Adira glared at Ashni. It was a look of pure hatred. “What?” Adira stomped her foot and splashed water. “What the hell could you possibly want. I got less than five hours of sleep and you've taken me away from the greatest body of all time, which was naked and pressed against me while gentle hands soothed away a headache and made me walk through your damn tantrum storm on top of that? What?”
The fury in Ashni’s belly grew stronger. Why should Adira be able to cuddle and caress her woman when Nakia thinks I am a monster? And I am not throwing a tantrum. She kicked the table of documents at Adira, who moved out of the way in time to avoid being hit in the chest.
“What the hell?” Adira watched Ashni, on guard. The table thudded against the floor and echoed through the hall. The scrolls clattered to floor, clanking against tense air.
“Handle that shit.” Ashni motioned to the documents now strewn across the floor.
“Like hell I will. You think I’m some fucking slave girl?”
Ashni roared. “You do my bidding. My will.”
“In what world?”
“In this one. Now, clean it up.” She went too far and Ashni knew it even in her wrath, but she didn’t care. Wind howled outside and lightning blared.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Do you realize how bad my damn headache is? I should be in bed recovering from the Festival we just fucking left, which is the same thing you should be doing. Why are you being such a bitch?”
“I’m not a bitch.” And I am damn sure not a monster.
“Then why the hell are you acting like one?” Adira stormed up to the edge of the dais, still glaring at Ashni. The wrong word or wrong move might have Adira invading the one space she never dared encroach upon. That was the one line of respect, the one area that Adira knew wasn’t hers, but she wouldn’t let it stop her if she felt disrespected enough. The knowledge didn’t stop Ashni from pushing, punishing someone because she was hurt.
“Because you do what I say, like everyone else in this fucking place. You’re my bitch, if anything,” Ashni said, wishing there was something else to kick at her. Instead, she flung one of the pillows from the throne.
Adira let out a roar that usually meant she was about to take someone’s head off and her hand went to her sword hilt. By the time she unsheathed the blade, Ashni was in her face with the Ivory Claw. They clashed swords, gnashing their teeth at each other. The sound of the metals striking gave them pause and they eyed each other for a long moment. The pounding sound of the rain lowered and the wind died down.
Adira had a look in her eye that Ashni hadn’t seen in a long time. Adira was ready to cut her down. Ashni knew she looked the same. Slowly, Adira’s gaze changed, as if she recognized Ashni before her. Not the Queen, but Ashni. Just as Ashni reminded herself this was Adira, not her general, not a subject. This was the woman who would tell her the truth no matter what, who would put her in her place when necessary, and who wanted the same things as she did, wanted to help her achieve greatness.
“What the hell are we doing?” Ashni asked, her voice much calmer than before. I can’t let this get to me this much. What a fool I’d be.
“The hell if I know,” Adira answered as she glanced away. “Let’s start over.”
Ashni nodded and they each took one step back. They put their weapons away, Adira’s on her hip and Ashni’s resting on her back, on top of and across the Golden Feather. For a moment, they stared at each other and then stepped back toward each other.
“You want to…” Adira pointed outside.
Ashni sighed. “It’s not a tantrum.”
“It’s not the weather either.”
“I know. Let’s talk somewhere else.” Ashni pulled Adira away before she could protest. They rushed through the hall and slipped into a secret room.
“Now, use your words. What in the hell happened?” Adira asked, putting a hand to her temple.
“I slept with the princess,” Ashni whispered through gritted teeth.
Adira took a breath and squinted for a moment. “Uh…when you say ‘the Princess’ I’m scared that I find myself hoping you mean Layla.”
Ashni lurched back as her face twisted. “Ew! No. What the hell? You actually think it would be better if I meant my sister rather than my hellcat?”
Adira massaged both her temples and examined the floor for a second. “Hell, yeah. Because at least then I wouldn’t think you’ve lost your mind and ruined your cause. Our cause.” She beat her breast with a single fist. “Not to mention, ruined a huge payday for your entire army. If anyone else did that, you’d already have them slathered in honey and perched out into the desert for the fire ants to devour.” Adira waved her arms in front of Ashni, as it would suddenly make Ashni a little smarter.
“I know,” Ashni hissed back. Even though she had already thought of each issue listed, hearing Adira speak them aloud made Ashni feel even stupider. By the Sun, what in the hell is wrong with me?
Adira groaned. “I thought you’d control your obvious attraction to her and things wouldn’t go this far.”
Ashni arched an eyebrow. “Obvious attraction?” Since when?
Adira let out a little puff of breath. “Uh, yeah.” Adira studied her for a moment and then Adira’s face fell. “You’re kidding, right? You seriously have no idea?”
Ashni gnashed her teeth as she glowered at Adira. “What the hell are you talking about?” Maybe I should have left her sleeping. She’s obviously still drunk. “I thought you held your wine better.”
“Seriously? You think I’m still drunk. You’re still drunk if you’ve never noticed.”
Frowning, Ashni folded her arms across her chest. “Noticed what?”
Adira turned her head to the ceiling for a second and then held up one finger. “First, her attitude is right up your alley.” She held up another finger. “You gave her two nicknames moments after meeting her.”
Ashni snorted. “To annoy her.”
Another finger went up. “You made her your cupbearer, a position you never gave anyone before, and you bypassed several more worthy members of court for the position.”
“Again, to annoy her.”
Adira made a frustrated noise as she wiped her face with both hands. “You bring her with you everywhere when you don’t need to.”
“To annoy her!” Ashni flung her arms in the air. She thought this was the ‘obvious’ part of the whole situation. Everyone knew she liked to be annoying on purpose. No, no, no. Adira is definitely still feeling the effects of her cups.
“You take her with you when you spar with the Princess, undoubtedly wanting her to see how well cut and defined your stupid body is.”
“I take her because I know she doesn’t want to be there.”
Adira sighed and pinched the bride of her nose. “You share your food with her.”
“Well, I can’t let her starve.” Obviously.
“You cuddle with her while she plays chess against Amal.”
“Does my staff just tell you everything? I don’t ‘cuddle’ her. She just sits in front of me.”
Adira stayed her course. “You’ve tutored her to beat Amal in chess.”
“To get on his nerves.” Anything to drive Amal out of the palace quicker was always a good thing. No one needed his special brand of entitled negativity around.
Adira pressed her hands together and held them to her mouth as she sighed. “Okay, you are in some powerful denial right now. Whatever. Why the hell did you sleep with this girl? Why the hell did she sleep with you? And why the hell are we arguing about it if you slept with each other? All parties involved should be in bed right now, cuddling, like I was doing and would like to get back to doing.”
Ashni rubbed her face with her hands and her shoulders slumped. “We were drunk.”
Adira laughed. “Yeah, last night was amazing. So much good wine.”
“No, you idiot, we were drunk when it happened. She woke up this morning and…” Ashni drew her lips back, baring her teeth in
disgust.
Adira squinted as she took this in and then she shook her head. “Wait, wait, wait. You slept with her even though she was drunk?”
“I was drunk, too.”
Adira gave her a sour look. “You’re kidding, right? We both know you being drunk is far from the same as her being drunk. You were sharing wine with her all night. It’s a miracle she was still on her feet. Hell, it’s a miracle she knew who she was. You know what happens to Naren when he shares wine with Layla and you expected Nakia to be able to make an informed, sound decision after sharing wine with you? You are not that stupid.”
Ashni wanted to blow up at Adira, but she was right. Ashni should have known better and, had anyone else pulled this stunt, she would’ve had them dispatched already, drunk or not. Nakia was in no shape to understand what was happening last night, but Ashni wanted her so bad.
“You have to fix this,” Adira said.
Adira was right. Ashni had to fix this. She needed to do something. But, what? Maybe she could talk to Nakia, explain to her what happened, let her know it wasn’t some horrible, brutal act. Let her know it wasn’t something the gods would punish them for—well, the Roshan gods anyway, and they were the only ones who mattered.
“I do…” Ashni breathed. I need to set this right.
Without a thought, she ran off. She needed to see Nakia now. She hurried to Nakia’s door, but a servant stopped her before she could go any further. Ashni was about to fling the elderly woman out of her way, but then she remembered Min was following orders. She was taking care of Nakia.
“I need to talk to her,” Ashni said. So, get out of my way.
“Highness, I don’t think this is the right time,” Min replied, not moving an inch. If Ashni wanted, she could toss the little, old woman out of the way, but she couldn’t hurt this woman for doing her job. Besides, Ashni liked Min, as did Layla and Adira. She didn’t need to give Adira another reason to chew her out.
Ashni looked past the servant, trying to see inside the room. “It wasn’t what she thought. I would never…” She couldn’t even speak the crime aloud.
Min shook her head. “I believe you, Highness, but you still can’t come in. You need to give her time. Seeing her now will only make matters worse.”
Ashni grunted. Why did Min have to be there when this happened? No other servant would dare stand in her way like this. “But, I could explain.”
Min shook her head again. “Not now, Highness. She won’t hear it and the sight of you will only make matters worse.”
Ashni sighed and her shoulders slumped. If she forced her way in, forced Nakia to speak with her, it would only reinforce what Nakia believed happened. Damn. Not seeing Nakia now would be for the best, as Ashni had no idea what she would say beyond it wasn’t what Nakia thought. Now, Ashni had time to think of a better speech. Something that didn’t sound weak or like an excuse.
***
Nakia curled up into a tight ball in her bed, trying to hold onto herself as it felt like she might come apart at the seams. Her body trembled and shook. She had sobbed until her abdomen hurt and her throat was sore, matching the lower regions of her body. Breathing hard, she tried to do it as little as possible. She just clutched her covers to her and tried to remember how to breathe normally. Mostly, she coughed and panted. Her lungs burned with each rapid inhale and heavy exhale.
“Princess,” one of the servants said.
Nakia curled up tighter at the sound of the voice. Her eyes darted around to find the servant, needing to know where everyone in the room was. She had dismissed many of the servants because she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep track of them all and she had no desire to be taken by surprise by one of these savages again.
“You need to eat,” the servant said.
Her stomach lurched at the thought of food. Acid burned her throat and mouth. Shaking her throbbing head, she refused the meal. The servant bowed slightly and left the tray by the bed. If it was breakfast time, that meant the Queen was on the throne, working, or possibly avoiding work. Or, maybe she was boasting about what she had done to Nakia, like the monster she was.
How could she? Nakia didn’t understand why the Queen took advantage of her. She thought they had something. She wasn’t sure what that something was. But, it had seemed that the Queen respected her, considered her something of a friend or companion. She attended the festival with the Queen and her friends, took part in their silly antics, and experienced little excitements with them. Now, it seemed to have been a ploy to hurt her worse than anyone had in her entire history. No one had ever been so cruel as to pretend to want her around only to violate her.
The thought pained her chest, burned her lungs, and brought fresh tears to her eyes. No one had ever wounded her like this. Shaking her head, she blamed this place. I let my guard down. I was foolish. At some point, she had lowered her walls. She shouldn’t be surprised that a barbarian bastard invaded her so completely. And the worst part of it was that she couldn’t do anything about it.
She couldn’t physically fight the Queen. The Queen would tear her apart and pick her teeth with Nakia’s bones. That was no way to die. The Queen would enjoy it and she didn’t want to bring the Queen any joy ever again.
She couldn’t tell her father and hope for him to avenge her. He didn’t care. He never cared. She, like her sisters before her, was just a pawn for him to use in his schemes. So, she was here to keep the barbarians at bay until he came up with their gold. She was supposed to be safe here. He had promised. But, his word was as worthless as he was. Cur.
Plus, she couldn’t begin to imagine her father’s reaction if he found out she had lain with a woman, even if she was forced to do so. He’d call her soiled, as well as many other names that weren’t fair. She would be of no use to him. He wouldn’t be able to marry her off to some ally as he had done her sisters. She wasn’t sure what would happen to her if he ever found out, but she feared the worst.
Thoughts of being sealed in a tomb occurred to her. She had heard so many horror stories of such a thing happening to fallen priestesses and other women expected to remain chaste, but who had gone against the law and the gods. Her heart felt as if it would explode and her throat seized, choking her. The Queen might very well be her death should anyone ever find out. Her stomach lurched and she gagged, dry heaving. There was nothing left in her stomach to vomit. She had thrown up until her stomach was dry when she first returned to her rooms. It hadn’t helped. Nothing would help.
“Just like Father. There is no help. There never will be.” She gulped.
She shook her head and decided to stop thinking about him. Her thoughts returned to her physical pain. Beyond the aching in her private area, she had a terrible headache. Her screaming, hyperventilating, and crying only made it worse. It felt like her head was ready to split open.
She screwed her eyes shut, and with tears raining down her face, she wished she were dead. Death would stop the world from caving in. Since everything was falling apart, maybe it would collapse on her, crush her, and free her from this Hell.
Chapter Eleven
NAKIA SHIVERED AS SHE remained curled up in her bed. She had every blanket available piled on her. Her body was soaked with sweat, but it made her feel safe. A dry sob escaped her. She’d run out of tears some time ago. There was a pitcher of water by her bed, but she ignored it.
Eventually, her exhaustion got the better of her. She fell asleep, but woke up soon after. Jumbled images bombarded her mind. Odd sounds echoed through her brain. Even stranger sensations crept through her body and suddenly she vomited.
“My Lady!” A servant rushed to her side.
Nakia could only groan. She wasn’t sure what her dream was about, but she could guess from her body’s immediate reaction. Her body remembered that night, even though her mind had no idea what happened.
“Please, allow me to clean you up,” the servant said.
Nakia couldn’t argue. Not just because she had no desire to lie in he
r own sick, but also because she was too weak to do much else. She allowed the servant to clean her face, but didn’t move much. The servant had to figure out how to clean the bed with Nakia lying there. Nakia refused to move, couldn’t move.
A couple of servants came over to help. Nakia didn’t make a sound as they gathered her and her blankets up. They made sure not to touch her. The first servant changed the bedding and then Nakia was gently placed back on the bed. Why is it that people don’t always show me this type of care? Am I not worth it? Life seemed to suggest she wasn’t.
***
“So, did you talk to her?” Adira asked as she strolled into the throne room a couple of days after Ashni told her about possibly the biggest mistake of her life.
Adira was in a better mood, which made Ashni want to punch her in the face. But, Adira was there to help with administrative work. Unfortunately, Ashni would have to put up with her attitude, such as having the nerve to act like that was a legitimate question.
Ashni glowered at Adira. Adira knew damn well Nakia didn’t want to see her. No matter how many times she went to see the princess, she was always turned away. She knew better than to force her way in, as that definitely wouldn’t help her argument of ‘it wasn’t what you thought it was’ with Nakia. Nakia would only see her using brute force to get what she wanted. Still, if she couldn’t get in there, then she couldn’t tell Nakia it wasn’t what she thought it was and explain what happened and it was driving her insane.
Ashni wasn’t entirely sure what happened. Not in the sense that she didn’t remember, despite how drunk she was. She wasn’t quite sure why it happened. Yes, Nakia was adorable; a blind man could see that. But, that shouldn’t have been enough to make Ashni lose her mind like she had. What the hell was I thinking? She doubted she’d ever be able to answer that question.
She’d been asking herself that question ever since Nakia refused to see her the first day. She got stuck on it as she tried to figure out what she’d say to Nakia when she got the chance to speak to her. But, she had no answers. She also hadn’t come up with a speech to make everything right. Do such words even exist? The more time went by, the more she was certain there were no words. The whole situation was completely messed up and she had no one to blame but herself. It was tempting to try to blame Nakia, but Adira wouldn’t allow her that escape.
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