by Brenda Trim
That longing to have Evanna back had been replaced with a burning desire for Shae, and wasn’t that a punch to the gut. When Shae’s hurt reverberated through their bond he knew he should tell her, but he’d always had a problem finding the right words. “Red, this isn’t about me wanting you to be Evanna. I simply need to know if it’s possible. Don’t you want to know why you have her memories?”
Shae evaded his reach and stormed out the door. “You want to know because you want her back. I told you, you either love me or I’m leaving.”
He had no doubt that she would do it, too. “Look, I can’t forget about her because she meant something to me, but trust me when I say I have no confusion about the difference between the two of you. I would never want you to be anything but the strong, stubborn, female who challenges me at every turn. What we share is explosive and something I’ve never experienced. And, look at me, I’m hard for you even as we stand here arguing.”
He felt some of the hurt bleed from her before she threw him a wry smile over her shoulder. “Explosive is one way to look at it. Will you feel differently if you find out I’m not her?”
He understood she was worried about him rejecting her, but that was impossible. “Regardless of what we find out, you are my Fated Mate. Shae, I love you. I didn’t know it before. Hell, I wouldn’t even consider it, but I don’t ever want you to doubt the way I feel about you. I want you to hear this now before we talk to Zander and Evzen so you know the voracity of my feelings for you.”
He stopped her at the foot of the stairs and grabbed her face between his palms. “Did you hear me?”
“Yeah, but you said you couldn’t love me. You only love me because you think I could be her.”
He’d inadvertently hurt her in his attempt to shield himself and wanted to kick his own ass. “Feel it through our bond and know that I love you, Shae Mitchell. Not because you may be the reincarnation of Evanna, but because you are you. Your words woke me up and you were right. I was placing a wall between us and I’m not going to lose you to my own stupidity. There is enough there with the demons, we don’t need me adding to it.”
“There’s too much in my head with the demons and Evanna’s memories and our mating bond. It feels like a circus.” She was trusting him with her vulnerability and looking to him for help. The tables had turned on him, he thought, as he waited for her to tell him how she felt about him. He wasn’t able to tell much beyond her hurt and confusion, and yet, he needed to hear her say those three little words. Had never needed them like he did at that moment.
He opened his mouth to demand she tell him then closed it. He wrapped her in his arms and pulled her flush to his body, claiming her lips in a brief kiss. “Don’t worry about sorting everything right now. We have eternity to get it figured out,” he murmured, hoping to reassure her that he wanted her for the long haul. “They’re waiting for us. Let’s go.”
Tugging her alongside him, her reticence was evident as they entered the war room where Zander and Evzen were waiting. “Liege, Guild Master. Thanks for coming on such short notice.”
“I have to say I was shocked to get your request so soon after you and Shae left the training room. Och, I expected you to be busy for several days, yet.” Shae’s neck and cheeks flushed red at Zander’s teasing.
“I would have been if the situation wasn’t so dire. Evzen, this is my Fated Mate, Shae. Shae this is my Guild Master, Evzen Raziel.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Shae returned, shaking the male’s hand.
“You as well,” Evzen acknowledged then flipped open the Mystik Grimoire which had been on the table in front of him. “Your text mentioned the reincarnation of Fated Mates. Why are you asking if reincarnation is possible?”
As briefly as possible he related everything Shae had told him about her memories with her filling in some of the gaps. “The only explanation that makes any sense is that she is the reincarnation of Evanna. It’s either that or the demons are responsible and I don’t have to tell you how frightening that prospect is.”
Zander ran his hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “Shite. It would be catastrophic and the worst kind of violation if the archdemon can steal memory and implant it in others.”
Shae sat down in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ve been violated enough in one lifetime, thank you very much. I don’t need any more.”
Gerrick glanced over at hearing the fear behind her words. She was trying to hide the tremble in her limbs. He wrapped his arm around the back of her chair and tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. Lips that had only hours ago been red and kiss-swollen were pale and thinned and her jade green eyes were pained. When her leg began to bounce under the table he lowered his arm and touched her thigh, stilling her movements. Squeezing her flesh, he hoped she understood that he was trying to tell her that they were in this together.
Evzen looked up from the book with furrowed brows. “Kadir and Azazel will die for what they have done, evil like that never wins. But, I found the answer to your question. Surprisingly, there is an entire chapter in the Grimoire that deals with the issue.”
Shae sat forward eagerly. “Is it possible? Am I Evanna’s reincarnation?”
Evzen glanced from Shae to Gerrick and smiled. “Simple answer, yes. Having her memories is one indication that you are the reincarnation of her soul. It’s not just having the memories though. A reincarnation would experience the memory and feel the emotions and connection to them as well.”
Shae fiddled with his fingers on her leg and he sent a flood of warmth through their bond. He was determined to rectify the hurt he had inadvertently caused her. It galled him that he was the cause of her biggest pain. He wanted to bring her passion and happiness, never anguish. “I felt everything. In fact, I didn’t realize it wasn’t me until Gerrick called me by her name. For a second I thought I’d forgotten the experience…it was that real to me.”
Evzen sat forward, his eyes bright as he nodded at Shae’s response. “You also have her eye color. There is no test we can perform, but I’d say that’s evidence enough to conclude that you are Evanna’s reincarnation. But, that doesn’t mean you are her. You were born to a different family and have lived a different life and could no more be her than I could be Gerrick.” Evzen captured Gerrick’s gaze and delivered the warning directly to him. Gerrick understood why the male was so stern, even if it galled him to be told.
“Of course she’s not Evanna,” Gerrick snapped. “I would never confuse the two. Does the Mystik Grimoire talk about this happening before? I’m afraid that she will suffer Evanna’s fate. I will not lose her, too.”
Evzen shook his head, his face pinched in concentration. “It mentions the occurrence and discusses the signs, but it doesn’t give reasons why. Nor does it provide cautionary tales.”
Zander placed his hands on top of his head and crossed an ankle over one knee and Gerrick could see his concern. “Och, the Goddess designs Fated Mates and I have no doubt that she has a plan for everyone. Gerrick, you cursed fate for a verra long time for what was taken from you, and rightly so. Take this second chance and embrace it. Doona you realize how lucky you are to have been blessed a second time?”
Gerrick scowled at Zander’s words. “I know exactly what I’ve been given and I love Shae with everything that I am. Just don’t expect me to sit by and watch her suffer or risk losing her.”
Shae placed her palm over his thudding heart and he met her eyes. “Gerrick, I can’t truly be yours until I’m free from the demons.” She turned her head and looked to Zander. “Liege, I want to use my connection to try and locate the lair again and I’m hoping you will help me.”
Gerrick stood so rapidly his chair fell over. Chest heaving, heart racing and eyes black with rage, he shouted, “No! You will not open that connection any further. We will find another way to locate the bastards.”
Shae hung her head for several minutes and the room fell silent. When she lifted it he saw tears shin
ing in her eyes. “I want the idyllic life you’ve described, but I can’t have it as long as they are in my head. I’m not even free to love you, let alone have a happy life with you. It doesn’t matter what I do, they are always there insinuating their will. You have no idea what it’s like to fight for your sanity every second of every day. I can never let my guard down or they will take over and use me as a weapon. And, I’m tired, Gerrick. I want this over.”
Gerrick’s heart broke over her suffering and he fell to his knees at her feet. He gathered her hands into his and reigned in his fury over what she was being put through. He was a warrior. A male used to taking action and battling the enemy, yet he couldn’t do a fucking thing at the moment to keep the female he loved safe from the demons. There was no way to stop the bastards from entering her mind and tormenting her and it tore him up. “I’m not gonna lie, I don’t like it, but I promise, I’ll be by your side every step of the way. Tell me what I can do to help you.”
She smiled through her tears and leaned forward to kiss him. He held her to him and deepened the kiss, pouring all of his love through their bond. He broke away and pressed his forehead to hers. “You kept me grounded after that injection and I need you to do that again. The only way I know to open the link is through the serum. I have no intention of giving into Kadir, or Azazel, but I can’t do this without you,” she reassured, obviously feeling his turmoil through their bond.
Gerrick swallowed thickly and nodded, “Whatever you need,” he promised and pulled her into his lap. It was a matter of minutes before Jace came in the room and gave her another injection. Instantly, Shae was writhing in his arms. He felt how much pain was wracking her body, yet she didn’t say a word. He didn’t think he would have been able to silently bear the agony as bravely as she did and he lost the rest of his battered heart to the strong female.
Gerrick gritted his teeth and latched onto the gold thread connecting him to her. He murmured reassurances in her ear, silently begging the Goddess for her torment to end.
*****
Shae didn’t know what she’d been thinking when she insisted she open the connection again. The fight had been even more brutal this time and she would have lost if Gerrick hadn’t been there to keep her tethered. Kadir had been determined to win the war and used every tactic at his disposal. If she’d known the archdemon was able to project the sensation of razors shredding her insides she wouldn’t have suggested this course of action. It was a good thing she’d spent all those months in Kadir’s tender-loving care or she wouldn’t have been able to deal with it.
Her body twitched with the remnants of the venom and she sagged into Gerrick’s hold. She was depleted and didn’t think she could move. It had been ten times worse than the last time she’d been given the shot. Her muscles burned, her head felt as if someone was beating her brain with a hammer, her throat felt like a desert and she wanted nothing more than to go to sleep for a year.
“Shae, baby. Open your beautiful eyes for me.” Gerrick’s voice was an enticement she couldn’t refuse. And, she liked him calling her baby almost as much as she liked him calling her Red.
She blinked slowly and squinted at the bright overhead lights. “Hey,” she croaked.
He held a cup with a straw to her lips. “Here’s some water for you. How do you feel?”
“Like a house landed on me.” She drank the water and glanced around the crowded room. There hadn’t been this many people present when Jace had given her the shot. All of the Dark Warriors and their females were there along with several males she didn’t recognize. If she had to guess, she’d say they were the members of the Dark Alliance council. They were too formidable to be the trainees. She flushed with embarrassment, uncomfortable that these strangers had seen her at her weakest.
“Actually, a two-ton Behemoth demon landed on you,” Mack teased from her perch next to Kyran.
Shae couldn’t help but laugh at the sarcastic female. She really liked Mack. “Yes he did, but now I know where the bastard is hiding.” She smiled and sat up, suddenly ready to see this through.
She felt Gerrick’s muscles tense beneath her. “Thank fuck it worked this time. I can’t watch you go through that again.”
“I have no plans to ever go through that again,” she reassured Gerrick.
The Vampire Prince, Bhric, chuckled, drawing her attention. “Kadir assed out when he messed with you, Shae. You’ve got grit, female. I like you.”
She couldn’t help but smile at the prince. Zander stepped next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Please tell me they are close. Although, I’ll cross oceans to get to the motherfuckers.”
“They are very close, Liege. Across the lake in Carnation, actually. At an old farm.” She’d initially been surprised by their proximity, but then realized they wouldn’t go far from the amulet.
“Och, that’s less than an hour away. Shae, if you think you’re up to it, I’d like to leave now. The longer we wait, the greater the risk they will move,” Zander suggested.
The buzz of expectation was invigorating. “I’m more than ready to finish this. I’d ask you to save the archdemons for me, but I want them dead more than I need revenge.”
“Good,” Gerrick growled, the sound vibrating against her back, “because they’re mine.”
Plans were quickly made with minimum fuss. It was obvious they were accustomed to fighting together and didn’t need to discuss a detailed approach. They were ready to leave within the hour, their efficiency amazing Shae.
Elsie touched the small bump in her stomach. “I wish I could go with you guys. It’s not going to be easy staying behind when I have my own vengeance to collect. And, be extra careful guys, I still don’t feel right and I don’t know if it’s because of the morning sickness or something else.”
Zander kissed her temple and placed his hand over hers. “Jace said you and the bairn are healthy. And, doona forget that you’ve got the tougher job carrying our mac.”
Elsie chuckled, “You know, she is going to take exception to being called a boy.”
Zander kissed her on the forehead and held her close for a minute. “Alright, let’s suit up and head oot. Someone find Rhett. We need him on this mission. Nate, you’re staying to protect my mate.”
Gerrick’s breath ghosted across Shae’s ear as he whispered, “When this is done, I am going to make you mine. I hope you know what you want for our mating ceremony because I refuse to wait.” The husky promise in his words made her shiver with anticipation.
“I don’t care as long as I’m with you, but I’m sure my mom and Nana will have an opinion on the matter.” She silently prayed to the Goddess that what she’d seen was accurate. She wanted freedom. Not only freedom from their hold, but freedom to be with Gerrick.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
A buzzing had started in Shae’s head a few miles back, telling her they were on the right track. Hoping to hide that they were on their way to the demons, Shae imagined that they were in Zeum’s kitchen. If she could feel them, she worried they could feel her too and she didn’t want to give them any clues about what they were up to.
Glancing out the tinted window at the scenery, Shae watched the trees give way to cow farms and open fields. They’d left the city and suburbs behind and were in the country. Not that Carnation was completely isolated, but there was more farmland than not and the houses were spread apart by acres along with clusters of small communities.
“Hey,” Gerrick tugged on her ponytail for the fifth time. She’d put it up to keep it out of her face and was coming to realize that he enjoyed playing with the tail.
“I’m good,” she reassured him. “I know to stay by your side. Look, there it is,” she pointed to the white house in the distance. It was bigger than she expected. The front façade had at least ten windows that were covered by blue shutters. The two-story home had a wraparound porch and the wooden rocking chairs on it swayed in the wind. The scene was serene and there was nothing to indicate it was any diff
erent from the others they’d passed, yet, she could sense the evil seeping out of the structure.
Bhric pulled over behind another SUV and they climbed out into the chilly night air. Gerrick zipped up her jacket and cupped her face in his hands. “I love you with every inch of my shattered heart, Shae. Don’t get hurt in there.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
“Here, I have something for you.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a silver necklace that had a charm hanging from it. The charm was a miniature tree of life. “I had this made for my Fated Mate centuries ago to represent harmony and balance in our mating. And, before you go there, I never gave it to Evanna. I had it made to symbolize my desire for my mating and want you to have it for the same reasons.”
She held the delicate jewelry in her hand and waited for jealousy to hit, but it never did. This necklace wasn’t about Evanna, but about Gerrick. She was touched to be given something with so much meaning. “I’m going to take this as a good omen for the outcome of tonight.” She shoved her fear and doubt aside.
“Put it on me?” He took it from her and fastened it around her neck before kissing her jaw.
“Come on, everyone’s waiting,” he replied and led her to the larger crowd where Zander split them into two with her and Gerrick in his group.
“Kyran, you take the back and I’ll go in the front. I can smell the lesser demons from here, so be careful. Our goal is to get Kadir and Azazel, but doona risk yourself to get to them. I want everyone going home alive.”
Shae crouched behind Gerrick and picked her way over tree limbs and other debris. The closer they got, the more details became obvious. There were skirm and lesser demons on both floors of the house with Kadir and Azazel on the lower floor. They paused near a huge evergreen that towered fifty feet and Shae withdrew the knives Gerrick had given her before they left the house. The fading blue door looked intact and was shut.
A causal glance at the house would give the impression that a family lived there with the porch lights on and the tricycle and other toys scattered around the yard. Nausea churned in Shae’s gut as she prayed they hadn’t slaughtered the family that lived there.