‘There was a murder down the road last night,’ the DI said, ‘We’re knocking on all the doors down this street, to see if anyone saw or heard anything?’
I shook my head.
‘No, I didn’t hear anything.’
Lilac came up behind me and wrapped herself around my legs.
‘A murder? That’s awful. Are we safe?’ It seemed the right thing to ask. Didn’t people think of themselves at such times?
‘Do you mind if we come in?’ asked the male officer. DC… what was it? Wade. Jackson Wade. Two surnames.
‘I… erm… yes, of course.’
I stepped back and made room for them to enter.
‘Excuse the mess.’
There was no mess but, again, it seemed to be what people always said when you entered their homes.
They looked around and nodded.
‘We won’t keep you long,’ said Thomas.
She moved towards the table and sat down on one of the chairs. I followed suit, it seemed the right thing to do. Lilac slinked away. Thomas pulled a small notebook and a pen out of a small satchel type bag she was carrying on her shoulder.
Wade didn’t sit, instead he hovered around above and behind me making me uncomfortable. It was as though they sensed how uncomfortable I was and they were pushing to see what I would do. I had to keep it together. Police needed evidence and they had none. Not in relation to me anyway. I had not left any at the scene and I was not going to voluntarily provide them with any.
‘We believe you’re safe,’ said Thomas. ‘In answer to your question at the door,’ she clarified in response to my confused look.
I nodded. ‘That’s good. Murder isn’t something we get around here is it?’ Please try not to ramble, Alice.
‘It’s not. We believe this was a one-off attack. It was very unusual so we believe it was specific to our victim.’
‘Unusual how?’ I asked.
‘It’s not something we can go into,’ said Wade from behind me. ‘I’m sure you can understand.’
I rubbed my neck where twisting it to look at him revived the old injury from the accident.
‘Are you okay?’ asked Thomas.
‘I’m fine.’
‘Have you seen anyone suspicious hanging around the area in the last couple of weeks?’ she asked, her pen hovering over her notepad.
‘No. I can’t say I have.’
‘And last night, what time were you home?’
Shit. I had to answer this truthfully in relation to taking the car out or some nosy neighbour of mine would trip me up and I’d look like I was trying to hide something. But where could I say I had gone at that time of the night?
‘I was in all night up until a little before midnight when I decided to go out for a drive because I was restless.’
Thomas made a note in her pad then looked at me. I could feel Wade behind me. I felt penned in.
‘You went for a drive at midnight?’ she repeated.
‘Yes. Like I said, I was restless. I couldn’t sleep, I had to get some fresh air. It seemed safer in the car than walking at that time of night.’
‘Quite,’ said Wade.
Thomas looked at him then turned back to me. ‘Where did you drive?’
‘I’m not quite sure, I drove out of Beccles and I think I headed south. I spent some time on the road before I turned back and came home.’
‘At what time?’
‘Just after 1. I did see the blue lights of the police cars when I came home. I wondered what had happened.’
She scribbled some more notes.
‘You didn’t see anyone around when you went out to your car?’
‘I’m sorry, no. Do you think I could have passed the killer?’ I put my hand up to my chest so I looked more concerned. I had no idea what I was supposed to look like if I hadn’t done this.
Jackson Wade walked around the table and seated himself opposite me.
‘We don’t have a definite time of death yet so anything is possible. Do you think you might have passed the killer?’
His eyes were the lightest blue I had ever seen, and piercing.
‘To be honest, I didn’t see anyone out at that time of night so no. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.’
I had to close this conversation down and get them out of my home.
‘And you didn’t go out before your car ride?’ Wade asked.
Had one of my neighbours seen me or heard me going out or coming in? It wasn’t an impossibility. I had to go with hoping not and change my mind if they caught me out. Admitting to being out at the same time as the murder took place was too big a risk.
‘No, I was in all night working.’
‘Oh, what is it you do?’ asked Thomas, the page in her notebook filling up with her scribbles.
‘I’m a writer. I write crime novels and articles for papers and magazines.’
‘Must be interesting,’ said Thomas.
‘Not as interesting as your job.’ I smiled at her. ‘I’m just writing about what you do. You’re actually living it.’
She smiled in response.
‘I suppose there are pros and cons to both jobs.’
She stood.
‘If you think of anything else, if anything comes back to you, anything at all that could help us, please don’t hesitate to contact me.’
She held out her hand which contained a small card.
I took it from her. It held her contact details.
‘I will.’
We walked to the door and I opened it. Thomas stepped through then turned to me.
‘It may be that we need a statement from you in the future.’
I looked at her, confused. I hadn’t said anything.
‘Repeating what you said today. It crosses the T’s and dots the I’s. We’ll be in touch with you if we do.’
I swallowed. I thought this was the last I would see of them.
‘That’s fine. Anything you need. More than happy to help. I can’t believe this has happened so close to home. It’s shocking.’
Was that enough outrage about what had happened or had I gone over the top?
She inclined her head and was gone. Wade followed her out of the door.
‘Thank you for your time.’
‘I wish I could have been more help,’ I said. Then closed the door behind them and leaned my back on it and took several deep breaths.
I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I sucked in deeper and bent over, putting my hands on my knees. Still, air didn’t seem to be getting through. I thumped on my chest, willing the air to move around and allow me to breathe. It stayed still in my chest. Heat welled up my face. I sucked as hard as I could and nothing happened. There was a hideous gasping noise as I tried to move air around my lungs. I knew I was panicking and I had to calm down or this would not resolve.
I sank down to the floor and slammed my hand into my chest again. Again nothing happened. My face was burning up. I had to slow things down. I had to try to relax even though I couldn’t catch my breath. I stroked my chest, took a deep breath in through my nose, held it though I could feel no air being brought in and let it out through my mouth. The action slowed the process of me trying to get air to move. I did it again, didn’t think about whether I was breathing or not, just focused on the action of in through the nose, hold and out through the mouth and again. I didn’t notice when the air started to circulate but I was sitting on the floor behind the door breathing steadily and Lilac was lying across in front of me, stretched out waiting for me to move.
I leaned forward and stroked her soft fur. She had stayed with me. I hadn’t seen her arrive to sit with me but she had.
‘Let’s hope I don’t run into them again, girl, it looks like I don’t cope well with it.’ I pushed myself up from the floor and walked towards the kitchen. ‘Looks like I’m in the clear for now. Let’s see how long this can hold out for.’
36
I was going to head to the Lido this morning. The gentle
soothing motion of the water was what I needed after my early morning visit. What I couldn’t decide was whether I should attend the crime scene before I went to the Lido or not. My initial intention had been to see if I was a person of interest and that had been cleared up already.
I wasn’t.
But I had a morbid fascination with wanting to see the leftover state of what I had started last night.
I dressed with my swimming costume underneath my clothes, ready to go for my swim straight after my walk down the road.
The day was bright. We were in for a good summer. Even if the days were not all hot, they were bright and dry and today was proving to be another of the same, and market towns like Beccles thrived on days like this. We were inundated with visitors when the sun shone, though I didn’t know what a murder would do for the tourist industry. I was sure the people it mattered to would be far from pleased about events last night. They didn’t want visitors to be too scared to come to their quaint town.
Slipping my sandals onto my feet I grabbed my bag with my towel in and left the house, walking down to the North Quay car park crime scene. There were a couple of police vehicles parked on the road leading into the car park, but I could see the people before I could see any evidence that it was a police scene.
They were several people deep, all looking in the same direction. I kept on walking and soon saw they were being held back by blue and white police tape. There were a couple of police officers stopping people breaching the tape. Standing firm with arms either crossed or firmly tucked in pockets.
Once I reached the scene I could see the CSIs were still present. It was weird being back here in daylight knowing I had been the one to commit the crime the night before. It was like I was holding a secret that no one else knew but it was one I wanted to tell the world.
It was funny.
The point was to get away with the perfect murder but, as it turns out, in doing so you want people to know you have done just that. You’re proud of what you have achieved. Here I was standing at the scene I had been responsible for and yet I couldn’t tell anyone. I felt as though I was floating ten feet higher than everyone else but the crowd around me were trying to pull me down because I was unable to tell them of what they were seeing.
A white tent was erected in the middle of the car park. I had no idea if the woman was still inside it or if she had been removed. These things took a lot longer than films and books made out. My own books as well. If you did everything at the real-life pace then you’d have a pretty dull, slow book. You needed to speed up some processes to keep the pace of the story moving.
As I was standing there as part of the crowd I saw a male in plain clothes on the inside of the police tape with a digital camera, and he was recording the gathered people.
He was recording me.
With speed I turned my back to the car park; my pulse spiked as I dropped my bag on the ground and bent down, my face starting to flush, and rummaged in it as though I was looking for something. I didn’t want to look too suspicious by turning my back on the scene once I’d spotted the recorder. Then I zipped my bag back up and walked away.
Deep breath in, hold, long breath out through my mouth.
Deep breath in, hold, long breath out through my mouth.
My pulse rate started to slow down. I would have only been another face in the crowd like the others who were there, but the truth was that I wasn’t. I was the person they were searching for and I had no idea how they would figure that out. They still needed evidence. No matter what I did on camera they had nothing on me. But I didn’t want to draw attention to myself so getting away from the camera was the best course of action. Had I drawn attention to myself in leaving though? It was the lesser of two evils.
I walked away as fast as I could. The Lido was a space I was in need of and in no time I found myself in the changing room and stripping out of my clothes. I tied my hair back out of my face and walked out to the pool. The early morning sun shimmered off the top of the water. There were several people already here but as it was still reasonably early and a week day it wasn’t too busy.
I imagined most people who were free this morning were up my street peering at the scene in the car park. Ogling the tent and the police and the CSIs who were moving about. It was not something we were used to in our small town. Rumours would move fast, which was lucky for me because it meant I would no doubt be kept up to date on the latest goings on with the case. Beth’s friend was a bit of a gossip and she wouldn’t be able to help telling all to Beth, especially as it involved the outside world, one Beth was unable to get to. Beth would convey it to me as and when she heard it. I’d also be able to overhear conversations when I went to work in the coffee shops. People didn’t know how to talk quietly to each other. They talked loud enough for other people to hear.
Yes, whatever happened I would be kept abreast of events.
I leaned down and dipped my toe into the water. It was fresh and cool. I looked forward to being a part of it. With one swift movement I dived into the pool and slipped beneath the water. The cool of the Lido gripped me around my chest like a vice as I first hit it. Then I brought my head up and took a deep breath of air, brought my arms up, out and over and started to swim to the other side. I felt fresh and alive. Clean and bright.
This, being in the Lido, cleansed me of last night so much better than the hot shower had at the time. The freshness of swimming outside brought me to life. I turned at the end and started to swim in the opposite direction. The peace of swimming was reasonably new to me but it was something I wouldn’t be giving up now I’d found it. I twisted in the water and lay on my back, floating, the water lapping at my face. I stared up the cloudless sky. Bright blue to match the water I was floating in.
I closed my eyes and the sound of the voices from the edge of the pool echoed at a great distance and could be heard through the water as well as the movement of the water itself from the other swimmers. I was closed in. My own world like a bubble surrounding me. It was what I needed. A kind of meditation. An active meditation where I could swim and float and calm myself, and where the world was a much better place by the time I left.
Twisting in the water again, I turned onto my stomach and started to do more lengths. I needed to swim the excess energy out of my limbs so I could get through the day. It had been a strange decision to do the kill so close to home, but I hadn’t realised how impactful it would be afterwards, having all the police activity on my doorstep. I hadn’t thought that through properly. Yes, I’d considered that the police wouldn’t believe a killer would do such a thing right in front of their home, but I didn’t understand the emotional impact seeing it up close all the time would have on me, and this was only the first morning. Maybe when they had finished with the scene and released it I would feel a lot less stressed.
The water slid off my limbs as I glided through the pool, breathing in time with my strokes. The breathing keeping me on an even keel.
Once I felt more level again I stopped and pulled myself out of the Lido, water dripping off me as I dragged myself up and out. I grabbed my towel from the poolside and wrapped it around my body, removing the excess water. I walked towards the changing rooms but stopped as a voice I recognised reached out to me.
‘You looked great in the water. I didn’t realise you were a swimmer.’
I turned around and saw Seth sitting at one of the tables with a wide smile on his face.
37
I approached the table, still only covered by my towel.
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ I hissed.
He lifted his mug.
‘Grabbing a coffee. I’d ask you the same thing but it’s obvious what you’re doing.’ A smile spread across his face.
‘But here?’
He drank from his mug before answering.
‘Ah, you think I’m following you.’
He looked around at the other patrons.
‘Would it upset you if you found
out that I was?’
I glared at him. If he had started to follow me that was a problem. At what times was he following me? What things had he seen and what could he see in the future? He was doing himself no favours at all.
‘Did you follow me?’ I needed to know.
He placed the mug onto the table.
‘A friend might have told me they saw you headed into the Lido this morning. I was in need of a coffee and knew the Lido had a coffee shop so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone. Is there a problem with that?’
There really was a problem. He didn’t realise the danger he was putting himself in. I couldn’t tell him that though.
‘You can’t stalk a girl and have her think it’s romantic, you know.’
I pulled the towel tighter as goose bumps started to rise on my skin.
He shrugged lightly.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. As I said, a friend saw you coming in. I didn’t actually follow you in here. Want to grab a coffee as I’m here?’
He smiled up at me.
‘You really are a great swimmer. I meant what I said. I hate the water myself. Hate being out of my depth. Nothing against watching someone who is good at it though.’
I needed to get through to him that we weren’t going to work and he had to stop trying. For both our sakes.
‘Let me get changed. I’ll be with you in five minutes.’
‘What can I get you to drink?’
‘A hot chocolate.’
I strode off before he could say anything else. I understood why he was trying. The night we had spent together had been a good one. Both in the bar and back at mine. Talking had been natural and the way our bodies had fitted together had also been natural. If I wasn’t in the middle of an experiment of sorts then I’d be on board with seeing if this could turn into something. But as it was, my new hobby didn’t leave room for a man in my life.
I pulled off the swimsuit and towel dried myself. I’d already told him this, how did I tell him again but this time get him to understand it? If he didn’t stop then I would have to remove him from the scene myself and I didn’t want to do that. He was a good guy. I didn’t want to have to kill a good guy just because he couldn’t hear the message I was telling him. But if he didn’t listen he was putting me at risk. I grabbed my dry clothes and started to dress. And in putting me at risk he was putting Beth and Lilac at risk and I couldn’t have that. I was fine to take whatever was thrown at me if I was ever caught, but, well, you know the rest. I don’t need to keep repeating myself.
Perfect Murder Page 14