by Kiki Swinson
I dried up my tears and tried to focus on that task. For many years, I had taken from people and had not cared how my actions affected them. But as of today, I felt a tremendous blow that would affect my life forever. And I knew that in order for me to get payback, and execute it in proper fashion, I was going to have to take my heart out of the equation and deal with things with my head.
I couldn’t tell you how this would all end, but I knew that no one would be able to walk around and speak about what they’d done to me. I promised Derek and my son, wherever he was, that I would have the last say.
During the bus ride, I planned to drum up some ideas about how I was going to track Matt down if he was back in Virginia, but I found myself sitting next to this very talkative young guy by the name of Quincy. He was a very handsome guy. He kind of reminded me of a younger version of the rapper T.I. He sparked up a conversation with me only a couple of minutes after he sat next to me. My seat was by the window, so I was looking out of it and minding my business when he introduced himself. From the intense look he gave me, I could tell that he sensed my troubles. But he didn’t ask me any questions. Instead, he told me he was a college student from Norfolk State and that he was visiting a friend in New York while he was on spring break. I said hi, and then I told him my name was Chantel and that I was on my way to Virginia to visit my grandmother, hoping that would be enough, but it wasn’t. This guy kept talking.
I did I manage to tell him that I was tired and that I wanted to get some rest, but it went in one ear and out the other. He rambled on about how his girlfriend left him for another guy and that he was cool because the night before spring break started he met another young lady, who was really nice, so he was looking forward to getting to know her.
This whole puppy love situation he had going on was a little too cheesy for me. I had to admit that he seemed like a nice guy, but naïve for the most part. To hear him talk about his life made me look at my own. This guy was a college student and it seemed like he had a bright future ahead of him. I’m talking lucrative career, a wife, kids, and maybe a home on a lakefront property. But here I was, living a life of chaos. I stole people’s identities and took everything that they’d worked so hard for. I literally turned people’s lives upside down in the blink of an eye. Because of it, I became this vengeful and greedy person. And that alone caused the death of my family. But what was really screwed up about my life was that I couldn’t change it. I was stuck in this bottomless pit forever, while this guy here could live a normal life. Whether he knew it or not, he had it good.
Fortunately for me, he finally noticed how tired I was and left me alone after he ran down his whole life story. I dozed off to sleep for a few hours, but that was short-lived once Quincy told me that we had made it to our destination. I was a bit groggy but I managed to gather my thoughts together and muster up enough energy to grab my travel bag and exit the bus. “No, wait, let me carry that for you,” Quincy insisted as he took my LV bag from my hands.
“Thank you,” I said, and then I led the way to the front of the bus.
It was night, and I was still in a bit of pain from having just delivered my baby two days ago. In essence, I tried to take it easy as I put one foot in front of the other.
“Do you have someone here waiting to pick you up?” he wondered.
“No, I don’t. I was going to take a cab,” I told him.
“Oh no, that’s nonsense. My roommate from my dorm is here so I’m gonna get him to take you wherever you need to go. Now, is that all right? Are you cool with that?”
“Yes, I guess so,” I replied.
“Well, let’s go. He’s parked just a few feet away in that black Wrangler Jeep.”
Quincy escorted me to his friend’s Jeep. As soon as he opened the passenger-side door, he introduced me to the guy. “Trevor, this is Chantel and Chantel this is Trevor,” Quincy said.
“Nice to meet you,” Trevor and I said simultaneously.
“She’s pretty, Q. What, you have a girlfriend now?” Trevor joked.
I got a quick look at Trevor and he was handsome like Quincy. Trevor kind of resembled Chris Brown. He wasn’t as cute as Chris Brown, but he was close enough.
“No, man. I met her on the bus and I told her that you’ll give her a ride so she wouldn’t have to take a cab.”
“Oh sure, get in. Where are you headed?” Trevor wanted to know.
My mind went totally blank. I honestly didn’t know where the hell I was going. But I knew I had to think of something fast, so while I was climbing in the backseat of the Jeep, I said, “Take me to the Hilton Hotel on the corner of Military Highway and North Hampton Boulevard.”
“But I thought you were going to see your grandmother,” Quincy interjected.
“Oh, I am. Just not tonight. I need to get some rest and then I’ll be refreshed to surprise her in the morning,” I lied.
“Okay, well, cool,” Trevor said, and then he started up and drove out of the bus station parking lot.
I watched Quincy and Trevor interact with each other while they listened to Drake’s latest CD. The brotherly love these two guys had for each other was priceless. They both looked like they came from wealthy families. They even seemed innocent and unaware of how life really was. For their sake, I hoped they’d stay in their little bubble because it was safer in there. These harsh streets would swallow them whole and spit them out to be devoured by stray dogs. Boy, would that be a fucked-up way to go.
When Quincy’s friend pulled up in front of the hotel, I thanked him for dropping me off, and then I told him that I’d return the favor one day. Quincy helped me out of the Jeep and escorted me into the hotel while he carried my bag. I thanked him at least three times before he left. He gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him if I needed anything. I assured him that I would.
I checked into the hotel using a fake ID. I got it from my Maryland connect before I left Virginia and hightailed it to New York. I only used it a few times while I was in New York. But after Matt was arrested, Derek convinced me to throw it away. I didn’t, of course. I put it in a safe place for a time such as this. Now I was Chantel West. I was a twenty-five-year-old New Yorker. And if anyone asked why I was in town? My answer would be that I was visiting a friend. But I was here to find Matthew and that motherfucker who took my money from me and ran off. And I vowed to die doing it.
6
THE DIRTY SOUTH
My travels back to Virginia were a bit bumpy, but safe. I was tempted to call a few people I knew to find out if Matt had reared his ugly face around them, but I decided against it. The people he and I knew together were more loyal to him than me. I couldn’t chance blowing my cover just to make my search a little easier. So I turned on the TV and lay back on the queen-size hotel bed. I tried to watch it but I couldn’t stop thinking about my baby. Thinking about Derek’s lifeless body lying in that hotel bed consumed my mind too. The way his body looked made me sick to my stomach. I almost vomited at the sight of his blood. It was still dark and gory-looking. I could only imagine how his brain and other living organs in his head looked underneath the pillow. If I wasn’t worried about the police coming to the hotel and catching me there, I would’ve stayed with my husband a little longer. I hated that I had to leave him. I hated that I couldn’t do anything to stop his murder. I was to blame for his demise. And now I’d have to live with it.
I also knew that if I would’ve stayed at that hotel for just a few more minutes, I could’ve found something that would’ve linked Matt to Derek’s murder. New York has homicides every day, so it wouldn’t surprise me if Matt never got charged with my husband’s death.
Now that I thought about it, my fingerprints were at the scene, so I would be on the list of suspects after the cops went through the room with a fine-tooth comb.
I sat back and thought about how I had gotten there. I thought I had everything under control but I didn’t. I thought I was going to move away start a fresh new life and live happily
ever after. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I got the opposite. I was a widow. I didn’t know where my son was. I was broke. And I was gonna be homeless once the cops identified Derek’s body and found out I was his wife and that I was wanted in the state of Virginia for numerous counts of identity theft, fraud, forgery, and grand larceny. You might as well have said that my life was completely FUCKED!
I thought to myself, Even after I find Matt and he tells me that he killed my baby, too, how am I going to come back from that? I won’t have any choice but to turn myself in to the cops. I mean, it’s not like I can move forward and try to put my life back together. That will be impossible after losing everything that I’ve held dearly to my heart. I believe prison would be better suited for me. There I can waste my life away. Maybe find a correctional officer to fuck my brains out from time to time to get a few special privileges and a couple of meals from the outside world. Because I promise that when I see Matt and everyone he had working for him to pull off the kidnapping of my family, I’m going to make sure I end their lives on-site.
While I was in thinking about the events that led up to this very moment, the eleven o’clock nightly news broadcast, so I tuned in. I listened intently to what was going on around the Tidewater area. It had been over a year since I had walked these streets, so to be able to learn firsthand what was happening around town made me feel right at home. It also revealed to me that I wasn’t missing much. It was always the same shit, but on a different day.
First the news journalist talked about how the unemployment rate had gone down and how things were looking up for the Tidewater area. Then she talked about a serial bank robber who had been hitting up a few of the local banks in the area. And of course, if anyone had any information about the suspect to call 1-888-LOCKUUP. From there the news station changed anchors and switched it to a young white reporter who was covering the story of a local gang. I continued to listen intently. “We’re out here in the Huntersville section of Norfolk, where two young black men in their early twenties have been shot and killed doing a drug deal gone bad. I’ve talked to several witnesses, who were afraid to go on camera, but they say that this incident was inevitable. They even mentioned that the two young men were brothers who had just gotten out of jail stemming from other drug charges. No names will be released until the families are notified first,” the woman reported. I turned the volume down on the TV when the news station switched their camera back to headquarters. It was time for the weather segment and I wasn’t interested in that.
There was nothing new under the sun in the Tidewater area. Someone dies every day. It was the way of life. Dysfunction was normalcy around here. If men weren’t raping children and women, or prostitutes weren’t selling their bodies, and junkies weren’t stealing from loved ones to get their next fix, or guys weren’t selling drugs to support their weed habit, or buy hot cars, designer labels, and diamond chains, something was wrong. This was the only way the people around here knew how to live. I hated this place all my life. And I won’t say New York is better. But it was a change of pace and I had finally found someone who loved me. And on top of that, he gave me a baby. There was nothing else in this world that I could have possibly wanted. But now, my happiness was gone. It’s funny how life will change, without giving you notice. It’s a dogg-eat-dog world out here. So you gotta learn to adapt, at any cost. Whether it be a life or not. You gotta learn how to survive or you’ll get swallowed up. No questions asked.
I was feeling a little hungry from that long bus ride, so I called and ordered some Chinese food from a menu I found in the desk drawer near the TV. I ordered a small box of shrimp pancit and two shrimp egg rolls. Immediately after I placed my order, I lay back in the bed and thought about my two-day-old baby boy. Anxiety washed over me while I thought about whether he was safe or not. I prayed to God that Matt had some good left in his heart not to harm a baby.
And even though it hadn’t been twenty-four hours since I’d seen my son, I could still smell his scent on my clothes and my skin from when I was breast-feeding him. He was so precious to me. He was innocent and the joy of my life. So I couldn’t imagine not seeing him ever again.
I knew one thing. It didn’t matter how long it took, I was going to find out what happened to my baby. And if I survived this ordeal I would redeem myself. Going through all of this heartache had taken at least ten years off my life. My body was aching. My head hurt. Everything was wrong with me. And right then I didn’t see a light at the end of my tunnel. But I would, even if I did it before I took my last breath.
* * *
Approximately thirty-five minutes passed before the hotel telephone rang. It startled the hell out of me. At first I wasn’t going to answer it, but when I figured that it could be the delivery person from the Chinese restaurant, I picked up the phone and said, “Hello.”
“Hi, this is Sharon from the front desk. I have a gentleman standing here with an order you placed at a Chinese restaurant. Would you like for me to send him up? Or would you prefer to meet him in the lobby?”
I thought for a moment about the chances of me running into someone who knew me from this area. And when I came to the conclusion that I could possibly run into one of Matt’s homeboys from the streets, I declined and asked the young lady to send the delivery guy up to my room.
“Sure, that would be no problem. I will send him up right now,” she assured me, and then I hung up.
The Asian guy arrived at my hotel room in less than two minutes flat. After I paid him, I told him “thank you” and closed my door. When I sat back down, I found myself only eating a few bites of my food. I had just lost my appetite that fast. I think it was because I thought to myself, How could I be eating at a time like this? How could I enjoy a meal knowing that my husband and son were taken away from me just hours ago? For moment, I was really starting to feel ashamed. I shouldn’t be lying around here relaxed. I should be out there looking for Matt so I can avenge my husband and hopefully find my baby. I guessed now was the time for me to switch gears. I knew I couldn’t do anything that night. But I would start searching for my son bright and early in the morning.
* * *
I tossed and turned all night. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep, especially with everything weighing heavily on my mind. But what really had my stomach turning knots was what Matt had done with my baby. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t murder him and leave him in the hotel room lying on the bed alongside of Derek? But then what if he killed my baby and dumped him off on the side of the fucking highway? I swore, if I found out he killed my baby there was going to be an all-out war. I’d be dropping bodies everywhere. Innocent bystanders and all. Everybody who had any dealings with Matt and his crew would have a funeral in the coming days. I didn’t care who it was. It could be the mothers, grandmothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces, and nephews, because everyone would go straight to hell. I meant that from the bottom of my heart.
Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I got out of bed, walked down to the first-floor lobby, and bought a few packs of ibuprofen to help me with the pain I was experiencing since I’d just had a baby. I had no other choice in the matter. It was either stay in my room to avoid being seen or go and get a pack of painkillers. This was the only way my pain was going to subside.
Lucky for me, I hadn’t had a C-section birth because if I had, I wouldn’t be able to do any of the stuff that I’d done to get where I was at that point. It just wouldn’t have been feasible. Before going back up to my room, I got a box of maxi pads because the box I had taken from my apartment in New York wasn’t enough. This childbirth thing had me bleeding heavy.
On my way back upstairs, I noticed the hotel had a security guard who looked very familiar to me. I walked to the elevator and stood there, waiting for the elevator door to open just as the guy walked by me. In my mind, I was trying to figure out where I had seen him before. It didn’t click until he spoke. “Hey, what’s your name?” he as
ked right after he stood beside me. I turned my face to the right just enough to give him eye contact. “Chantel,” I lied while I tried to sound like I was from up north. “Why you ask?” I inquired.
“Well, because you look like this young lady I know named Lauren. She used to go to high school with me and my brother Kevin. I wanted to go out with her but my brother got to her first. I always wondered what happened to her.” He smiled.
“I’m sorry but what’s your name?”
“Rick.”
“Well no, I’m sorry. I’m not Lauren,” I lied once again, and turned my focus back to the elevator.
“Well, that’s too bad because I would love to tell Lauren how I was crazy in love with her and that I would’ve treated her way better than my brother did.”
“I’m sure she would’ve loved to hear that,” I assured him, keeping my eyes on the elevator. Thankfully, the doors opened a few seconds later.
“Talk to you later,” I said, and walked onto the elevator.
“Okay,” he replied as the doors closed.
I let out a long sigh after the doors closed completely. I couldn’t believe how I almost blew my fucking cover. To run into someone I went to school with over ten years ago was risky as hell. Just imagine if I’d run into someone I hadn’t seen in a little over a year. I’d be messed up for real. I couldn’t let that happened again.
* * *
Knowing in my mind and my heart that the security guard recognized me had me on edge. I definitely remembered him trying to talk to me a few times after school when I had detention and he had band practice. He was a really nice guy. But he wasn’t my type. He was one of those charming guys who would open the car door for you, bring you flowers when he picks you up for a date, and write you poems expressing his love for you. I wasn’t into that corny stuff. To me, it showed me a guy’s weakness. Any sign of weakness was a turnoff for me, which was why I was attracted to his brother. His brother was a thug. He stayed in group homes for boys for grand theft auto, snatching old ladies’ pocketbooks, and pickpocketing teachers’ wallets in school. His brother was off the chain. But he was exciting. Kevin was the first guy I dated who had a long rap sheet. Essentially it was puppy love, because after he carjacked an old man’s car, he was arrested, charged as an adult, and sent away to prison for ten years. He should have been home by this point. Who knew?