Sally could feel his shoulders starting to shake and knew she had to get him out of the pub. She hauled him up, saying, ‘Come on now, let’s just go somewhere private. Hang on a few more minutes, and then you can cry all you want, my friend.’ She literally dragged him out of the pub and managed to get him to walk back to the theatre.
‘Now let’s get past Gladys without an enquiry. You just have to hold your breath and stand up straight and walk quickly.’ Jeremy did everything he was told and the two of them hurried past Gladys with a wave. The latter was not too bothered as she was now engaged with a large portion of steamed roly poly pudding, which was also very ’ot!
Sally got Jeremy sat down in her dressing room and shut the door so they would not be disturbed. There was still half an hour before the technical rehearsal started.
‘Look, we are going to have to find a way to get you through this show starting with two o’clock today unless I tell Sarah you are ill. I could do that and then you could go home.’
‘I don’t want to be on my own,’ cried Jeremy. ‘I want to see Eddie but his father has forbidden it. Sally, they have taken Eddie away to a nursing home somewhere. They are telling people he has terminal cancer, but he might live for ages yet. I don’t know much about the illness, but Giles had been telling me and George Delaware that the virus could lie dormant for years before it presents itself. I want to talk to Eddie and make him see that we can still be together. I won’t leave him. I love him, for God’s sake.’
‘OK, let’s get this straight. Lord Graham won’t let you see Eddie ever again?’
‘Yes – he is crazy! He told Giles it was my fault his son was gay, never mind caught this terrible virus. Nothing could be further from the truth, Sal. I feel like a teenager compared to Eddie. He has betrayed me and our love. He has been having affairs for the last three years. He says he wants to stop now he has met me, but who knows. Anyway, all that is irrelevant now. I just want to see him and talk.’
‘Can’t Giles help you see him? Surely if he and Lord Graham are so close he would have some influence?’ she suggested.
Jeremy blew his nose and sat up, trying to pull himself together.
‘To be honest, I think this whole thing has split them up. Giles seems completely lost. Lord Graham is battening down the hatches and closing all possible means of this leaking out to the press. Can you imagine what they would make of it? I reckon Giles has been given his marching orders as well. So one way or another, we are all fucked.’
‘I think Eddie will find a way to contact you,’ said Sally thoughtfully. ‘He will not want to leave it like this. Just try and sit tight for the time being and see what happens. You have got so much on your plate, these next three weeks, Jeremy. I know it is tough but you must be strong and you must not let it stop you doing your work. You know what we have always told each other. Work comes first.’ Sally stopped as she saw the tears welling up again in Jeremy’s eyes. She gathered him to her and held him tight. ‘You can do this,’ she whispered. ‘We will do it together.’
Chapter 48
‘Ladies and gentlemen, for your delectation and delight please put your hands together and welcome a young and perfectly formed songstress born to soar to the heights of sublime ecstasy . . . Miss Sally Thomas!’
The audience cheered and whistled as Sally was lowered on a swing to the centre of the stage where she sang ‘The Boy I Love is Up in the Gallery’. She wore a gorgeous pale blue and cream lace dress with mountains of petticoats, and little leather boots which peeped through the folds of her gown as she swung backwards and forwards. With all the drama that was going on in real life it was a relief to be here for five perfect minutes every night and sing her heart out to an adoring crowd. She had had more fan letters this week than any other time. It certainly helped her through the days rehearsing with Jeremy, who wandered about in a coma.
His poor performance as the all-important character, Badger, was so disappointing for her, and the rest of the cast, because they had all been so looking forward to Toad of Toad Hall. Simon was creating a wonderfully evil leader of the weasels, and Percy was sublime as Toad.
‘This part was made for you,’ said Sarah, clapping her hands after a particularly good run-through.
‘Don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not,’ whispered Percy under his breath to Peggy.
She gave his arm a squeeze and whispered back, ‘You are too good-looking for the role really, my darling!’ and they both laughed.
Sally was having a ball playing the water rat, Ratty. She was strutting about with a false moustache on, much to everyone’s amusement. Pete was the perfect Mole because he was quite small anyway but he had already devised an amazing face make-up which blended down his neck and chest into his costume. It was a pain to put on every night, but the effect was incredible because it gave the animals real characters. Pete had to give lessons to everyone else in the cast and even got his name in the programme as animal make-up designer.
‘Can’t be bad to have another string to his bow,’ commented Janie. ‘We need all the help we can get in this game.’
Dora was a dream as the gaoler’s daughter who disguises Toad as a washerwoman so he can get out of gaol. Gwendoline had made her a frock with the lowest bodice imaginable, and Dora’s cleavage was very much on show, to the delight of the boys.
‘Are you sure she can go in front of children dressed like that?’ asked Sally. Janie and Gwendoline had a fit of the giggles.
‘Well, it will make all the dads happy, won’t it?’ chuckled Janie. ‘It’s a laugh – children don’t worry about a bit of cleavage.’
‘A bit!’ yelped Sally.
Jeremy, however, was giving a decidedly lacklustre performance as Badger.
‘I am so sorry, Sally, I just can’t stop thinking about Eddie. If only I could see him and talk to him.’
After a few days of this Sally had had enough and went to see Giles.
‘Please, Giles, can you persuade Lord Graham to at least let Jeremy say goodbye properly,’ she pleaded. ‘We need him up to speed for this show.’
‘I will do my best, but His Lordship will hardly give me the time of day either.’
If truth be known, Giles was at his wit’s end. He and Teddie had had a meeting in London to discuss the finances of the theatre, and Edward Graham had basically told Giles that after this season he was withdrawing his support.
‘But why, for God’s sake? Just because you and I can no longer be together doesn’t mean the theatre has to suffer. You know how much it means to me to keep Crewe going, and all my dreams for the future, and we are going to open Hamlet in three months’ time, which will be a fantastic achievement. Please, Teddie, don’t destroy everything I have. I have lost you, which is enough to bear.’
But Giles was wasting his breath. Lord Graham had shut down and was immune to all pleading. From the moment he had heard that his son had HIV and his predicament was life-threatening, something inside Edward Graham had also died. He could hardly face Tanya and Tilly, so he spent most of his time in his apartment in London. He rarely went out socially. Gossip was rife in the inner circles, but he had managed to keep it all from the press. He had sent Eddie away to stay with some friends in New York and had arranged for his son to see a doctor there who was an authority on this new disease. Any hope that could be offered would be welcome. But there had been none.
He was expecting Eddie home for Christmas and intended to keep him well away from that boy he thought he was in love with. Love! He was so bitter and angry with poor Jeremy for no good reason. He knew he was being illogical, and he even felt remorse at the pain he must be causing the boy by not allowing him to see Eddie. But he also felt repelled by him, by them both, for their obvious passion and pleasure with each other. Not his son! How did it happen? He could see the hatred and loathing in his wife’s eyes and he knew she blamed him for everything. But then had he not been similarly overwhelmed with a passion for Giles? Did he not support being
gay? It was no longer against the law. Society recognized it as acceptable now. Why did he feel this guilt? He must stand proud and face the world for himself, for his son. But in his heart he knew he was weak and that his life would be a hell on earth if he admitted his sexuality. Tanya had promised to stand by him for Eddie and Tilly’s sake, but only if he never saw Giles again, or engaged in any extra-curricular activity. They would live the lie to the end and if, God forbid, Eddie’s ‘illness’ should develop, then it was to be known as cancer and left at that.
If Eddie died . . .
‘I have had a postcard from Eddie!’ Jeremy was beside himself with delight when he cornered Sally early one morning. ‘He has been in New York but gets back this weekend and wants to meet. Oh my God, I am so happy, Sally. I am so sorry I have been such a pain, and I promise I will make it up to you guys and give the performance of my life for you all. Old Badger will rise up and strike the Wild Wood!’ He gave Sally a big kiss and skipped off to the dressing rooms.
Thank goodness, thought Sally. The euphoria may not last when reality sets in, but at least if it gets us through the play, that is something to be thankful for at least. And maybe the Christmas spirit will imbue us all with a little hope.
Christmas was bearing down upon them fast and the cast were becoming quite demob-happy. All the dressing rooms were festooned with paperchains and tinsel. Even Sarah had put some holly round her mirror and was hanging silver balls along the edge when Sally came into the dressing room one morning. The two girls were not exactly enemies but not friends either, but Sally had decided that Sarah had her feet under the table and if Sally wanted certain parts after Christmas she needed to stake her claim.
‘Morning, Sarah, that looks very festive,’ she smiled her greeting.
‘Thank you,’ replied Sarah, standing up and turning to face Sally. ‘How are you finding life on the water bank? I must say, all of you have really taken to your characters.’
‘Oh, we love it! Ratty was always my favourite as a child. Actually, Sarah, I have been meaning to ask you about the next couple of plays after Christmas. Will you be directing them?’
‘Yes I will, as a matter of fact. Giles, as you know, has a lot on his plate with Hamlet so he asked me to take over. As you can imagine, I am thrilled. It is what I have always wanted to do.’ Sarah said this as though in answer to any questions anyone might have had who was in doubt as to her intentions from the beginning of the season.
Sally nodded in agreement. ‘Oh yes, that is obvious from the work you have done so far. So that’s great then, you have your heart’s desire, lucky you.’ She couldn’t help her last comment and it was out before she could stop it.
‘It is not all luck, you know.’ Sarah’s answer was sharp. ‘You have to fight sometimes for what you want. I take it you have not found your heart’s desire, Sally. But have you really worked out exactly what that is yet?’
Sally began to feel uncomfortable. What did this woman want from her? It was really none of her business what her heart’s desire was anyway. Deciding to change the subject, she put on a big cheesy grin and said, ‘I would love to play Sandy in The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. I take it Charmaine will be playing Jean Brodie? I would also love to play the lead in The Boyfriend. I am very committed to this season at Crewe, Sarah, and feel quite strongly that I can bring a good deal to the productions as an actress and a company member.’
Sarah watched her without any expression. She was giving nothing away.
‘Well, it is good to know where you stand, and I am glad to see you still have ambition after the ups and downs so far. What about Dora? She is very popular with the audiences and very keen to make her mark.’ Sarah could not resist throwing a small spanner into the works.
‘Absolutely right,’ agreed Sally, refusing to be drawn. ‘There are certain roles she will be perfect for in the coming plays. However, she still has to get more experience before she can take responsibility for a leading role. But that is just my opinion,’ she added with her most charming smile. ‘Well, I had better get going or there will be no props ready for the dress rehearsal. See you later.’
Sally breathed a sigh of relief as she went down the stairs. Sarah was tricky, there was no doubt about it, and she really kept her cards close to her chest. But Sally was determined not to be put off. She had had a shitty time since Rupert left, and the only good thing was, they had all been so busy she had had little time to feel sorry for herself. But every now and then she thought about their night together and her stomach tied in knots. He had sent her a card from LA saying he was having a wonderful time. There was no mention of Isabelle, but why would he be that cruel to her? She was not a fool, and just wished he would leave her alone now. She could never be friends after what had happened, and she certainly did not want to understudy in Hamlet in the West End. That really would be going nowhere fast. The lowest of the low, watching his star ascend to great heights. They had asked Jeremy to go, and that was quite right. His Laertes was a brilliant piece of work. Sally was so happy for him, and hoped it would make up a little for his problems. He was still very quiet and withdrawn, and she spent any spare time she had keeping an eye on him and trying to raise his spirits.
Sally was concentrating on making Toad of Toad Hall a huge success, and she was looking forward to going home for Christmas Day. She was also hoping to catch a few moments with Mack. Everything that had happened with Rupert had rather taken over her thoughts . . . but Sally still needed to resolve her feelings about Mack. Somehow, he represented another way of life. But was that what she wanted? There was so much going on around her that was affecting her in so many different ways . . . and it was difficult to put it all together. She was longing to see her parents and just bask in their warmth and security.
Sally had managed to get gifts in between rehearsals and prop-collecting, and tonight she sat in the flat in front of the fire and played Christmas carols on the radio while she wrapped them all up. Dora had come home one night from the pub and interrupted her reverie.
‘Oh my God, sis, don’t tell me you have done all your presents already? What are you like?’ She had slumped down onto the sofa, squashing some Christmas paper and decorations as she did so.
‘Oh, for goodness sake, Dora, look what you are doing! Get up – you have wrecked my wrapping stuff. Come on, please, move your fat arse.’
‘Excuse me,’ huffed Dora, dragging herself off the sofa. ‘I do not have a fat arse, if you don’t mind. Oh come on, Sally, chill out a bit. You are no fun these days. Still pining for Rupie? Let’s face it – that was never going anywhere.’
Sally refused to rise to the bait. She was just too tired and fed up with everything. She and Dora did nothing but bicker these days, and Sally was hoping that on Christmas Day they could keep it pleasant for their parents’ sake.
‘Have you heard from the casting woman at Coronation Street yet?’ she asked, changing the subject.
Dora let out a scream of delight. ‘Oh shit, yes! How could I forget to tell you? I have got an audition for a character in Corrie – a possible regular character. Can you believe it?’ Dora was now jumping up and down, dangerously close to Sally’s wrapped gifts.
‘Hey, that is wonderful news, but please mind my parcels. Sit down over there, can’t you, there’s a good girl.’ Dora actually did as she was told, and sat in the chair hugging herself. ‘I can’t believe it, but it would be so amazing if I got it. I go next week. What a Christmas present that would be, wouldn’t it?’
Sally went and gave her sister a hug. ‘I am really happy for you. Good luck.’ She then went to the kitchen and started to make some hot chocolate.
Dora stood in the doorway and watched her. ‘Are you really pleased for me?’ she asked.
Sally looked at her. ‘Yes, of course I am. Why do you ask?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. These days I just seem to annoy you all the time, and things have not been going very well for you, have they? Did that agent ever get in touch, by th
e way?’
Sally concentrated hard on the hot milk. ‘No, he didn’t, but to be honest I didn’t expect him to really. I was not his type of actress. He has offered Jeremy a contract, did you know? I think that is great news – just what Jeremy needs at the moment.’ She forced a bright smile in Dora’s direction and poured out the drinks, adding, ‘Don’t you worry about me, Dora, I will soon be catching you up. Think hare and tortoise.’
They laughed and said good night and each went to her own room.
Sally undressed, desperately trying to keep all thoughts of agents and jobs at bay. She did not want to think about any of that for the time being. She had received the letter from the agent Peter Stone with resignation. She had known it would be a no. She had not even expected him to contact her, and when she had had a moment of daring and decided to write to him, she couldn’t find his card. Last time she had seen it was on the kitchen table, the night they had all met. So when she couldn’t find it she took it as a sign it was not to be and let it go. She had been thrilled for Jeremy and decided she would tackle the whole agent thing after Christmas. If she got a couple of good parts she would write to various theatres and casting directors and agents, and take it from there. For now she just wanted to go home and sit in front of the familiar Christmas tree and pretend she was ten years old again.
Chapter 49
Giles scanned the room but could see no sign of Edward. Why would he? This was a crematorium in North London and Giles was here out of respect for his ex-lover and friend, Robert Johnson. Why the hell did he think Edward would be there? He shivered and pulled his scarf tighter round his face. It was a bitterly cold day, bleak and depressing, with a sky full of rolling black clouds. They seemed angry. Was that in support of the man lying in the coffin in front of them? Was Robert’s anger creating this dark presence around them?
The Boy I Love Page 33