeply as witnessing the bond she longed to share with Jed.
Letting him go was killing her.
“Boys,” Buck said to Kyle and Jake as they all crowded around her. “This here is your Aunt Rachell, Aunt Elizabeth’s sister.”
Both Kyle and Jake gave a polite greeting as they were introduced.
“Rachell,” Ben said, coming up behind them. “This is my wife Corin.”
“We’re so happy to have you here,” Corin said, beaming a brilliant smile.
“Thank you.” Rachell knew she should return a polite smile, offer a kind greeting, but she couldn’t muster another word through the pain swelling in her chest.
Buck stepped beside her, put an arm around her shoulders and turned her toward the house. “Come on darlin’, let’s get you to your sister. Where’s your Aunt Elizabeth?” he said to the boys as he guided Rachell toward the wide covered porch.
“I’m right here,” a familiar voice called from beyond the open door. Elizabeth rushed across the porch, just as Rachell reached the base of the steps. “Oh my goodness,” she cried, pressing her hand against the swell of her bosom. “Rachell. Just look at you!”
She descended the steps, took Rachell by the hands and lifted them, like a mother inspecting her child. “So beautiful,” she said, laughing as tears glazed her eyes. “Just like I always knew you would be. So much like our mother.”
Rachell noticed the changes twelve years had brought to her older sister, the gray hair blended throughout the swirls of auburn that were pinned up in a neat, tidy bun, and the tiny lines around her smiling lips. She also noticed what had remained the same. Familiar green eyes that shimmered with tears and shone with love.
“I’ve missed you.” Embracing her sister, Rachell couldn’t stop the flood of tears as happiness and grief collided in an outburst of emotion.
Buck stood nearby, his heart aching for his sister-in-law, knowing her sobs had more to do with Jed’s absence than being reunited with her sister. Happy cries just didn’t shake a body so.
“She’s had a time of it,” Buck felt inclined to say, seeing Lizzy’s distress. “And she’s missing her man something terrible.”
The quick glance his wife shot him told Buck she was aware of that very fact and was quite upset by it.
Rachell stood beside Corin in a spectacular garden and sucked in a deep breath of crisp air and sweet scents. The sound of her sister humming merrily from the kitchen brought a smile to her lips. Despite her heartache, it had been a wonderful day—which made her miss Jed all the more. She wished he’d been here to share her excitement at being reunited with her sister, the joy she felt as they visited throughout the afternoon.
Irrational, she told herself. But she couldn’t help it. And if her sweet brother-in-law referred to Jed as her man one more time, she was going to strangle him. Buck seemed to have forgotten Jed’s parting words a few days back, but she hadn’t.
He was seeking the annulment.
And just that fast, her smile faded.
“Wait ’til you taste what these do to a bowl of potatoes.�
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Rachell did her best to shrug off her emptiness as her gracious hostess turned with a handful of pungent herbs. They walked past the squash and okra and leaned on the garden fence.
“You have a wonderful garden.”
“Thank you. I love it. I was limited to a few potted bushels when I lived in the higher elevations.”
Closing the gate behind her, Rachell glanced around at the stables and a bunkhouse in the distance among corrals and feed troughs. As they reached the back steps, she realized there was only one house on the Double D. Ben and Corin had a beautiful home, but nothing inside it resonated of Jed.
“Does Jed live here with you and your family?” Rachell asked as she followed Corin up the back steps.
“No. He lives in the bunks.”
Rachell’s step faltered. She grabbed the banister to steady herself as she glanced back at the long bunkhouse. “The bunkhouse?”
“I suppose that will change when he comes back.” Corin turned back and noted Rachell’s surprise. “It’s a nice bunkhouse, with his own private quarters. He built it himself, a year before he built this house for Ben.”
“How long has Jed had this ranch?” Rachell asked, a sense of dread washing over her.
“Going on four years. I suppose he didn’t feel he needed a whole house for himself. He’s known to leave on a whim for weeks at a time. In the bunks, there’s always someone else to take care of the upkeep while he’s gone.”
She’d be a complete disruption to his life.
I’m not a marrying sort of man…once you get to California, you’ll see that.
She was seeing it, and the reality of his words was scaring her half to death.
“Rachell?” Corin descended a few steps and stood beside her. “I’m sure that will change. It’s just habit. When you’re raised constantly on the move, as I was with Jed and he was with Shuhquoy, staying put takes some getting used to.”
That was the problem. Jed didn’t want to change. “He doesn’t want a wife,” she said. “He never intended to marry me.”
Corin’s smile was as warm as the setting sun and twice as pretty. “That may be, but I don’t think anyone intends for what life brings them. I surely never planned to be any man’s wife, much less the mother of children, but I didn’t know love until I met Ben and his sons. Now I can’t imagine how I ever got by without them.”
Stacey Kayne Page 26