by Ann Gabhart
Kate was sitting perfectly still now. She had her eyes half closed and Nadine could see the prayers rising out of her. Prayers Nadine feared would not be answered as they wished. If only they could have somehow hidden Lorena from the eyes of the other people in Rosey Corner. But nothing stayed hidden in Rosey Corner for long, and by the end of the first day, everyone in the community knew a child had been dropped on the Rosey Corner Baptist Church’s steps like an unwanted puppy.
Her father began speaking. “Brothers and Sisters, we are gathered here together this day in order to make a godly decision in regard to the little sister who was left at our church with the hoped-for assurance that the good people in this very church would act with compassion. I thank all of you for the Christian concern and love that brought you back this afternoon. Let us ask the Lord’s guidance and his blessings upon our actions.” Nadine’s father clutched the sides of the pulpit and bowed his head to pray. His voice boomed out so loud as he addressed the Lord that Lorena was startled. She stared up at him with large eyes.
Kate leaned over and kissed the child’s head, and Nadine squeezed her hand. She thought about just picking the little girl up and carrying her out of the church. It was not going to turn out well. She’d known that as soon as she’d seen her father’s face that morning. It was a feeling that had gotten surer when Father Merritt had shown up and stalked down the aisle to sit ramrod straight on the opposite side of the church from them, looking neither right nor left or making any pretense of bowing his head for the prayer.
Preston Merritt had not stepped foot in this church building for years. For that matter Victor, who sat beside Nadine, had rarely come inside any church since he’d come back from the war, but when Gertie or Aunt Hattie did shame him into attending, he went to the Christian Church on the other side of the road. That was the Merritts’ church. Preston Merritt had been on every pulpit committee that church had formed for the last thirty years. And of course, Nadine’s father had stood in this church’s pulpit even longer.
Now the two men—her father and Victor’s—had come together under the same roof with what Nadine feared was a rare unity of purpose. She stared up at her father as he kept praying. He was beginning to show his age. He had always been a stocky man, but lately he had gained some extra weight that made him get out of breath with any sort of exertion. Even while he was preaching, he sometimes had to stop and hold on to the pulpit while he gathered his wind. The skin on his neck lapped over his shirt collar. Today he had surrendered to the heat enough to leave off his suit jacket, but his tie was pulled tight up against his stiff collar, the same as always. His gray hair was carefully combed to hide the balding spot on top of his head and held in place with a liberal application of pomade. But his voice sounded strong and sure as he addressed the Lord.
She let her eyes wander past Victor over to Father Merritt. He was staring straight ahead, his face stony and his eyes wide open like Nadine’s as her father’s prayer went on and on. He was older than her father, but didn’t look it. Victor said stones didn’t age, that they stayed hard forever. Father Merritt’s body did show a few signs of age—the loss of his hair and the deep frown wrinkles between his eyes. Still, he often claimed to be as strong at sixty-nine as he had been at thirty, and nobody in Rosey Corner challenged the truth of that whether or not they believed it.
He must have felt her eyes on him because he turned to look at her. She ducked her head, but not before she saw pity mixed with contempt in his eyes. It was a look she’d seen before.
13
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On Wednesday, April 6, 1917, President Woodrow Wilson signed the declaration of war and, with the strokes of his pen, altered the lives of Nadine and her classmates. The boys at school the next day seemed to have become older overnight as they talked of going to war. Miss Penman called an assembly in the gymnasium to read to the students the president’s words asking Congress to declare war on Germany.
“‘The world must be made safe for democracy.’” The newspaper fluttered in Miss Penman’s hands, and she stepped behind the podium for support and kept reading. “‘It is a fearful thing to lead this great peaceful people into war, the most terrible of all wars. But the right is more precious than the peace, and we shall fight for the things that we have always carried nearest our hearts. To such a task we can dedicate our lives and our fortunes, everything that we are and everything that we have, with the pride of those who know that the day has come when America is privileged to spend her blood and her might for the principles that gave her birth. God helping her, she can do no other.’”
The students sitting on the wooden stands next to the gymnasium floor were completely silent as she read. No girl adjusted her skirt. No boy scooted his feet against the floor. Even though Nadine had already read the president’s words in the paper her father had brought home, she listened just as raptly as the other students. She felt as though she were standing on the edge of a precipice, and any movement might send her plummeting down into a dark void.
Miss Penman laid down the newspaper and stared out at the students in front of her. She mashed her lips together and seemed to be having difficulty speaking. That somehow was even more frightening than the words propelling them into war that she’d read out of the paper. Miss Penman was always in control and always ready with her cane to be sure her students maintained proper control of themselves while at her school.
Control was what a person should strive for at all times, and now their whole world was spinning out of control because of a three-letter word. War. Miss Penman tried to slow the spinning. “Young men, many of you may be called upon to serve in this hour of our country’s need, and when that time comes, I am confident you will respond with courage. However, that time has not yet come.” Miss Penman stared out at them and hit her cane against the floor to emphasize her words. “You must not rush headlong into this battle without proper thought. You who are seniors have only weeks before you will receive your diplomas. Stay the course here, finish your education so that you will be better equipped to serve our great country when you are asked to answer the call.”
Miss Penman stepped out from behind the podium and studied the students a moment before she picked up her cane and pointed it at them. “When that time comes and you step up to the line in service to your country, you will strike a blow for freedom.”
As though she had punched a hole in the bubble that had enclosed them and kept them frozen, the entire student body stood up and cheered. Ramon Adams rushed down off the stands and grabbed the American flag that sat beside the podium and waved it in the air. The cheers grew more raucous, and Miss Penman didn’t even bang her cane on the floor to settle them down.
Some of the boys talked of enlisting at once in spite of Miss Penman’s words, but not Victor. He could have without lying about his age, as some of the younger boys were ready to do in order to serve in this war that would surely end all wars. Victor had turned nineteen in February, but he told Nadine that June would not be too late to join the fight.
In fact June loomed before them and made it seem as if every breath needed to be rushed. There was no longer time to think about their future. There was no longer time to daydream of love. There was no longer time to wait for their fathers to accept them as adults capable of deciding their own futures. If they wanted to have a sure time together, it had to be now.
On the last Sunday of April, Nadine slipped away from the house to meet Victor in the woods behind the church while her father napped. She had never done anything so bold before, and she couldn’t imagine what her father might do if he awoke and found her missing. She looked over her shoulder as she hurried across the pasture field toward the woods. No one was watching her, not even James Robert. He’d gone fishing with a friend. But it didn’t matter that her father wasn’t actually on the porch to catch her sneaking off. Her sure knowledge of his disapproval trailed after her and nipped at her conscience. Even so, she did not stop. She kept moving toward the
trees, toward Victor.
He was waiting for her. He took her hand and led her back into the woods. Sunshine streaked down between the budding tree branches to touch them with warmth while over their heads birds sang frantically to their mates. When Nadine leaned back against an oak tree to catch her breath, Victor stepped up close to her and put his hands on her shoulders. Her heart started pounding even harder as she lifted her face toward his in hopes of a kiss.
But he did not drop his mouth down to kiss her. Instead his eyes burned into hers as he said, “I love you, Nadine Reece. I want you to be my wife.”
The words knocked the breath out of her again. She hadn’t expected a proposal. He had told her he loved her several times, but she had yet to say the words back even though they were swelling in her heart. The thought of actually saying them aloud petrified her. She didn’t know why. She had never thought she lacked courage.
After all, hadn’t she watched her mother die and fought death for the life of her little sister? The fact that she had failed did not negate her courage. Didn’t she live every day with her father without totally surrendering her own will and dreams? But now in the face of Victor’s proposal she quaked with fear. No longer would she be able to drift along enjoying Victor’s devotion and hoping that in time her father would accept them as a couple. No longer would she be able to ignore the truth that she might have to confront her father and demand he see her as an adult with the right and ability to shape her own life. He would strike her down. He would squash the idea of her love under his feet. She feared giving him that chance.
She moistened her lips as Victor put one of his hands under her chin to keep her from looking away. “I can’t—”
He put his finger over her lips to stop her words. “Yes, you can. I see your heart in your eyes. I know you love me. Else you would not have dared to come out here to meet me.” He moved his finger to trace her lips. “Still, I do so desire to hear the words come from your beautiful mouth.”
She caught his hand in hers and kissed the tips of his fingers. A wanton move, but it gave her the courage to say, “I do love you, Victor.”
His face exploded with joy and he laughed out loud as he grabbed her in a bear hug that lifted her off the ground. When he sat her back down on her feet, he pulled her close and kissed her as he never had before. No chaste kiss of only lips touching lips. This kiss demanded and received a response from her down to her toes. She pushed him away before she melted completely in his embrace and lost all sight of proper behavior.
He leaned back from her, but did not release her from his arms. She had never seen him looking so happy. Up until that moment, shadows of worry always lurked in his eyes even when he was smiling, but now all those shadows had vanished. “And do you say yes?” he asked. “Will you marry me?”
The word yes was on her lips, but she held it back. “You have to give me time.”
“What if there is no time to give? We have to take the time we have now and not reach for time on another day.” Some of the shadows edged back into his eyes. “You have to say yes. You have to marry me. I can’t go to fight over there if you don’t marry me first.”
“But you haven’t even enlisted yet.” She wasn’t able to voice the yes he so wanted to hear. She had told him she loved him. Why couldn’t that be enough for this one day? Why couldn’t he give her time to gather more courage? To somehow block her father’s sure disapproval from her mind. Another boy perhaps, but not the son of Preston Merritt.
Her father had told her as much after the box supper and the church people had reported to him that Victor had purchased her box of food. “The Merritts think they can buy anything they want. Anything,” he had said. “Never forget, Nadine, the love of money is the root of all evil. I will pray that you are protected and guided away from that evil.”
Nadine blinked her eyes and pushed away thoughts of her father as she stared up at Victor. He—this man—was her future. The man she loved. Nothing her father could ever say would change that. She concentrated on what Victor was saying.
“Three more weeks. Not even a month. Do you realize how quickly three weeks will pass?” Victor tightened his arms around her.
“You wouldn’t have to volunteer. You could wait until you were called up.”
The shadows came out of his eyes and darkened his face. “No. My father already thinks I’m a coward. I will not give him more reason to believe that to be true. I have to sign up. I have to step up as an American.”
She didn’t argue with him. She felt the same. No matter how frightened she was of the idea of war, no matter how terrible the stories of the French and English dead in the trenches in Europe, there was really no choice. Their country was at war. Sacrifices would have to be made, both by the men who went and the women they left behind who loved them.
“You are not a coward.” She reached out and laid her hand on his cheek. “You are the bravest man I know. You dared to love me.”
He put his hand over hers as he stared into her eyes. “How could anyone not love a girl as lovely as you? A girl whose beauty goes all the way through her body and soul. I would wait for you through all eternity, but please don’t make me face going into that eternity without having you for my wife.”
“I will marry you.” The words were easier to say than Nadine had thought, and speaking them seemed to free something in her spirit that had been bound too tightly for too long. The sun’s rays coming down through the trees had a brighter sparkle, and the birds seemed to be singing just for her and Victor. Sinful though it might be, she wanted to dance, while at the same time she felt as if every bone in her body had melted like butter in a dish set in the sun.
“When?” Victor asked in a husky voice.
“Whenever you want.” She surrendered her will completely to his and in doing so was surprised to realize that his will matched her own.
“The day after graduation,” he said.
She felt a great relief with the decision. Whatever storm their decision brought, they would face it together. They didn’t talk about that storm then. By unspoken accord they gave themselves this stolen hour of complete and total happiness. They didn’t speak of their fathers or of the war. They spoke only of each other and the beautiful children they would have and how the poetry of their love would never die.
But they couldn’t dwell in the magical sunlight dappling the woods forever.
They told her father first. He stormed and raged at them. Said they were too young, too different, too blind, too foolish, and on and on. He quoted Scripture, none of which Nadine thought related to her wanting to marry Victor, and he prayed over them. They endured it all without argument and without any change in their resolve. He finally ordered Victor out of the house.
Nadine went with Victor with no assurance of ever being allowed to cross the threshold back into her house again. James Robert ran after her to beg her not to leave. At thirteen he was already half a foot taller than her, with all the sweetness of his mother and little of the sternness of his father. She had been his only mother for five years, so she hugged him and promised to return. And in truth where else could she go? Her father would surely not bar the door on her even after she married Victor.
They went straight from her house to his parents. Victor’s mother wept at the news, but she smiled through her tears and reached for Nadine’s hand. Victor’s father did not utter a word. He simply looked at them the way he might look at an upside-down turtle flailing its legs in the sun before he left the animal to its miserable end.
Now all these years later, the same look was in his eyes as he stared across the aisle of the church directly at Nadine. She wanted to jump up and tell him they hadn’t come to a miserable end. That she loved Victor as much now as she had then and that he was a better husband and father than Preston Merritt had ever hoped to be. But of course she didn’t. She could not stand up to the look in his eyes. Nor could Victor. It went back farther than her. And it wounded Victor even more than he
r father’s words wounded her.
All she could do was pray that he would stay as silent on this day as he had on the day they had announced their plans to marry. Even as she whispered the words in her mind, she knew the prayer would not be answered as she wanted. He had not come to the Rosey Corner Baptist Church to remain silent.
14
______
Kate held Lorena’s hand and breathed in and out slowly as her grandfather called for them to pray. She wouldn’t panic. Not yet. They couldn’t take Lorena away from her. That couldn’t be what this meeting was about, even if the church people did keep peering over at Lorena sandwiched between Kate and her mother as though she were some kind of freak at the county fair.
Kate wanted to tell them it wasn’t polite to stare, but she bit her lip and kept quiet. An uneasy feeling was growing inside her that nobody was going to listen to anything she said or pay the least bit of attention to what she wanted or even what little Lorena wanted. But surely they would listen to Mama. She was sitting on the other side of Lorena, ready to be Lorena’s angel mother. If only she hadn’t looked so worried as she helped Kate get Lorena dressed to come.
Kate kept her head bent as Grandfather Reece prayed on and on, but she opened her eyes a slit and peeked through her eyelashes over at Lorena, who was staring first one way, then another with big brown eyes. She was a little doll in the new yellow dress Mama had made for her. Kate had tied a matching yellow ribbon in Lorena’s dark hair that fell in curls down around her shoulders.
Kate softly touched the curls, and Lorena looked around at her and smiled. She didn’t look worried. She wasn’t sure what was going on, but she kept looking at Kate with eyes full of trust. She knew Kate would take care of whatever it was. After all, Kate was her angel.