The Question

by Zena Wynn

  Well, spit. Now that he put it in those terms, not to do as he asked would make her seem churlish. Gail took a deep breath and looked Rashid in the eye. “Maybe we can come to some compromise that will give you the contact you need and me the space that I require. I know you’re worried and want to be involved, but please, put yourself in my position. I need to maintain a bit of distance, a bit of separateness, or I’m never going to be able to turn over this child to you when it is time. I can’t get so involved in your lives that I forget that I have a life of my own.”

  Rashid gazed deeply into her eyes, as though trying to gage the depth of her sincerity. He released her and took a couple of steps back, turned away, and gazed at the ceiling. Gail watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took a couple of deep breaths.

  She allowed him time to compose himself. She needed time herself. Her mind was still reeling with shock at her body’s reaction to him. By the time he turned back to her, she was outwardly composed.

  “What are you willing to do? I do not want to be responsible for creating a stressful situation. It is not good for the child.”

  Of course, everything is about the child, she thought snidely before she could catch herself. Then she was horrified by her reaction. Of course, his concern was for his child. It would be terrible if it weren’t. “Let’s just wait and see what Dr. Hagan says when I return to him in four weeks. I’ll stay with you until then, and in the meantime, we’ll both see if we can come up with a compromise that meets both of our needs. I’m willing to allow you to come with me to all of my checkups, along with Crystal.”

  Rashid nodded his head in acknowledgement and acceptance of her terms. Holding his arm out, he asked, “Shall we go.”

  “If I’m going to be in your home for the next four weeks, I need to stop by my place to pick up more things,” Gail said as she preceded him out the door.

  “Bring whatever you need to make yourself feel at home.”

  * * * *

  Later that night, Crystal came to Gail’s room. “Rashid told me what Dr. Hagan said. I know you hate being away from your home, but I’d be lying if I said I’m sorry. I enjoy having you here.”

  “I like being with you, too, but I’d rather be home,” Gail said as Crystal seated herself on the bed.

  “Well, eat as much as you can, pack on the weight, and Dr. Hagan should allow you to return. Have you still been being nauseous or is the medicine helping?”

  “I don’t know if it’s the medicine or the tea Carmelita has been giving me. I still don’t have much of an appetite, even though I’m able to keep my food down now.”

  “Maybe you should do like they say in the baby books and eat more frequently. It’s supposed to be healthier, eating smaller meals throughout the day rather than trying to eat three main meals.” She looked Gail up and down. “Besides, Dr. Hagan was right about one thing, you need to gain weight. You’re looking skeletal.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Gail rolled her eyes.

  “No offense, honey, but you look terrible. There are dark rings under your eyes and I can see your bones. You get any smaller and they’re going to put you in the hospital on a feeding tube.” She knew she was laying it on a bit thick, but Gail really did look horrible by anyone’s standard.

  “I’m not that bad,” Gail told her. “But I will try to eat more. Dr. Hagan says I need to gain at least five pounds over the next four weeks before he’ll release me from bed rest. Maybe I can drink some of those nutritional drinks they give elderly people who need to gain weight. You know, like Ensure or something.”

  “That’s a good idea. I’ll have Carmelita pick up some when she goes back to the grocery store. We can’t have you getting sick because you’re not getting enough nutrients.”

  They were quiet for a while. Crystal watched as Gail arranged her personal belongings in the room, making the space her own. She’d brought her CD player, pictures of Jason and Marcus and the rest of her family, and few books.

  “I can have Rashid get you a television,” she offered.

  “That’s okay. I don’t watch it that much. I brought my laptop. If I spend time doing anything, it will be playing around on-line.”

  “Well, there’s that and the pool. You’re welcome to spend as much time in it as you desire. There’s also a large screen TV and an extensive movie library in the family room. Go in there anytime you like. ‘Mi casa es su casa’ and all that. You don’t have to spend all of your time in this room, like you have for the last two weeks,” she reminded.

  “I don’t want to intrude. You and Rashid need your privacy. Besides, I’ve been so tired that I spent most of that time sleeping. I hate to admit it, but I really did need the rest.”

  Crystal smiled. “Well, now you have another four weeks to do nothing but eat and relax. Think of it as an extended vacation. You don’t have to cook, clean, or do anything you don’t want. Catch up on your reading. You’re always saying you don’t have enough time to do things. Now you do.”

  “Yeah, that’s true.”

  “Rashid told me he wants you to stay with us until the baby is born.”

  “He mentioned something to that effect.” Gail expression turned guarded.

  “Are you considering it?” She plucked at the bedspread while she waited for her friend to answer.

  “I don’t know, Crystal. It seems an awful lot to ask.”

  “I know, but it would mean so much to him, to us,” she pleaded. “He’d get to see the baby grow and it would ease his fears. He’s always blamed himself for my miscarriages, wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent it. He hasn’t said anything, but I know he really wants this child. It freaked him out when Dr. Hagan called and said you were in the emergency room. I’m sure it brought back memories of all the phone calls he’s gotten about me over the years.”

  “You don’t know what you’re asking of me. I’ve just decided that it’s time I do something about this limbo I’m living in. It’s time to let go of the past and start living again.”

  Crystal’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? You’re interested in getting married again?”

  “No. Mark is my husband. I could never replace him.” Gail twisted the wedding band she still wore on her finger. “But maybe I’m ready for some male companionship. Maybe it’s time I started accepting some of the invitations that I’ve been turning down.”

  “If you’re ready to start dating again, you’ll definitely need your privacy. I’m sure you wouldn’t be comfortable inviting a man to spend the night here.”

  “Crystal, I didn’t say I was ready to have sex, just that I was thinking it was time I start dating again.”

  She smirked at Gail, inwardly laughing at her naiveté. “Believe me, now days, the two go hand in hand. Besides, you’re a grown woman and you have needs. If you want to indulge in a little hanky-panky then I say, good for you. Jason is the one who died. You are still very much alive.”

  “I know, but it’s only recently that I’ve felt like living.”

  “Grief is hard to deal with. It grabs you in a chokehold and refuses to let go. I’ve grieved the loss of every one of my babies.” She paused a moment to blink back tears. “I can only imagine the pain you must have felt, losing both the love of your life and the child you created together at the same time. That’s why I say that you’re strong. You’ve survived something that would have crushed lesser women.”

  “I’m no stronger than the average woman. I mean, my God, look at you. Do you know how much courage it takes to lose one baby and keep trying? And you’ve lost five. Besides, I couldn’t crawl in the grave with them. I had no choice but to live. I just took one day at a time. It’s all I could handle. But now? Maybe it’s time to start looking towards the future and making plans rather than this day by day existence that I’ve been living.”

  The two women shared a moment of complete understanding. Then Crystal said, “Well, you’re helping me to make my dream come true. When you allow yourself to dream again
, maybe I can help you achieve yours.”

  “I’ll hold you to that.”

  Crystal stood and straightened her pants. “Well, it’s time for me to go to bed before Rashid sends out a search party. Some of us still have to go to work in the morning.” She laughed as she dodged the pillow Gail threw at her. “Goodnight,” she sang as she walked out the door.

  “Goodnight. See you tomorrow,” Gail called out, just before the door shut.

  * * * *

  Crystal entered the bedroom to find Rashid already in bed, waiting for her. “Did you speak with her?” he asked tensely.

  “I did.”

  “And?”

  “Now we wait. I know Gail. She has a soft heart. She’ll probably do as we ask, but not if we badger her. I can’t believe you threatened her.”

  “I admit, it was ill-advised of me to do so.”

  “Yeah, well, fortunately for you, you have me to fix things for you when you screw them up.”

  “So what do we do now?”

  “We wait.”

  “For how long?”

  “For as long as it takes. She’ll think about it and see the sense in it. In the meantime, we make her as comfortable as possible and hope it’s enough.”

  Crystal could tell that Rashid wasn’t satisfied with her answer, but Gail was her friend. Crystal knew her best. If she said they needed to be patient and wait, then that’s what he’d do. Crystal slid into bed naked and reached for him. He welcomed her into his arms with a kiss. She stroked his body, silently inviting him to do more than kiss her goodnight.

  They kissed and touched each other, building the passion between them until Rashid rolled Crystal beneath him. Then he reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out a condom.

  “We don’t need that, baby.”

  He tore open the package and sat back on his heels, sheathing his penis with the protective covering. “We’ve discussed this. I’ll not take any chances on getting you pregnant.”

  “But I’m on the pill. I hate the way latex feels. I want to feel you in me, skin to skin.”

  “So do I, but it’s not a risk I’m willing to take. I love you too much to take chances with your life.” Rashid was moving to cover her again when Crystal pushed him off of her.

  “I’m not interested anymore,” she said as she rolled onto her side away from him.

  “Because I’m not willing to come to you unprotected, you’re calling a halt to everything?” She glanced over her shoulder. Rashid was looking at her with an expression of disbelief.

  “I don’t need your protection. I’m on the pill. You know this. You’re just being difficult,” she snapped angrily.

  “No, I’m concerned for your safety or have you forgotten that your last pregnancy, the one that almost took your life, was conceived while you were on the pill?”

  Why was he always throwing that in her face? “That was just a fluke. It won’t happen again.”

  “Indeed it won’t, for I will make sure of it.” Rashid flopped back on his side of the bed before jerking to his feet. He stalked into the bathroom to dispose of the condom.

  Crystal noticed he was no longer aroused when he came back to bed. He lay on his side and turned his back towards her. She tentatively laid a hand on his shoulder, wanting to make amends. He shrugged it away.

  “Rashid, I’m sorry. Don’t be angry.” She hated when he was angry with her.

  “Forget it. Let’s just get some sleep,” he said shortly.

  Crystal snuggled down beside him. She knew he had every right to be furious with her, more than he knew. She’d orchestrated her last pregnancy, so sure that this time the results would be different. Instead, she’d almost died. Rashid had never accused her of becoming pregnant deliberately. As far as she knew, he still thought it was an accident, but he was taking no more chances.

  Before, she had been able to convince him to leave the birth control up to her. Now he was taking matters into his own hands. This wouldn’t do. Despite what she’d promised, she had every intention of trying again.

  She’d heard stories of couples that had difficulty conceiving suddenly being able to have a child of their own once adoption proceedings had been initiated. Surrogacy was close to adoption. She was sure that if she could conceive again, this time she’d be able to carry the baby to term, but first, she had to get Rashid to lose the protection he was insisting on.

  She lay in the bed plotting her next move. She had to have a child of her own. She just had to.

  Chapter Four

  Gail sat on the floor in her room, observing Rashid through the sheer curtains of the French doors leading from her room to the pool. Over the last three weeks, it had become a habit of hers, watching him power through the water, doing his early morning exercise.

  This explained why his shoulders were so broad while the rest of him was so lean. Rashid had a swimmer’s physique, and she got a vicarious thrill out of watching him while he was unaware. Something about the power of his movements, the way the early morning light shined on his rippling, glistening muscles, fascinated her. She knew she should look away, that ogling her best friend’s husband was wrong, but it was such a harmless way to pass the time and the hormones rushing through her body were wreaking havoc with her senses. Frankly, she was horny.

  A sad smile crossed her face as she remembered her first pregnancy…

  So aroused she couldn’t wait for evening, she surprised Jason by coming to his office.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked when he looked up and saw her standing in the doorway.

  “I need you.” She reached behind her and locked the door, then reached under her skirt and removed her panties, letting them drop to the carpet.

  Jason pressed a button on his desk. “Sarah, send all my calls to voicemail and go to lunch.”

  “Yes, sir,” his secretary said with a hint of laughter in her voice.

  His eyes gleamed as she strode toward him with her sexiest walk, rubbing her extended nipples through her shirt and bra. By the time she rounded the desk and stood before him, his pants were around his ankles and he was hard as a rock. Gail hiked her skirt to her waist and straddled his lap. He moaned when she reached between them and grasped his erection, lining it up with her opening. As she sank down, he lunged up.

  She rode him hard, having spent the entire morning thinking about this, despite having awakened Jason earlier this morning for an intense lovemaking session before they both left for work. It didn’t take long for her to orgasm. She collapsed against his chest, breathing hard. Jason gripped her hips and thrust into her, rushing toward his own release.

  Once his breathing calmed, he laughingly stated, “If I’d known being pregnant would turn you into a nymphomaniac, we’d have done this much sooner. I should keep you barefoot and pregnant, just so I can reap the benefits.”

  She pushed the memory away. This time, there was no loving husband to relieve the sexual tension in her body. Being cooped up like she was; she had to get her jollies wherever she could. In another week, she’d be returning to the doctor. She had gained weight these last three weeks, exceeding the requisite five pounds by three. Dr. Hagan should be very pleased with her progress. He definitely wouldn’t have any more reason to keep her on bed rest and that meant that she could go home.

  While she couldn’t deny that being waited on hand and foot was very appealing, it didn’t compare to being in her own place. Despite how welcome Crystal and Rashid had endeavored to make her feel, she could never forget that she was a guest in their home.

  She couldn’t wait to get back to work—back to the real world. She was beginning to feel hemmed in, caged. She needed to get out, and she needed to get laid. She didn’t know if it was the pregnancy or what, but her body had come to life with a vengeance.

  When Jason died, everything sexual within her being died with him, or so she had believed, but it was only hibernating, frozen into a deep sleep by her grief. Now she was thawing out, her body and emotions coming al
ive.

  Just because she wasn’t interested in being married again didn’t meant she couldn’t enjoy having a man in her life and in her bed. She would take her time and take it slow. While she wasn’t interested in happily ever after, neither was she cut out for one-night stands. She was looking for more of a ‘friend with benefits’ type relationship. Nothing too serious. Nothing that would threaten her heart. Just someone that she enjoyed spending time with who wouldn’t mind adding a little sex to the mix occasionally. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

  Rashid climbed out of the pool and dried off, his body barely covered in a small piece of black cloth masquerading as a bathing suit. He kept himself in good shape. Jason had been like that. She smiled with the memory. No matter how busy he’d been, Jason had always made time to exercise and keep in shape. He said a toned body made for a sharp mind. Apparently, he and Rashid had that in common.

  Rashid wrapped the towel around his neck and walked off.

  Gail sighed. Show’s over. She got off the floor and climbed back into bed. For one more week, there was nothing to do and no place to go, and her only motivation for getting out of bed just went back into the house. It was going to be another long, boring day.

  * * * *

  Today was the day. Gail was so excited she couldn’t stand it. Rashid wanted to drive her to the doctor’s office but she had refused. She was driving and after her appointment, treating herself to a day out on the town.

  First, she was going to the spa for a facial, a pedicure, manicure, and a massage. Then, she was going to eat a decadent lunch, loaded with calories. Finally, she was topping off the day with shopping. Something she hadn’t done in ages. But she couldn’t do any of those things until Dr. Hagan released her.