Craving Constellations

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  God, I wanted to kill that fucker. He made her feel like shit, beat her, and told her she was gross? What the fuck?

  “He said it was gross, huh?” I said and raised my eyebrows. Then, I licked her pussy from her ass to her clit. Just like I remembered, it was sweet as fuckin’ candy. “Nope, not gross.” I licked her again.

  She still had her hand over her face, and I couldn’t see her expression, but her eyes looked watery. I reached up and pushed her hand away from her face, pressing until it was next to the other on the wall behind my head. She looked unsure, so I told it to her straight.

  “Keep your fuckin’ hands on the wall. I don’t want you falling. You got your hands up there, that also means I get to watch those sexy fuckin’ tits bounce when you start riding my face. You look at me, Brenna. Don’t look anywhere else.” Then, I wrapped my hands around the back of her thighs and started eating. The first time I sucked her clit into my mouth, her head fell back, and I fuckin’ loved it, but I told her to look at me, so I stopped what I was doing and called her back. “Look at me, Brenna. You keep your eyes on me, baby,” I told her, and her eyes went soft.

  She was so fuckin’ dazed. I was pretty sure at this point she’d give me whatever I wanted. I sucked and bit and licked and pulled on her with my lips. Then, I reached farther down with two fingers and slid them inside her. She was so close; she was throbbing around my fingers. I pumped my fingers once, then again, and that was all it took for her to come all over my hand and lips. Before she was done, I grabbed one of her thighs and threw it over me, so she was kneeling beside me again. She could barely keep herself upright, and I knew it was sheer willpower that kept her from collapsing on my bruised chest.

  “Sit on my dick, Brenna,” I ordered her.

  I didn’t know how she understood me; my voice was so deep even I could barely understand it. She heard me though, and she quickly scooted down the bed, fumbling around, trying to get her bearings. When she straddled me, I could feel her pussy weeping onto my thighs, and I almost lost it. I needed to be in her now. I grabbed her hand to pull her toward me, and my muscles protested. Fuck, but she was going to have to do this herself.

  “Baby, you’re not gonna hurt me.”

  She was looking at my body, and the glazed look was slowly disappearing from her eyes. Fuck.

  “Brenna, goddamn it! Climb the fuck on!” I snapped, and that was enough for her to make a decision.

  She scooted up until I could feel her pussy at the head of my dick, and before I could take another breath, she’d taken me to the root.

  “Shit!”

  “I’m sorry!” She looked at me, her eyes wide, as she tried to scramble off me.

  “Brenna, if you get up, I’ll fuckin’ spank your ass! Fuckin’ ride me, woman!” I was almost shouting at this point.

  Her eyes filled with tears, but she started to move, rolling her hips and taking me even deeper. How the hell did she get to be so damn tenderhearted, growing up at the compound?

  “Baby,” I called, my voice low, “look at me.”

  When she finally met my eyes, it felt like a sucker punch to the chest.

  “You feel so good, baby. I just didn’t want you to stop.” I laughed under my breath. “You stop, I’m gonna lose my fuckin’ mind. You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous up there, ridin’ your man with your tits fuckin’ bouncin’.”

  “Yeah?” she asked me quietly with a small smile on her face.

  “Yeah, baby. Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Dragon?” Her voice was soft, and her hips were moving slowly, taking me deep, and only pulling halfway up my dick before she dropped her weight and bottomed out over and over.

  “I’m right here, baby.”

  “I don’t have a man,” she said as her smile turned from soft to something else.

  “No man, huh?” I grabbed her hips and pulled her up until she was completely empty. “Gonna have to change that, I guess.” Then, I pulled her down hard and listened to her cry out.

  I only pulled her up and brought her back down about five more times before she was shaking and crying my name as she came. She was gripping me so tightly that I came with her. All my muscles went tight, and it was agony as I came. I didn’t think this shit through. Figured if she did the work, I wouldn’t even feel it in my chest and abs. I didn’t think about when I came, and my whole fuckin’ body tightened up.

  I felt myself pulsing inside her a few times, and my eyesight started to gray around the edges. Fuck, I knew what this meant. Within seconds, everything went black, and I passed the fuck out.

  I just barely kept myself from collapsing on top of Dragon after I came. Both of our chests were heaving, and I just knew his ribs had to be killing him. When I looked down at him though, his eyes were closed. At first, I didn’t realize anything was wrong; my eyes had been closed just seconds ago. When I called his name though, I got no response. I was embarrassed that it took me a couple of minutes of staring at him before I comprehended that he’d passed out on me during sex. Seriously? That had to be some kind of record. I mean, I knew that dudes fell asleep after sex all the time, but this was mortifying. I didn’t know if he’d even finished. Ugh, how romantic.

  I climbed gently off the bed, so I didn’t disturb him, but it probably wouldn’t have mattered. As I stood up to go to the bathroom and clean up, I felt the mess we’d made between my legs. Yep, he’d finished. And we hadn’t used a condom. Fan-freaking-tastic. I didn’t know how I hadn’t thought about it beforehand. No, that was a lie. I knew why I hadn’t questioned it. As stupid as it was, this was Dragon. The minute he touched me, I was out of my mind for him. He’d always had that effect on me. Unfortunately. Did all thoughts completely leave my mind? No. However, when he was touching me, all other things seemed inconsequential in comparison. No condom? Eh, no biggie. Not sure of your relationship? Eh, no biggie. Not sure how long you’ll be living here? Eh, no biggie. He might have an old lady still? Eh, no biggie. I was an idiot when it came to him.

  With all of those thoughts running through my head, I tossed on my nightshirt and shorts and grabbed a pair of panties. I wasn’t going to put them on until I cleaned up. I didn’t need to keep all those sperm that close to me for any longer than necessary. Plus, wet panties? Gross.

  I quietly made my way to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. One glance at the mirror above the sink had me stopping and staring. I hardly recognized myself. My hair was a rat’s nest all over my head, my lips looked like they’d been injected with collagen, and my cheeks and chin were beet red with a severe case of whisker burn. But I looked happy, sated. It freaked me out. I didn’t know that person anymore—the person who got whisker burn, the one who had curly hair and shining eyes. I hadn’t been that person in five years.

  Suddenly, a panic attack started, and I did the only thing I could do. I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it and stepped in. I needed to look like me again. Things were getting too confusing. I had all of these old clothes to wear, Trix had started leaving toys around instead of putting them away, and Dragon was throwing his cut over the back of the couch because we didn’t have a coat closet. I was having incredible sex with a guy so injured that he passed out as soon as we were finished. This wasn’t my life. Was I happy here? Yes. Did it feel real or lasting? No.

  By the time I finished my shower, the panic attack had subsided, but my skin was red from scrubbing. I hadn’t realized how vigorous I was while my mind raced. I dried off quickly, wrapped a towel around my body, and went to check on Trix to make sure I hadn’t woken her up. Thankfully, she was still curled into a ball in the middle of the bed. Since I was already tiptoeing around in a towel, I decided to check on Dragon to make sure I hadn’t killed him with my sexing. I swung open the door and cringed. Shit! I’d been in such a hurry to leave earlier I’d left him laid out on the bed completely naked. I hadn’t even covered him with a blanket or sheet. The odds of Trix trying to climb into bed with me were pretty high, so I knew I n
eeded to get him at least partially covered up.

  Dragon was sexy. And built. I could look at him for hours and never get tired of it. However, he was also heavy as hell. I found some of his boxer briefs in his bag, but after looking at the underwear, then back at him, then back at the underwear about fifteen times, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to get them on him. They were too snug and tight and delicious. I needed to stop handling his underwear and freaking focus. I finally decided to put him in a pair of boxers I used to sleep in. I liked to wear them with the waist rolled up, so I’d bought them big. I was still a little miffed that he’d passed out on me, so I grabbed a pair that was covered in candy hearts. The satisfaction of my joke was pretty much lost when I tried to get the shorts on him.

  Dressing an adult that was asleep was nothing like dressing a child. For one, an adult was a lot heavier. For two, they were a lot bigger. You couldn’t just move an adult around to get a better angle; you were the one who had to move. I had to climb all over the bed, pulling up a little here, a little there. By the time I reached his ass, I was sweaty, and I could feel my hair starting to curl around my head. I knelt, straddling his upper thighs, and reached my arms around his waist, then slid my hands from the small of his back and over his ass cheeks until I could feel the waistband of the shorts. My face was as close to his abs as I could get without actually touching the bruises. As I started to slide the shorts up, the dumbass started getting hard. So, while I was grunting quietly, trying to pull the boxers up, so he didn’t flash our four-year-old daughter, his dick was thumping against my collarbone with every movement. Pull, thump. Wiggle, thump. Sigh, thump. I checked to see if he was fucking with me, but when I glanced at him, he was still out cold. Eventually, I got the shorts on.

  I threw the comforter over him and crept out of the bedroom to get dressed. Once I was in the bathroom, I shut the door quietly behind me and got out my hair products. I needed my hair straight again. It took me a good forty minutes of blow drying and ironing, but I finally looked like me again. My hair was back in the sleek style that I’d been wearing since I got back to school five years ago. There was no sign of the wild uninhibited Brenna, which was exactly what I wanted. I’d been trying for the last few weeks to slowly let go of the woman Tony made me—the perfect housekeeper, the classy stay-at-home mom. I let Trix leave her toys out and come back later to play with them. I didn’t wear my former regimen of makeup with precisely drawn eyeliner and lipstick. I wore peasant tops with flowing skirts and flip-flops, like a hippie. But tonight, I needed a little of the control I’d given up. I needed some of the control I’d given to Dragon. So, when I went back to bed, my hair was perfectly styled, and I’d changed into a nightgown I’d brought with me from Tony’s.

  I looked like Tony’s Brenna, but I felt like Dragon’s as I snuggled up next to him and pulled the comforter around us. I let my mind wander back to our night, the night before my life started a downward spiral that took five years to escape from.

  I hadn’t been a virgin when we met. I’d been with two other guys before Dragon. The first was a guy I’d met during my freshman year at U of O. He was sweet and charming and absolute crap in bed. I didn’t think it was his fault; neither of us had any clue what we were doing, and it ended up being awkward and fumbling and uncomfortable. We ended up deciding to be friends, but I rarely saw him after we did the deed. I thought we were both too embarrassed to ever look each other in the eye again.

  Tony was the second guy I’d slept with. He knew what he was doing. He was smooth and knew all of the buttons to push, so I always came. I always came even if I wasn’t in the mood or wasn’t having a good time. At the time, I figured it was a good thing. He must be really good in bed if he could always get me to orgasm, right? It wasn’t until I was with Dragon that I noticed what was wrong with that scenario. Yes, Tony could get me off, but the chemistry just wasn’t there. My heart didn’t race, my breathing didn’t grow rapid, and I didn’t feel the need to claw, moan, or grab his ass with both hands and pull him into me as hard as I could.

  When I’d met Dragon, I was having a shitty week. My grades were in the gutter, I’d had to buy all new tires for my Bug, which cut way into my savings, and I’d come home to whine to Pop about it, but I couldn’t because he was out on a run with the boys. I was pissy and feeling sorry for myself by the time I made the rounds to all the old ladies and went out to sit on the hood of my car. I hadn’t wanted to drive back to school that night, so I was debating my options of staying the night at Vera and Slider’s or crashing in Pop’s room at the club.

  I’d had no idea that my sleeping arrangement would change with the arrival of a tall, dimpled, Native American guy with tattoos on his knuckles and bleary drunken eyes. He was beautiful. I knew guys weren’t supposed to be considered beautiful—they were handsome, hot, or cute. But this guy couldn’t be described as cute or handsome, and hot just wasn’t a big enough word for him. His face was scruffy with a full beard that was trimmed close to his jaw, and his hair was pulled back in a ponytail with strands hanging down on each side of his face.

  When he walked up to me and grabbed a hold of my thighs, I knew he didn’t know who I was. I could tell by the newness of his cut that he hadn’t heard about me yet, or he wouldn’t have been hitting on me. I protested a little at first, but when he rubbed his beard up the side of my neck, I was done for. I would have done anything he wanted. I’d been in a weird place, upset about my grades, disappointed that I’d missed Pop, and he made me forget about everything. I wanted him with no regard for the future or worry for him. What I’d agreed to could have killed him, and lying beside him now reminded me of how thoughtless and immature I’d been then. I hadn’t given him a chance to make a better decision or change his mind. I hadn’t told him who I was.

  We didn’t just have sex that night. We had a lot of sex—really good, mind-blowing sex—but that wasn’t all that happened. We talked about everything and nothing. He didn’t say much, so maybe it would be more appropriate to say that I talked. I told him about school and about astronomy. Looking at the stars had always been my thing when I was growing up. My mom had died when I was small, and because my pop told me she was in heaven, I’d always had a fascination with the sky. As I grew older and went to school, the clouds and the sun were explained pretty clearly, but the stars were still a mystery. They became a mystery I was determined to solve. I told him about my favorite constellations and the brightest stars in the sky. At one point, I grabbed a Sharpie off his cluttered bedside table and drew the dragon constellation, Draco, across his chest, complete with a full explanation of the constellation. Then, he made me draw my favorite constellation, Orion, next to it.

  I went into the thing with Dragon looking for a little escape from reality, and I’d gotten way more than I bargained for. He wasn’t charming like Tony. He didn’t tell me sweet things. He was gruff and rude, and the things he said to me made me blush. But the way he looked at me was different from the way any other man had ever looked at me. It was like he was memorizing my face. At times, he looked like he thought I was the funniest girl he’d ever met, and other times, he looked like he wanted to eat me for dinner. He’d listened to me chatter, and he’d acted like whatever I was saying was the most interesting thing he’d ever heard.

  I knew I was in deep. I hadn’t wanted to leave him. I’d been determined to stay as long as I could in his little bedroom in the compound, hiding however I could, so I could stay with him. Unfortunately, Pop had gotten home early. Dragon hadn’t said anything about forever. He hadn’t tried to make plans or even asked me where I was living. So, when Pop asked me what I was doing there, I told him I’d stayed the night in his room, but I had to get back to school.

  I was afraid that if Pop looked too closely he could see what I was hiding, and a little too late, I’d worried about what would happen to Dragon if anyone found out about us. I’d left Dragon asleep in his bed, and I’d headed back to school. I planned on going back as soon
as I could to explain, but a couple weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. By that time, I’d convinced myself that Dragon hadn’t been as great as I remembered and that he’d only been looking for a one-night stand. So, I married Tony, and I never went back.

  When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in bed, and the sun was shining through the bedroom curtains. As I rolled from my stomach to my back, I stretched my arms above my head and flexed my toes. I hated mornings, but if I got the chance to sleep in, I reveled in the slow stretch and burn of waking up. It was the best stretch of the day, almost nothing felt as good. I could hear quiet chatter coming from the living room, so I rolled myself to the edge of the bed and stood up to go see what Trix and Dragon were doing. Trix’s voice was definitely not projecting at its normal level, and I loved it that they were being quiet for me.

  I walked into the living room, smoothing down my hair and nightgown as I went. It was already a pretty warm morning, so I didn’t grab a sweatshirt or robe to throw on. When I reached the living room, Trix and Dragon were sitting on the floor, building what looked like a tree house out of some pink and white Legos I’d never seen before.

  “Hi, Mama!” Trix called to me, and she obviously didn’t think she had to control her voice anymore as it was ear-piercingly loud.

  “Hey, baby. You have breakfast already?”

  “Yeah, Papa got me some cereal,” she answered with a smile toward Dragon, like he’d accomplished some huge feat.

  Dragon didn’t even look at me when he called out, “Got you a new phone yesterday while I was out. It’s on the table with your new number. Need to trash that old one.”

  I spun toward the kitchen to see a shiny new smartphone box sitting on the kitchen table with the phone plugged into a charger. I couldn’t believe he’d gotten me a phone—a really nice phone at that. I needed coffee before I could process the new toys for both Trix and me, so I headed toward the pot on the counter.