by C. B. Stagg
With my hands…
With my lips…
With my body…
I wanted everything. I wanted him.
He walked inside, leaving the patio door open, and set the bottles down in the kitchen. Within seconds, he was standing in front of me, leaving no more than an inch between our bodies. So I lifted my chin to look at his beautiful face. I placed my hands on his cheeks and ran my fingers through his thick beard as I studied his features, my eyes searching for the contact I never knew I was missing.
His face was starting to feel like home to me.
Where did he come from? Where are we? Is he really married?
At that thought, my heart fell all over again and I dropped my right hand to my side to seek his out. There was no ring on his fourth finger, but I could feel the ridge and maybe even a callous from where it had been. Guilt flooded through me, causing me to let go and take a step back.
It was time I put some much-needed space between us and find out the truth.
8-Casey
IT HAPPENED FASTER than I could even process it.
One minute we were engaged in this heated, passionate kiss, and then it was over. Just like that. We never let go of each other, though. We sat in silence; foreheads pressed together, just breathing each other’s air for what felt like forever.
In no time, Vaughn had fallen asleep in my lap with her head pressed against my chest. At one point, I felt her weight shift. She probably needed to move and stretch, but selfishly, I wasn’t ready to let her go. I kept a tight hold on her body, moving her head to my shoulder where she nestled her nose right up to my neck. And there she slept. I stayed in that exact position for what seemed like hours, my arms around her body and my hands spread across her back.
I touched the freckled skin on her arms, her neck, her face.
I smelled her hair, winding stray curls around my finger over and over again.
I felt her heartbeat against my chest and her warm breath on my neck.
I felt her become someone I didn’t want to give up.
While holding Vaughn in my arms, enjoying the weight of her, I thought about how my life had changed since meeting this broken, beautiful woman. Thinking of the future, it was a little too easy to see Vaughn right beside me. I could close my eyes and watch the desires of my heart play out like a movie in my mind.
I saw Vaughn kneeling down on dirt-covered knees, planting brightly colored flowers in a garden. She protected her delicate skin from the Texas sun with one of those big, floppy, straw hats that looked ridiculous on most women, but looked as if it had been custom made for her.
I saw Vaughn sitting cross-legged at the kitchen table, as a yawn spread over her sleepy face. Her hair was up in a messy bun of curls surrounding her head like a crown, out of the way as she devoured a novel and sipped on coffee, lost in a magical world created by the words on the pages.
I saw Vaughn and myself, walking across campus hand in hand before seizing an empty bench on which to rest. I pulled her down beside me and snaked my arms around her waist, resting my open hands on her belly. It was swollen with my child and our dreams for the future.
I’d never done that before—envisioned living my life alongside someone else—not even when I was with Kris. I hadn’t known the girl more than a few weeks, and already my feelings for her were unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I had no idea how this connection had developed or where it was headed, but I was certainly going to do everything in my power to find out.
Kissing her head, I transferred my sleeping girl to the bed and covered her with a blanket. I dug through a box of toiletries, and finally finding a towel, I showered, wanting to be dry and dressed before she woke up. Once I’d washed the day off of me, I slipped on a pair of jeans and checked on Vaughn again. She was still peacefully asleep, so I grabbed the rest of the beer I’d gotten earlier and headed out to the postage stamp-sized balcony.
There weren’t words to describe the hold this girl had on my heart. The chemistry between us was so intense, yet so pure. I was falling in love, but this wasn’t the love that I’d felt before. It was nothing like that. This was raw and real, almost uncomfortable, and infinitely more intense than anything ever known to me. It also opened me up for total annihilation if something were to go wrong.
If I knew it would end in disaster, would it still be worth it?
My answer was an unequivocal yes.
Whatever happened, tearing down my walls and allowing my heart to fall for Vaughn would be totally worth whatever the end may bring. If she let me love her for fifty minutes, fifty days, or fifty years… I truly believed it would all be worth it.
But as much as I hated the thought, I knew I had to take care of things in my former life before I could enter into something new. Vaughn and Kris both deserved that. Had I allowed the events of tonight to escalate, it would have diminished what we shared. I never wanted Vaughn to look back on our beginning and feel even one sliver of regret or shame.
Things needed to be done in the right order.
9-Vaughn
“WHAT IS THIS PLACE?” I inched back slightly, looking around at the empty room. Obviously it was an apartment, but it had next to nothing in it, yet it smelled like Casey had always lived here.
“Or maybe I should ask the more important question. Where’s your wife?” That came out a little harsher than I’d planned, but at least it was out there.
My words caught him off guard. Casey backed away from me and sat down on the floor, leaning up against the wall. He extended his arm in invitation, offering me a seat on the carpeted floor beside him, but I stayed where I was, out of his reach. Before I allowed myself to get closer to him, I needed to know the circumstances that put him in an empty apartment 150 yards away from mine with no evidence of a wife in sight.
My eyes stayed on Casey, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath he took. He was looking down at his hands, folded in his lap, probably summoning the courage to tell me.
But tell me what? That he was moments away from becoming an adulterer and making me the other woman?
I used his distracted state to explore his broad shoulders and muscular arms. His traditional farmer’s tan was probably the result of coaching. Most interesting though, was the tattoo on his chest. It appeared to be a hummingbird hovering right over his heart. It was an oddly delicate choice for a man of his size, but it worked on him.
Anything would have worked on Casey.
“This is my apartment.” He just said it, not even looking up. “My wife is out of town. But Vaughn, there’s so much you don’t know.”
No. Just no.
Until that moment, I’d had hope that this had all been a misunderstanding. In an instant, he was there in front of me on his knees. He grasped my hands, holding me in place, and the look in his eyes ripped me to pieces. I didn’t want to be here in his presence any longer, but I couldn’t force myself to go. The thought of leaving hurt just as bad as the idea of staying.
Both choices felt so wrong.
I should hate him. He’s a married man. A married man who put both of us in a position for me to fall for him. A married man who I would have had sex with, had he not stopped us.
But he did stop us… I had to remember that.
Didn’t that earn him a chance to explain? Didn’t he deserve something more than me storming out of this apartment and out of his life forever? I fell to a sitting position with a defeated sigh. Crossing my arms over my chest, I tried to project my unease at staying while wondering how I’d become such a pathetically weak person.
“I’m getting a divorce.” His throat cleared. “I filed for divorce earlier this week. I had the papers drawn up two weeks ago, but because of certain circumstances, I had to wait a bit. Look, it’s complicated, but it was the right decision for both me and my… wife.” I flinched at hearing the word come out of his mouth again. His reality hurt my heart.
“Vaughn,” he started again. “I never intended on hiding it
from you, but until tonight, it didn’t factor into our… ” His arms gestured out to his sides, palms skyward in question. “Our what? Our friendship? Our relationship?”
Suddenly, I felt restless. He was trying to read me, to see where my head was in all this. Since I wasn’t even sure, I needed to put as much space between us as possible. Not knowing what else to do, I got up and walked to the back door that overlooked the balcony. From there, I could see my apartment. A coincidence?
It was tough, but I kept my back to Casey, looking out across the sky and inhaling the night air. “How long have you been married?”
“Five years.”
Five years. That was half a decade. When he was getting married, I was sixteen. I was losing my mother and the only home I’d ever known. That seemed like a lifetime ago. He’d been married for a lifetime.
“It was a marriage that should never have happened. We didn’t love each other, at least not enough to be married. We liked each other. We made great friends.” His voice was soft, dreamlike. “We lived well together, and it worked. Until it didn’t.” He paused, lost in thought. I appreciated the break. It allowed me time to process.
“Anyway, she ended it, actually, before I got a chance.” A heavy sigh escaped his chest. “Either way, it was mutual. We didn’t have a strong enough foundation on which to build and sustain a marriage. She’s not who I saw when I pictured my future… “
Silence.
I read a quote once that said: “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
The sorrow that blanketed his words caused a physical ache in my soul. I wanted, more than ever, to soothe his aching heart. But the simple fact was, I knew nothing about his situation. Staying silent was my only option.
Sure enough, he started talking again, but this time he was much closer in proximity. I could feel the heat from his body behind me, and as he spoke, his breath made the hair on my arms stand up. I may have kept my face from him so it wouldn’t betray me, but he spoke my body’s language, and I had little control over my reaction to him.
“Look, Vaughn, I’m going to lay it out there for you.” He placed his hands on my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. “I think I’m falling… I don’t know… in like with you? I know it seems sudden… ”
His words, so simple, yet powerful, shook me to my core.
I turned and he was right there, gathering me into his arms. I was surprised when his lips landed softly on the corner of my mouth, his mustache tickling my cheek for a fraction of a second. But just as quickly, he was gone. It was probably best, though. I was one millisecond away from sticking out my tongue and licking him.
He took a few steps back, running his hand through his beard. I watched him transform back into the serious, in-control Casey I was more comfortable with. He took his time speaking, considering his words.
“Vaughn… ”
Just hearing my name rumbling from his sexy mouth sent heat through my veins, making me tremble.
“Everything changed the minute you wandered onto that field and into my life. I don’t know if it was coincidental, or part of some bigger plan, or,” his sexy smirk reappeared, “a mutual friend of ours trying her hand at fate. But whatever the case may be… ” He relaxed and let his forehead rest on my shoulder, putting his mouth a breath away from my ear.
“That day you walked up to me on the soccer field—all flustered and feisty and calling me a woman—I was mad.” Casey’s admission caused me to stiffen. “I was mad because you made me feel things. Just your presence, the sight of you, your smell, your voice… You made me feel alive, and I wasn’t ready for that.” He shook his head. “It was unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and unwelcome.”
“I think I started falling for you that day, against my better judgment because the thing is, I had no right to look at you the way I did or feel about you the way I did. And right now, as much as I want to throw you over my shoulder like a caveman and take you into that sad little excuse of a bedroom and make you mine, I can’t.”
Yes, you can! Yes, you can! YES, YOU CAN!
10-Casey
I DIDN’T WANT TO let go of Vaughn. But I had to.
Eventually…
Could I even trust myself alone with her after all we’d shared with each other? This thing with Vaughn, whatever label I wanted to put on it, was exactly what I had been avoiding my whole life. And yet now, it was the one thing I craved more than anything in the world.
I truly believed Vaughn Jennings had the ability to make all my dreams come true. She held my heart in her hand. And even though she could easily bring me crashing to the ground, I still believed she was worth it.
On our walk to take her home a few minutes later, she grabbed my hand and looked in my direction. “Thank you.” Her words were soft, innocent.
“For what?”
“For saving me, protecting me, holding me. For being honest with me.” She paused. “You make me feel safe, and I haven’t felt safe since… well, forever.”
Having reached her apartment door, I spun her around to face me. Her big blue eyes looked into mine, rendering me speechless. I could look at this face for the rest of my life. No doubt about it.
Vaughn wrapped her arms around me, locking her fingers around my shoulders and breathing in deep a few times. “So what now?”
My heart and mind were at war in answer to her simple question. But we both knew how we needed to handle the situation, despite our desires.
“Well, I want to get to know Vaughn Jennings, the woman, so why don’t we spend the rest of the season coaching together and getting to know each other. My divorce will be final in less than sixty days. So, Vaughn Jennings, would you do me the honor of going out on a date with me, sixty days from today?”
She dropped her hands, and the loss of her touch was almost painful. “So, we’re friends?” I could see the gears turning and after a few pensive seconds, then, like a bee sting, “Oh, I know!” She’d figured it out. “Since we can’t technically ‘date’ yet, how about we go on non-dates? We’ll talk, and I mean JUST talk. I think it would be a great way to get to know each other before our first real, official date.” So, was that a yes?
“Okay, so what exactly do you have in mind? What’s this whole non-dating, just friends relationship going to look like?” I felt my lips curling up into a grin. She was so beautiful, so precious.
“Hmm, well as you know, I’m pretty busy with classes, but one of my classes happens to put me in your presence three days a week.” Her wiggly brows while she made that statement made me smile. “What if we limit ourselves to just seeing each other on soccer days?”
I opened my mouth to object, but Vaughn’s long, pale index finger settled over my lips, halting my case against her plan before it even got started.
“Wait, just hear me out,” she insisted.
I nodded in agreement, but not before first planting a kiss on the elegant finger holding my words at bay. She giggled.
“What if, right after each practice and game, we go grab a coffee or maybe even a casual dinner? You know, a non-date? We’ll just talk. That is what friends do, right?”
Still toe-to-toe, she grabbed both of my hands without breaking our eye contact. The soft smile she wore on her face threatened to change the direction of my moral compass, but I gathered my resolve to be the responsible adult.
“I think we need to set some ground rules.” God, it was near impossible being an adult with the temptation of Vaughn mere inches away from me.
“Agreed,” she said, determination etched on her face. “Until you are divorced, we are FRIENDS and nothing else.”
I didn’t want to be her friend. I wanted to be her world. She was already becoming mine. But, I reasoned, friends would have to do for now.
“And no more displays of affection, public or otherwise.” She frowned. “I also don’t think we should be alone anymore… ”
Shaking my head with a defeated g
rin, I tugged on her hands, already in mine, and pulled her my way. She stumbled into me with a squeal, landing softly against my chest, like a perfect puzzle piece falling right into place. I cradled her hands in mine between us, needing at least that much space to think straight.
“Goodnight, my sweet girl.” The softness in my voice brought back memories of how my dad spoke to my mom, especially when he thought we weren’t listening. “Sleep tight,” I said, before taking a small step backward.
Walking away from her was the last thing I wanted to do. What I really wanted was to kiss her, but instead, I settled for brushing my lips over the backs of her hands. Her breath caught a little.
“I guess I’ll see you out on the field?” she asked with those beaming eyes of hers.
I nodded and sighed in resignation. I finally had everything I ever wanted, but I couldn’t enjoy it. So close, yet so far away. I needed to make this goodbye short and sweet. Dropping her hands, I turned to go, trying to decide if I should offer her a ride to the park in the morning or not. When I heard her door open and close, then the lock click into place, I took that as a sign to just let it go. But I only made it about ten feet down the sidewalk when I heard a lock slide open and the slow creak of door hinges opening.
“Hey, Coach?” Her voice was low and husky and seriously messing with my head.
I looked back to see my barefooted, redheaded beauty bouncing on her toes at the threshold of her doorway. The playful, seductive smirk across her face spoke volumes.
Before I could even take a breath, she ran straight to me, jumping into my arms and almost knocking me flat on my ass. Giving her complete control, I stood frozen, supporting her weight with my hands in places they probably shouldn’t have been.
Vaughn guided my mouth to hers with force, holding my head in place while she kissed me with passion and determination, running her tongue along my lips until I let her in. Having the opportunity to taste her again had me wishing the world would just go away and leave us alone forever. The feel of her pressed against my body was like a firecracker going off inside my body, and my grip tightened on her ass as I pressed her against the nearest wall. The soft moans she emitted unraveled any plans I had to keep my hormones in check.