41.
Of Compromises in Heaven
Jurgen then went unhindered to where the God of Jurgen's grandmothersat upon a throne, beside a sea of crystal. A rainbow, made highand narrow like a window frame, so as to fit the throne, formed anarch-way in which He sat: at His feet burned seven lamps, and fourremarkable winged creatures sat there chaunting softly, "Glory andhonor and thanks to Him Who liveth forever!" In one hand of the Godwas a sceptre, and in the other a large book with seven red spots onit.
There were twelve smaller thrones, without rainbows, upon each sideof the God of Jurgen's grandmother, in two semi-circles: upon theseinferior thrones sat benignant-looking elderly angels, with longwhite hair, all crowned, and clothed in white robes, and having aharp in one hand, and in the other a gold flask, about pint size.And everywhere fluttered and glittered the multicolored wings ofseraphs and cherubs, like magnified paroquets, as they went softlyand gaily about the golden haze that brooded over Heaven, to acontinuous sound of hushed organ music and a remote andundistinguishable singing.
Now the eyes of this God met the eyes of Jurgen: and Jurgen waitedthus for a long while, and far longer, indeed, than Jurgensuspected.
"I fear You," Jurgen said, at last: "and, yes, I love You: and yet Icannot believe. Why could You not let me believe, where so manybelieved? Or else, why could You not let me deride, as the remainderderided so noisily? O God, why could You not let me have faith? forYou gave me no faith in anything, not even in nothingness. It wasnot fair."
And in the highest court of Heaven, and in plain view of all theangels, Jurgen began to weep.
"I was not ever your God, Jurgen."
"Once very long ago," said Jurgen, "I had faith in You."
"No, for that boy is here with Me, as you yourself have seen. Andto-day there is nothing remaining of him anywhere in the man that isJurgen."
"God of my grandmother! God Whom I too loved in boyhood!" saidJurgen then: "why is it that I am denied a God? For I have searched:and nowhere can I find justice, and nowhere can I find anything toworship."
"What, Jurgen, and would you look for justice, of all places, inHeaven?"
"No," Jurgen said; "no, I perceive it cannot be considered here.Else You would sit alone."
"And for the rest, you have looked to find your God without, notlooking within to see that which is truly worshipped in the thoughtsof Jurgen. Had you done so, you would have seen, as plainly as I nowsee, that which alone you are able to worship. And your God ismaimed: the dust of your journeying is thick upon him; your vanityis laid as a napkin upon his eyes; and in his heart is neither lovenor hate, not even for his only worshipper."
"Do not deride him, You Who have so many worshippers! At least, heis a monstrous clever fellow," said Jurgen: and boldly he said it,in the highest court of Heaven, and before the pensive face of theGod of Jurgen's grandmother.
"Ah, very probably. I do not meet with many clever people. And asfor My numerous worshippers, you forget how often you havedemonstrated that I was the delusion of an old woman."
"Well, and was there ever a flaw in my logic?"
"I was not listening to you, Jurgen. You must know that logic doesnot much concern us, inasmuch as nothing is logical hereabouts."
And now the four winged creatures ceased their chaunting, and theorgan music became a far-off murmuring. And there was silence inHeaven. And the God of Jurgen's grandmother, too, was silent for awhile, and the rainbow under which He sat put off its seven colorsand burned with an unendurable white, tinged bluishly, while the Godconsidered ancient things. Then in the silence this God began tospeak.
Some years ago (said the God of Jurgen's grandmother) it wasreported to Koshchei that scepticism was abroad in his universe, andthat one walked therein who would be contented with no rationalexplanation. "Bring me this infidel," says Koshchei: so they broughtto him in the void a little bent gray woman in an old gray shawl."Now, tell me why you will not believe," says Koshchei, "in thingsas they are."
Then the decent little bent gray woman answered civilly; "I do notknow, sir, who you may happen to be. But, since you ask me,everybody knows that things as they are must be regarded astemporary afflictions, and as trials through which we arerighteously condemned to pass, in order to attain to eternal lifewith our loved ones in Heaven."
"Ah, yes," said Koshchei, who made things as they are; "ah, yes, tobe sure! and how did you learn of this?"
"Why, every Sunday morning the priest discoursed to us about Heaven,and of how happy we would be there after death."
"Has this woman died, then?" asked Koshchei.
"Yes, sir," they told him,--"recently. And she will believe nothingwe explain to her, but demands to be taken to Heaven."
"Now, this is very vexing," Koshchei said, "and I cannot, of course,put up with such scepticism. That would never do. So why do you notconvey her to this Heaven which she believes in, and thus put an endto the matter?"
"But, sir," they told him, "there is no such place."
Then Koshchei reflected. "It is certainly strange that a place whichdoes not exist should be a matter of public knowledge in anotherplace. Where does this woman come from?"
"From Earth," they told him.
"Where is that?" he asked: and they explained to him as well as theycould.
"Oh, yes, over that way," Koshchei interrupted. "I remember.Now--but what is your name, woman who wish to go to Heaven?"
"Steinvor, sir: and if you please I am rather in a hurry to be withmy children again. You see, I have not seen any of them for a longwhile."
"But stay," said Koshchei: "what is that which comes into thiswoman's eyes as she speaks of her children?" They told him it waslove.
"Did I create this love?" says Koshchei, who made things as theyare. And they told him, no: and that there were many sorts of love,but that this especial sort was an illusion which women had inventedfor themselves, and which they exhibited in all dealings with theirchildren. And Koshchei sighed.
"Tell me about your children," Koshchei then said to Steinvor: "andlook at me as you talk, so that I may see your eyes."
So Steinvor talked of her children: and Koshchei, who made allthings, listened very attentively. Of Coth she told him, of her onlyson, confessing Coth was the finest boy that ever lived,--"a littlewild, sir, at first, but then you know what boys are,"--and tellingof how well Coth had done in business and of how he had even risento be an alderman. Koshchei, who made all things, seemed properlyimpressed. Then Steinvor talked of her daughters, of Imperia andLindamira and Christine: of Imperia's beauty, and of Lindamira'sbravery under the mishaps of an unlucky marriage, and of Christine'ssuperlative housekeeping. "Fine women, sir, every one of them, withchildren of their own! and to me they still seem such babies, blessthem!" And the decent little bent gray woman laughed. "I have beenvery lucky in my children, sir, and in my grandchildren, too," shetold Koshchei. "There is Jurgen, now, my Coth's boy! You may notbelieve it, sir, but there is a story I must tell you aboutJurgen--" So she ran on very happily and proudly, while Koshchei,who made all things, listened, and watched the eyes of Steinvor.
Then privately Koshchei asked, "Are these children and grandchildrenof Steinvor such as she reports?"
"No, sir," they told him privately.
So as Steinvor talked Koshchei devised illusions in accordance withthat which Steinvor said, and created such children andgrandchildren as she described. Male and female he created themstanding behind Steinvor, and all were beautiful and stainless: andKoshchei gave life to these illusions.
Then Koshchei bade her turn about. She obeyed: and Koshchei wasforgotten.
Well, Koshchei sat there alone in the void, looking not very happy,and looking puzzled, and drumming upon his knee, and staring at thelittle bent gray woman, who was busied with her children andgrandchildren, and had forgotten all about him. "But surely,Lindamira," he hears Steinvor say, "we are not yet in Heaven."--"Ah,my dear mother," replies her illusion of Lindamira, "to be with youagain is Heaven: and bes
ides, it may be that Heaven is like this,after all."--"My darling child, it is sweet of you to say that, andexactly like you to say that. But you know very well that Heaven isfully described in the Book of Revelations, in the Bible, as theglorious place that Heaven is. Whereas, as you can see for yourself,around us is nothing at all, and no person at all except that verycivil gentleman to whom I was just talking; and who, betweenourselves, seems woefully uninformed about the most ordinarymatters."
"Bring Earth to me," says Koshchei. This was done, and Koshcheilooked over the planet, and found a Bible. Koshchei opened theBible, and read the Revelation of St. John the Divine, whileSteinvor talked with her illusions. "I see," said Koshchei. "Theidea is a little garish. Still--!" So he replaced the Bible, andbade them put Earth, too, in its proper place, for Koshchei dislikeswasting anything. Then Koshchei smiled and created Heaven aboutSteinvor and her illusions, and he made Heaven just such a place aswas described in the book.
"And so, Jurgen, that was how it came about," ended the God ofJurgen's grandmother. "And Me also Koshchei created at that time,with the seraphim and the saints and all the blessed, very much asyou see us: and, of course, he caused us to have been here always,since the beginning of time, because that, too, was in the book."
"But how could that be done?" says Jurgen, with brows puckering."And in what way could Koshchei juggle so with time?"
"How should I know, since I am but the illusion of an old woman, asyou have so frequently proved by logic? Let it suffice that whateverKoshchei wills, not only happens, but has already happened beyondthe ancientest memory of man and his mother. How otherwise could hebe Koshchei?"
"And all this," said Jurgen, virtuously, "for a woman who was noteven faithful to her husband!"
"Oh, very probably!" said the God: "at all events, it was done for awoman who loved. Koshchei will do almost anything to humor love,since love is one of the two things which are impossible toKoshchei."
"I have heard that pride is impossible to Koshchei--"
The God of Jurgen's grandmother raised His white eyebrows. "What ispride? I do not think I ever heard of it before. Assuredly it issomething that does not enter here."
"But why is love impossible to Koshchei?"
"Because Koshchei made things as they are, and day and night hecontemplates things as they are. How, then, can Koshchei loveanything?"
But Jurgen shook his sleek black head. "That I cannot understand atall. If I were imprisoned in a cell wherein was nothing except myverses I would not be happy, and certainly I would not be proud: buteven so, I would love my verses. I am afraid that I fall in morereadily with the ideas of Grandfather Satan than with Yours; andwithout contradicting You, I cannot but wonder if what You reveal istrue."
"And how should I know whether or not I speak the truth?" the Godasked of him, "since I am but the illusion of an old woman, as youhave so frequently proved by logic."
"Well, well!" said Jurgen, "You may be right in all matters, andcertainly I cannot presume to say You are wrong: but still, at thesame time--! No, even now I do not quite believe in You."
"Who could expect it of a clever fellow, who sees so clearly throughthe illusions of old women?" the God asked, a little wearily.
And Jurgen answered:
"God of my grandmother, I cannot quite believe in You, and Yourdoings as they are recorded I find incoherent and a little droll.But I am glad the affair has been so arranged that You may alwaysnow be real to brave and gentle persons who have believed in andhave worshipped and have loved You. To have disappointed them wouldhave been unfair: and it is right that before the faith they had inYou not even Koshchei who made things as they are was able to bereasonable.
"God of my grandmother, I cannot quite believe in You; butremembering the sum of love and faith that has been given You, Itremble. I think of the dear people whose living was confident andglad because of their faith in You: I think of them, and in my heartcontends a blind contrition, and a yearning, and an enviousness, andyet a tender sort of amusement colors all. Oh, God, there was neverany other deity who had such dear worshippers as You have had, andYou should be very proud of them.
"God of my grandmother, I cannot quite believe in You, yet I am notas those who would come peering at You reasonably. I, Jurgen, seeYou only through a mist of tears. For You were loved by those whom Iloved greatly very long ago: and when I look at You it is Yourworshippers and the dear believers of old that I remember. And itseems to me that dates and manuscripts and the opinions of learnedpersons are very trifling things beside what I remember, and what Ienvy!"
"Who could have expected such a monstrous clever fellow ever to envythe illusions of old women?" the God of Jurgen's grandmother askedagain: and yet His countenance was not unfriendly.
"Why, but," said Jurgen, on a sudden, "why, but my grandmother--in away--was right about Heaven and about You also. For certainly Youseem to exist, and to reign in just such estate as she described.And yet, according to Your latest revelation, I too was right--in away--about these things being an old woman's delusions. I wondernow--?"
"Yes, Jurgen?"
"Why, I wonder if everything is right, in a way? I wonder if that isthe large secret of everything? It would not be a bad solution,sir," said Jurgen, meditatively.
The God smiled. Then suddenly that part of Heaven was vacant, exceptfor Jurgen, who stood there quite alone. And before him was the throneof the vanished God and the sceptre of the God, and Jurgen saw thatthe seven spots upon the great book were of red sealing-wax.
Jurgen was afraid: but he was particularly appalled by hisconsciousness that he was not going to falter. "What, you who havebeen duke and prince and king and emperor and pope! and do suchdignities content a Jurgen? Why, not at all," says Jurgen.
So Jurgen ascended the throne of Heaven, and sat beneath thatwondrous rainbow: and in his lap now was the book, and in his handwas the sceptre, of the God of Jurgen's grandmother.
Jurgen sat thus, for a long while regarding the bright vacant courtsof Heaven. "And what will you do now?" says Jurgen, aloud. "Oh,fretful little Jurgen, you that have complained because you had notyour desire, you are omnipotent over Earth and all the affairs ofmen. What now is your desire?" And sitting thus terribly enthroned,the heart of Jurgen was as lead within him, and he felt old and verytired. "For I do not know. Oh, nothing can help me, for I do notknow what thing it is that I desire! And this book and this sceptreand this throne avail me nothing at all, and nothing can ever availme: for I am Jurgen who seeks he knows not what."
So Jurgen shrugged, and climbed down from the throne of the God, andwandering at adventure, came presently to four archangels. They wereseated upon a fleecy cloud, and they were eating milk and honey fromgold porringers: and of these radiant beings Jurgen inquired thequickest way out of Heaven.
"For hereabouts are none of my illusions," said Jurgen, "and I mustnow return to such illusions as are congenial. One must believe insomething. And all that I have seen in Heaven I have admired andenvied, but in none of these things could I believe, and with noneof these things could I be satisfied. And while I think of it, Iwonder now if any of you gentlemen can give me news of that Lisa whoused to be my wife?"
He described her; and they regarded him with compassion.
But these archangels, he found, had never heard of Lisa, and theyassured him there was no such person in Heaven. For Steinvor haddied when Jurgen was a boy, and so she had never seen Lisa; and inconsequence, had not thought about Lisa one way or the other, whenSteinvor outlined her notions to Koshchei who made things as theyare.
Now Jurgen discovered, too, that, when his eyes first met the eyesof the God of Jurgen's grandmother, Jurgen had stayed motionless forthirty-seven days, forgetful of everything save that the God of hisgrandmother was love.
"Nobody else has willingly turned away so soon," Zachariel told him:"and we think that your insensibility is due to some evil virtue inthe glittering garment which you are wearing, and of which the likewas never seen in Heaven."
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"I did but search for justice," Jurgen said: "and I could not findit in the eyes of your God, but only love and such forgiveness astroubled me."
"Because of that should you rejoice," the four archangels said; "andso should all that lives rejoice: and more particularly should werejoice that dwell in Heaven, and hourly praise our Lord God'snegligence of justice, whereby we are permitted to enter into thisplace."
Jurgen: A Comedy of Justice Page 43