by Lisa Dyson
“Emma said the boys are fine. They’re finishing their homework before Dr. Kyle picks them up for soccer practice. She gave them a snack to hold them until dinner.”
Ashleigh said, “Thanks,” and returned to the exam room.
Close to six o’clock, Ashleigh finally finished with her patients. She still needed to run by the hospital to consult on a young patient admitted last night, but she’d do that after dinner when she brought the boys to see their mother.
Her cell phone rang. Caller ID showed it was Kyle calling. “Hello?” she answered.
“Hey, Ash,” Kyle said cheerfully. The boys were chattering in the background. “Soccer practice just ended and I’m taking the boys to their house. We wondered if you were going to make it home for dinner.” His question sounded domestic enough to make her grimace. She ached at the normalcy of their situation, similar to a real family.
“I have a few things to finish up here at the office. Then I’ll be on my way.” She hadn’t expected their paths to cross again so quickly. She took a calming breath as the possibility of pregnancy jumped to the forefront of her mind. Still not a subject she wanted to discuss with Kyle until she was sure.
“Good,” he said. “I’ll throw one of these casseroles in the oven and it should be ready by the time you get home.”
“Sounds great.” That was the truth. She hadn’t had dinner waiting for her when she arrived home since she and Kyle had been married. “Do you need me to pick up anything?”
“No, we’re good. See you soon.” Kyle disconnected before Ashleigh could say she’d planned to take the boys by the hospital.
Dinner went smoothly, with the boys taking up much of their attention. Ashleigh was again able to keep her troublesome thoughts at bay.
“Homework all done?” she asked the boys when they were cleaning up after dinner.
Both Mark and Ryan answered in the affirmative.
“Good, then get your backpacks and clothes ready for tomorrow and let’s go see your mom!”
The boys cheered and Kyle put his hands up for high fives from them as they passed his chair.
“Oh, I forgot,” Mark said. “I have a note from my teacher.”
Ashleigh’s head pounded. A note from a teacher could mean anything. It could be disciplinary or complimentary or even refer to a forgotten homework assignment.
“Let’s see what it says.” Kyle rose, ever the calm one. That’s why he made such a great E.R. doctor.
Mark dug through his backpack and came up with a wrinkled piece of paper with a note attached.
“Uh-oh,” Kyle said after reading it.
“What?” Ashleigh tried to read over his shoulder, but she was too short.
“It’s a permission slip for a class trip tomorrow.” Kyle passed it to her. “Says he was supposed to have it signed last week, but he never returned it.”
Ashleigh read the note from the teacher attached to the permission form. “It also says he needs to bring in his diorama tomorrow or he can’t go on the field trip.” She looked pointedly at Mark. “Diorama? Did you do a diorama?” Her stomach churned as if it were her own project to turn in.
Mark scrunched up his face. “Not exactly.”
“Exactly how far did you get with it?” Kyle’s patience seemed endless.
“I have a shoe box,” Mark said with enthusiasm.
Kyle looked to Ashleigh and they rolled their eyes.
“I guess we need to get to work,” Kyle said.
Ashleigh’s cell phone rang. She checked caller ID. “It’s the hospital.” She touched Answer on the screen. “Dr. Wilson.”
“This is Julianne Harper at Grand Oaks hospital. I’m sorry to disturb you, Dr. Wilson.”
“That’s okay,” Ashleigh assured her, trying to recall if she knew the woman. “What can I do for you?”
“We had a single-car accident. The patient is approximately thirty-six weeks pregnant and has gone into labor. Dr. Bausch requested you come in because the baby looks to be about five pounds on the sonogram and might need to be admitted to the NICU.”
Ashleigh asked a few more questions and checked the time. “I should be there within thirty minutes.”
“Good,” she said. “The patient’s labor is progressing quickly.”
Ashleigh ended the call and turned to Kyle.
“I’ve got this covered,” he said before she could open her mouth. “I’ll take the kids over to see Paula after we get Mark’s diorama done.”
Ashleigh didn’t respond.
“Problem?” He’d apparently overheard her side of the conversation and filled in the blanks.
The honest answer was “yes,” but it had nothing to do with going to the hospital to care for a newborn. She answered more sharply than she’d hoped. “Everything’s fine.” She softened her tone. “Thanks for taking homework duty,” she said, and meant it.
How did people juggle careers and kids? Was this how it would have been for them if they’d had children? One of them constantly being called to duty, leaving the other with the kids?
No. Because she would have gladly put her career on hold to raise their children. If only that had been meant to be. She would have happily done whatever necessary to have this kind of life.
* * *
AFTER CARING FOR her NICU patient and doing the consult on the teenager, it was a little after ten-thirty and Ashleigh was ready to go home. Then she remembered she’d never checked in on Paula.
“Hey.” Ashleigh spoke quietly from Paula’s doorway when she saw the TV on. “Am I disturbing you?”
“No, no.” Paula waved her in and muted the TV. “Please, come in. I’m so bored, but I can’t sleep because I’m not doing anything to make me tired.” She heaved a sigh. “Staying in this bed is torture.”
“I wish I could do something to help.” Ashleigh wasn’t lying. No matter their differences of opinion, she hated seeing her sister confined to a hospital bed.
Particularly now, when her boys needed her at home.
“Did Kyle bring the boys in tonight?” Ashleigh asked.
Paula’s features softened. “Yes. They even brought in the diorama to show me and I signed the permission form. I’m so sorry, I completely forgot about both of those things.”
“You obviously have other things on your mind.” Ashleigh chuckled, relieved now that the pressure was off. At least as far as the boys were concerned. “You must go through this all the time.”
“More times than I’d like. It’s not easy keeping on top of things,” Paula said. “Kyle told me about the emergency you had to take care of. Everything go okay?”
“As well as can be expected,” Ashleigh said. “The baby appears healthy, but I admitted him to the NICU as a precaution. Unfortunately, his mother has multiple injuries and will need help caring for him for a while.”
“What a terrifying experience,” Paula said. “It’s one thing to fear for your own life, but when you’re carrying a life inside you—”
Ashleigh didn’t hear the rest of Paula’s sentence over the persistent ringing in her ears.
Was it possible she had a life inside her? Was she once again responsible for another life besides her own? If that were the case, then she’d need to take care of that precious life, even though her chances of miscarrying were high.
While it was a few days too early to even get an accurate blood test for pregnancy, first thing tomorrow she needed to make an appointment with her ob/gyn to get her professional opinion.
Rosy Bausch, both friend and doctor, was the one person she could confide in right now.
* * *
PAULA’S HOUSE WAS DARK except for the outside light and a dim lamp in the living room. Ashleigh entered quietly and placed her medical bag and purse right inside the front door.
Ashleigh slipped off her shoes to walk barefoot across the room. She sat on the coffee table in front of Kyle, watching him sleep for the first time in years. His facial muscles were relaxed, his lips slightly curved as if he were having pleasant dreams.
Ashleigh’s chest tightened. Had Aunt Vivian been right? Had Ashleigh hurt him by leaving? She still didn’t believe she had. He would be better off with a woman who could give him the family he deserved.
Not a physically defective woman like herself.
No matter how much he said he loved her whether she could bear children or not, she knew that wasn’t true. She’d seen him interact with Mark and Ryan, as well as other children. Ashleigh knew he’d never be happy without children of his own to love.
She wiped a tear from her cheek before reaching out to touch Kyle gently. His eyes opened suddenly, startling her.
“Hey.” His smile was sleepy, his voice deliciously deep and sexy. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He slowly sat up and lowered his feet to the floor. They faced each other for a few long moments, knees touching.
The heat built in Ashleigh from that single connection. She couldn’t fall under his spell again. No matter how easy it would be to succumb.
“I opened a bottle of wine.” He gestured to the bottle and now empty glass at the other end of the coffee table. “It’s your favorite merlot. Want me to pour you a glass?”
“No, thanks.” She panicked momentarily, thinking he’d want an explanation. Like with caffeine, she needed to pay attention to what she put in her body—just in case. But she didn’t want to stumble over her words and make him suspicious. “I’m pretty tired.” No need to worry Kyle unnecessarily or cause him to feel obligated to her when they both knew a successful pregnancy would be improbable.
Kyle covered his mouth when he yawned. “I only wanted to close my eyes for a minute. What time is it?”
“About eleven-fifteen.” Ashleigh hadn’t stayed long in Paula’s room once she’d made the conscious decision to care for the life she might be carrying. She worried she might give away her possible condition if she stuck around. Paula would definitely have an opinion about what Ashleigh should do and she didn’t need outside interference right now. Not when, as always, her opinion would be biased toward Kyle’s best interests.
“How’s your patient?” he asked.
“NICU” was the simple answer. Then she added, “He’s got strong vitals. His original Apgar score was six, followed by a ten at five minutes. NICU was a precaution after surviving what I heard was a pretty bad car accident.”
“There were pictures on the local evening news,” he said. “I can’t believe there were no fatalities.”
“I know,” she agreed, and changed the subject. “I stopped to see Paula on my way out. She said you came by and everything is set for tomorrow with the boys.”
“Turns out the diorama needed to be a scene from colonial history,” he said, “so Ben Franklin and his potbellied stove are made from Legos. I’m sure his teacher will give him a break once we tell her his mom is in the hospital.”
Ashleigh smiled. “Good call. I’ll write her a note to send along with Mark. Does he have everything for his field trip?” His class was going to a working dairy farm in the morning.
“I think so.” Kyle yawned again. “We dug through his closet and found his raincoat since there’s a chance of drizzling rain tomorrow.”
“Nothing like tromping around in mud,” Ashleigh quipped.
“Hopefully it’s mud, since there are dairy cows on the farm.” They shared a smile and Kyle rose from the couch. “I better get going. I’m on at six tomorrow morning.”
After a momentary sense of physical loss, Ashleigh also rose and walked with him to the front door. “Yeah, morning came way too soon today. I’m not used to being up and out so early anymore, not to mention the rush involved in getting the boys on their way.”
Kyle turned to her when he reached the door. “I’ll touch base tomorrow sometime. I’ve got a meeting with Tom about the lawsuit after work. You okay by yourself with the boys?”
“Of course,” she said. “I’ll let Emma know if office hours run late. She’s been a lifesaver.”
He turned to the door and back to Ashleigh again. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this.” He placed his large hands at her waist and pulled her close, covering her mouth with his before she could think, much less protest.
Instead of objecting, she enjoyed the kiss and her arms circled his neck without conscious thought. This might well be the last time she would experience his mouth, his strength, his sheer masculinity. She wanted to savor every second.
He deepened the kiss and she became lost in the heat fueled by their passion.
Without thinking, she moved her hips ever so slightly against his erection. He groaned and removed his mouth from hers. He leaned his forehead against hers and whispered, “I should go.” He gave her one last chaste kiss before he disappeared out the front door.
Ashleigh braced her back against the wall when she became light-headed, overcome by mixed emotions about his sudden departure.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING, as soon as she got to work, Ashleigh called her OB and was put right through after giving her name. “I need to see you, Rosy.”
“Let me check the appointment schedule,” she said.
“I don’t want anyone to know,” Ashleigh said quickly.
“Oh.” Rosy paused for a second. “Is everything okay?”
“That’s difficult to answer.”
“Do you need an exam or advice?” Rosy asked.
“Can you break away for lunch?” Ashleigh mentally calculated what time she might be free.
“I’ve got our monthly staff meeting over lunch,” Rosy said. “What about dinner?”
Ashleigh considered it. The boys would need her home because Kyle already said he would be working and then meeting with Tom about his lawsuit afterward. She needed to remember to see what she could do about getting Kyle funding for the charity, since she felt responsible for him losing it in the first place.
“I can’t do dinner tonight,” Ashleigh said. “I have to watch the boys.”
“What if I come over to your office as soon as I’m done seeing patients?” Rosy suggested. “I’ll give you a call when I’m on my way.”
“Are you sure? Office hours have been running until almost six.”
“That’s perfect,” Rosy said. “I’ll bring something to keep me occupied if you run late.”
They ended the call and for the first time, Ashleigh was confident that she was headed down the right path as far as her possible pregnancy was concerned.
The day dragged on, though. Not until a little boy of four came in for his yearly physical with a picture for her wall did she rediscover some of the joy she used to experience as a pediatrician. She’d barely gotten out a thank-you over the lump in her throat.
In the past, those times had been the most difficult. Stark reminders that she would never have a little boy or girl of her own to draw her pictures.
Even a pregnancy right now would only be the precursor to disappointment and overwhelming heartache. Not the answer to her prayers.
“Hey.” Rosy popped her head into Ashleigh’s office a little after six. “Cammie told me to come on back.”
Ashleigh stood and waved her in. “Have a seat. Thanks for being so flexible.”
They chatted a few minutes, hitting the highlights of their lives since Ashleigh had moved out of tow
n. Rosy had been a close colleague when Ashleigh had been in Grand Oaks since they were often involved with the same patients.
Rosy and her husband had occasionally doubled with Kyle and Ashleigh, going out to dinner or to the movies. But as Ashleigh’s pregnancy difficulties became more debilitating, she cut herself off from the outside world.
“So tell me what’s going on with you,” Rosy finally said. “Why am I here?”
Ashleigh swallowed, trying to still her racing heart. “There’s a possibility that I might be pregnant.”
Rosy’s eyes widened enough that Ashleigh recognized her surprise. “You don’t know for sure?” Rosy asked.
“It’s too early to even do a blood test.” Ashleigh recited dates.
Rosy agreed. “Seven days at the earliest. Ten would be better.”
“This is stupid.” Ashleigh rose from her desk chair and gripped the back of it for support. “I can’t believe I let myself get into this position.”
“Sit down and relax,” Rosy suggested. “Getting upset won’t fix anything.”
Ashleigh sat, inhaling deeply. “I need your honest opinion, Rosy. Is there any chance I can carry this baby to term? That is, if I’m pregnant.”
Rosy didn’t say anything right away. She pursed her lips and didn’t meet Ashleigh’s gaze. Not a good sign.
“The honest answer is I don’t know. Kyle did all the research,” Rosy said. “You should be asking him.”
“I can’t,” Ashleigh said quickly.
“You haven’t told him?” Rosy narrowed her gaze at Ashleigh.
“Why would I tell Kyle?” Ashleigh became defensive and straightened her shoulders. “You’re assuming the baby is his.” She didn’t know why she was denying that Kyle would be the father. Unless she was trying to protect him from one more heartbreak.
“Is it Kyle’s?” Rosy raised an eyebrow. Before Ashleigh could answer, Rosy waved a hand. “No, sorry, that’s none of my business.”
Ashleigh expelled a breath. “Yes. If I’m pregnant, then it’s Kyle’s. I didn’t plan it, it just happened.” Her pulse sped up at the memory. “I went off the pill a few months ago because I didn’t like how it made me feel. And why use birth control if you’re not having sex, right?”