Caelynn takes in a long breath but doesn’t give me any more arguments.
“If you die, I’ll die trying to complete the mission. Because then, maybe someone else can come after me and complete it.” I plop down on my butt and sit beside her. “Don’t leave me, Caelynn,” I whisper, voice huskier than I’d intended.
She whimpers. “Okay,” she finally whispers in return
CAELYNN AND I SIT STILL, watching the quiet road below us for another hour without speaking. No other creatures come by the wall of flame. No wraiths, no bears, no wolves. There aren’t even birds who fly over the barrier.
“Let’s stay here for the night,” Caelynn says, breaking the silence.
I don’t respond. We have enough time to retreat to our previous cave. It’s smaller but safer. Here, we are so close to the main road, so close to the fire. Its hot, dry heat presses in on us. Sweat clings to my clothes, making them stick. Just a mile north, we’d be significantly more comfortable.
“We haven’t seen much of anything because this is when the wraiths all sleep. If we find a place to hide, I’ll use my shadows to keep us hidden throughout the night, and maybe we’ll get the information we need.”
“You can do that? Keep up your magic to hide us throughout the whole night? Even hiding in that cave, this close to the wall, we aren’t entirely safe.”
She nods. “I’ll only need to cover the opening to the cave, which will conserve energy. We’ll be able to see out, but no one will see in.”
“It’ll mean staying up the entire night, won’t it? You’re not capable of controlling that magic while you sleep, I assume? I don’t want to underestimate a shadow fae again, but that seems—”
Caelynn chuckles. “It will mean staying up all night, yes. But we want to keep an eye on the road anyway. I already napped today. I’ll take another once the sun rises, and then we’ll decide what our next step is.”
Our next step. Caelynn still intends to experiment with the fire wall with her own life. We do need to cross the fire, but there is no way I’ll let her go alone. We’ll go together or not at all.
Caelynn
My soul aches, raw and open. Sore, like my arm isn’t the only thing that was injured in today’s adventures. And well, maybe it’s true. Darkness, toxic and scary, clings to the edges of my consciousness.
Shadows are my element. My friends. But here... here, it’s so much different.
Maybe it’s just because I’ve mentally and emotionally chosen to die—I’m just waiting for the right moment. Or maybe it’s something else.
Rev sits still and quiet, staring out the opening of the cave, into the shadows beyond. The sky is growing dimmer every moment, but this place is so dark to begin with it’s hard to tell when it’s officially night, at least visually. When we begin to hear the moaning of the dead, that’s when I personally declare it to be officially night.
My muscles throb. My head pounds. Maybe staying this close to the wall was a bad idea. I probably could use more rest, which is rather annoying considering I shouldn’t need more rest. I slept plenty in the cottage. More than my share, if I’m honest.
Something about these lands drains me of energy. And though I won’t tell Rev this, the thought of using my magic basically every moment in order to hide the two of us sounds excruciatingly exhausting. But I’m going to do it.
I’m going to do it because we need it. Because I need it.
So far, the darkness has been sneaking over the mountain pass, inch by inch, but we have yet to see any more movement on the pathway below. The undead rabbit aside, we’ve seen nothing of note. Over an hour has passed since either of us last uttered a word.
Rev watches the scene before us, still and stoic. Stubborn or loyal. There isn’t much of a difference. He’s so determined to protect me, keep me from harm even though it’s far too late. I’ve doomed myself. That ship has passed. But I suppose I can appreciate how difficult it would be to watch someone you’re growing to care about die, hopeless to help.
He can’t save me. No matter how hard he tries.
I’m just going to have to go along with his hopes until I’m certain his quest can be achieved. Until he no longer needs my help. Then, I’ll find a way to slip away quietly and allow him to go on with his life.
This is just another thing I know Rev needs from me. To believe there is hope. To believe I will continue to fight.
“Caelynn,” Rev calls quietly. “Come look.”
I inch over to the ledge opposite the cave and peer over his shoulder. Down the rocky cliffside, shadows shift eerily. “Wraiths?”
Rev shrugs. “How’s that shield?”
I take in a long, deep breath. My magic is solidly around us, but it takes constant effort to sink it deep enough to cover Rev and I both so completely.
My breath shakes as I take in another. My shadows have always been my protectors. But lately, it’s felt more like a burden.
We revert to the cave, where we can only barely see the pathway below. We can’t see the fire wall beyond.
My stomach aches as I force the magic to dig deep. I’ve never been able to shield someone else the way that I can with Rev. I can use shadows to cover something, but there is a difference between shielding something and merging shadow with flesh and bone. True invisibility only comes with oneness with the shadows. Only a shadow fae could achieve this, or so I thought. Because yesterday with the wolf wraith, he couldn’t see us at all.
Either wraiths have worse eyesight than living beings, or despite how we both continue to fight the bond, my magic recognizes Rev as my mate, and his magic recognizes me. Theoretically, the closer we get, the easier it will be to use our magic as one.
Rev shivers as the magic settles over the cave, but then he pauses, studying me. Can he tell something is off? Can he see how exhausted I am?
His silvery grey eyes hold mine for several moments. His lips part and I expect him to speak, but nothing comes out. Instead, his fingers inch toward mine. The first moment his skin contacts mine is like a spark. I let out a breath because even that tiny connection reminds me of what I’m here for. What I’m fighting for.
I haven’t given up on him. I won’t. Not ever.
Rev
Caelynn’s eyes are so faded and lifeless. Her magic settles over me, but it feels... weak.
“Do you think there’s something to what the wolf said?” I ask, surprised by my own question. It’s something I’ve been considering for the last few hours.
She frowns. “What do you mean?”
“He said the Night Bringer gave you his magic and he’ll use it to... I don’t know what he meant but... to control you? Do you think... being here...?”
Caelynn shrugs. “This palace does seem to have a strange effect on me. But no, I don’t think it’s the Night Bringer. His magic is mine. I’m confident of that. I completed his bargain, and part of that deal was the magic being entirely under my control.”
I nod. “That’s good. As long as you’re sure.”
“I’m sure. I remember what it felt like before I had control of it.” She shakes her head. “It’s mine now.”
“Okay,” I mutter and let the subject drop. I’m pleased she’s confident the Night Bringer isn’t messing with her from the inside out, but that doesn’t change the issue that she isn’t coping as well as I’d hoped.
I try to leave her be for a while, but my attention keeps shifting to her corner of the cave.
She fidgets and picks at her fingers like she’s just not entirely comfortable. A few minutes later, she’s playing with her hair and changing positions again. She lays her head back against the stone and breaths heavily.
Eventually, she notices me watching and then wrinkles her nose and crosses her arms. “What?”
I smirk at her endearing defensiveness. “Nothing. I just like watching you.”
For the smallest of instances, her eyes grow wide and her cheeks flush. She covers quickly, though, and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, whatever
. Creeper. What are you really thinking?”
I press my lips into a thin line and consider my next words carefully. It’s true that I do like watching her. It’s bittersweet. But maybe being truthful is the better option. “I’m just concerned is all. Things with you have been off. You look tired and uncomfortable. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Caelynn nods slowly. “I feel pretty drained. I don’t know.”
She pulls her knees up to her chest and casts her eyes to the ground.
“Do you need to sleep? I can keep watch.” We both know that wasn’t the plan, but I’m not going to push her too far. If she needs to rest, we’ll find a way to make it work.
“No,” she whispers. “I don’t want to sleep.”
I narrow my eyes, examining her again. Something is wrong. If it’s not the magic and she’s not physically tired, maybe... maybe she’s given up more than I thought. Maybe it’s not the Night Binger tearing at her with his magic, maybe it’s a real depression.
My stomach churns.
“Come here,” I whisper, fed up with all the wondering. With the fear of losing her. I need her here, now. And I don’t want her at arm’s length.
Her eyes flash, golden light flickering for only a moment. I imagine her, for the first time, as my bride. As my lifelong lover. As the mother of my children. It’s such an incredible picture that I have to blink back tears.
“Let’s just take what moments we can, okay?” I whisper as all the explanation I’ll give to her for this change. I want her near me. I want her in my arms. I want to feel her warmth and her life.
“Okay,” she whispers, leaning back into me.
I can’t have all of that, but I can have moments. I can steal pieces here and there. She shifts closer to me, but it’s not enough. I lean in and grip her waist, guiding her over toward me. She obliges, though her low eyebrows tell me she’s confused. Still, she scoots closer. I guide her so that she’s between my legs, her back to my chest. I wrap my arm over her torso and pull her in tightly, my chin resting on her shoulder.
It’s not a sexual position. It’s not passionate, but it is intimate.
Her breathing is deep and deliberate like she’s trying to keep herself calm.
“Is it okay?” I whisper. A strand of her hair bounces with my breath.
“Yes.” She adjusts, settling deeper into my arms.
The crackling of fire is faint in the distance, and the orange glow grows brighter. Soon, the calls of the dead begin.
Moans and groans and whoops swirl in the air around us long before we see any sign of them.
Caelynn’s hand on my forearm clenches and her nails dig into my skin.
“Shh,” I whisper. “Relax. Focus on the magic hiding us. We’ll be fine.”
She nods and relaxes her grip. I can’t let go of the concern that her heart or soul is growing dimmer. That light I saw when I last healed her was so small. A tiny flame in a raging storm.
It wasn’t long ago she promised not to leave me. But I suppose that doesn’t mean she sees any hope for herself. Prior to Reahgan’s attack, she implied living out the rest of her life in these lands wouldn’t be so bad. She said she didn’t have much to live for even outside these walls. I know that was an exaggeration, she had at least one friend outside of the fae world, but she was adamant there was no real future for her there.
But clearly, it’s affecting her.
After a while, her breathing evens out, and her body grows heavy against mine. The magic around the cave mouth flickers, and I wince. Is something wrong? Should I talk to her, shake her?
Her body slumps deeper into mine, muscles relaxed, and a gentle snore escapes her lips. A quiet joy rouses in my chest. She’s asleep. She fell asleep in my arms, and I can’t even express or begin to explain how good it feels.
The rippling over the cave mouth drops completely, leaving only a still blackness. It means we are not protected at all. We are only hidden by the natural darkness and stone walls cocooning us. I keep my gaze sharp, watching for anything out of the ordinary.
We want to remain unnoticed as much as possible. I have the ability to protect us if a wraith came wandering in here. I could even keep them out with a wall of light.
The problem is, I can’t fight them all. And the moment we’re exposed, they’ll all come charging. It’s probably reckless to let her sleep at all. At the very least, we should wait until nearly dawn before we allow our shield to drop, then she could sleep the last hour or two of the night and a few into the morning, leaving us plenty of time in the day to make our move on the spell book.
But I don’t dare rouse her. I justify my choice by the fact that I need her at full strength to fight by my side. Caelynn is impressively powerful and resilient and smart. She is a better ally than I could have hoped for.
I silently thank fate for the day she was thrust on me in the trials. I had no choice but to accept her. If it weren’t for that, I’d never have gotten to know her. I may have even killed her without knowing the truth.
The orb would have shown me, though. Assuming I’d survived the maze trial.
I can’t even imagine what that would have done to me—if I’d killed her like I’d wanted and then found out she was my mate.
It would have haunted me for the rest of my life. How? Why? I don’t think I could have come up with a reasonable answer, and certainly nothing close to the truth.
I take in a long breath. She is mine now. I didn’t complete my goal of killing her. Instead, I got to know her and my life was flipped upside down.
And now, I have her in my arms.
Things, obviously, are not ideal, but there is no way I’d go back and change anything about the trials. Maybe afterward, but that’s something else entirely.
Before my thoughts can go too far off the rails, I readjust my frame of mind to the now. Tomorrow, we could be done with this mission one way or another. Pass or fail. Live or die.
Moving quickly is likely our best course of action. Once we plan on crossing the fire, we should strike. Rush over the next obstacle—a swamp of unknown origin or purpose. Followed by a small forest, or maybe just a couple of trees, the map isn’t all that clear. Lastly, the single mountain in the middle. The spell book is said to be hidden inside. If we can cross the fire wall and then rush over the swamp, through the trees, and climb up the mountain quickly, we may be able to reach the book before the Night Terror is even aware.
My right arm begins to tingle, growing uncomfortable and numb. My back is growing sorer as time passes. It’s likely been an hour or two since she fell asleep. I shift awkwardly, not wanting to wake her but desperately needing to relieve my own discomfort.
Caelynn jerks in my arms. Dammit.
She leaps up, nearly knocking her head on the stone ceiling. She hisses and spins in a crouch with a feral expression. The shadow wall slams back into place over the cave mouth. “You let me sleep?”
I give her a guilty expression but then smile. “Sorry?” I shrug innocently.
“Don’t you realize how dangerous that is?”
My eyes flick down over her body. Stupid.
Her breath catches, and I know I’ve been caught. Her pupils dilate. But as much as I was growing uncomfortable in that position, I am missing her touch already.
“We’re just fine,” I answer calmly.
“We’re lucky.”
“You can stay awake till dawn now. Then, sleep a few more hours before we set out.”
She purses her lips. “I don’t need to sleep.”
“Obviously, you do. You’ll need your strength for whatever comes tomorrow.” I hold my hand out to her, offering her a place in my lap again. Her gaze darts down then back up, her cheeks flaming red in an instant. Another rush of joy flashes over me.
“It’s comfortable this way, isn’t it?” I ask, deflecting her embarrassment.
She clears her throat and turns her back to me, settling in, this time with her rear on my leg. “Mhmm,” she mumble
s.
I quite like this position too. I grip her waist tightly, fingers finding warm, smooth skin where her shirt rides up.
“It’s your turn to sleep.”
“All right,” I answer, but my mind is on anything but sleep now. “Maybe I should lie down instead—”
She lays her head against mine like she’s too exhausted to keep it up. “Not yet,” she whispers, sending delicious chills over my body. Her hand rests on my neck, and I close my eyes, working to control my emotions. “I like where I am.”
I grip her thigh with one hand, squeezing tighter than I should, her waist with the other, and I focus on breathing.
She doesn’t want you. She doesn’t want this, I try to remind myself. She rejected me just hours ago...
But she hadn’t actually responded.
She flinches every time we’re remotely intimate, but I can see the tension in her body ease. She seeks out my touch; she lingers when it happens by accident.
Her breath is shaky as it releases. I’m aware of every place our bodies connect. Her ass on my thigh, her back on my chest, the inside of my arm achingly close to her chest.
She wiggles, shifting down so she’s between my legs again.
My lips graze her ear. I need to get this out. I need to find out where I stand. Because I don’t want to keep desiring something that will only cause her more pain. Except, I can’t help but feel like I can make some of this better for her.
That holding her, touching her, kissing her could give her the hope of what could be. Because, against my better judgment, I’m beginning to think that.
I fully intend to find a way to get Caelynn out of this place. I plan to steal her away from this curse. And once we’re out in the real world—well, I don’t know what that will mean, but I can recognize my own feelings well enough to know that I will continue to want her once I’m back in my comfortable palace. Once I’m king. Once I have all the things I’ve been working toward, there will always be something missing if she isn’t there in some capacity.
Soul of Thorns (Wicked Fae Book 3) Page 8