I swallow. “I don’t know.”
I don’t know how it’s possible for me to shadow-walk him along with me. It’s not supposed to be possible. But since I’d somehow been able to shield him with my magic when that had formerly been impossible, I knew I had to try.
“Are you okay?” he asks, gently gripping the ends of a strip of hair. His magic flashes in this palm then fades, almost as if he can’t control it.
“Fine,” I lie.
He narrows his eyes. His magic flashes again, this time rushing into my chest. I convulse with the shock, but the tingling is gone, my magic squirming beneath the surface. Did he... just give me some of his magic?
“What the hell was that?”
He smirks. “I don’t know.”
A series of high-pitched shrieks behind us makes me jump. “We have to go.”
He turns to face the wall of flames, probably realizing the same thing.
This very well may burn us alive, leaving only dust in its wake. Only one of us may make it to the other side. Maybe neither of us. But we have to go.
His cheeks are flushed with heat. “Together,” he says, with a determined gait. He clenches his jaw tightly, and I nod. Tears well in my eyes.
It’s pathetic how afraid I am. Of all of it.
Of what it might mean that we can exchange magic the way we have.
Of losing Rev. Of loving Rev. Of the look in his eyes that tells me he might love me too.
I’m afraid of burning. I’m afraid of judgment. I’m afraid of what’s waiting on the other side.
This moment is the epitome of it all, and I don’t know if I could do it alone. But Rev steps closer, his fingertips gently drift up to my cheek until he cups it. Chaos and terror are inches away, but for this one moment, we’re back in the Luminescent Court ballroom. We’re young and naïve. Unscarred.
We have hope.
This one moment, his silver eyes meet my gold ones and we are just us.
When he leans in, his lips press to mine so slowly, so gently, the world fades away. All my fear. All my anger. All my pain. It’s all gone.
All that’s left is Rev. He steps back towards the flames, hand outstretched, waiting for me to join him.
I’d follow him anywhere. Even into the very flames of judgment.
I pause for one last moment to appreciate his beauty, the pulsing red of the furnace behind him. Then, I grip his neck and tug his lips to mine one last time.
And before our kiss ends, I grip his shirt and pull him with me into the raging inferno.
Because if my whole world is going to implode, this is how I want it all to end.
Rev
Caelynn clings to me as we fall together into the flames.
Scorching agony explodes over every sense. The intensity overwhelms me as it burns from the inside out. But... it’s not exactly pain. Not in a physical way.
My soul explodes with flashes of feelings and memories. My lovely court of reflecting light. My brother taunting me as a child but then extending his hand to help me. My father hitting my mother as she clings to me. Shielding me.
Then, it shifts to her.
Caelynn’s golden eyes, soft and beautiful. Her blond hair loose with wild curls. Her smile is full of mischief. She’s young and bold but innocent. So impossibly beautiful.
My mate, my soul whispers.
Then, an onyx black talon the size of my forearm emerges from her chest, carving through her body and spouting black blood. Her expression crumples in terrible pain. When she screams, so do I.
The images shift to my brother’s funeral. Despair washes over me. My heart breaks all over again.
Then I’m back at the Flicker Court ballroom, at the beginning of the trials. When she boldly entered the hall. This time, when I see her march down the aisle—as stares filled with hatred like daggers, sneers, and whispers cascade over the room—I see what I missed before.
I hated her more than all the rest. And yet, now, as I’m shown the scene again, I see her pain. She was so lonely. So sad. So guilt-ridden.
And when I shoved her down. When I threatened her...
She stood still and stoic. She held it all in. But I can’t. Regret strangles me. Black blood, like that which splattered from her when that monster carved into her, fills my lungs until I’m choking for breath. I claw at my chest, trying to break free from the guilt. Free from the pressure suffocating me.
Caelynn.
Forgive me.
I FALL TO MY KNEES on slick mud, gasping for air. I press my forehead to the ground, hot liquid dampening my hair. The wall of flames flickers beside me, but the air is cooler. Still warm but not an oven-like before.
My breaths are labored, my mind spinning, my body aching, but I take a moment to wrap my mind around the fact that I made it through.
A hundred feet beyond the flames is a bank covered in shiny black stones and a steaming swamp beyond it. In the distance, one mountain stands alone. The center of it all.
Next to the mountain is a massive tree with leafless branches reaching to the sky like worshiping hands.
The wall of flames showed me only what I already knew. That my whole life was centered around Caelynn. All of it was for her and because of her. I didn’t even get through all of it, only pieces of our journey together. But it was enough to drown me in guilt.
Yet, somehow, I made it through the judgment.
Caelynn, my soul still calls for her.
“Caelynn,” I force out through my raw throat. I made it to the other side of the flames, my soul beaten and battered but whole.
But my lips are cold. My hands, that held her tightly just moments before are empty.
“Caelynn!” I scream. I spin, looking for her. No.
No. She can’t be gone.
I can’t lose her now. Not like this.
I wait, moments stretching out into infinity—eternity without her. It will destroy me, suffocate me.
I can’t.
My soul rips at the thought that she could possibly be gone. I pull myself onto wobbly feet and stare at the flame, preparing to reenter the magical wall—even if it means facing the wraiths on the other side. I’m not giving up on her. Not now.
“What did you do?” A deep and furious voice rumbles behind me.
I blink back tears, my chest tight, and I turn to find the black wraith staring at me, dumbstruck. Caelynn’s ancestor that wants her to live and me to die. His face is contorted with rage.
“Caelynn,” is all I can manage to force out. I point toward the wall of flame.
His billowing smoke pops and crackles like a fire. “You...” he accuses. “You’ve destroyed her. Over and over.” His eyes flash red. “And you would dare to lose her now? Like this?” he screams, and when he flies at me, I barely have the strength to fight back.
Caelynn
Fire quakes around me as it takes hold of my body. Everything else falls away until there are only roaring red flames tearing into my soul.
I arch my back, hair flying as pain explodes behind my eyes.
Memories bombard me, but they flash so fast I can barely register them. All the things I once wanted but were taken from me. Things I’d let go of so long ago.
My vision turns entirely black. I blink, but I can’t tell the difference. There is no sound. Silence isn’t a strong enough of a word to define it. I can’t hear or feel my own breath.
Am I... alive? I can’t tell.
The tiniest of lights glow softly in the distance. I move toward it, though I’m not certain if I’m stepping. Do I even have a body? I can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything at all.
The little flame, smaller than a match’s light, flickers. Darkness presses in on it. The wind begins to blow—the first sound I’ve heard since... I don’t know when. Since I’ve been here? Wherever here is.
The wind picks up speed, whipping at the tiny helpless flame. My heart aches, somehow knowing this flame is important.
I pity the little thing. There�
��s no way it can survive this storm.
I blink, and there are hands surrounding the flame. Large hands with rough skin and a scar along one thumb. He’s saving the flame or trying, at least. Protecting it from the raging storm.
“Why bother?” I mutter. It’s hopeless.
The protector’s eyes flash to me, angry. He snarls, silver eyes darkening.
I turn from the faltering flame and continue through the enteral darkness.
My heart sinks as something shifts in the blanket of darkness before me. The nothingness ripples.
Then, I see him.
A being so massive he’s like darkness incarnate. All around. Inside of me. Controlling me.
Night Bringer.
No, I scream inside, but I can’t move. I’m frozen.
He laughs as he sends slashes of wind through the air. I wince at the attack, but it simply blows my hair back and continues slicing through the air past me, straight to the figure protecting the little flame.
This last strike puffs out the flame like a breath, here then gone.
The Night Bringer roars in triumph, laughing hysterically. Except it doesn’t come from the darkness before me. It comes from me.
My lips move. “You’ve lost, my pet,” I say with his voice. “My host.”
The floor falls out from beneath me, and I fall through pitch blackness clawing at me. Fall. And fall.
My choice, my hope, my innocence, my very soul stolen from me. Ripped away. So easily discarded.
No, a harsh voice booms through the darkness. My body slams onto hard smooth ground, my vision still only seeing a blanket of pitch-black covering everything.
The blanket of blackness flickers, revealing searing red flames. Never your soul. The deep, strangely familiar voice echoes through me.
Suddenly free from the raging pain, I open my eyes. All I see are flames flickering and reaching for me.
“What?” I ask the voice.
My mind is free from the spell for a moment.
He took many things from you, child. But your soul was never one of them.
I pull in a long breath. “Who are you?” I ask stupidly. Is this part of the trial? Part of the magic of the flames? It feels... foreign. Like something else is here, pushing me along.
“I am the keeper of the magic of these lands. My very being is stitched into every ounce. It is my punishment. My eternal prison.”
I blink as it suddenly clicks. I do remember the strange feminine voice.
“The Wicked Gates,” I mutter.
“Yes, I am the keeper of the gates.”
“Did I pass my judgment?” I blink, thinking of the extinguished flame. “Did I fail?”
Is that why everything was black, why she’s talking to me now?
“You are not yet finished, Caelynn of the Shadow Court. But I do have a message for you.”
I look around, the flames flicker near me, but they don’t touch my skin. I don’t see any sign of anyone else. No Rev, no other form. Does this... being have no physical form?
“What is the message?” I ask, curious more than anything else.
“Well, first, that that monster did not, could not, touch your soul.”
I pull in a breath.
“You’ve always believed it. He led you to believe it. That he somehow damaged you so deeply that there was no recovering from the assault. Only you can destroy your own soul, child. If he’d stolen your soul, killed it like you believed, you would have killed Reveln that first time you met him. You would have felt no regret. You’d have been the perfect puppet. No, Caelynn, you have always been so much more than that. And you have to learn to forgive yourself for what was outside of your control.”
“I don’t understand... why would you be telling me this? Why...”
“Why would the Wicked Gate, the magic of punishing lands, care about your soul?”
“Well, yes. Do you do this for all the souls who pass through here?”
“Yes. Though I admit, I am not quite as invested in every soul as I have become in yours.”
Mine? “Why?”
“Because you have been unfairly placed in the center of a battle so much older and larger than yourself. You are, unfortunately, the pin at the center of it all. If you fail, we all fail. If you fall, the world will be at their mercy once again.”
“Why?” I whisper. “I’m not that special.”
“Well, that’s certainly debatable, child. But you are right, that you are just a fae like any other. You were not born exceptionally powerful. And this burden should not be on your shoulders. But you are the one they chose, and that put you right in the center of it all.”
Chosen. By those monsters. Because they believed me to be like them. They saw the darkness inside and...
“Stop, child. Ambition is not evil. It is not your desires that matter. It is choice. You already made it clear that the Night Bringer was wrong about you. You are better than him. So much stronger inside than he can even comprehend.”
I swallow.
“It is by chance that you are here, that you are the center of it instead of so many before you. It is not fair to you. And yet, that will not change the truth. And so, you are the one we must rely on.”
“So, what do I have to do?”
“Keep to the right path, Caelynn.”
I blink. For a moment, I think she’s going to tell me to go back home. Leave Rev here like my wraith wants.
“No, child. I would never expect one to abandon their mate. That would destroy your soul quicker than the depression your hopelessness has brought. Your ancestor is a wraith for a reason, child. His greatest flaw is his selfishness. He will devour anything, trample anything, to achieve his goals. If he had known that chaining the Night Terror would dismantle his beloved court, he would have let the world fall.”
“Then what? Am I to die?”
The gate pauses. “Seek the right death, Caelynn. Alive or dead does not matter so much as protecting your soul.”
“I have one final vision for you before you continue on your journey. But this is my message. I am sorry for your pain. Sorry for this war you were thrust into. The innocence stolen from you. In order to win, you must protect your soul, Caelynn. Resist their darkness. You have the power, the strength to survive.”
A rush of magic washes over me in an instant, and I no longer remember where or who I am. There is a surprising peace, a fluttering of hope and love.
The pressure, the weight, the burden—it’s gone. Why was I so burdened before this moment? I cannot remember. I cannot even fathom. But I do know that this feels good.
Death is freedom, a whisper floats through my mind, and I blink rapidly. This whisper is heavy, so much heavier than the sprites.
No, another whisper floats by. The right death, is freedom.
Follow the right death, Caelynn.
Rev
Caelynn’s wraith’s magic stings like acid as it slams against my body. His hands curl over my throat, and I choke back, trying to twist away, but I don’t use my magic. Not a spark of the white light that could cast him off in only a moment.
The pressure over my head feels so complete I swear my brain is moments from exploding. Finally, light flickers over my palms, just enough to toss him to the side. He skids to a stop over the shimmering black pebbles. The smoke that makes up his body flickers. He bares his black teeth at me. “I will kill you. I should have killed you the moment I knew Caelynn would continue to choose you no matter what it cost her.”
I press my hand over my throat, pressing tightly over the slick wound. It’s pouring blood. Wonderful.
“You would let him kill you?” I whip my head at the new voice. Smooth and poised, it drifts from the trees beside the swamp.
The wraith and I both twist to face the forest as another wraith approaches. His magic is light grey, eyes glowing silver. Reahgan always was powerful.
Despite the rage and doubt swirling in my chest now, I take in a long breath and close my eyes,
just long enough to pull in the magic I need to stop my bleeding. The blinding light from my palms causes both wraiths to jerk back, covering their eyes.
“Yes, use up all that magic of yours. You’ll be easier to kill.”
“You will not touch my brother,” Reahgan says, each word pointed.
“If Caelynn is already dead—” I pause, heart-clenching at those words. “Why does it matter now?”
And if Reahgan, who’s entire plan centered around her death, is here, does that mean he had a part to play in her demise?
The shadow wraith’s face falls. “I....” His jaw sets, eyes determined but sad. “I do not know for sure she is gone.”
Reahgan chuckles, but my breath shudders. “What are the chances?”
My eyes flash to the burning flame behind us. There is no commotion. No hint there is anything happening inside. There’s just... nothing.
“She is not dead, dear brother. But she may soon wish she was.”
I wince as a blade—or something just as sharp—presses tightly against the underside of my jaw. I freeze, every muscle tense.
“Do not move, rodent,” a voice deeper than I’d ever heard growls at me, and my vision wavers in panic.
Reahgan crosses his arms confidently.
What have you done? I think but don’t dare mutter a word.
Because whatever has a hold me of now... it is much worse than a wraith.
Caelynn
Wet ground squishes beneath my fingers, against my cheek. I groan and push myself up. My muscles scream in protest, and I let out a trembling breath.
“Ow,” I say, sitting upright. I press my palm against the side of my throbbing head. “What the hell?”
After a few deep breaths, I manage to do a sweep of my surroundings. In front of me is the vicious fire, but the air is several degrees cooler than before. The ground is mushy dirt. The edge of a murky swamp sits only a few feet behind me. There is a small forest to my left and open water to my right. In the center of the murky water are stones spread over the length like a pathway.
Soul of Thorns (Wicked Fae Book 3) Page 11