Still Waving

by Laurene Kelly

  ‘I’ve brought up a pot of tea.’

  ‘You’re a good girl, Julie.’ Aunt Jean often said that, so it must be true I thought, as I put the tray down.

  ‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on? I tried ringing you a couple of times.’

  I poured the tea.

  Aunt Jean was crying. ‘There’s nothing to worry about.’

  ‘If there’s nothing to worry about, why are you crying? Just tell me.’

  I stared at Aunt Jean, whose bottom lip quivered. I could tell she was trying to speak but words weren’t coming out.

  ‘What is it? Tell me.’

  ‘I don’t want you to worry, but I’ve got a lump in my breast that has to be checked out.’ Aunt Jean stared ahead. ‘I’m having a biopsy tomorrow. I have to go to the hospital.’

  I hugged Aunt Jean. This sounded horrible. Did it mean she had cancer?

  ‘Now Julie, at this stage there’s nothing to worry about. It more than likely is a benign lump.’

  ‘You haven’t got cancer have you? I couldn’t bear it Aunt Jean. I couldn’t take it. It’s too much.’ I cried into her shoulder.

  ‘Julie, listen. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ll find out after a few tests.’

  ‘But what if …’

  ‘Think positive, remember.’ Aunt Jean cupped my chin in her hand and looked into my eyes.

  ‘I didn’t even know you had a lump,’ I mumbled.

  ‘Neither did I till my check-up this morning. It gave me a shock, but I feel certain that everything will be fine.’

  I wished I could share Aunt Jean’s optimism. I had to pull myself together for her sake.

  ‘I’ll think positive thoughts, too.’

  We hugged and I suppressed a tear. The sound of the sea hummed in the background. All I could think was that Aunt Jean had to be all right. She just had to be. I concentrated hard on wishing that it was all going to be fine. I took a deep breath and listened to the birds squawking in the distance. That’s what I felt like doing. Squawking.

  CHAPTER 5

  Tuesday Night

  Aunt Jean was in the bath. We’d had a light meal of salad and cold chicken and Aunt Jean had opened a bottle of wine. I could tell she was worried, even though she did her best to act cheerful. I played along. I didn’t want to see Aunt Jean crying, because I felt uncomfortable when adults cried, and I didn’t know what to do.

  When I told Aunt Jean about getting a driver’s licence, she said it made sense and promised we’d do some driving lessons soon.

  I liked the idea more and more and saw a world of possibilities opening up. I’d travel all over the coast, surfing. I’d visit Kate up north. I was determined to save up for a station wagon with board racks. I felt a new kind of excitement at surfing all around Australia.

  Aunt Jean said her friend Jo was taking her to hospital for the tests. When they were finished, she’d either go back to work or come home. I offered to go with her.

  ‘No thanks Jules. I really don’t think you would want to waste your time hanging around a hospital.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be wasting time. I’d be with you.’

  ‘It’s not necessary, really. Thanks for offering.’

  I knew there was nothing more to say.

  ‘I’m going to ring Ruby.’

  ‘Give her my love.’

  Whenever I rang Ruby’s aunt’s house, I left a message for Ruby to ring me when she was there, and then I’d call her straight back again. Ruby didn’t have a phone at her place, so this was how I kept in touch with her. When we both were at school, I could chat with Ruby online. Her aunt answered on the fourth ring and said Ruby would be there later and she’d tell her I’d rung.

  I wandered around, not really having anything to do. I tried reading a book but couldn’t concentrate. Even though Aunt Jean said not to worry, I still did. We’d learnt in Health Studies about lumps in the breast and how they could be cancerous, and that the earlier they were detected the better. We were meant to give ourselves breast examinations regularly, but I mostly forgot. I thought I’d worry about it when I got old, like about twenty-five. I was too young to take on the responsibility now. I didn’t even vote.

  I’d felt sorry for Ms Jackson, our teacher of Health Studies, when she’d tried to keep the subject of breast cancer all clinical. The boys became totally out of control. They couldn’t handle the subject at all. A couple of them walked out saying it was none of their business. When Ms Jackson had tried to make them come back saying it was a human health issue, they just ran away. Some of us girls were embarrassed and wished the boys weren’t there. They hadn’t been when we discussed ovulation, periods, and all that stuff.

  I remembered Ms Jackson explaining that breast cancer could affect anyone. The boys started hooting, and generally were out of control. Some started feeling their breasts, and asking if they could feel ours. Tom Green said to me in a stupid voice, he needed to feel my breasts, for medical reasons. After all, he was going to be a doctor. I hit him with my health folder. Ryan Gee laid down on the floor, screaming he had a lump. Ms Jackson ignored him saying a small percentage of males got breast cancer, but it was more likely to affect females.

  Ms Jackson was so brave like that. Some teachers would have left the room, or just given us notes and said read about it. Ms Jackson got the last laugh. At the end of the lesson she said that our next topic would be testicular cancer. The boys all cringed and moaned, saying no way. Us girls laughed and cheered.

  The phone rang. I jumped up to answer it.

  ‘Hi, is Jules there?’

  ‘It’s me. Oh Ruby I’m so glad you rang.’

  ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘Oh all right, I guess.’ I paused. ‘Aunt Jean might have breast cancer. I’ll ring you back.’ I hung up and dialled the number.

  ‘Jules, that sucks,’ Ruby responded as if there were no gap in our conversation.

  ‘It might be okay. I’m more worried than Aunt Jean. She’s acting pretty casual about it.’

  ‘When will she know?’

  ‘Tomorrow, she’s going to have a biopsy or something.’

  ‘An aunt of mine had to have both hers chopped off.’

  ‘Oh Ruby.’

  ‘You wouldn’t know though.’

  ‘I hope that doesn’t happen to Aunt Jean.’

  ‘No reason it should anymore than anyone else.’

  ‘I don’t know if that’s comforting or not. What’s been happening?’

  ‘The usual. What changes around here except underpants, you tell me?’

  I laughed. ‘Why don’t you come here for a break? Please come. Say you will.’

  ‘I’ll say I will, but I won’t.’

  ‘Why not? Your mum will let you.’

  ‘No she won’t.’

  ‘Course she would.’

  ‘Not now. Mum’s sister, Auntie Dolly is real sick. It’s not good.’

  ‘I’m sorry about your aunt, Ruby.’

  ‘Well she’s old so what can you expect. I’m looking after the young’uns while Mum stays with Auntie. It won’t be long now.’

  ‘I’m sorry. Maybe next holidays?’

  ‘Mark it in your diary, girl. I’ll be there.’

  There was a crackle on the line. ‘You haven’t got a storm up your way, have you?’ I asked.

  ‘I was going to ask you the same thing.’

  ‘Maybe somewhere between here and Goodooga there’s lightning.’

  ‘That’s a lot of country to cover. It certainly isn’t out this way. There hasn’t been a cloud in the sky for months. It’s dry as a bone out here, but Uncle Ted reckons a big rain’s coming. Uncle’s got everyone working to flood-proof the community. Some town people laugh at old Uncle, especially when he tells them that it’s going to flood bigger than Noah’s. I told him I believe him. Uncle’s one of the old people and he’s still got the knowledge, and there aren’t many left. If Uncle says it’s going to rain big time, it’s going to rain big time.’
<
br />   ‘How old’s your uncle?’

  ‘No one knows. But he has thousands and thousands of years’ knowledge about his country in his head.’

  ‘Amazing. He’d know every little sign.’

  ‘Uncle reckons most people are fools because they have very short memories. He reckons some of them have forgotten what rain is, and that they’ve forgot about these rivers when they’re angry. He’s making these canoes with the young’uns.’

  ‘Is he rounding up all the animals like Noah?’

  ‘Don’t be stupid.’

  ‘Down here, we’ve got smoke blocking out the sun a lot of the time. I can smell the bushfires up in the National Park from here.’

  ‘There’s some burning up Queensland, but there aren’t enough trees for a bushfire around here. It’s just the sheep in the paddocks at the mercy of grass fires, poor buggers.’

  I took a deep breath. I was so sensitive to the subject of fire.

  ‘Well I hope your uncle’s bloody rain makes it down here.’

  ‘It will girl, and then you’ll all be moaning.’

  ‘Anything else happening?’

  ‘A few people got the run for causing all this trouble.’

  ‘What kind of trouble?’

  ‘You know drinking and fighting. I’m sick of it. It’s always the same people. Like clockwork, pension day and it’s on.’

  ‘It sort of happens here too, when it’s hot and people have had too much to drink. Sometimes there’s full-on brawls in the street between all these yobbos.’

  ‘Mum does this night patrol stuff with some other aunties. They pick up young kids and get ’em off the street. I see Mum’s heartbroken night after night with some of these kids’ home lives.’

  ‘It’s all so sad, Ruby. Do you think it’s hopeless?’

  ‘Some days I think it’s worse than hopeless. I want to do something to change it. That’s why Mum’s so strict on me about sex and stuff. She says whenever I’m going out, even to school, be good and if you can’t, be careful. Mum says it like I’m out bloody doing it every day. What does she think?’

  I laughed. ‘Maybe she thinks you do it at school.’

  ‘In the toilet.’

  ‘On the sports field.’

  ‘Errgh, can you believe it? Some kids do it in broad bloody daylight.’

  ‘Revolting. Especially the toilet. Those toilets are so bad, and that’s after they’ve been cleaned,’ I laughed.

  ‘Don’t go there, sister girl. What’s been happening down your way?’

  ‘Movies and stuff, but mostly surfing.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Ruby paused. I heard her say something to someone else. ‘I forgot to tell you about the drama a few weeks back. It was real bad. Do you wanna hear?’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘This cuz came up from the city.’

  ‘Which one?’

  ‘Dougie the druggie. You met him when we went over to Redfern.’

  ‘Oh yeah, I remember.’

  ‘Bloody loser! He came here with all this white powder and pills. He sold the shit to kids and everybody. He had heaps.’

  ‘Did the cops get him?’

  ‘No way, girl. They’re blind when it comes to drug dealers. They pick on the users.’

  ‘What happened to your cousin?’

  ‘Well after a couple of young kids got really sick, I mean really, like being flown to hospital near dead, he copped it big time.’

  ‘Hell.’

  ‘None of the kids died, but they’re dopey now, if you know what I mean. They say there’s permanent brain damage.’

  ‘That’s so bad.’

  ‘The ones who went to hospital were under twelve.’

  ‘Oh Ruby.’ I was shocked.

  ‘Some of the elders got my cousin and beat him with nullas. This greaseball of a gubba with Dougie, took off, wasn’t seen for dust when they grabbed cuz.’

  ‘Coward.’

  ‘They absolutely thrashed Dougie to within an inch of his life. He’s not allowed back here for forty years. In other words, never. Nobody reckons he’ll live long using that white man’s poison. His whole family’s shamed. They walk around with their heads down and won’t look anyone in the eye.’

  ‘Wow. I bet Doug’s bloody sorry.’

  ‘He’s in hospital in Dubbo. No one visits. That’s part of the punishment. It’s funny you know.’

  ‘What do you mean funny?’

  ‘He thought he was going to come home, be the big city man and make a lot of money off us dumb bush blacks. He wanted to buy a flash car with the loudest speakers in the whole of Australia.’ Ruby laughed.

  ‘It wasn’t exactly a dream-come-true kind of thing, was it?’

  ‘He deserved what he got. He was acting like some cool American dude. Total idiot.’

  ‘It seems heavy, you know, the beating bit.’

  ‘It’s our law.’

  ‘It all sounds pretty tragic.’

  ‘I suppose in some ways I’m glad he showed us what happens when you break our law.’

  ‘Do you reckon it’s better than going to jail?’

  ‘The elders do.’

  The noises of traffic hummed in the distance. The night sky had the orange glow from street lights. It looked like semi-dark not black-dar k, like the moonless sky of the bush. Stars didn’t twinkle here. I walked with the phone to the balcony.

  ‘How’s the weather?’

  ‘So friggin’ hot my skin is melting,’ Ruby said seriously. ‘The birds aren’t bothered singing, it’s too bloody hot. I hang at the waterhole all day. What else can I do? How about down there?’

  ‘Stinking. All this smoke from the bushfires has made me forget what air tastes like, and the heat is thick. I can’t moan. I’ve got my board and I’ve got the ocean just out my window.’

  ‘I can picture it. I can’t wait to dive in again. You’ll be deadly surfing now. I’ll be too shamed to go out with you.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a natural.’

  When are you coming to visit me?’ Ruby asked.

  ‘If I could just come to your place.’ I paused trying to find the words. ‘You know, I don’t think I’m ready yet to see the old farm or anything.’

  ‘No I don’t suppose so. It’s your country too, you know. No one can ever take that away from you.’

  ‘Toby’s up there.’

  ‘You’re gammin. I haven’t seen him.’

  ‘He’s hiding out at the farm with Uncle Wayne.’

  ‘I’ve seen your uncle a couple of times, but not Toby.’

  ‘Have you spoken to my uncle?’

  ‘Not much. He’s visited my auntie and Mum a couple of times. He brought them a side of lamb each and some cut-up roo.’

  ‘What do you think of him?’

  ‘He’s all right. He’s got nice eyes and seems pretty cool. He’s respectful with my family, so he can’t be too bad. Sometimes he takes Aloma’s kids to the farm. They don’t like going much because it’s too hot, and there’s nowhere to swim.’

  I felt a pang of resentment. Toby hadn’t told me about meeting Aloma’s kids.

  ‘Maybe you could go and get Toby for a swim.’

  ‘I’ll ask one of my brothers to drive me over. How long’s he been up here?’

  ‘Nearly a month.’

  ‘What? I’m not happy about that. Why didn’t he come over with your uncle last week? Too good for us or something?’

  ‘It worries me. He’s sort of gone all quiet these last months. Toby doesn’t talk to me much anymore about anything. He didn’t even bother to tell me about Aloma’s kids.’

  ‘I’ll track him down and give him a hard time for being such a snob. Sorry Jules, I have to go. A cuz wants to use the phone.’

  I heard a muffled ‘wait a minute.’

  ‘Jules I saw old Mrs Thompson at the library the other day. She said to say hello.’

  ‘Say hello for me, if you see her again.’

  ‘Sorry Jules, I’m getting hassle
d here for the phone. Will you be home Sunday? Ring me about eight.’

  I could hear someone in the background getting louder, demanding the phone in a slurred voice.

  ‘Bye Ruby. It’s great talking to you, I’ll call you Sunday. Give my love to your mum.’ I hung up.

  I could feel myself smiling. I looked at my reflection in the glass door of the balcony. I had this stupid-looking grin. I didn’t care, I felt good. I pulled a few different faces and couldn’t help laughing at myself.

  The weather was changing. I could feel it. There was moisture in the air. I looked out to sea. On the horizon, streaks of lightning outlined the rolling clouds. There was no sound of thunder, just the loud roar of the sea as it crashed upon the shore. Whenever there was a flash, I could see the long band of smoke coming from the north. I wondered if this change would help the firefighters. If this was the big rain Ruby said was coming, it definitely would make everyone happy.

  Aunt Jean came out with a tray of tea and cake.

  ‘The bath was fabulous. I used that new bath oil. You should try it. I feel so relaxed.’

  I had to admit that Aunt Jean did look better than she’d looked earlier.’

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you tomorrow?’ I asked tentatively. ‘I mean I’m not really doing anything.’ I thought of Ruby’s cousin with no visitors in hospital.

  ‘No. Thanks for offering, Julie. It’s a really simple procedure.’

  ‘How long will you be in hospital?’

  ‘Hopefully not too long. Waiting will probably take up the most time. I’m having it done at the hospital, because that’s where my doctor is. If she’d been in her surgery, I’d have had it done there. I’m sorry, I probably alarmed you when I said I was going to the hospital.’ Aunt Jean faced me. ‘Do you want me to tell you about the procedure?’

  ‘No way. Tell me when I’m older.’

  ‘At your age, you’re a very low-risk group. Unfortunately, I’m high risk now I’m over forty.’ Aunt Jean looked pensive.

  ‘You’re so old Aunt Jean. How can you bear it?’

  ‘I enjoy it,’ Aunt Jean laughed.

  That sounded ridiculous. Once you were that old there wasn’t much to look forward to as far as I was concerned. You’d never be a world champion surfer, that’s for sure.

  ‘I talked to Ruby.’