Jurgen: A Comedy of Justice

by James Branch Cabell

  10.

  Pitiful Disguises of Thragnar

  Next, the tale tells that as Jurgen and the Princess were nearingGihon, a man came riding toward them, full armed in black, andhaving a red serpent with an apple in its mouth painted upon hisshield.

  "Sir knight," says he, speaking hollowly from the closed helmet,"you must yield to me that lady."

  "I think," says Jurgen, civilly, "that you are mistaken."

  So they fought, and presently, since Caliburn was a resistlessweapon, and he who wore the scabbard of Caliburn could not bewounded, Jurgen prevailed; and gave the strange knight so heavy abuffet that the knight fell senseless.

  "Do you think," says Jurgen, about to unlace his antagonist'shelmet, "that this is Thragnar?"

  "There is no possible way of telling," replied Dame Guenevere: "ifit is the Troll King he should have offered you gifts, and when youcontradicted him he should have admitted you were right. Instead, heproffered nothing, and to contradiction he answered nothing, so thatproves nothing."

  "But silence is a proverbial form of assent. At all events, we willhave a look at him."

  "But that too will prove nothing, since Thragnar goes about hismischiefs so disguised by enchantments as invariably to resemblesomebody else, and not himself at all."

  "Such dishonest habits introduce an element of uncertainty, I grantyou," says Jurgen. "Still, one can rarely err by keeping on the safeside. This person is, in any event, a very ill-bred fellow, withprobably immoral intentions. Yes, caution is the main thing, and injustice to ourselves we will keep on the safe side."

  So without unloosing the helmet, he struck off the strange knight'shead, and left him thus. The Princess was now mounted on the horseof their deceased assailant.

  "Assuredly," says Jurgen then, "a magic sword is a fine thing, and avery necessary equipment, too, for a knight errant of my age."

  "But you talk as though you were an old man, Messire de Logreus!"

  "Come now," thinks Jurgen, "this is a princess of rarediscrimination. What, after all, is forty-and-something when one iswell-preserved? This uncommonly intelligent girl reminds me a littleof Marcoueve, whom I loved in Artein: besides, she does not look atme as women look at an elderly man. I like this princess, in fact, Iadore this princess. I wonder now what would she say if I told heras much?"

  But Jurgen did not tempt chance that time, for just then theyencountered a boy who had frizzed hair and painted cheeks. He walkedmincingly, in a curious garb of black bespangled with gold lozenges,and he carried a gilded dung fork.

  * * * * *

  Then Jurgen and the Princess came to a black and silver pavilionstanding by the roadside. At the door of the pavilion was anapple-tree in blossom: from a branch of this tree was suspendeda black hunting-horn, silver-mounted. A woman waited there alone.Before her was a chess-board, with the ebony and silver pieces setready for a game, and upon the table to her left hand glitteredflagons and goblets of silver. Eagerly this woman rose and cametoward the travellers.

  "Oh, my dear Jurgen," says she, "but how fine you look in that newshirt you are wearing! But there was never a man had better taste indress, as I have always said: and it is long I have waited for youin this pavilion, which belongs to a black gentleman who seems to bea great friend of yours. And he went into Crim Tartary this morning,with some missionaries, by the worst piece of luck, for I know howsorry he will be to miss you, dear. Now, but I am forgetting thatyou must be very tired and thirsty, my darling, after your travels.So do you and the young lady have a sip of this, and then we will betelling one another of our adventures."

  For this woman had the appearance of Jurgen's wife, Dame Lisa, andof none other.

  Jurgen regarded her with two minds. "You certainly seem to be Lisa.But it is a long while since I saw Lisa in such an amiable mood."

  "You must know," says she, still smiling, "that I have learned toappreciate you since we were separated."

  "The fiend who stole you from me may possibly have brought aboutthat wonder. None the less, you have met me riding at adventure witha young woman. And you have assaulted neither of us, you have noteven raised your voice. No, quite decidedly, here is a miraclebeyond the power of any fiend."

  "Ah, but I have been doing a great deal of thinking, Jurgen dear, asto our difficulties in the past. And it seems to me that you werealmost always in the right."

  Guenevere nudged Jurgen. "Did you note that? This is certainlyThragnar in disguise."

  "I am beginning to think that at all events it is not Lisa." ThenJurgen magisterially cleared his throat. "Lisa, if you indeed beLisa, you must understand I am through with you. The plain truth isthat you tire me. You talk and talk: no woman breathing equals youat mere volume and continuity of speech: but you say nothing that Ihave not heard seven hundred and eighty times if not oftener."

  "You are perfectly right, my dear," says Dame Lisa, piteously. "Butthen I never pretended to be as clever as you."

  "Spare me your beguilements, if you please. And besides, I am inlove with this princess. Now spare me your recriminations, also, foryou have no real right to complain. If you had stayed the personwhom I promised the priest to love, I would have continued to thinkthe world of you. But you did nothing of the sort. From a cuddlesomeand merry girl, who thought whatever I did was done to perfection,you elected to develop into an uncommonly plain and short-temperedold woman." And Jurgen paused. "Eh?" said he, "and did you not dothis?"

  Dame Lisa answered sadly: "My dear, you are perfectly right, fromyour way of thinking. However, I could not very well help gettingolder."

  "But, oh, dear me!" says Jurgen, "this is astonishingly inadequateimpersonation, as any married man would see at once. Well, I made nocontract to love any such plain and short-tempered person. Irepudiate the claims of any such person, as manifestly unfair. And Ipledge undying affection to this high and noble Princess Guenevere,who is the fairest lady that I have ever seen."

  "You are right," wailed Dame Lisa, "and I was entirely to blame. Itwas because I loved you, and wanted you to get on in the world andbe a credit to my father's line of business, that I nagged you so.But you will never understand the feelings of a wife, nor will youunderstand that even now I desire your happiness above all else.Here is our wedding-ring, then, Jurgen. I give you back yourfreedom. And I pray that this princess may make you very happy, mydear. For surely you deserve a princess if ever any man did."

  Jurgen shook his head. "It is astounding that a demon so much talkedabout should be so poor an impersonator. It raises the staggeringsupposition that the majority of married women must go to Heaven. Asfor your ring, I am not accepting gifts this morning, from anyone.But you understand, I trust, that I am hopelessly enamored of thePrincess on account of her beauty."

  "Oh, and I cannot blame you, my dear. She is the loveliest person Ihave ever seen."

  "Hah, Thragnar!" says Jurgen, "I have you now. A woman might, justpossibly, have granted her own homeliness: but no woman that everbreathed would have conceded the Princess had a ray of good looks."

  So with Caliburn he smote, and struck off the head of this thingwhich foolishly pretended to be Dame Lisa.

  "Well done! oh, bravely done!" cried Guenevere. "Now the enchantmentis dissolved, and Thragnar is slain by my clever champion."

  "I could wish there were some surer sign of that," said Jurgen. "Iwould have preferred that the pavilion and the decapitated TrollKing had vanished with a peal of thunder and an earthquake and suchother phenomena as are customary. Instead, nothing is changed exceptthat the woman who was talking to me a moment since now lies at myfeet in a very untidy condition. You conceive, madame, I used totease her about that twisted little-finger, in the days before webegan to squabble: and it annoys me that Thragnar should not haveomitted even Lisa's crooked little-finger on her left hand. Yes,such painstaking carefulness worries me. For you conceive also,madame, it would be more or less awkward if I had made an error, andif the appearance were in reality what it seeme
d to be, because Iwas pretty trying sometimes. At all events, I have done that whichseemed equitable, and I have found no comfort in the doing of it,and I do not like this place."