The Question

by Zena Wynn

  She shook her head, rubbing her forehead against his chest. She needed to see for herself that Jamilah was alive and well, even though her crying was breaking Gail’s heart. She blinked back tears, determined not to cry with her. The last thing Rashid needed right now was two weeping females.

  He rubbed her back soothingly. “They’re almost finished. You’re sure you won’t step outside? I’ll make sure nothing happens to her.”

  “I’m alright. I just can’t bear to watch.”

  “Then you just stand here hiding your face against my shoulder while I watch over the proceedings.”

  Gail could hear the laughter in his voice. She thumped him on his back with her closed fist. “Don’t laugh at me. I can’t help it if I’m squeamish.”

  Rashid clucked his tongue. “I wouldn’t dare laugh at you. I’m just happy to know that you do have some feminine weaknesses. It allows me to be the big, strong male you turn to for support.”

  She raised her head to glare at him, only to find him smiling down at her. “You’re teasing me,” she accused.

  “No, I’m distracting you. They’re done with the baby.”

  Gail spun around to see for herself. Indeed, they were finished and were dressing Jamilah to leave the hospital.

  “How long until we can leave? Should I go and get the car?”

  “We already have your discharge papers. As soon as we finish here, you’ll be free to leave. We’ll only be another couple of minutes,” the nurse stated.

  “In that case, Jamal and I will get the car and bring it around to the exit,” she told Rashid.

  “Go ahead. We should be out shortly.”

  Gail was happy to leave. This place held too many bad memories for her. The need to breastfeed Jamilah was going to put a kink in Greg’s plans for them. He wasn’t going to be happy, but it couldn’t be helped. If he fought against it, then he wasn’t the man she thought he was.

  This also meant she’d be living in Rashid’s home for the next six months instead of weeks. She was willing to do whatever was necessary to keep Jamilah out of the hospital. She’d already lost one child. She wouldn’t be responsible for losing another.

  When they got home, Gail didn’t want to let Jamilah out of her sight. She let Rashid put the babies to bed while she went and changed. As soon as he left the nursery, Gail crept in and held her in her arms. She sat in the rocking chair and rocked Jamilah while she slept; her mind on Marcus’s final moments.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been there when Rashid’s voice came from the doorway. “Gail, she’s fine. Lay her back in the crib and go get some sleep.”

  “Can’t sleep. I keep remembering Marcus.”

  “Gail, you’re so tired you’re dozing in the chair. Come, give me the baby so I can put her back in the crib.”

  “I really don’t want to be alone right now. Tonight brought back too many memories,” she said as she reluctantly handed Rashid the baby. She watched while he laid her in the crib.

  When he finished, he took her hand and led her out of the nursery. “Let’s go to bed. Tonight, you don’t have to be alone. I was scared as well. I welcome the company.”

  He led her into her bedroom and over to the bed, pushing down on her shoulders until she was seated on top of it. “Get in bed. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  She climbed under the covers and waited. Gail shut down the part of her brain that questioned what she was doing. They both needed comforting and tonight she wasn’t going to deny either one of them out of a false sense of propriety. When Rashid reappeared in the doorway, she slid over to the other side of the bed, making room for him. He turned off the light and climbed into bed beside her.

  Gail turned away from him and scooted back until she was in the center of the bed. She held still until she felt him curve his body around hers and settle against her back, his arm thrown casually across her waist. Then she released the breath she was holding. For tonight, they were two concerned parents who’d suffered a fright about their child. Tomorrow they’d return to normal.

  Chapter Twelve

  It seemed only a few minutes had passed to Gail’s tired mind when she heard a baby’s demanding cry. She groaned and tried to make her tired muscles move.

  “Stay here. I’ll bring the baby to you.”

  She startled in surprise, having forgot Rashid slept in the bed beside her. He disentangled his legs from hers and went to get the infant. While he was gone, Gail used the bathroom and splashed water on her face, trying to become more alert.

  When she came out of the bathroom, Rashid had a freshly diapered Jamilah on the bed playing with her. “Look, here’s mommy now with your food.”

  “Rashid,” she chided, “don’t confuse her. I’m not her mommy.”

  As usual, he ignored her. “Mommy’s going to feed the baby. Yes, she is,” he cooed.

  Gail sighed and sat on the bed, undoing the front catch on her bra. As she brought Jamilah to her breast, she told Rashid, “I need to go to the store and get some things. If I’m to continue breastfeeding, I’ll need some maternity bras, a breast pump, and some cream. I also need tops that button in the front so I don’t flash anyone when I’m feeding the children.”

  “We can have Carmelita watch them while I take you shopping.”

  “I also need to go by my place and get some more things.”

  “Pack up all your belongings and bring them here. We need to discuss what to do with your apartment. There’s no sense in it sitting empty over the next several months while you are here. Your lease expires at the end of the month. I suggest you pick out the things you want with you here and I’ll place the rest in storage.”

  “Our current living situation has been on my mind. While it makes more sense for me to live here and be closer to the twins, I’m concerned about what people will think. You’re a respected businessman in the community. It doesn’t look good, my living here with you a few short months after your wife left. People will believe that I’m your mistress, the babies are the result of our affair, and that’s the reason Crystal left. That kind of talk could damage not only your reputation and mine, but your business as well. And what if Crystal returns? How will you explain my being here?” Gail looked at the baby in her arms. “With a breast pump, I could express the milk and bring it over,” she suggested, but honesty forced her to admit, “but I’d rather be here feeding her just like this.”

  She reached behind her to adjust the pillows so she could lean back against them.

  “Let me help you.” Rashid rested against the headboard and turned Gail so that her back was against his chest, her arms supported by his. He rubbed his thumb against the baby’s cheek while she fed. “Let people think what they want. Those who know me will know the truth. I couldn’t care less about the others. As for Crystal, don’t worry about it. If she ever surfaces, I’ll handle her.”

  Gail glanced at him and then quickly averted her gaze. She didn’t like the expression on his face.

  He continued, “If it’s your reputation you’re concerned with, there’s an easy solution. I’ll hire you to be the baby’s wet nurse and nanny. If anyone questions your presence in my home, you can tell them the truth. Is this agreeable or do you wish to return to your legal position?”

  “I don’t want to give it up forever, but I can take a break. We can give this a try for the next six months and see how it works. Most women stop breastfeeding around that time anyway because the little ones begin to grow teeth. It will also allow you more time to find a real nanny.” She was gazing at the baby, and a shank of hair fell forward, hiding the longing on her face. Jamilah was such a precious child. She was going to miss her, miss this when she was gone.

  Rashid tucked her hair behind her ear and bent so he could see her face, which Gail immediately wiped clean. “What about Greg? How will he react to all of this?”

  She sighed. “He definitely won’t be happy. He has a job lined up for me with his firm making good money.” She told Rashid the
amount of the salary offered.

  “I can’t match that but I can give you the thirty thousand I was going to pay the nanny.”

  “I don’t like the idea of taking money to care for these sweethearts. It doesn’t feel right, especially after the obscenely large settlement you gave me to have them.” She was silent for a moment, thinking of all the ways her innocent presence here could hurt Rashid. “I’ll take the position as nanny, but we have to do it right. I’ll sign an employment contract and you’ll add me to your payroll, just like any other employee. Also, Carmelita has a niece who’s in college studying child development. Talk to her. She may be willing to live-in and help out part-time with the babies. The salary you pay her will help out with college expenses, and helping with the children will give her hands-on experience towards her degree. You can take ten of the thirty thousand you were going to pay me and give it to her instead.”

  “It’s a deal, but I insist on continuing to cover your medical expenses.”

  “Works for me.” Gail lifted the baby from her right breast, burped her, and switched breasts. Right now, with the hospital scare so fresh in her mind, she was willing to do whatever it took, make any sacrifice necessary to see that these infants—and this child in particular—remained healthy and alive.

  July—six months later…

  “Gail, quit torturing that child and bring me my grandbaby.”

  “Mom, I told you…”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” her mother interrupted. “I know. They’re not my grandchildren. You’re just the nanny. They belong to Rashid. Yada, yada, yada. My blood’s running through their veins and that makes them mine. Now bring me my grandson.”

  Her mother, Martha, had been here visiting with her for the last two weeks. “What do you say, Jamal? You ready to leave the pool and go play with the crazy lady?”

  “I heard that. Don’t you be teaching that child to disrespect his elders.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Gail rolled her eyes at Jamal and he let loose with a string of baby gibberish. “So glad to see you understand,” she told him as she crossed to the side of the pool and handed her mother the baby.

  “How’s the hunt for a nanny going?”

  “Mom, it’s crazy. Who knew it was so hard to find someone reliable to care for your child?”

  “Where have you been? If nannies were easy to find, everyone would have one.”

  “I’m beginning to see what you mean.” Gail climbed out of the pool and water streamed down her long, lithe body, generously displayed in the blue bikini she wore. “You should have seen some of the people we interviewed. The first lady showed absolutely no interest in the babies. All she wanted to know was how much did the job pay, how many days off did she get a week, and if the job provided benefits.”

  “Those are all important factors to know about any job.”

  “I agree, but when you go on and on about how much you love children—infants in particular—then never ask to see the children you’ll be caring for or ask any questions about them during the interview, what are we to think? Her words and actions didn’t match.” Gail shook her head in remembered disgust.

  “What about the rest of them? Y’all have been looking for months. Surely, one of them looked promising.”

  “Well, there were the women who were more interested in Rashid than the job. One made a pass at him right in front of me and Jamilah, who I was holding at the time. Then there was the woman who took one look at me and said she wouldn’t work for ‘my kind.’”

  “You’re kidding!” Her mother’s eyes rounded in shock.

  “No and it gets even better. When Rashid told her to leave, she accused him of being a terrorist and threatened to call immigration.” She was getting angry again at the memory.

  “What did he do?”

  “Rashid didn’t do anything. I covered the baby’s ears and cussed her up one side and down the other before kicking her out of the house,” Gail told her mother with fierce satisfaction.

  Her mom arched an eyebrow at her tone, before saying sternly, “Gail, I know I raised you to be a lady at all times, but in this instance, I say ‘good for you.’ How dare she come into your home and speak to the two of you that way. What I’d like to know is why can’t things continue the way they are now?”

  “Mom, I have a life to get back to. I can’t live here indefinitely.”

  “And why not? Having and raising babies is one of the most important things a woman can do in this life. I didn’t raise you to shirk your responsibilities.”

  Gail rolled her eyes. “I’m not shirking my responsibilities. How many times do I have to explain that these children belong to Rashid and Crystal? I was the surrogate. That means I can’t claim them as my own, legally or otherwise.”

  “I hear your mouth talking but my eyes see something else. You love these babies as much as you ever loved Marcus, and don’t try telling me differently.” Her mom gazed at Jamal and asked in a tone reserved for babies, “Isn’t that right, Jamal? Yes, you know it is,” she cooed and nuzzled his neck.

  Gail sighed tiredly. “Yes, I love them. How could I not? It doesn’t change the fact that they aren’t mine. Any day now Crystal could come walking through that door.”

  “And what if she does? If she had wanted these little ones, she would never have left. You ask me, she forfeited her rights with both the twins and her husband when she walked out that door. And speaking of husbands, you got a good thing sitting right under your nose. You better snap him up before someone else does.”

  “I can’t believe my own mother is encouraging me to chase after a married man. I ought to tell your pastor. Besides, I’m not interested in him that way, and even if I were, Rashid and I don’t have that type of relationship.” She couldn’t believe what her mother was suggesting.

  Her mother snorted.

  Highly offended, Gail asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Honey, you may be able to fool yourself and maybe Rashid, but I know better. You want that man, and he wants you. Don’t have that type of relationship, humph,” she mocked.

  Gail stared at her mother in complete puzzlement. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Rashid and I are friends. I’m also the temporary nanny and until recently, their wet nurse. There’s nothing else between us.”

  Her mother arched an eyebrow in patent disbelief before she chuckled. “That’s why you run to the phone every night when he calls.”

  “I do not!” Gail hotly denied.

  “And,” her mother continued, “that’s why y’all have spent hours on the phone each night that I’ve been here since he’s been gone.”

  “We’re talking about the children.” Gail couldn’t believe this. Where was her mother getting this stuff?

  “For two hours? Every night? Honey, these are babies we’re talking about. Even if you told him everything they did from the time they woke in the morning till you put them to bed at night, it wouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes. You want that man. Admit it to yourself, even if you won’t admit it to me.”

  Gail looked at the baby in her mother’s lap. “Mom, I have a man. A very nice man, remember? In case you’ve forgotten, his name is Greg and as soon as we get this childcare situation straightened out, I’ll be joining him in California.”

  Her mother rolled her eyes, causing Gail to narrow hers in warning. She better not say anything disrespectful about Greg, she thought to herself. When Gail had taken him home to meet her parents, her mother was friendly but reserved. While she’d never come right out and said anything, Gail knew her mother wasn’t too thrilled with Greg being white.

  “Gail, I have nothing against Greg. From what little I’ve seen and from what you’ve told me, he seems like a good man, but I also happen to believe you’re using him as an excuse to keep Rashid at an emotional distance. Not that I blame you. This whole situation is unusual. Here the two of you are, living together and parenting these babies. You’re both young, healthy adults with physi
cal needs. Things are bound to happen.”

  Gail closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her seat, suddenly tired. “Nothing’s happened. I would never be the cause of anyone breaking their marriage vows.”

  “I know cause I raised you right. But can you honestly tell me that if Rashid weren’t married, things wouldn’t be different between you two.”

  “Of course they would be different. For one, there wouldn’t be any children. We probably wouldn’t even know each other.”

  Her mom shook her head. “Alright, I’ll leave it alone. It’s obvious you’re not ready to deal with this yet so…”

  “There’s nothing to deal with,” Gail argued.

  “Excuse me, Ms. Gail, Ms. Jones. Senor Rashid, he is on the phone for you.”

  “Thank you, Carmelita.” Gail took the phone from her. “Hi. This is a pleasant surprise.” The irritation she felt towards her mother was instantly forgotten in the pleasure of his call.

  “Are you enjoying your visit with your mother?”

  “Mostly, although sometimes…” she finished with a laugh.

  “Enough said. What were you doing?”

  “The twins just finished pool time and now Angelina is fixing their mid-morning snack.”

  “How are they doing with the lessons? Any changes?”

  “Your son is part fish. Jamilah hasn’t decided if she likes being in that much water, but she didn’t cry today when I dipped her beneath the surface.”

  “Tremendous progress.”

  Gail turned slightly to the side, trying to ignore her mother who was watching every word as it left her mouth. “When are you coming home?”

  Rashid sighed in her ear. “This business is taking longer than anticipated. It will be another two weeks minimum before I can return.”

  “Two weeks? That will make a whole month that you’ve been gone. That’s a long time to be away from the children.”

  “I know. If the trip weren’t so long, I would have you and the twins join me. I miss them.”