by Kiki Swinson
“I’m okay. Thanks for asking,” he replied, and then stepped by me to get on the elevator.
I turned my back to him and headed straight to my hotel room. But then I heard a dinging sound coming from the elevator. A couple seconds later, I heard the security guard’s voice. “Hey, Chantel, excuse me,” he said.
I stopped in my tracks and turned around, but I didn’t say one word. The security guard stood there, pressing his weight against the sliding doors to prevent them from closing on him. “Yes?” I finally replied.
“If I bring you a picture of the girl my brother used to date from high school, will you look at it? ’Cause I swear, if you got a chance to see her, you’d see exactly why I thought you were her,” he explained.
“You don’t have to bring me any pictures. I’ll take your word for it,” I told him, and then I said, “Good night!”
Before he could utter another word, I turned back around and continued on to my hotel room. “You have a good night too,” I heard him say.
Immediately after I entered my room, I fell down on the bed because I felt an anxiety attack coming on. I dropped everything in my hands and sat up on the edge of the bed. “I want my fucking baby!” I screamed. I could tell that I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I was also growing cold down to my core and I wanted revenge on everyone who had done something to me. Trevor was now added to the list of niggas I wanted to torture to death. The way I was feeling right then, all the motherfuckers who caused me heartache were going to either die or suffer when I was done exacting swift moral justice on their asses.
Going on another day without getting any closer to my baby boy had started to take a tremendous toll on me. I couldn’t keep living under this mental stress. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to be able to endure all of the anxiety. It seemed like it was mounting more and more by the day.
I did know that from that moment forward, every day I was out there searching would have to count. I had to make some type of progress or else.
Once I came to terms with what I had to do, I got up, showered, and then I lay down on the bed and tried to get some rest. But of course that didn’t work. Instead, I found myself getting back out of the bed. I started pacing my hotel room floor for the next twenty minutes trying to figure out my next move. Walking around with this upsetting feeling that either my baby was dead or being taken care of by a total stranger tormented my mind. Next thing I knew, I was balled up in a fetal position on my hotel bed crying my poor little heart out because my heart was heavy. I was going through this ordeal all alone. I was fighting this battle by myself. I had no help or no one’s shoulder to cry on. So how was I going to get through this? Who was going to save me if Matt caught me off guard and killed me before I could get revenge on him? Nobody! “Why me, God?” I cried out. My tears were running down my face like a faucet. “God, my son is an innocent baby, so why did he have to get pulled into my drama? He had nothing to do with any of my past transgressions, so why has he been taken from me? God, please give me some answers,” I begged.
* * *
I didn’t realize that I cried myself asleep until I got up really early the following morning. It was four AM, to be exact. I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to get back to Huntersville. I figured I would’ve probably found Matt by now if I hadn’t gone with Quincy and his little buddy Trevor yesterday. Trevor fucked up my entire trip. Now I needed to make up some ground. So I pulled out my cabdriver friend’s business card and called him to see if he’d be able to help me. “Hello,” he said.
I really didn’t expect him to answer the phone this time of the morning, so I was kind of shocked. “Hi, is this . . . ?” I said, and fell silent as I looked down at the business card to find out what his name was. “. . . Sam?” I finally said.
“Yes, it is. And who am I speaking to?” he asked.
“This is Chantel from the hotel. You took me around yesterday.”
“Oh yeah, how are you?”
“I’m good. I didn’t expect you to answer the phone this early in the morning. I was waiting for your voice mail so I could leave a message.”
“Oh no, I’m up. I’m actually working right now. Just dropped off my last fare.”
“So you work all night, too?”
“I work several different shifts. There is a quota I must meet on a weekly basis. So if I can’t do it in an eight-hour shift, then I’ll do a double.”
“What time do you get off?”
“I’m clocking out around eight o’clock.”
“Do you have to pick up another fare right now?”
“No, why? Do you need me to come by and take you somewhere?”
“Yes. If you can?”
“Of course I can. Are you ready now?”
“I can be ready in like fifteen to twenty minutes.”
“Well, I’ll see you then,” he told me, and then we both disconnected the call.
* * *
When Mr. Sam drove up to the valet area of the hotel, I was there front and center and I wasted no time getting in the backseat of the car. He greeted me with a huge smile. “Hi there, little lady.”
“Hi, Mr. Sam,” I replied, giving him a half smile.
“So where are we going this time of the morning?” he wanted to know.
“I need you to take me back to Huntersville.”
“Are you sure? Because you were pretty upset when I took you there yesterday.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m okay now.”
“Are we going to the same two places?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Let’s go,” he said, and turned on the meter.
10
DIDN’T SEE THIS COMING
It didn’t take Mr. Sam long to bring me back to Huntersville. I swear, it seemed like as soon as I blinked my eyes, we were there. As we turned onto Church Street, he wanted to know exactly how I was going to proceed. I instructed him to drive me down Lexington Avenue first so I could see if there was any foot traffic. “Just drive by the same house like you did yesterday,” I told him.
“Am I going to stop this time?”
“No. I just wanna see if those guys we saw yesterday are outside.”
“Roger that,” he replied, and proceeded through the neighborhood.
Mr. Sam drove down two one-way streets that led us to A Avenue. And as soon as he was about to make the turn onto the street, he announced it. I sat up in the backseat and zoomed directly in on the duplex from the corner. “Doesn’t seem like anyone is out this time of the morning,” he mentioned.
“Yeah, I see that,” I commented.
“Do you wanna drive by that other house on Lexington Avenue?”
“Yes, please.”
Matt’s cousin’s house was one block over in the opposite direction. And just like the duplex on A Avenue, this place looked deserted too. “Where the hell is everyone?” I asked out loud.
“Beats me,” Mr. Sam said. “Is there anywhere else you’re trying to go?” he continued.
“Yeah, take me back over by A Avenue. But instead of driving down A Avenue, drop me off on Washington Street and I’ll walk from there.”
“You want me to drop you off?” He sounded alarmed.
“Yes, I need to check out something,” I told him.
“Please don’t tell me you’re out here trying to buy drugs.”
I chuckled. “No, Mr. Sam, I am not out here to buy drugs. I’m looking for someone. And I see that I’m not going to be able to find them if I don’t do some further investigating of my own. So, pull over right here and I’ll be right back,” I said after he pulled up onto Washington Street.
“This is a dangerous neighborhood so I hope you know what you are doing.”
“I’m gonna be just fine,” I assured him as I opened up the back door.
“Don’t take too long because then I’ll have to leave you,” he warned me.
Before I closed the back door, I promised him I’d only be gone for five minutes. I couldn�
�t risk being seen by anyone who could pose a threat to me, so I cut through the backyard of a known crack spot and made my way through the backyard of an abandoned trap house. Luckily for me, the metal fences that marked off each backyard were low enough for me to climb over the top of them. After the first two fences, it seemed easy. But when I got to the third one, my strength was tested. Remember, I had just had a baby three days ago, so I was really doing too much strenuous stuff to my body.
Thankfully, four backyards and four metal fences later, I had come upon the backyard of the duplex. I was tired as hell. I was also scared to death. I was breathing so hard that it sounded really loud to me, so I held my breath for a second, just to make sure no one heard me.
With my heart still racing painfully in my chest, I exhaled and finally got the nerve up to move forward toward the duplex. I tiptoed up the brick steps. Just as I got about two steps up, I paused. It was very quiet in the back of this house so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t making any noise at all.
I continued tiptoeing up on the back porch of the duplex very quietly. Every curtain and mini blind on all the back windows was closed shut but one. I couldn’t believe that there was one small tear in one of the mini blinds in the kitchen window. I squinted one eye and peered into the kitchen. Someone walked by the window and it scared the shit out of me. I jumped back from the window. “Fuck!” I whispered after I exhaled. “Come on, Lauren, let’s focus,” I said to myself, to root myself on.
“Are y’all done bagging that shit up?” I heard a male voice say.
“Yeah, we almost done,” I heard another guy say. So I leaned forward and peered through that damaged mini blind again. My eye went from left to right trying to get a look at something inside of that kitchen. And bingo, it happened. Standing there clear as day was the same guy who took my money from me. He was standing over two guys at a kitchen table. I couldn’t see the faces of the other guys but I could see their hands bagging up dope. “Kanan, you know we’re gonna sell out of this shit as soon as we go outside, right?” one guy said.
It seemed like I held my breath waiting to see who was going to respond to the name Kanan. It had to be the guy standing up because he looked like he ran the spot.
“Yeah, I know. And that’s why Matt said he’s gon’ make sure we get the re-up pack before tonight,” the guy standing up finally said. I swear it felt like a victory when I found out what this guy’s name was. But to hear him mentioning that he’d spoken to Matt about a re-up was like music to my ears. One of my questions had been answered. Matt was indeed somewhere around. Now I needed to find out where he was.
“Are you sure we gon’ get enough dope to carry us through the night?” he asked.
“Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. Remember, it was dead around here for a week because we didn’t have any dope. Now that we got some more, I just wanna know how long we gon’ be good because I need this money,” I heard the other guy say.
“Let me tell y’all niggas something. That nigga Matt came up on a gold mine so we ain’t gon’ run out of dope no time soon,” I heard Kanan explain with excitement.
“Damn right! We are about to be paid in motherfucking full!” one of the guys said, and then they all chuckled.
Hearing these guys get excited over a package of drugs Matt bought with the ransom money they stole from me made me want to vomit. These simple-ass niggas were celebrating at the expense of my husband’s blood. How fucking sick was that? I swear I wanted to kick the door down and shoot and kill everybody in this fucking house because of the pain I was now suffering. Just last week these niggas were around here scrambling to get a drug package they could flip for a profit. Now they had all the drugs they could possibly need.
It didn’t shock me to hear what Matt did with the money once he returned to Virginia. Buying and selling drugs was all Matt knew. He’d never go out and invest in a legal business. No. He’d rather spend all of his money on massive amounts of cocaine and heroin so he could continue to reign as the king of the streets. It’s always been about appearances with Matt. He didn’t like my check fraud hustle when I first introduced it to him after he came home from jail. I saw it in his eyes. But he dealt with it for a while because he knew the Feds were watching him for the first few months after he was released. He had no other choice. And I think that killed him inside too. He didn’t like me running things. He wanted to be the man and when I stripped him of that, it ate away at his pride. I guess that forced him to cheat on me with that desperate-ass bitch Yancy. But it’s all good, though. My day would come.
While I was eavesdropping on the guys in the kitchen, I was startled by the light that was turned on in a bedroom next to the kitchen. I didn’t know if the person in the bedroom heard me outside or what. All I knew was that I needed to get off of that back porch before someone saw me.
I walked off the back porch very quietly. I started to head back to the cab but the possibility of finding out who else was in the house convinced me to stay a little longer. I couldn’t see any movement from where I was standing so I walked on the opposite side of the duplex where there was another window that belonged to that room. The grass in the backyard was at least two feet high so I had to be careful when I walked through it. Syringes, beer bottles, and broken glass were just a few things a person could step on while walking through this mess. Didn’t want to hurt myself or trip over anything and bring unnecessary noise. Cats like the ones bagging up that dope in the kitchen stay on high alert when it comes to the cops and other cats that wanna rob them. So you see, I had to be extra careful while I was hanging around this spot.
I traveled a few feet around the side of the duplex to see if I could get a look through the window since it didn’t have a mini blind covering it. But as I approached, I realized that the window was too high off the ground. I looked around the yard for something to stand on. Thankfully, there was a plastic crate by a nearby tree. I dragged the crate to the window because it was too big to pick up. It took me about a minute or two to get it close enough so that I could stand up on it. After I got it close to the house, I climbed on top of it and looked through the sheer curtains. I couldn’t see anything but a bed and a small television. Nothing else. “Fuck! I took too long,” I hissed. I immediately became frustrated because I knew that whoever turned on the bathroom light had already gone out of the room.
I stood there for a couple more seconds and waited, but there was still no movement. But as I turned to step down from the crate, someone turned on the television. I quickly turned back around. My heart started racing rapidly. And then out of the corner of my eye came movement. I couldn’t see the person’s face. But from the silhouette of the person’s body, I could tell she was a woman. I could see her hourglass figure very clearly. I can also see that all she was wearing was a T-shirt. There was no doubt in my mind that she was there for Kanan. She must’ve been one of his side chicks. She had to be. No classy woman would allow a man to fuck her in a trap house when there were a dozen hotels nearby.
“Whatcha turn the TV on for?” a male’s voice came out of nowhere.
“Because I wanna watch TV,” the woman replied.
“Well, you gon’ have to do that at home. ’Cause I got some shit I gotta take care of and you can’t be here when I do it,” the same male voice said. This time I knew the voice belonged to Kanan.
“So you just gon’ fuck me and kick me out?” she spat. I could tell that she was pissed off.
“Look, I don’t care to hear all of that. Just put on your clothes and get the fuck out,” Kanan roared. He was getting more irritated with her by the second.
“You know what? Fuck you!” she yelled. And then I saw her grabbing her things from a nearby dresser. I couldn’t see exactly what she was grabbing but I saw a lot of movement. “Are you still gonna let me take this box of Pampers with me?” she asked sarcastically.
“Fuck, nah! They belong to somebody else,” his voice boomed, and then he said, “You taking too long. Now let’s
go!”
“Don’t you see I’m trying to put my fucking clothes on?” she yelled at him once more.
That apparently didn’t sit well with Kanan, because I didn’t hear him say another word. I did hear some scuffling in the bedroom. And then I heard her screaming, “Get off me.” Before I knew it, I heard her voice again, but it was coming from the front of the house. I jumped off the crate and hid behind the nearby tree just in case Kanan decided to come outside and walk the perimeter.
“You ain’t shit, nigga!” she yelled as she walked away from the house.
“Since I ain’t shit, don’t bring your ass back over here,” he yelled back at her.
“Fuck you!” she yelled once more.
I thought Kanan would have more to say, but I didn’t hear him say another word. I realized he had gone back into the house because a few minutes later the light and TV in that room were turned off. This was my cue to leave and head back to the cab before Mr. Sam left me stranded out here in this freaking jungle.
On my way back to the cab, I thought about everything I’d heard. From Matt making sure the spot received their re-up of dope, down to there being a bag of Pampers in that bedroom. Were those Pampers for my baby? Had he been there? I swore I needed some answers because I wasn’t getting them fast enough.
Luckily for me, I had gotten back to the cab when I did because as soon as I walked onto the next block over, Mr. Sam had started driving very slowly down the street. I had to run down behind the car. He stopped when he saw me through the rearview mirror. “You weren’t lying when you said you’d leave if I took too long,” I said after I got back inside the car.
“Whatcha didn’t believe me?” he asked as he continued down the block.
“I thought you were joking.”
“Oh no, I don’t do no joking around when I come out to neighborhoods like this.”
“Hey, do me a favor,” I blurted out, unfazed by what he was saying. All I could think about was that chick who Kanan kicked out of the spot.