He pushed aside thoughts of what had happened after the party, he didn’t want to deal with it yet. He was very disappointed in himself and that chewed at him. He pushed the thoughts aside forcefully and sat holding Cassie against him, thinking about how good it felt to have this tiny little ball of fire so attached to him. He was still thinking along those lines when the nurse walked in again. John looked at her, and she at him. Her eyes took in the small woman laying against him, obviously asleep. John quirked a grin, and the nurse couldn’t resist the look of total contentment in his eyes. She sighed, shaking her head, and did what she’d come to do. Before she left, she tipped her head sideways, looking at Cassie.
“She’s very much in love with you,” the nurse told him.
“It’s very mutual,” John said, smiling.
“I can see that,” the nurse said, smiling too.
She left the room then, feeling better about the girl being in there, and even feeling a bit guilty about trying to get her to leave. It was obvious that this man was better off for having her in there with him. Who was she to question it?
Once it had been established that John was fine, everyone started to leave. Tommy took Shannon home; Greg had already taken Tammy back to Shannon’s. On the drive home, Shannon was trying to reconcile what she’d seen that night with what she had thought of Tommy before that. She’d seen a totally different side of him that night, and it frightened her a little bit. She wasn’t really used to violence of any kind. All the same, she felt like she knew him well enough to know that there was an explanation for his behavior, and she knew she needed to talk to him about it.
A song was on the radio at that point. The words were interesting, considering the situation. The chorus was “Headstrong I’ll take you on, headstrong, I’ll take on anyone.” She felt that described Tommy’s behavior that night. He’d taken on Mike at the party, and again in the hospital, heedless of the law enforcement nearby. Then he’d been ready to take on the security guard for Cassie. She wasn’t sure if this was standard behavior for him, or if it was simply because of all that had taken place that night. She needed to know but wasn’t sure how to talk to him about it.
Tommy caught her surreptitious looks and said nothing. He pulled up in front of Starbucks.
“I need caffeine,” he told her. “You?”
“Definitely,” she said.
It was already noon the day after the release party. They’d been at the hospital for hours.
“Then you can tell me why I’m under the microscope,” he said as they got out of the truck.
They went inside and got their coffee something to eat. He drove them over to a nearby park and they sat out there to talk.
“So, what is it?” he asked when she didn’t speak.
“I guess I saw a side of you that I’ve never seen” she said, “and I’m kind of reconciling that at this point.”
Tommy nodded. “Well, what you saw tonight is me too, Shan,” he told her.
“I know,” she said, looking a little troubled, “I guess I’m just trying to figure out how often that’s you.”
“Well, fortunately it’s not every day that someone tries to kill one of my friends,” Tommy said, nodding. “When my temper is aroused, I’m not a nice guy,” he replied.
Shannon thought for a moment unsure what she wanted to say.
“How easy is it to rouse your temper?” she asked.
“That depends,” he said.
“On what?”
“On what we’re talking,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, when someone is hurting, or threatening to hurt someone I care about, then yeah it’s pretty easy to ignite my temper. But otherwise,” he said, giving her a sidelong look. “People screwing with people I care about, is a major problem for me, Shan, okay?”
“Okay,” she said gently, “but tell me why, Tommy. Tell me why you’ll do anything without even considering the consequences first.”
He took a deep breath, sitting back, leaning on his elbows.
“I think it comes from when I was a kid and I watched my father beat my stepmom. I really liked her, she tried so hard to please him, and me, and he abused that. It made me so mad, and it also made me swear I’d never do that to anyone. It made me determined to take care of my own.”
Shannon nodded, seeing what he was saying. “But even at the cost of your own safety, Tommy?”
“I don’t think about that stuff, Shan, I really don’t. I just do what I think is right, and deal with what happens from there.”
“But tonight, you could have gotten arrested a few times,” she pointed out.
“Wouldn’t be the first time, babe,” he told her.
“What?” she asked, looking shocked and a lot like she was hoping she had just misunderstood him.
“I’ve been arrested before, Shan,” he told her.
“You have
“Yeah.”
“How many times have you been arrested?” she asked, shocked.
“Twice,” he said, grinning.
“Oh,” she said, trying not to look so shocked.
“Does that bother you?” he asked her.
She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think I’d feel better if I knew what had happened,” she said.
“Well,” he said, “the first time, I got into it with my dad for hitting my stepmother. The charges were dropped because my father wouldn’t press them.”
“Okay, so that’s understandable,” she said nodding.
Tommy grinned. “Okay, good,” he replied.
“And the second time?” she asked.
“The second time I was arrested for being drunk and disorderly. I started drinking a lot when all the shit was going on, and I trashed a hotel room. I paid a nice fine for that one, plus the repair to the hotel room.”
“So you learned a lot from that. But they were both generally justifiable,” she said.
“I thought tonight was justifiable too, Shan,” Tommy said.
“True,” Shannon said, “but attempted murder is something for the police to handle.”
“Yeah, well he got away with it before, Shan, I wasn’t planning on taking any chances,” Tommy said.
“What do you mean, got away with it before?” she asked him, looking shocked.
“I mean, he raped and basically left Cassie for dead a while back, and she never pressed charges against him.”
“Oh my God,” Shannon said, truly shocked.
“Yeah, so I wasn’t about to let him off easy,” Tommy said. “So you really did have yourself fooled, didn’t you?”
“Fooled?” she asked.
“Yeah, into believing I was nothing like my appearance says.”
She sighed, nodding. “I guess I did. I was so surprised when you got so violent with Mike. Of course, I understand it totally now. But it really did shock me.”
Tommy nodded slowly. “And you’re trying to decide if you can deal with that or not?”
She gave him a sidelong glance. “What do you think I’m trying to do, Tommy?”
He looked back at her for a long moment, then shrugged.
“I’m trying to understand you,” she said, putting her hand out to touch his.
“To decide if you want to keep seeing me, right?” he said.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I care about you, Tommy, that’s not going to change.”
“It could, if I shocked you enough,” Tommy said.
“No,” she said, shaking her head, “it would take a lot more than a shock to change that, Tommy.”
He looked at as if he had a hard time believing that. In truth he did, he was used to love coming with conditions. At least from the women he’d dated. All of his relationships had been based on the idea that if he gave them this, they’d give him that. He’d had women claim to love him for years. He never believed them, and he never felt anything but general affection for any of them. Shannon was different, and apparently that was true
of her all the way around.
That afternoon they went back to his apartment for a change, wanting to spend some time together alone. Tommy took his time, making love to her, showing her what he was feeling. Shannon was sure she’d never totally know this man. Every chance he got he was showing her a different side. The one she saw that afternoon was the complete opposite of the violent, angry man he’d been at the hospital. It was amazing to her how many different sides there were to him. And she loved them all.
****
John spent a week and a half in the hospital. By the time he was released he was going insane lying in bed. He had way too much time on his hands to think. Cassie was there with him constantly. She rarely left his side, just as he hadn’t left hers when she was in the hospital months before. The nurses got so used to seeing her there, she’d become a fixture. She knew all of them by name, just as they knew hers.
The morning John was released he got out of the hospital doors to find his car waiting for him. He grinned, happy that someone had managed to rescue it from the street it had been left on.
“Keys?” he asked.
“You can’t drive!” Cassie exclaimed.
“Like hell I can’t,” he said, putting out his hand.
She narrowed her eyes at him but he kept his hand out.
“Fine!” she said, reaching into her pocket and handing him his keys.
He took the keys grinning and got into his car. On the drive home, he noticed the hole. He looked at it a few times, and finally at a red light he put his finger to the top of the windshield.
“Son of a bitch,” he growled.
“What?” Cassie asked, trying to see what he was touching.
“Bullet hole,” he said.
Cassie’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yup,” he said, narrowing his eyes at the hole.
“That was probably from the second time Mike fired,” Cassie said.
John glanced at her, then at the bullet hole again.
“Then I’m glad it’s there,” he said.
“Huh?” she asked.
“Better in my car than in you, babe,” he told her.
After that he was quiet, and Cassie could sense that he was thinking. She didn’t know what was going on in his head. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She watched him as he drove and could see he was already getting tired again.
“When we get to the apartment, you need to do a breathing treatment,” she told him.
John made a face.
“You need, to John,” she said, “if you don’t, the doctor says that your lungs will never regain full strength.”
She canted her head, looking at him sideways. “You don’t want wimpy ass lungs do you, navy SEAL?”
He gave her a narrowed look, then grinned. She had learned how to put things to him to get him to do what she wanted.
When they got to the apartment, it was obvious that John was pushing himself to make it up the stairs. Cassie made a point of sending him straight to the bedroom while she got the stuff together for the breathing treatment, plus the meds he was supposed to take. She managed to get to him before he fell asleep. He did the breathing treatment and took the meds obediently, mostly because he knew she’d pester him if he didn’t. He then fell asleep for the afternoon.
Cassie went about making some dinner for them. She made soup that could be heated up whenever he was awake. She cleaned up around the apartment, knowing how much it would bug him if it was messy. She didn’t want him trying to do anything until he was back to normal.
That evening she walked into their bedroom and watched him sleep for a while. She was reluctant to wake him, but she knew he needed to take that medicine. She sat down on the bed and touched his shoulder. He was awake instantly, his usual instincts kicking in.
“John, I hate to wake you …” she said softly.
“It’s okay,” he said, tiredly.
“You need to take these,” she said, holding out her hand with the pills in them.
He made a face, even as he moved to turn on his side. He took the pills from her hand, then the bottle of water she handed him. He took the pills, then set the water aside.
“Come here,” he said, holding his arm out to her.
She lay down next to him, snuggling into his embrace, and sighed deeply.
“That’s an awfully contented sigh there, little one,” he said, smiling.
She nuzzled her lips against his neck. “I just thought I’d lost this forever,” she said.
He pulled back to look down at her. “You wrote me off that easily?” he asked.
“John …” she said, looking up at him, her violet eyes staring into his. “If you saw what I saw when he shot you …” She shook her head.
“Baby girl, people have been shooting at me for years, but I’m still here, okay?” he said gently.
She nodded, laying her head back down against him.
“I screwed up, Cass, and I’m sorry for that,” he said seriously.
“What do you mean, you screwed up?” Cassie asked, unable to believe what he was saying.
“I mean, I was thinking more like your man than your bodyguard that night,” he said.
When he could see she wasn’t understanding what he was saying he continued. “That night, babe, I was more interested in kicking his ass for what he’d done to you, than I was in protecting you.”
He put his hand to her cheek, his eyes staring into hers. “He could have killed you, Cassandra, and I wouldn’t have been there to stop him.”
“John, he’d shot you!” Cassie exclaimed, unable to believe he was saying that he was at fault here.
“I know that, Cassandra,” John said, “but if I’d made sure you were safe before he put me down, you wouldn’t have been in any danger.”
She winced at the words “put me down.”
“John, I don’t know what you’re saying, but you did nothing wrong that night,” she said, shaking her head.
“I didn’t do my job, Cassie,” he told her gently.
“You haven’t been paid in months, John,” she said.
“So that means it’s okay that you get killed?” he asked her.
“John, stop, please?” she said. “I’m just happy that you’re okay.”
“Well, that’s not good enough for me, Cassandra, I need to know that you’re going to be safe, and now it’s apparent to me that I can’t be both your boyfriend and your bodyguard.”
Her eyes widened in fear. My God, he was leaving her.
“No, John, don’t do this please …” she said, shaking her head.
“Cassandra,” he began.
“No!” she yelled, not wanting to hear what he was saying.
“Listen to me,” he said, touching her cheek.
“No, I know what you’re saying, you’re going to make me choose,” she said.
“No, I’m not giving you a choice,” he told her.
“What?” she asked breathlessly.
“I’m not giving you a choice, Cassandra,” he said, kissing her softly. “I want to be your man, not your bodyguard.”
She looked back at him for a long moment, not sure if she’d heard him right. Then she smiled.
“Cool, then no more bodyguard,” she said.
“Wrong,” he said.
“What?” she asked, her brows furrowing. Then she started to shake her head. “No, John, no … I won’t have anyone else guarding me, no!”
John sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not going to argue with you about this, Cassandra.”
“Good,” she said sweetly, “then we agree that I don’t need a bodyguard.”
“Like hell we do,” John said, “you’re getting a new bodyguard.”
“And what are you going to do?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Uh,” John said, giving her a deadpan look, “go back to work.”
“Doing bodyguard work again?” she asked.
“That’s what I do, babe,” he told her.
&
nbsp; “So, you’ll guard someone else …” she said, her tone irritated.
“Cassandra, I’m too close to this, with you, to guard you,” he told her.
“But some other woman, you won’t be?” she asked, her tone raising slightly.
“Cassandra, stop it,” he said sternly.
“No,” she said, shaking her head, and moving to sit up, “no, you’ll find someone else, and I’ll lose you, no,” she said again, tears coming to her eyes.
John shook his head. “Jesus,” he muttered, “I don’t want anyone else, Cassandra, okay? I’m with you, I want to be with you, okay?”
She shook her head, looking away from him.
John closed his eyes, shaking his head. He was already feeling exhausted again. Would this fatigue last forever?
“You need to rest,” she said, seeing that he was getting tired.
“Cassandra …” he said, as she stood up and left the room.
“Fuck,” he said but he was too tired to go after her. She needed to reconcile this with herself.
He turned over and slept for a few hours. He woke to the smell of food. His stomach growled even as he sat up.
“I brought you some soup,” she said, her tone normal now.
John nodded as he carefully sat up wincing as he pulled at the stitches in his chest.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he assured her.
She handed him the soup and he ate. She sat on the bed watching him, her eyes searching his face constantly. He could tell she wanted to talk about the situation some more, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. He waited for her to talk first. And she did, just as he set aside the bowl and took a drink of water.
“I have a deal for you,” she said.
“A deal?” he asked warily.
She moved closer to him, and he put his arms around her, leaning back against the headboard of the bed.
“What kind of deal?” he asked.
“Well,” she said, looking down at his chest. Her fingers touched the chain he wore and the Saint Christopher’s medal.
“You want to find me a new bodyguard, right?” she asked, glancing up at him.
“Right,” he said, nodding.
In the Fast Lane Page 20