Cale gave her a soft nudge, asking her to speak.
Instead of getting the words out, her throat closed up. She had never addressed this many people before, let alone people who wanted to hear what she had to say. People who had so much riding on her. What was she supposed to say? Should she have prepared a speech?
“It's all right.” He took her hand to comfort her, but she pulled away. She could do this. She wasn’t a helpless child who couldn’t stand on her own feet. She just needed to find her balance, and she couldn’t do that if he steadied her. “They just want to know it's really you. Tell them you're okay.”
Rachael took a deep breath in. “I...” Should she tell them that she could not help? Her name? How old she was, maybe? She had never felt so out of place anywhere. Blackrock’s streets had been cruel, but they had been familiar. This, here, was overwhelming. “I'm Rachael, and Cale seems to think that I can help you somehow.” She could clearly hear the shuffles of feet as everyone moved a little closer together. Deciding that the least she could give Cale in return for his hospitality was honesty, she braced herself. “But I can't. I'm not this Sparrow you think I am. I can't control my dreams. I've only had one since Cale found us and it was useless.” For all she knew it had been a normal dream, but she felt like she needed to give them something, even if it wasn’t much. “I can't control any other magic, like some of you can. I can't move anything with my mind or set fire to things. Cephy is the one who-” Cale gave her a painful nudge, urging her to stop.
Her hands shaking, Rachael turned around to leave since they all knew the truth about her now, but found herself faced with an impenetrable wall of people. No one moved aside for her to pass. Every last Sparrow still looked as hopeful as they had done before.
“Didn't you hear me? I'm useless to you!”
The silence in the room was deafening. Finally, a young woman with hair like fire near the front of the barricade spoke up.
“We know you can't control your magic. Cale told us you're struggling with it.”
Rachael couldn’t believe what she heard. What were these people doing, risking their lives on suicide missions knowing that Rachael was of no help to them? Had they all lost their minds in this war?
“Then what do you want from me?”
“We know you'll find a way, somehow.” The woman with red hair reached out for her through the crowd, and gave her hand a brief squeeze before smiling and stepping back again.
“Yeah, if prophecy says so we believe that you will!” Their offers of support and encouragement seemed to come from everywhere at once as people spoke up.
It was hopeless. Prophecy had been wrong. Why couldn’t they accept that? Whoever had created this nonsense about her bringing in a new age of freedom for the gifted had had lost his mind himself, and now, thousands of years later, she suffered from his insanity.
She sighed, frustrated with their continued support for her “But I can't! Don't you understand? I can't kill the king! We can't even get close to him! You're out there every day, losing your lives for some future foretold by someone who lived in completely different times, and for what? Because prophecy says I'll kill King Aeric? I have no idea how to kill him! I don't even know how you think we can get past his guards!”
She watched as the faces around her fell into stunned shock. Even Cale next to her had gone limp.
“You'll have to find someone else who knows how to do this.” Their belief in her had been nice while it had lasted, but like everything else it had finally faded. People were like that. They pledged their undying love for you in one minute, and changed their mind in the next. As it turned out, unshakable faith could be shaken quite easily as long as she was honest with people.
Slowly, the crowd around her loosened. Relieved that she could finally find a dark alley again and get back to her old life, she began to walk.
Cale took hold of her hand the moment her foot had left the floor.
“Don't worry about any of that. We're your diversion. If you can't control your magic by the time we make our move, then so be it.”
“But you can't-”
“We can, and we will. You may not believe in this prophecy, but we do. There were countless times when we thought prophecy was wrong, too. But here we are, and we're not ready to give up just yet no matter what you say. With or without you, we will retake the White City. Maker, we will retake all of Rifarne! It's true that we want you to do this with us. Without you we might not stand a chance, but if we don't do anything we've already lost. It would be an insult to our fallen friends if we gave up now.”
Rachael blinked away tears. How could he still believe in her when she could not believe in herself? After everything she had said? Worse than that, the Sparrows around her looked more determined than ever.
The same woman as before stepped forward, her red hair glowing like fire in the dim light of the oil lamps.
“It doesn't matter that you don't know what to do. That's what we're here for. We have war specialists among us, and strategists.” Gently, she placed one hand on Rachael's shoulder. “We know of your background. We know how you grew up, and where, and how the townspeople treated you. Many of us have similar backgrounds. There is not one person here who doesn't understand how you feel, how hard it is to believe in yourself. We're here for that, too. We believe in you when you can't find a reason to.” An agreeing murmur spread through the room, several other people stepped up to give her a reassuring pat. All Rachael could do was nod, desperate not to let them see how affected by their words she really was.
“I'm sorry. I should have told you how much they knew, but I wanted them to see you for you.”
They hadn’t said a word on the way back, until now. Rachael needed time to process everything the Sparrows had told her, their seemingly never-ending confidence in her, and Cale gave her the space she needed. She wanted him to stay back a little but knew he wouldn’t agree to that, not until they were back at the cabin, and she'd accepted his silence instead.
The rain had stopped, and the pale light of the moon reflected off the wet cobblestone. Now that they no longer had the cover of heavy rain, they would be easy to spot for any guard patrolling tonight. Rachael couldn't argue against caution, and she stayed close.
“That makes no sense.” They had stayed for another hour after everyone had sworn their loyalty to Rachael. Kiana, the young woman who had spoken up first, had talked to her the most, but everyone had tried to get a few words with her. All of them had introduced themselves, but she knew she’d never remember all their names. She still wasn’t over their strong belief in her, but she wanted to try. With or without magic, she'd try—although she didn’t know what she could achieve without its help.
“I could have told you how much they knew already, but if I had done that you would have prepared excuses. This way, they saw you react. They saw what their words meant to you, and you saw how much they really believe in you.”
“I don't understand how they can do that, just because a prophecy makes me sound important. You could still have the wrong girl.”
Cale frowned. “We don't, trust me on this. But think of it this way—morale is a powerful thing. Even if it turns out that you're not the Sparrow, they believe that you are. They will fight harder and with more determination because of that belief. Many of them might live another day because of that belief. Would you take that away from them?”
If there was one thing she had learned about Cale and knew for certain it was that he was determined. There was no arguing that. “No, I suppose not.” Something else had been bothering her, and she couldn’t keep quiet any more. “Why did you ask me to be quiet?”
Cale didn't turn around to face her. “When?”
“When I mentioned Cephy. I was telling them that Cephy knows more about magic than I do and is better suited to this Sparrow role, and you gave me a nudge to be quiet.”
It wasn’t just that, either. He had promised Cephy
that Ailis would be able to teach her before they had left Arlo's hut. She had been thrilled to learn more, yet all she had been able to do since coming here was help with the household chores. Rachael knew Cephy was bored and disappointed, even if she didn’t say so. She was eager to learn and would have made a better student, but it felt like he had forgotten all about it.
“Well?”
She nearly walked into him when he came to an abrupt stop.
“They can't know everything about Cephy.”
“Why not?”
“Because prophecy names her as the one to betray you. Or so they think.”
Rachael didn't know what to say. It was the most ridiculous thing she had heard all night. “That's nonsense, Cephy would never—”
“Maybe not, but they don't know her as you do. I wouldn’t have known her as the one either if Aeron hadn’t told me.”
More confused with every word, Rachael felt herself grow irritated. Cephy was only a child, and Aeron had made it clear that she wanted them out of her life. Why would she tell Cale something that could be useful to him?
“I don't understand. What did Aeron say?”
His expression grew grim as he looked into her eyes. “She named Cephy as the Fox.”
“So?”
“'Trust the Fox, and it will betray you.' According to Aeron Cephy is that fox. You have boosted their morale, but if they found out who came here with you that morale would be shattered in an instant. I'm sure you can see why I don't want that to happen.”
Rachael nodded without taking her eyes off Cale, looking for any signs that he had lost his mind but finding none. He was as determined as ever, but she didn’t believe any of it. She had seen how the Sparrows had been affected by her entering the room, and Cale knew more about morale than she did. Cephy would never betray her, but he was right—they didn’t know Cephy as well as she did, and they clearly placed a great amount of faith in prophecy.
“We should get going. It's cold outside and it will be morning before long.” It had been a long night, and Rachael was desperate to lie down and let everything sink in.
Cale held out his arm in front of her, signaling her to be quiet and get down into cover. She did as he asked, her heart hammering fast. Moments later, Cale jumped up.
“Ailis!”
Her curiosity piqued, Rachael got up after him. Ailis was standing not far from them, but it was too dark for Rachael to see what she was doing. The forest was thick this far in and the bright moonlight was not strong enough to penetrate the army of branches hanging over them.
“Cale! Oh, thank the Maker! Have you seen Cephy? Did she come after you?”
Rachael went cold.
“What? No. Why? Isn't she in her bed?”
“No. I went upstairs to check on her before going to bed myself, but she wasn't there.”
Rachael ran after them. “Why were you checking on her?” Had this prophecy clouded their judgment so much that they needed to make sure she was not planning her murder? Had they maybe checked on her, too, while she was asleep?
Now that Rachael had caught up with them, she saw the worry in Ailis' eyes. Even in the dim light she could tell her eyes were bloodshot. She'd been crying.
“Cephy likes a glass of milk overnight. She always takes one upstairs when she goes to bed but I always see if she needs more.” She sank into Cale who wrapped his arms around her for comfort. By the way she was shaking Rachael wasn’t convinced that it worked. “She wasn't there when I went into her room tonight. I've been out here nearly an hour looking for her, but I can't find any sign of her! It’s like she’s disappeared!”
“An hour! Maker, she could be anywhere!”
Rachael's fear rose. What if Cephy had come after them? The White City had a confusing layout if you weren’t familiar with it. Rachael would have got lost easily if it had not been for Cale's guidance. What if Cephy had run into guards?
She turned on her heel to run back but a strong hand closed around her wrist before she could get anywhere.
“You stay here!”
“I have to look for her! There are guards in the city, what if she—”
“I know, and that's exactly why you're not going. Ailis, take Rachael back to the house and stay with her. I will search the city, and if I can't find any sign of her there I will search this forest.” She had never heard him like this before. He sounded like a commander. The leader of the Sparrows, taking charge of another rescue mission.
“But what if you—”
“Rachael, I appreciate that you want to help, but you don't know this city. I know it inside out. If you come with me now you will only create a larger risk for me. Stay here—Ailis will be with you.”
He ran off, not waiting for a reply or her promise to stay, but she couldn’t let him go just yet. “Cale!”
He stopped, a determined look in his eyes—the sort of look which told her that whatever she had to say, it had better be important.
It was. “Promise you'll find her.”
“I'm sorry, Rachael. I can't.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
By the time Cale came back the sun had begun to rise and a soft pink glow illuminated the waking forest. Pressure hung in the air as thick as Rachael's worry for Cephy, promising more heavy rain later on to wash away the last of the snow.
He was alone.
It had been a long night. Rachael hadn’t been able to get to sleep, and had sat in the kitchen instead. Once she had sat down for a while with some piping hot tea to calm her nerves, she had to admit that Cale was right. She hated him a little for not promising her what she wanted to hear, but she couldn’t blame him for not making a promise he possibly couldn’t keep. He had fought this war before. He knew when to make promises and when to be honest.
“It took a while to track her foot prints in the dark, but she went straight to the stables. I think she left the White City.”
“Did you follow her?”
He shook his head. “There were too many hoof prints in the road. Any of them could have been her. I could have followed any track for hours without finding her, or getting any closer to her. I'm sorry, Rachael. She's gone.”
“Do you know why she left? Is there any family she might have missed?” Ailis' voice was soothing, but her words cut nonetheless.
“I don't know. She didn't say that she wanted to leave. I thought she was happy here.” The second the words were out she regretted them, and scowled. Cephy had likely felt like the third wheel. “It's your fault she's gone!”
“Rachael, I—” Ailis started, but Cale motioned for her to let Rachael speak. She wanted to punch him for it. Who was he to allow her to speak? When had she given him so much power over her?
“If you'd taught her, she'd still be here! You!” She turned to Cale. “She asked you if your sister could train her, back in Arlo's hut, and you said she could! You didn’t let her do anything once we got here, you only taught me and I still can't find the source of my gift! Cephy could—you should have taught her! You should—” The words choked her. Angry that he had allowed this to happen she got up and ran upstairs, locking the door behind her. She didn’t want to see either of them. She wanted to see Cephy.
By the time Rachael came out of her room, the gentle drumming of rain had comforted her and numbed the screaming accusations in her head. Ailis had left her a warm breakfast outside the door, but it was cold and unappealing when she found it.
She was ashamed of how she'd reacted. True as her words might have been, Cale and Ailis had been good to them. They shouldn’t have neglected Cephy, but judging by Ailis' bloodshot eyes, she already knew that. Rachael didn’t want to make her feel any worse.
Cale was nowhere to be seen when Rachael entered the kitchen. Ailis was cooking a stew over the fire and looked up when she heard Rachael enter. To Rachael's surprise, she smiled.
“Just in time! Come here. Taste this for me, please? I can't decide if it needs
more ground pepper.”
Knowing that she was in no position to argue after her outburst, Rachael stepped up to the hot cauldron and took the ladle from Ailis. The stew smelled delicious, its scents warming Rachael and comforting her. The wonderful fragrances worked their way into her mind, and soothed any remaining anger.
“No, it's fine.”
“Thank you, I'm glad you think so.”
No longer having the ladle to hold on to, Rachael intertwined her fingers and hugged herself. She had come down to apologise, but now that she was here the words wouldn't come. After a few moments of awkward silence she decided to speak up, no matter how clumsy her words would sound.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“No, Rachael, please. You were right.” Ailis’ voice shook. “Cale asked me to teach Cephy, did you know? He asked me shortly after you had arrived together. I wanted to, I really did, but teaching you seemed more important. Cephy already had a good grip on her magic. I could only have taught her so much, but you- We need you. The prophecy named you. I know this doesn't excuse the way I treated her, but it's the only reason I can give.”
They looked at each other, Rachael nodding in understanding. Ailis regretted what she had done. That was all Rachael needed to know. There was more she wanted to say but she didn’t know how.
“Where is Cale? Is he outside?”
Ailis shook her head. “He is, but not near the house. He has taken Barnaby and Shelbie to look for Cephy. Last night he decided on the three main roads she could have taken. He rode out early this morning to search all three of them.”
Rachael knew that Cale wasn’t going to find her. She felt guilty. If she hadn’t said those things the night before, Cale might have stayed. She still didn’t trust him, but she was starting to. And now he had left without saying a word, because of how she had reacted. Even Cephy had left her.
It was only a matter of time before Ailis left her, too.
Arlo turned around, inspecting every last corner of his house one last time before leaving. He had not packed much, but he hated being under-prepared.
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