Amber stared at her agent, her head already messed up with thoughts of what else she might have to face today, without everything else that was going on. ‘I don’t even know what to say to that.’
‘Look, Amber, I know this is a really crazy time for you, what with your new job, and then Brandon appearing on the scene, but it’s all good, kiddo.’
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, folding her arms as she leaned back against the windowsill, the cool air blowing in from the slightly open window ruffling her hair. ‘It is? How do you work that one out?’
‘All this publicity, it never does anyone any harm. Oh, by the way, Cloud Sports want you to cover this weekend’s Soccer Specials with Steve. Viewing figures were up over forty percent last time you were on screen, so it stands to reason they want you on air as much as possible.’
‘Saturday and Sunday?’ Amber asked.
‘Yep. You okay with that?’
‘Do I have a choice?’
‘Not really.’
‘Will Ronnie be in the studio, or is he out covering games this weekend?’
‘No idea. You’ll have to ask him yourself, sweetheart.’
She closed her eyes for a second, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. Newcastle Red Star’s match that weekend was a home game at Tynebridge, which meant she’d be spending days away from Jim, at a time when she wasn’t entirely sure that was a good thing. Or maybe it was, given everything that had gone on.
‘Oh, and I meant to tell you, Ice Magazine have been on the phone. They want you to do a cover shoot, an interview, and an accompanying five-page photo spread inside. And they haven’t been the only men’s magazine to get in touch with me about you, but they were the ones who offered the best deal.’
Amber opened her eyes and stared at Max. ‘You are kidding me, aren’t you?’
He stared back at her with a slightly incredulous expression. ‘Why would I be kidding?’
She couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. An almost disbelieving laugh. ‘Me? On the cover of Ice? You know what kind of magazine that is, don’t you?’
‘I’m well aware of its content, Amber, yes.’
‘I’m thirty-eight years old, Max.’
‘And your point is?’
‘You want me to get my tits out on the cover of a men’s magazine? Seriously?’
‘It’ll all be very tastefully done, and you don’t have to show anything, not if you don’t want to. It’s up to you.’
She couldn’t help but laugh out loud again.
‘You don’t want to, I take it.’
‘You can take it and shove it, Max. Come on…’
‘Come on, what? Have you any idea what kind of a stir you’re making out there right now, kiddo? Those paparazzi pictures of you by the pool in Tenerife, almost wearing that bikini, they were all over the tabloids. I’m telling you, Amber, you are hot property at the minute. You should be capitalising on that.’
She stared at him again, unable to believe what she was hearing. ‘Sorry, have I just entered the Twilight Zone or something? Exactly what is going on here? I thought you’d come round to apologise for the fact you knew my husband was Brandon Palmer’s father long before I did – something which I’m still extremely angry about, I’d like to add – and yet it appears you’re only really here to let me know I’m working over the weekend and you want me to get my kit off for a men’s magazine!’
‘Who’s getting their kit off for a men’s magazine?’ Jim asked, walking into the living room.
‘Nobody,’ Amber replied, throwing Max a look. Which he ignored.
‘Ice want your wife to be a cover girl.’
Jim raised an eyebrow. ‘Really?’
Amber turned her stare on him. ‘Is that so hard to believe?’
‘No. No, that’s not what I meant… You’re not, though, are you?’
‘No. I’m not.’
‘She’s thinking about it,’ Max said, causing Amber to throw him yet another look. ‘What? Come on, Amber. You’re the new face of football on a major satellite sports channel. Everybody’s talking about you right now, everybody wants to see more of you, and I mean more of you.’
‘Okay, now you’re just being offensive.’
‘Jim, help me out here. Is she or is she not stunning enough to be an Ice cover girl?’
Jim looked from Max to Amber, not really wanting to get caught in the middle of this one. Amber was his wife, and yeah, of course she was stunning enough to be on the cover of Ice. He just wasn’t altogether sure he wanted the world to see her like that.
‘It’s up to Amber.’ He shrugged, deciding to sit very firmly on the fence.
Max sighed. ‘Just what I need. A diplomatic husband. Right, I’d better get off. I’ve got a meeting with your son in an hour.’
Jim didn’t miss the expression on Amber’s face as it changed instantly, her arms still folded defensively against her as she watched Max leave. Jim followed him out into the hallway, stopping him before he let himself out.
‘Max, listen… Thanks.’
‘For what?’ Max asked, turning to look at Jim.
‘For keeping quiet about Brandon.’
‘Yeah, well, I can’t say I was happy about it. I mean, look at the position you’ve put me in with Amber. She’s pissed off with me, to say the least, and I can do without the hassle of one of my number one clients giving me shit. Especially when there’s work flooding in for her that I really need to talk to her about. I need her onside, Jim.’
‘I know. And I’m sorry, but you understand…’
‘No, I’m not sure I do, to be honest. For someone who claims to love that woman as much as you say you do, you’ve got a really weird way of making sure you don’t lose her.’ Max turned away, opening the door and stepping outside before turning back to look at Jim. ‘Do me a favour, okay? Talk to her, make her see that getting her face – amongst other things – on the cover of Ice is a great opportunity for her.’
Jim took a deep breath. ‘All right. But I can’t say I’m happy…’
‘No. Neither can I, Jim. Neither can I. I’ll talk to you later.’
Jim kicked the front door shut and leaned back against the wall, his hands in his pockets, staring down at the dark wooden floor. Just a few weeks ago everything had seemed so perfect. He’d married the woman he loved, his career was very much in the ascendant – he’d felt as though he’d had it all. But his inability to be honest made it feel as though everything was now slipping away from him, and that was nobody’s fault but his own.
‘We should be going soon.’
He looked up to see Amber standing in the doorway, her arms still folded. ‘You okay?’ he asked, before realising it was probably the most stupid question he could possibly have asked her today.
‘Not really.’
His eyes met hers, holding her gaze. ‘I’m so sorry, Amber. For everything.’
She shrugged, pushing a hand through her hair. ‘Yeah, well, it’s done now, isn’t it?’
‘I don’t want this to change anything…’
She stopped him from going any further by throwing him a look that dared him to say another word. ‘Right at this moment in time, Jim, everything’s changed.’
‘Don’t say that, Amber. Please.’
‘You lied to me. You had a son, and for all those years you lied to me. Can you really not understand how hard it is for me to get my head around that?’
He looked down at the floor, just for a split second, before meeting her gaze again. ‘I just thought that…’
‘That, what? That because I let you fuck me yesterday everything was going to be all right? I don’t believe for one second you’re that naive, Jim.’
‘I just thought that we could talk about it. That you could at least let me try and make things right. You said you loved me…’
‘And I do. That’s what makes this all the more difficult for me to cope with. I love you so much, but I just… I can’t underst
and why you keep doing this to me. Why you keep lying, hiding things from me, making me feel like…’ She threw her head back and let out a deep sigh. ‘Forget it. Come on. We need to go.’
She closed the living room door behind her and walked out into the hall, making her way over to the coat rack, but Jim grabbed her wrist before she had a chance to do anything else. ‘This is a mess, I know that. I get that. And I get that it was me who caused it all. But this – what’s happening today – I need you to know that I love you, and I’m here for you, and believe me, I will do anything I can to…’
She shook her head, but let him pull her into his arms, too tired to fight him anymore. She hadn’t slept much, and she was angry at herself for letting Max get away without giving him the big tirade she’d had planned in her head. And on top of all of that she felt sick at the prospect of what she was going to be told when she saw Dr. Lowry, even though half of her already had a feeling that the outcome wasn’t going to be the one she wanted to hear.
‘Don’t promise me the impossible, Jim.’
He rested his forehead against hers, sliding an arm protectively around her waist as he gently pulled her against him. ‘I’m not promising you anything, Amber. You told me never to make you promises, remember? I’m just telling you that I’ll try to make it all okay, because all I want is to see you happy.’
‘Then stop lying to me. Stop hiding things from me because, right now, I just don’t know if I can trust you. And I really need to be able to trust you, Jim.’
‘I know. Baby, I know.’ He lightly stroked her cheek with his thumb, kissing her slightly open mouth, his stomach flipping over 360 degrees as she responded, kissing him back, her hand on the back of his neck pushing him down. ‘I’ll make it all okay again, I really will.’
Her fingers absentmindedly played with the hair at the nape of his neck as she searched his face for anything that would tell her he was being honest. Anything that would let her know he was telling her the truth, because she needed to feel that, needed to at least feel that he was being honest this time.
‘What if you can’t make it okay, Jim? What if we get news today that we just can’t fight?’
Stroking her fringe from her eyes, he kissed her long and slow, his hand fanning out in the small of her back, pushing her against him, and once again her body responded, moulding itself against his as the kiss deepened. ‘Then we give it our best shot. We try to prove them all wrong. That’s all we can do.’
Against every better judgement she was feeling, she smiled at him. The exhaustion of everything the past twenty-four hours had thrown at her was beginning to kick in and all she really wanted to do was forget any of it had happened, take Jim back up to bed, and make love for hours. That’s what she really wanted to do. But reality was making its unwelcome presence felt and she just had to go with that. Everything else could wait, for now.
‘Do you have any idea how beautiful you are when you smile?’ Jim whispered, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
‘Come on,’ she said, finally pulling away from him. ‘We really have to go now. I don’t want to be late.’
‘Amber…’
She swung round to look at him, wishing with all her heart that everything was different. Everything.
‘We will get through this, baby.’
She could only hope he was right.
‘That one,’ Ellen smiled, pointing at the delicate gold tennis bracelet. Her arm was tight around Ryan’s waist as she snuggled in against him, her face glowing as she stared in awe at the expensive array of jewellery spread out in the window in front of them.
‘You sure?’ Ryan asked, watching as her pretty face lit up. ‘Like I said, you can have anything you want.’ Well, almost anything. He was drawing the line at rings of any description. That left the door wide open for all kinds of misinterpretation.
‘No. That’s the one,’ she said with an air of finality. ‘Definitely.’
‘Okay then.’ Ryan grinned, giving her shoulders a quick squeeze, planting a light kiss on her forehead before they went inside the rather upmarket city centre jewellery store. And even though he knew he should be feeling guilty, Ryan just couldn’t let that emotion through. He wasn’t feeling it. Did that make him a bad person? Probably. Did it bother him? Not really. Ellen knew the score. She probably had every idea that he’d taken her into Newcastle today to buy her off, to placate her; he’d spent so little time with her lately, cancelling nights out with her in favour of nights out on the town with his teammates because he’d much rather be making sure Ryan Fisher still had what it took to have the women falling at his feet, even if, once they fell, he couldn’t really be bothered to make use of them.
‘I can’t believe you’re doing this,’ Ellen squealed as the slightly-over-made-up but exquisitely dressed woman behind the counter unlocked the tray of beautiful and extremely expensive bracelets that contained the one Ellen had fallen in love with.
‘You deserve it,’ Ryan said, throwing the sales assistant one of his famous grins, which she reciprocated, accompanied by a rather coy glance from beneath a set of perfectly fitted false eyelashes, ‘… for putting up with me.’
Ellen was oblivious to the now quite-obvious flirting going on between her boyfriend and the sales assistant. Her focus was fixed entirely on the gold bracelet that was now fastened around her wrist, turning her arm first one way then the other, letting the bracelet fall delicately with each turn, watching the way it glistened and shone against her lightly tanned skin. ‘Oh, Ryan, it’s beautiful!’ she gasped, letting go of him so she could touch the bracelet, taking it gently between her fingers as she looked at it more closely. ‘But it’s so expensive!’ Her eyes met his, and this time he couldn’t stop that familiar pang of guilt from pricking his conscience.
‘You’re worth it.’ Even he had to cringe at that cheesy line. But it was true. She was worth it. She was worth every penny. And even though this was a gift to keep her happy, it was also a gift to let her know how much she meant to him, how she was keeping him sane as a million and one confusing emotions were partying on inside his head, oblivious to the fact he just wanted to get on with his life. But he couldn’t do that, could he? He couldn’t just get on with his life, not yet. Not until he was ready to forget, ready to move on, and he was nowhere near that.
‘Oh, Ryan.’ Ellen smiled, leaning forward to kiss him quickly before letting him go, her eyes back on the bracelet, but not before she’d thrown the sales assistant a very brief but nonetheless noticeable look that said ‘Back off, sister!’ And Ryan couldn’t help but smile, too. She might look all pretty and innocent, but underneath that soft exterior was a woman after his own heart. ‘Thank you so much!’
‘We’ll take it,’ Ryan said, turning the Fisher grin back up full pelt and directing it at the woman behind the counter. Her expression was a little less friendly than it had been a second ago, when she’d thought she might have stood a chance with this famous footballer, but that was before she’d realised his girlfriend wasn’t quite as oblivious to her less-than-subtle flirting than she’d first thought she was. She’d got the ‘off-limits’ message loud and clear. Once upon a time that would have bothered Ryan, but not now. He just didn’t have the energy anymore. It was nice to know he still had what it took to make the women want him, but, at the same time, he couldn’t be bothered to take all of them up on their sometimes quite-blatant offers. Not as bothered as he’d used to be, anyway. ‘Do you want to keep it on?’ he asked Ellen, who looked at him with excited eyes, nodding wildly. He handed over one of his many debit cards and watched with slight amusement as the sales assistant made the transaction, leaving him with one last renewed attempt to gain his attention. But fluttering eyelashes and a sexy smile didn’t always cut it with him these days. He was looking for more than that. He was looking for a relationship that was going to change his life, and he’d found that. Once. Whether he could do that again remained to be seen.
‘Come on.’ He smiled
at Ellen, slipping his hand into hers, leaving the rejected sales assistant with one final blast of the Ryan Fisher grin before they left the shop. ‘Today’s your day so you decide what we do next. Whatever you want. Anything.’
‘Well,’ she said, turning to face him, standing on tiptoe to plant a kiss on his mouth. ‘I really fancy lunch somewhere, maybe in Durham, down by the river. Then how about a drive into Sunderland and a walk along the beach? It’s such a lovely day and I feel like being out in the fresh air.’
‘Really?’ Ryan grinned, snaking an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. ‘You mean, you don’t want to spend the afternoon indulging in the many delights I’ve got to offer?’
She giggled, nuzzling her nose against his neck. ‘There’s plenty of time for that later, isn’t there?’
‘Yeah,’ he whispered, kissing the top of her head. ‘There’s plenty of time for that later.’
There was plenty of time for everything, wasn’t there? But he knew there wasn’t. Not really. If he was going to do what he was seriously thinking about doing, then he needed to make a decision quick. But that really all depended on Amber. Everything depended on Amber. Everything.
Amber turned the cup round and round on its saucer, staring straight ahead of her. She couldn’t really describe what she was feeling right now, because she just felt empty, devoid of any emotion, Dr. Lowry’s words still ringing loud and clear in her ears – ‘It’s extremely unlikely that you’ll ever have a child of your own, Amber. I’m really very sorry…’
They kept playing over and over in her head like some cruel mantra, taunting her, telling her what she’d already known, deep down inside. But hearing the words hadn’t made facing the truth any easier. It just finally made it real.
‘Amber?’
She looked up at the sound of his voice. ‘I’m fine, so don’t ask, okay?’
Jim sat down opposite her, wishing there was something he could do, something he could say to make it all right, but what could he do? All he could really do was be there for her, if she wanted him to be. And the way things had gone lately he wasn’t altogether sure that was going to be the case. ‘I was thinking…’
Extra Time Page 16