But flinging open the door gave her a surprise she wasn’t ready for, but one she should have expected, if that phone call to Jim hadn’t distracted her so much.
‘You all right?’ Ryan asked, standing on the doorstep, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
She shook her head, standing aside to let him through. She didn’t have the energy to fight him anymore, not tonight, anyway.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
Amber closed the door behind her, pushing a hand through her hair, sighing rather a touch heavier than she’d intended, but all of a sudden she was exhausted. ‘No, Ryan. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m tired of talking about it.’
He wasn’t Ronnie, and she didn’t feel like going over everything again, least of all with him. That just seemed like a really bad idea.
‘You sure?’
She threw him a look and he stepped back, holding his hands up in surrender. ‘Okay, okay. I get it. You don’t want to talk about it.’
‘What are you doing here?’ She pushed past him and walked back into the kitchen.
‘What do you think I’m doing here? Look, it’s my last night here in the U.K. for a while, and I just want to…’
She leaned back against the counter, folding her arms and fixing him with a questioning look. ‘You just want to, what?’
He looked slightly nervous, and for a fleeting second Amber actually felt sorry for him. There were times when this cocky, arrogant man could actually appear quite vulnerable, although those times were few and far between. But she knew they existed.
‘I just want to be with you, Amber. Is that such a bad thing?’
‘When things are this crazy and fucked up, yes. It is.’ She sighed, again rather heavier than intended, throwing her head back and letting out a frustrated cry. ‘Shit!’ Shaking her hair out in the hope that would help rid her of any lingering frustration, she looked at Ryan, cocking her head. ‘You tired?’
‘Who? Me? Tired?’
‘Yeah, you. It’s getting late, and I know you’ve got a flight first thing in the morning, but… I’ve had a really crap night, Ryan. I mean, really crap. And if tomorrow does have to be the first day of the rest of my life – even if I’d rather it wasn’t – then I might as well say goodbye to it all in style.’
Ryan frowned as he stared back at her. Something had obviously happened between leaving her at the Cloud Sports studios and him turning up here, and he suspected it had everything to do with Jim. But if she needed a little bit of respite, some kind of brief escape, who was he to argue? He was saying goodbye to a few things himself tonight, and even though he’d rather not be saying goodbye at all, maybe she was right. Things were way too complicated to begin anything they might regret, but there was nothing stopping them from giving all the crap in their lives a send-off to remember. Or to forget. Depending on the way the night went. And there was only one way Ryan intended it to go.
Amber watched Ryan as he flirted outrageously at the bar with a group of young women dressed in short skirts and the highest of heels, their long hair extensions hanging loose down their tanned backs, their faces fixed in expressions of star-struck awe as this famous footballer paid them the attention they’d been looking for all night. There’d once been a time in her life, not all that long ago, when this kind of behaviour from Ryan would have filled her with a stomach-churning sense of dread. But now all it did was make her smile. This was who he was, what he needed to be. It still wasn’t out of his system, no matter how much he protested it was. Deep down inside he was still that slightly arrogant, overpaid footballer with the expensive clothes and the sexy smile who could make women fall at his feet with just one flash of that cocky grin. And even though it had taken quite a bit more than that for Amber to succumb to him, there had been times when his smile had floored her, when she’d been unable to keep her hands off him.
She felt a tiny shiver run up her spine and she shook herself inwardly, trying to get rid of the delicious tingle it had created. It was the alcohol that was making her feel that way, that was all. Champagne always went straight to her head and tonight was no exception. But, oh, she’d needed this. She’d needed to get out of the house because to sit and dwell on how that conversation with Jim had made her feel, that wouldn’t have been good. She’d needed to get out and forget, and even if drowning all the bad stuff out with alcohol wasn’t the most sensible of decisions, at least it would numb the pain for a few hours.
‘You’ve got that look on your face again,’ Ryan said, throwing himself back down beside her.
She looked at him, smiling slightly. ‘Has your fan club gone home? Mind you, it’s probably way past their bedtime.’
He just grinned at her, and she couldn’t help but notice the way his hair fell slightly over his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. ‘You jealous?’
‘As if.’
He took a long swig of beer straight from the bottle, looking away briefly before meeting her eyes again. ‘Bit young for me, really.’
‘Oh, now I know you’re talking crap,’ Amber laughed.
He shrugged, taking another swig of beer. ‘I like my women that little bit older.’
She couldn’t help laughing again. ‘Yeah. Of course you do.’
‘Okay. Maybe not all my women … But I know one woman in particular I wouldn’t have any other way.’
She looked at him, still smiling slightly. ‘Oh, really?’
‘Really.’
She felt her head start to spin, and a feeling of déjà vu washed over her – the last time she’d been this close to Ryan she’d been buoyed up by alcohol, too. The only difference being, this time, she felt more in control. And this time, she was beginning to realise that she didn’t care what the consequences were. Last time she’d been with Ryan in circumstances very similar, she’d still thought her and Jim had a chance. But now things were different. And so was she. Gone was the Amber who’d wanted to settle down with the only man she’d ever loved, and in her place was a woman Amber wasn’t sure she recognised just yet. But she would. In time. She’d get to know her, she was sure of it. She might even like her, given half a chance.
‘I could do with another drink,’ Amber muttered, polishing off the last of her champagne.
‘Is that a good idea? You’ve had quite a few and… and given my past history, I know better than anyone that that one last drink can sometimes lead to trouble you really don’t need.’
Amber stared at him, letting the irony of the situation sink in for a second. ‘I’m not drunk, Ryan. And I’ve got a long way to go before I hit the heady heights of your past.’
‘I didn’t say you were drunk, Amber, I just… I don’t want you to be so wasted that you end up doing something you might regret, that’s all.’
‘Like what? Like sleeping with you, again?’
Ryan’s stare matched hers, his deep blue eyes boring right into her with an intensity she was sure was magnified by the alcohol. ‘You’d regret that, would you?’
She felt as though she was temporarily hypnotised because she just couldn’t break the stare, even though quite a big part of her wanted to. Which answered his question, really. ‘Yeah. I think I would.’
He arched an eyebrow, giving her that look of his that said he didn’t totally believe her. And, much to her surprise, she found herself laughing, at what, she wasn’t quite sure. She’d drank enough champagne for it to dull her senses just a touch, she knew that much.
‘I would!’ she laughed, throwing herself back against the sofa they were sitting on, placing a hand on her forehead because, all of a sudden, she felt quite hot. That exhaustion she’d felt a couple of hours ago, and then pushed to one side, had returned, and now all she could think about was her bed. Playing out all night wasn’t something she was used to. It was going to take a lot more practise if this was the way her life was heading now, but she’d work on it. It had to be more fun than sitting home alone dwelling on all those things she’d lost. All those things s
he couldn’t have yet still wanted so much it hurt.
‘You all right?’ Ryan asked, gently placing a hand over Amber’s as it rested on her knee.
Amber looked down at his hand, watched as his fingers slowly curled around hers, not ignoring the tiny frisson of electricity that one small action seemed to create. Although, that could be purely down to the alcohol, too.
‘I’m fine,’ she whispered, raising her eyes to meet his, and this time that tiny frisson of electricity increased to a voltage strong enough to actually make her flinch slightly.
They stayed there, just looking at each other, for what felt like an eternity, until he took the lead, pulling her up out of her seat, his hand still holding tightly onto hers as he almost dragged her through the VIP area of the club, and out of a back entrance reserved for those celebrities who didn’t want to be papped on their exit, because, right now, Ryan didn’t think that being photographed together on the eve of his temporary departure from English football would be such a great idea.
‘Ryan! Where are we going?’ Amber groaned, the fresh air she’d just been pulled out into hitting her head-on, sobering her up just a tiny bit.
He stopped walking, pushing her gently back against the wall, checking quickly to make sure nobody else was about before he kissed her. A kiss she hadn’t seen coming, but a kiss she fell into as though it was the most natural thing in the world. His hand was on her hip, hers snaking round the back of his neck, keeping him right where he was, their bodies moulding together in the cold night air so that neither of them felt the almost freezing temperatures.
‘Now, I can either reach up under that dress of yours, yank off your underwear and fuck you right here, right now, or we can jump in a cab and get the hell back to your place where we can have a lot more dirty sex in the comfort of your own home. But, either way, Amber, I’m coming inside you tonight. You got a problem with that?’
She felt the most incredible shiver run all the way up her spine and down again, repeating itself two or three times before she felt the ability to speak return, her whole body tingling with an anticipation she hadn’t expected, nor asked for. But now it was here she welcomed it with open arms.
She closed her eyes and kissed him back, burying her fingers in his dark hair, pushing herself against him, all of a sudden wanting him so much it was actually creating an ache deep inside her – or maybe she just needed someone, anyone, and he was there. He was right there. And he wanted her. Which was more than her husband did right now.
Pulling away slightly, she ran her fingers lightly over his rough chin, her eyes following their every move until they finally fell back on his, those deep, dark eyes of his that seemed to have the ability to totally mesmerise her tonight. Or maybe that was just the alcohol, too. Either way, she knew how this night was going to end just as much as he did. And she couldn’t find a reason to stop it from happening.
‘No.’ She smiled, moving her mouth closer to his until they were almost touching. ‘No. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t have a problem at all.’
Ronnie threw the phone down on the table and sat back in his chair, sighing heavily. Brandon Palmer had needed to talk to someone, and with no real close friends with which to share his feelings yet, he’d turned to Ronnie. He’d been the obvious choice, as someone who knew both Amber and his father well. And Ronnie had been only too happy to provide a much-needed sounding board on which to let a very confused young man vent those feelings.
He’d listened as Brandon had voiced his concerns about the way his father was handling his marriage break-up, how he still felt – in some way – responsible for what was happening, and even though Ronnie couldn’t really sit there and truthfully tell him that Jim keeping his existence a secret from Amber wasn’t to blame, in part, for their marriage breaking down, Amber and Jim Allen’s relationship was a crazy, fucked-up situation, and there were so many reasons why it wasn’t working. So many complicated, messed-up reasons. And if neither Amber nor Jim could get their heads around it, no wonder poor Brandon was having trouble dealing with it all.
All he’d wanted to do was talk, but it had been a conversation that had made Ronnie realise just how much Amber and Jim’s problems affected everyone around them. Their relationship was almost toxic, reaching out to pull others into a situation that nobody could fully understand. And Ronnie hoped that, this time, it really was the beginning of the end of whatever it was those two had. Amber didn’t need it, and Jim had other things to concentrate on, like the son who just wanted to get to know his father.
He reached out for the remote control lying beside him on the arm of the chair and switched on the TV, leaving it on the news channel that popped up on the screen. He wasn’t in the mood to concentrate on anything, he just wanted something to take away the silence. Something to stop him from worrying about what Amber was doing.
He hadn’t seen her leave the bar at Cloud Sports, but someone had mentioned they’d seen Ryan heading out just seconds after she’d left. Ronnie had gone straight round to her house because he’d needed to know she was okay. It wasn’t like her to leave without saying goodbye, and anyway, he’d thought they were going home together, to share a takeaway, grab a nightcap – talk some more. But the place had been in darkness when he’d got there, and even though he’d tried calling her from the doorstep, he’d still got no answer. He’d assumed she was either sleeping and wasn’t hearing the phone, or she just didn’t want to see him, but he refused to believe that. Amber wouldn’t ignore him, she wouldn’t do that. She needed him more than ever now, and he wanted to be there for her, but something was going on tonight. Something had happened, and all he wanted to do was talk to her, make sure she was all right. And although Ronnie really hoped Amber had more sense than to let it happen, he couldn’t help feeling that she was on some kind of downward spiral that he needed to put a stop to – now. Because if that downward spiral involved Ryan Fisher, then that could only spell trouble. For both of them.
Amber splashed cold water over her face and stared into the mirror. She didn’t look tired. She didn’t even feel tired anymore, even though it was coming up to 1.30 in the morning. She just felt as though she was going through the motions, even though she was more than aware of what was going on.
Pushing both hands through her hair, she closed her eyes, breathing in deep and exhaling slowly, opening her eyes suddenly when she felt him come up behind her.
‘Jesus, Ryan. You gave me a fright!’
‘You’ve been gone a while. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.’ He slipped his arms around her from behind, gently moving her hair away from her shoulder so he could kiss it, his mouth travelling so lightly over her skin it made every inch of her tingle. Why was she doing this? Because the rejection from Jim was just too much to take all on her own? Probably. But, right now, she was going to stop thinking about that and concentrate on what they’d come here to do – fuck, and forget. If that was at all possible.
She turned round in his arms, pleased to see he was almost naked, bar a pair of Newcastle Red Star shorts. And just seeing him in his football kit – albeit only part of it – reminded her of how much of a turn-on that could be. She loved seeing him in his ‘work gear’, as she used to call it, because he was, without any shadow of a doubt, one of the sexiest players ever to grace a football pitch. And that was an opinion shared by more than just her.
‘I really wish people would stop wanting to make sure I was okay,’ she said, running her fingers lightly over his chest. He was toned and hard, his skin warm and welcoming to the touch, and a sudden overwhelming need to be in his arms had taken over all her rational thinking. That had long gone. Now all she wanted to do was lose herself in something that didn’t matter, something that didn’t mean anything. Something that would take her mind off the things that did.
‘Well, maybe the people who are wanting to do that are doing it because they care about you.’ He caught her hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing i
t gently, causing her stomach to dip as low as it could go.
‘And you care about me, do you?’ she whispered. She wanted to be naked now. She wanted to play games with this man, dirty, dangerous games, because tomorrow he was out of there. He’d be gone, out of her life, and she just wanted to wake up with memories of something other than the searing pain losing Jim was making her feel. Anything was better than that – guilt, anger, frustration at herself for being so weak, it was better than those feelings she needed to rid herself of before they took over and consumed her totally.
‘I’ve always cared about you, Amber. From the second you walked into that Press Lounge last year, all tough talk and attitude, I’ve done nothing but want you. And now is no exception.’
She smiled, pulling her hand away from his so she could loosen the short robe she was wearing, letting it fall open. She didn’t care anymore. She didn’t care what he did to her, she just wanted him to take her any way he wanted to, anything to give her the relief and the escapism she needed tonight.
Keeping her eyes on his, she took a couple of steps back, opening her legs slightly, smiling as his gaze lowered, following her hand as it moved down, watching as she began to touch herself.
‘Jesus, Amber…’
She continued to move her hand slowly, very slowly, back and forth, enjoying the almost liberating feeling it was giving her, knowing she had him completely where she wanted him now. She was in control, and that was the way it was going to stay. ‘We should really get some sleep, Ryan. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.’
‘You have got to be fucking kidding me,’ he groaned, watching as her fingers disappeared into a place he was desperate to go, his hard-on now straining against the material of his shorts, so desperate was he to revisit old haunts.
Amber let out a tiny sigh, closing her eyes and throwing her head back as she gently slipped two fingers inside herself, wondering whether it would just be safer to bring herself to climax and rid herself of this growing frustration without even involving him, but that wouldn’t really be fair, would it? She’d brought him here, she’d promised him something. So she had to give him that, didn’t she? She had to give him something. But, oh, it felt good, being completely in control.
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